A soul not entirely dead to all good feeling would have been touched by this letter. Mine was affected, but not in the degree required for any permanent good. I folded it up, resolving that I would answer it affectionately, and lay a foundation for better times to come. The morning, however, brought other occupation, and the letter was put into my trunk.

Mr. Arnold took me to breakfast with a gentleman who lived at Bootle, not far from Liverpool, and who had a son just preparing to sail for America. It was soon arranged that the young man and I should go together in the Washington, which was to weigh anchor in a few days; and my shipmate, whose name was Clarke, was invited by Mr. Arnold to return, and dine at his house with us. This youth was about my own age, and we had not interchanged many sentences before I discovered, to my infinite satisfaction, that he was Irish, and a rebel. We cemented a league of the closest amity, mutually attracted by these sympathies, and became inseparable.

I now made the amende honorable to my powers of oratory for the abstinence which they had suffered since my arrival in England, by opening their sluices copiously on my new associate, who, I found, had drank more deeply by far than I had myself done at the poisoned stream, and was quite au fait in all the new doctrines. We discoursed of the persecuted people, of selfishness, and pride, tenacity to old systems, blind prejudices against improvement; abused the old and the experienced as incumbrances and impediments; talked of the clergy, who made traffic of superstition, and kept mind in bondage to serve their secular purposes; of learning as a dead weight on the active energies; and agreed that a democracy and an altar "to the unknown god" comprised our highest ideas of government and religion. All were decreed to be knaves or dunces who dissented from our opinions, and were scoffed at accordingly. Precious specimen of that toleration which we boasted!

The ship in which we were to sail was delayed, but I rejoiced in any circumstances which protracted my stay in Liverpool, where I found many congenial spirits. Clarke introduced me to several of his acquaintances who were of our own stamp, and political sympathy being quite a sufficient bond to friendship, we became as intimate as brothers in a fortnight's intercourse. How gregarious are bad principles! Is it because vice is cowardly, and dares not stand alone, while virtue, in its boldness, finds independence? My mother's letter occasionally disturbed my peace, but each day weakened the impression, and increased the difficulty of an answer, which was at length postponed sine die.

The hour of departure arrived. Mr. Arnold had taken no interest in my choice of companions. His attentions, though full of kindness and civility, were rather of a mercantile than friendly character. He had accepted me like a bill; I was indorsed and negotiated in form; now shipped, invoiced, consigned, and exported like a parcel of hardware. Accompanying me to the wharf, he recommended me to the captain's care, shook hands, wished me a pleasant passage, and, with all the alacrity of a haberdasher, whipped off to his counting-house.

A favouring breeze filled our sails, and we were soon launched on the broad Atlantic. In Europe if you praise a man, you are asked whether you have ever had a money-dealing with him. In India, on like occasion, the inquiry is, "Have you taken a voyage in his company?" To the former interrogatory I should have had no experience to assist my reply, my pecuniary transactions affording me small insight into human character; but I now learned that the Indian test was no bad criterion, and ere many hours elapsed after I left the river Mersey, I began to find that the concentration of a trading vessel brings many qualities into a focus, which had previously been too widely diffused to make one sensible of their existence.

Clarke, who had a keen look out after comfort in the most comfortable sense of that snuggest of English words, had made the most careful provision for mitigating the desagrÉmens incident to our situation. There was nothing wanted to complete his arrangements for the voyage. Captain Conroy was to supply my necessities by agreement with Mr. Arnold, but my friend Clarke, with a telescopic prescience of ship's fare, had laid in a store of luxuries which, adding the force of contrast to what of its own nature required none to render it abominable, certainly blackened my salt beef into as unpalatable a morsel as I had ever eaten. Clarke had brought new laid eggs, potted cream, sweetmeats of every description, and all varieties of pickles and sauces piquantes, while his well-fed goat chewed the cud contentedly below, and poultry of various sorts gabbled in their coops.

