That very same worthy magistrate before whom the Hon. Philip Martindale was obliged, as above recorded, to enter into an engagement to keep the peace towards Mr. Isaac Solomons, junior, of St. Mary Axe, in the county of Middlesex, did again cast magisterial eyes on the same person under the style and title of the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone. Before his lordship and his companions made their appearance before the magistrate, they were perfectly sober, and of course completely mortified. They could not escape without betraying their names, and they hoped, by means of a private hearing, to escape a public exhibition; but as soon as they made their appearance, and the complaint was exhibited against them, the magistrate uttered an exclamation of surprise, and addressed his lordship by name. The secret being thus published, the Right Honorable and his two companions made their peace with justice as soon as possible, and retired. Now, as soon as this event was made public, the Earl of Trimmerstone expected a visit from his caustic and opulent relative, Mr. John Martindale. Nor was he disappointed in the expectation.

His lordship’s town mansion was magnificently furnished: this was owing to the taste of the Countess. Mr. Martindale, who waited some minutes in the drawing-room before his cousin made his appearance, was, when his lordship entered, surveying the apartment with a sneer of contempt.

“Good morrow; I greet you well;” said the old gentleman. “I have called to pay my compliments, and to offer my cordial congratulations on your very providential escape from Bridewell, of which I think that your lordship has been recently in very imminent danger.”

His lordship could not afford to quarrel with his wealthy relative; and therefore, though most deeply mortified by this salutation, he was under the absolute necessity of putting up with it, and preparing himself to expect as much more. It is very painful for a man of rank, who has passed some years beyond the age of boyhood, to be snubbed, schooled, and lectured. There is not one man in a thousand who would put up with it. But so it was that, step by step, this Hon. Earl of Trimmerstone had been entangled in the snares of dependence, and was now unable to extricate himself. He was caught in a net which he had not strength to break or patience to untie.

In a subdued and sheepish tone, he replied to his cousin’s taunts: “I am very sorry, sir, that I was so much off my guard.”

“Oh! yes, no doubt, you are very sorry; but I think if I had such a fine drawing-room as this, I should not leave it so much as you do, nor endanger its decorations by the dice-box. For I suppose you have been at your usual amusements. Oh! Philip, Philip—I beg pardon—I mean, my lord; if your lordship spends all your lordship’s means in gambling, pray what do you intend to do in order to keep up your dignity. You are too great a man to earn a living for yourself. Your lordship has nothing before you but beggary and dependence.”

His lordship was not quite such a simpleton as to fly out into a violent passion; nor was he so far sunk in self-esteem as to bear this language with unreplying patience. He replied, with a little more firmness:

“I hope, sir, I have some better prospect than this, which you are pleased to lay out for me. There do exist many men who were giddy in youth, and are respectable in age.”

“Very likely, very likely,” replied the old gentleman. “I understand you, my lord.”

“My remark, sir, was not designed to be of any particular application. I only spoke generally.”

“Oh, oh! then you disclaim all reference to me, when you speak of respectability in age.”

“Indeed, sir, you put a very unfavorable construction on my words as well as on my actions.”

“Unfavorable construction! Now, pray, my lord, as you are so very ingenious a personage, will you be so kind as to enlighten my ignorance so far as to tell me what you would call a favorable construction of such an elegant and accomplished feat as that which you performed last night, in company with that paragon of wit and elegance, Mr. Singleton Sloper? Only suppose that you wished to communicate that truly noble and gentleman-like transaction to the world through the medium of the press, and suppose the very kind and accommodating reporters were to give you leave to use your own language, how would you express yourself? In the first place, perhaps, you would think it an unfavorable construction to say that you were in company with Mr. Singleton Sloper. Or, perhaps, if you could not conscientiously suppress the fact, you would attribute the same to your most humane and kind consideration in taking notice of a vulgar blockhead, whom nobody else would deign to honor with their company and countenance. And pray, my lord, what is the most favorable construction your lordship would put upon the simple and silly fact of reeling about the streets in a state of intoxication? I suppose you would take credit to yourself for being above the milksop system now so fashionable; and magnanimously reverting to the practice of the good old times, by making a beast of yourself. And your knocking and ringing at the doors you no doubt designed as a gentle admonition to your neighbours, that they should not spend so much of their precious time in slothful sleep. There, my lord, is that construction favorable enough?”

His lordship smiled, and said: “Perfectly so, sir; perhaps rather too flattering.”

The old gentleman smiled not when his lordship smiled; but changing a sneer for a frown, he said: “And what construction, my lord, is favorable enough to your taste to be put on the fact of your money, or rather your wife’s money, lost at the gaming-table?”

His lordship started, and looked pale; and the amount of his loss came over him like a dream.