Had my purse been better furnished I should not have profited in this manner by its abundance, for I was a reckless swain, and when politics did not engross my mind, it was given to poetry and romance, while the de quoi vivre seldom presented itself to my attention till urged by necessity; and as we are said to "take no note of time but from its loss," so I never thought of food till I was hungry. Thus, till I saw the delicate cates which were displayed by my messmate, I did not recollect that such things were, and the second thought which crossed my mind was, that they would be common property. "It would be so, were they mine, and of course it will be so, as matters stand," quoth I to myself; but I reckoned without my host, and received my first practical lesson on the difference between savings and doings.

I had hitherto seen Clarke either at his father's house or at the hospitable board of Mr. Arnold; but now that he drew upon his own resources, I found the case considerably altered. We talked politics, indeed, as usual, but my companion suppressed the tirades against worldliness, and calculation, with which he used to interlard his discourse; and muttered a hint that charity begins at home, and that liberality might be carried too far, upon a request for a little goat's milk for a sick sailor. In short, a more narrow minded niggardly being could not exist than Clarke, and I was glad to have discovered his character au fond, before we touched terra firma.

During the voyage, I pleased myself afresh, with visions of the scene upon which I was soon to enter. My vexations in Liverpool did not extinguish my hope of being thought a shining light at Quebec. Vanity is an elastic quality and will bear many rebuffs. She, with ever ready unguents, poured soothing on the bitter waters of disappointment, and whispered that though I failed in Boeotia, I should flourish at Athens. Though Liverpool might be absorbed by vulgar traffic, the glorious field of America was in prospect, and there I should be more justly appreciated.

Youth stands many a shock ere it is discouraged, and ignorance is not easily foiled in its anticipations. I was all elate, and when we entered the St. Laurence upbraided time with taking a nap, so slowly did it appear to travel, till we cast anchor. My uncle, whose physiognomy impressed me very favourably, gave me the kindest reception. In high spirits at finding myself on shore, I accompanied him to his house, which was pleasantly situated, and was speedily made acquainted with the map of the interior; but I must confess that I felt my vivacity somewhat checked at the sight of a room not more than twelve or fourteen feet square, furnished with a deal writing-desk painted oak colour, shelves divided into compartments alphabetically numbered, and a few rush-bottom chairs.

This I was informed was to be my sanctum, and I certainly did not fall in love with it, neither did I feel much overjoyed at hearing, that on the following day I was to be regularly installed in office, and introduced to ledgers and letter-books. My uncle's dinner hour was three o'clock, and as I went to prepare for our primitive repast, I laid my little plan for making a figure in our first tÊte-À-tÊte, and securing his good opinion. I meditated what I should say, and resolved to give him a highly interesting account of our Irish proceedings; but when the bell rang, I was excessively mortified to find that a West Indian Captain was to be of our party.

Nothing could be more mal-a-propos. Since we were not to be alone, a few cheerful people would have been second best, but the number three, which is at all times and in all places considered unlucky in point of society, was peculiarly so upon the present occasion. I was totally excluded, and sat silently listening to the most tiresome discussion respecting freights and cargoes, unenlivened by a single remark in which I could participate. Captain Thompson was a square built stump of a man, who seemed to care very little about modes of government, provided that the carrying trade were not injured. He talked incessantly of crops and colonies, and my uncle, though evidently a man of superior intellect, seemed not averse to indulge his guest, by allowing him to start his own topics and dwell upon them as long as he liked.

When Marplot took his departure it was bedtime. Candles were called for, and as my uncle bid me good night, he added, "Albert, I fear that this was a dull day for you, but I could not avoid asking Captain Thompson. He is a worthy man, and sails to-morrow, so I had no other opportunity of shewing him some civility." I was glad to hear that I should see no more of the Captain, and retired to my chamber with a heavy heart.

It is amazing how we deceive ourselves at a distance from the objects of our contemplation! But as we go on doing so to the end of our lives, it was no great wonder that my fancy had been engaged, at between eighteen and nineteen, in drawing pictures very unlike the truth. I was now in that land of strangers which, till the present moment, had been a region of imagination. The vague rapture which I had painted to myself in the novelty of a foreign clime had dissolved in air, and I found nothing to stimulate curiosity, or justify an excitement, which was now followed by the antagonist feeling of chill and dislike. The notions of young people are seldom of a negative kind, because while life is in its spring, pain has not taught them that its mere absence is a pleasure. All their ideas of good are positive, and therefore the more vivid anticipation, the more certain is disappointment. In this sanguine temperament, I suppose that I expected to see the goddess of liberty seated on a triumphal car, and the Canadians running about delirious with freedom.

Whatever were the phantoms raised by my enthusiasm, the reality bore no resemblance to them; and I was surprised by the common-place manner in which the inhabitants of Quebec appeared to be employed in pursuing vulgar interests like other men. I read my mother's letter again, and passed a miserable night.

On meeting next morning, my uncle accosted me with much good nature, and after breakfast, conducting me to a very well furnished library, said, "Here, Albert, you will find a tolerable collection of the best standard works in all the European languages, and you need not forget your Greek and Latin, as I have got a capital edition of the Classics. I do not desire that you should, in becoming a merchant, cease to be a gentleman. You shall therefore have free ingress here, as often as you like to look in upon your old friends."

"They would be new acquaintances, not old friends, Sir," answered I. "I have read very little of late, and scarcely know any of these authors who adorn your book shelves."

"And pray," said my uncle, "may I beg to ask what you do know. I should have thought that you were at home in literary matters. Your parents inform me that you had been designed for a learned profession."

"Why, Sir," replied I, "history and the belles lettres are very well when one has leisure for them, but matters have been ripening into action with us in Ireland. The march of mind has been making rapid progress, and is performing wonders amongst our brave and gifted people. It is not easy, as I am sure you will acknowledge, to sit down amid a heap of musty volumes, filled with antiquated learning, when the living energies of a nation invite our sympathies. The truth is, that politics have occupied my head and heart so entirely that I have thought of little else."

"The subject is one of deep interest and importance," answered my uncle; "though I am at a loss to know what a boy at your age, who is not in the army, can have to do with active measures, as much as it puzzles me to imagine how any but statesmen or journalists find employment in the science of government. All indeed may read the newspapers, and whoever considers the features of the present time with attention, has cause for inquietude. The age we live in is big with event, and many of its presages are alarming to a sober mind. But, my young friend, what have you to do with national affairs, and where did you discover that men may jump into political knowledge without reading, though remember I do not say in 'musty volumes.' I do not advocate mildew. I love a clean cover."

I felt a little annoyed by this half satirical, half jocular, mode of treatment, but throwing back my head and shoulders, with what I intended should be a dignified air, and express confidence in my strength, I replied, "The reign of authority you know, Sir, is past, and the enfranchised mind, disdaining to be held in thrall by the shackles of prescription, has burst the fetters which retained it in captivity. Mysteries are abolished. We are not imposed on by sounds—we must have sense; we have banished the cumbrous machinery of learning, which, like the heavy horse of Prussia, served only to impede, not assist the operations of a campaign—precedent is out of date, monopoly is abolished. The unchartered intellect ranges at liberty, and we have thrown open the barriers; words no longer deceive—we study things; freedom has provided short cuts through the wearisome wastes of religion and morals—utility is our test; and men may worship the Deity as they please. Priestcraft is exposed, the altars of superstition are razed to the dust, and the temple of nature is held to be our only sanctuary. Religion is thus stripped of her mask, while morals have undergone a similar reform. The jargon of the old school is declared to be obsolete, and the absurd doctrine of restraint is superseded. The master spirits of France have also carried the genius of reform into the social compact, and simplified our political views. The rubbish of antiquity is shovelled away. We no longer require folios of worm-eaten erudition to teach us, but justice, with her even scales, is accessible to all. It is the folly of learning which has obscured her decisions, and rendered that which is plain and straight forward crooked and complicated. We do not now inquire how our ancestors understood such and such points, for the mists of darkness are clearing away, and the human mind, borne upward by conscious strength, will rise into the glorious sunshine of liberty and become a law unto itself. What has a CÆsar or an Alexander to do with us? What need have we to wade through the jargon of the economists, and break down the soaring spirit to the low level of sordid calculation? Why should we revive the old fashioned stuff of national resources, balance of power, and such useless nonsense? Reason, Heaven descended, has resumed her sway, and man dares to be free."