“Yes,” continued the old gentleman, “I will totally acquit you of any intention of losing your money; but can you acquit yourself of a mean and contemptible design of plundering a simple and untutored boy, by the assistance of that contemptible fellow, Singleton Sloper?”

“Mr. Singleton Sloper, sir,” replied the Earl, “is a gentleman of good family.”

“So much the worse for his family, for they have reason to be ashamed of him; and you, my lord, would never have taken notice of him, or associated with him, but for purposes of gaming. I know the whole transaction. I know that you had encouraged Sloper to induce that simple boy to sit down and play with you, and that you made yourself sure of repaying yourself by his means for the losses which you had yourself sustained. You cannot deny the fact; and I think you cannot put a very favorable construction upon it.”

All that the old gentleman said was perfectly true, and the Right Hon. Earl knew it to be so; and though he had not been ashamed to act thus, he did feel ashamed at the mention of it.

It is very unpleasant to have a serious accusation brought home so pointedly; but it is more unpleasant still not to be able to say a single word by way of extenuation. His lordship, not caring to be speechless and self-convicted, replied:

“There was nothing but fair play, sir, used or intended; as is manifest from the fact of my having been loser.”

“Whatever was intended, I know not; but I cannot call it fair play to take advantage of youth and inexperience: that, I know, you designed to do; and I am very happy the design was frustrated. My Lord of Trimmerstone, you and I must come to a better understanding. I will not suffer you to suppose that my property is to be made answerable for your gambling-debts. I have once told you the condition on which my will was made; and on that condition I am well assured you are never likely to receive a shilling of my property. But as I have no design to leave you without some legacy, I will tell you now that I will make one more, and that a final alteration. A legacy of thirty thousand pounds you will find in my last will and testament. You know best how much of that is already anticipated; and as a friend, I would advise you to make the best of what remains. It must be a miracle of reformation that will make any change in this disposal.”

Without waiting for a word in answer, the old gentleman rung for his carriage and departed, leaving the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone in a very disagreeable position.

As soon as Mr. Martindale had departed, the Right Honorable began to think again most soberly and seriously of his perplexities and embarrassments. He made a great variety of calculations, but none of them were definite or satisfactory. The figures and the sums whirled round and round in his head, and all was confusion. He scarcely knew, nor could he by any means make out, whether or not he was solvent. He knew nothing more of his own affairs than that he was solicited for money which he could not pay; and when by any contrivance he could put off the time of payment, that postponement set him at rest for the time being.

There was no one with whom he could consult. He had not a single friend in the world on whose good counsel he could rely. As for Sir Gilbert Sampson, he was afraid or ashamed to mention to him a word on the subject; and indeed there had been lately a great coolness between them, arising from the very negligent behaviour of his Lordship to the Countess. And she, who should have been his best friend and most confidential adviser, had very little capacity or inclination for prudential and deliberate thought.

When noblemen and gentlemen marry for the sake of money, they ought always to take especial care that they have money enough: for it is much better to suffer many disadvantages from pecuniary deficiency, and to remain unmarried, than to marry one who has not money enough to answer all purposes. Ladies with small fortunes may not thank us for this remark; but they will, on second thoughts, consider that such a husband as the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone is not worth having. It is not unlikely that his lordship would, had the law allowed him so to do, have married another wife for the sake of pecuniary aid, and have deserted the daughter of Sir Gilbert Sampson. Perhaps it might be an improvement in the system of accommodating legislation, if hereditary legislators would allow themselves the privilege of marrying two or more wives, provided these wives were all of plebeian extraction; by such means a greater number of city people might purchase nobility for their daughters, and the estates of the titled be relieved from many of their embarrassments. But legislation is not our present subject; so to proceed.

The Earl of Trimmerstone finding that thinking was a disagreeable and unpleasant occupation, and not being much allured to stay at home by the magnificent decorations of his drawing-room, which Mr. Martindale had so much admired, took his departure without any inquiries after the health or even existence of the Countess. He sauntered about the streets, and looked at the shop-windows, and looked at the people as they passed, and at the carriages; and he looked among those on foot, and among those in carriages, for some one to speak or move to; but his friends were not to be met with that morning. He wondered what had become of Sloper; for he used to be almost always sure of meeting him in St. James’s Street at a certain hour of the day. He strolled into Pall Mall, and was very sleepy; and he stood so long rubbing his eyes and stretching his arms at the gate of St. James’s Palace, that he positively set the sentinels yawning. He smiled at the effect of sympathy; and the sentinels also smiled modestly, and with appearance of great gratification: for it is a high honor to be smiled at by a man of rank and consequence; and they knew that he must be a man of rank and consequence, because he was very sleepy, and did not know what to do with himself.