A hearty fit of laughter, accompanied by "well done, bravo," somewhat disconcerted me, and my uncle's reply when his merriment would allow him to speak, was not encouraging. "Come," said he, seeing me look confused, "I must remember that ridicule is not the test of truth, though we have heard the contrary. We will be serious. My idea of judgment is, that it depends on comparison, and facts are requisite to this process. I confess myself a sceptic as to the merit of many new inventions, and cannot avoid auguring ill of their consequences. Believe me, nephew, that some of the opinions which, unhappily for yourself, you have adopted, lead to every species of disorganization—but do not suppose that I mean to say, of either things or people, that they must necessarily be good because they are old. Let youthful genius bud forth and blossom. I love to see young intellect aspiring, and would do all in my power to assist its flight. Fancy, too, has its charms, and the flowers of eloquence are worthy of cultivation; but the wisdom of experience may be allowed its place, though these lighter graces have their play. Nature performs all things in season, and the swelling pride of spring is as lovely in its own time as the ripened stores of autumn at a later period—but beware of what you are doing. These raw politicians will effect much harm, but no good. Only that you tell me you are no reader, I might ask whether you are acquainted with a verse in a certain volume which warns us against breaking yokes of wood and making in their stead yokes of iron?

"If you doubt," said I, "that the son of a clergyman has read the bible, may I not hope that it is because you approve that liberty of conscience which I uphold?"

"I uphold liberty of conscience, my young friend, perhaps, as much as you do," answered Mr. Fitzmaurice. "Let conscience be the supplicant, and I could trust freedom in her hands. 'In all that may become a man,' I would protect the exercise of free will, but your schemes are founded upon license, not liberty, and so far from imparting power, would soon circumscribe its energies within a straightened compass. One of your freemen would require shackles to be placed on many, ere scope and verge sufficient could be found for his restless activities. I tell you, young man, that you must surrender a part of your natural liberty to preserve the rest, in every civilized state of society. Your modern republicans are playing a sad game."

"But, Sir, surely there is no magic in the word 'King:' kings may be fools, and where there is no monarchy of mind, idols of wood and stone are more convenient and less costly than those of flesh and blood." I spoke with vehemence, and met with a rebuke which my flippancy well deserved.

"Nephew, I cannot waste my time in talking nonsense. When you take the trouble of qualifying yourself for debate, I shall be happy to enter upon an argument with you. In the meantime you must excuse me if I decline what I consider 'vain jangling,' and assure you that I should no more dream of taking your present opinion on law and politics, than on a cargo of sugars; you must study the one, and the other, before I abide by your counsel."

My uncle spoke well, and delivered his sentiments with a calm force which overawed me. There was neither foaming at the mouth nor any of the gesticulations to which I had been accustomed in our harangues of the "Slat house," where the principal orators were Mr. Talbot and Mr. Lovett. I felt abashed, yet trying to rally, I ventured to add something about intellect being given for individual exertion, and that grateful for the boon we should employ our own, and not trust to other people.

"I am not apt," replied my uncle, "to look for gratitude as the fruit of pertness; and as for authority, I shall take leave to prefer my oracles to yours. You refer to Paine and Volney; I have other standards, and I believe were the measure of our obsequiousness weighed, you might be found as implicit a subject to your rulers, as I am to mine; but come, Sir, tret and tare must have its day, and my political, poetical, and oratorical nephew must be nailed to the desk for the next three hours."

Though not an angry frown was scowled upon me, I felt that there was a sober firmness in the manner of these half playful words, which left me no option; so, like a sheep to the slaughter, I was led away, and ordered to my post.

The conversation which I have detailed put the finishing stroke to all my castle-building, and brought my palmy hopes to the dust. My favourite creeds had not only been opposed, but in such a way as forbid any farther trial on my part to sustain them. The contempt with which my opinions were treated, irritated my temper, and galled my spirit, beyond expression. There was a something like pity in my uncle's eye under which I writhed and fretted a thousand times more than if I had been met with ferocious conflict, and been called upon to summon all my strength. I was humbled; my self-love was wounded, and a sullen despondency succeeded my presumptuous elevation.

Deprived of my old companions, and cut off from my former pursuits, I was denied the blessing of solitude, in which I might have mourned my fate without spectators. A few feet of that rocky precipice at Glendruid from which I used to chide the heavy hours, and wish that every sail would bear me away, seemed now the Paradise of memory, and the whole world would I have given to transport myself once more to the craggy cliffs of my birth-place.

I was immured in an apartment or office in which six other desks ranged with mine, and as many clerks, who seemed not to possess a single idea beyond the bounds of their occupation, were seated in rank and file, as I took my station. While busied at home in forwarding insurrection, I used to associate familiarly with the neighbouring peasants, and never felt the dignity of a gentleman compromised in such intercourse. There was nothing lowering to pride in such communion, because the end appeared to ennoble the means, and the grandeur of the purpose in which all were concerned, gave a character to the actors which did not belong to them in a private capacity.

So I argued at least, but these men were mere accountants; little better than machines of wood, and divested of every pretension to the distinguishing type of gentleman. I could not bear to hold the slightest fellowship with them, and after a cold salutation, which was answered by each with, "Good morrow, Sir," I was accustomed to take my seat close to a window which looked out upon an immense paved yard, surrounded by storehouses. A monstrous watchdog was sole tenant of this inclosure, and the entrance or departure through its gateway, of sledges filled with merchandise, the only variety which its dismal area presented.

What a scene to be contrasted daily with the magnificent expanse of ocean over which my eye was used to wander from my native shores! How different my present prison from the rocky caves in which I was wont to contemplate the sea's ebb and flow, soothed by the curlieu's wild wail, and refreshed by the fragrant breezes wafted from the heath-covered hills, or the gardens of the deep! The towers of La Trappe would have been a welcome prospect to my imagination in comparison with the destiny upon which I had fallen. "In that desert region of eternal silence," said I, "thought would at least be free, and my wretchedness would be allowed repose."

Tears which had ceased to flow from tenderness of heart, now nightly moistened my pillow. I was without resource; the stimulus of activity no longer braced my nerves, and the excitement of vanity had ceased to operate on my spirits. I found my boasted patriotism beginning to flag for want of sympathy; and I had so long depended upon its animating influences, that I could not force my mind into any new occupation.

Those only who have felt the horrors of vacuity can enter into the sufferings which I endured. There is something more repugnant to the mind in being despised than hated, and more painful in the absence of every excitement than the presence of great misfortune. A thousand times did I form the resolution of snapping my chain, but whither should I fly; how subsist? To return home would have been, if possible, worse than to remain at Quebec, and I could not expect to be received, laden with the weight of my uncle's displeasure. The only alternative was an endeavour to submit to my fate.

At first the effort was intolerable, and for some time attended with little success; but time was beginning to familiarize me to my situation, and I plodded for some hours of every day at my unwelcome task, more like an automaton than a sentient being, when all my former energy was revived by an accidental circumstance.