To keep himself awake he walked along Pall Mall, but not very fast, lest he might have too much time on his hands when he should arrive at the other end. Then he threw the contents of his snuff-box into the street, that he might have the amusement of getting it filled again at Pontet’s. When he had, by dint of great exertion to walk slow, and make the most of his expedition, arrived, after a quarter of an hour’s sauntering, at the little snuff-shop at the corner of the street, he felt almost fatigued enough to enjoy the pleasure of sitting down; and he accordingly took his seat, and was for a time exceedingly happy, enjoying the pleasure of kicking his heels against the frames of the high shop-stool, and gazing at the passengers.

Not long had he been thus occupied, when two persons passed the shop-door in apparently close and earnest conversation, and seemingly on very good terms with each other. One of them, turning a side glance towards the snuff-shop, caught the eye of Lord Trimmerstone, and turned away his head again in great haste, as if to avoid being recognised. This movement excited his lordship’s curiosity; and a few seconds after they had passed, he cautiously stepped to the door and looked after them. He was certain that one of the two was Singleton Sloper. He knew by the broad shoulders, short neck, and shuffling gait, that it could be no other. As to Sloper’s companion, who was the one that had so suddenly withdrawn from his eye in passing the shop-door, his lordship could not form the slightest conjecture. Curiosity induced him to follow them at a considerable distance, and without being discerned by them, he watched them into a coffee-house; where, soon after they had entered, he followed them.

Before he entered the room, he looked through the glass of the inner door, and saw that the two persons who had attracted his attention were Mr. Singleton Sloper and the young gentleman to whom his lordship and Mr. Sloper had lost their money the preceding evening. This was a strange sight; and the very good understanding between the two led his lordship into strong and unpleasant suspicions concerning the purity and integrity of Mr. Singleton Sloper. He determined, however, not to make any sudden interruption; but as he was unseen by them, he watched their proceedings, and saw a pocket-book produced and opened; and he saw some of the contents of that pocket-book handed over by the young gentleman to Mr. Singleton Sloper.

Lord Trimmerstone was greatly astonished at what he saw; and though the mere fact of something being thus transferred to Sloper was no proof of fraud on his part, yet the looks and smiles of the two gentlemen were so very significant and expressive of collusion, that could these looks have been sworn to and properly described to an honest and discerning jury, there would have been in them very powerful evidence to convict the parties of conspiracy.

Lord Trimmerstone was in doubt how to proceed; and after a few moments’ hesitation, he thought it best to walk into the coffee-room as if not having seen the gentlemen, and to give them an opportunity to part, or at least to lay aside their confidential looks, before he fixed his eyes upon them.

The opening of the door soon excited their attention, and they presently assumed a different complexion towards each other; so that by the time that his lordship thought proper to see and recognise them, there was so great a change of look as to corroborate his suspicion. He knew, however, that it would not answer his purpose to manifest the slightest symptom of what was passing in his mind; he therefore greeted them carelessly, and received their careless reply. Attentively as he could, he watched the countenance of the young gentleman, and thought he saw in that face symptoms of more advanced age than he had given him credit for. He was very sure that it was not the face of an inexperienced simpleton.

There was, notwithstanding all efforts to the contrary, a feeling of embarrassment between the parties; and much common-place talk was uttered at awkward little intervals, before any allusion was made to the transaction of the preceding evening. Sloper at length said:

“Trimmerstone, I have been endeavouring to make an arrangement with our young friend to let us have our revenge. When will it suit you to meet us? Will to-morrow night be convenient?”

Now it happened that his lordship had already written his name on several inconvenient pieces of paper and in connexion with certain ugly figures, and he was not very desirous of multiplying and enlarging these perplexities. He would have been happy to have his revenge; but it appeared very probable that the only revenge which he should be likely to obtain, would be to inflict on the person of Mr. Singleton Sloper the castigation of a horsewhip.

“I cannot say this moment; but if you will step home with me, Sloper, I will see how my engagements stand, and give you an answer; which you may communicate to our friend.”

Mr. Singleton Sloper did not much approve of this arrangement, but was, nevertheless, unwilling to exhibit any strong symptoms of disapprobation. He only said:

“I will follow you in half an hour.”

This, however, would not answer his lordship’s purpose, for he was very desirous of ascertaining the nature of those papers which Sloper had just received from the young gentleman.

“Oh no, come with me now, for I have an engagement an hour hence.”

Thus saying, his lordship took Singleton by the arm and led him away, saying to the young stranger, “You shall hear by my friend Mr. Sloper, when it will be convenient to have another meeting.”

Sloper had very little suspicion that his lordship entertained any ideas unfavorable to his integrity. But though he had little suspicion, he was not altogether free from such unpleasant thoughts. As the two worthies therefore walked together, there was much constraint in their manners, and every effort to get rid of it only made the matter worse. His lordship felt more and more convinced that all was not right; but he had some difficulty in making his decision how to act, so as to ensure conviction if he was right, and to avoid an awkward quarrel if he was wrong.