“Ma, why did you speak of your car bein’ in London? You know durn well it ain’t!” exclaimed Mr. Alexander, as he soaped his head and gurgled in the water, then he ducked it up and down in the basin.

“That’s my business! If I plan it that way to get acquainted with a lot of fine folks, why should you care?”

“I don’t care, but I diden’ know you thought these folks so fine. I heard you say they was only decorators,” argued her spouse.

“Ebeneezer, there are times when I could just choke you—you are so thick!” exclaimed Mrs. Alexander, impatiently.

“Mebbe I’m thick, Ma, but I can’t see how you can drive a party across England when your old car is on second-hand sale out in Denver!”

“That proves you’re thick—if you can’t see how! I am going straight to a shop, in London, tomorrow, where I can buy a car exactly the same as mine—only it will be up-to-date with self-starter and all. Then you can drive it back here and we will show the folks a seven-passenger car that we owned long ago.”

As Mr. Alexander swabbed his dripping face and hair on a damask towel, he shook his head dubiously. “Well, these days, a hull lot of stuff goes, but I always said such a game as you’re playin’ was fibbin’ and that’s callin’ it by a polite name, too.”

Mrs. Alexander humped her shoulders angrily and said: “You are the most aggravating man! I s’pose you’ll tell everyone we know, all about my plan to get a car in a hurry.”

“Oh no, I won’t tell no one, ’cause I don’t want folks to believe you ain’t as honest as you pretend to be,” said he meekly.

After that he wondered what he had said to anger his wife so that she would not speak to him; and when he asked her to help him with his collar-button, she ignored him entirely. Later, when he had trouble with his neck-tie and dared not ask assistance of his mate, he was amazed that she caught hold of the two ends and began to tie it.

But she had a subtle reason for helping him. As she tied and untied it, she dinned into his ears all the rules and reminders he had heard often before—about his behavior at the table. At last, desperate with the nagging, he snatched the tie-ends from her hand and rushed from the room.

“Ebeneezer! Ebeneezer—I say! come back here!” called she.

But the little man fled down the stairs and dodged into the first room he found. It happened to be the library where Mr. Fabian was conversing with Sir James. Both men arose at the perturbed appearance of Mr. Alexander, as he ran breathlessly into the room.

“Why—what has happened?” asked Sir James, fearfully.

“Nothin’ much. My wife made me so nervous a-fussin’ over my manners and this tie, that I just had to run!” explained he.

“Allow me to help you, Mr. Alexander,” said Sir James, and his voice was so kindly and gentle, that Mr. Alexander decided that for true democracy you had to meet an English baronet.

As Sir James was adding the last touch to the tie, Mrs. Alexander swept into the room in search of her escaped husband. When she beheld him facing the host, who was adjusting the tie, she was speechless.

Mrs. Alexander caught the reflection of herself in a long mirror opposite where she stood, and immediately forgot, in admiring herself, her concern over her husband’s shortcomings. She waved her feather fan to and fro slowly and seemed absorbed in the vision seen in the glass.

Mr. Fabian smiled to himself, and Sir James engaged Mr. Alexander in conversation to make him feel more at ease. Then Dodo peeped around the corner of the portiÈre, and saw her mother very much preoccupied, so she beckoned to Mr. Fabian without being seen by the others. He quietly moved over to the doorway.

“Just look at me, Mr. Fabian! Ma made me dress up like a monkey, just to show folks that she knew what’s what!”

Mr. Fabian felt sorry for Dodo, for he knew she wished to appear rational to the others at the dinner-party. So he hinted: “It is still very early for the others to appear. You’d have time to change your mind, Dodo.”

They both laughed at that, and the girl replied: “I will! I’ll run up and change my dress, at the same time.”

“Perhaps you’ll feel better in a simple little silk,” suggested he.

Dodo nodded understandingly and disappeared. Just as Mr. Fabian turned to walk back to the fireplace, Mrs. Alexander finished the contemplation of her satisfying appearance—satisfying to herself.

Sir James immediately came over and took such a deep interest in his guest that she had no opportunity, thereafter, to harass her poor little husband. The others came in, one by one, and finally, Dodo reappeared in a modest pale-blue taffeta silk.

Mrs. Alexander gasped at what she considered rank insubordination, but Lady Osgood managed to engage so much of her attention that Dodo escaped further persecution that night.

Just as the butler threw open the doors of the dining-room to announce dinner, Mrs. Alexander noticed her husband’s lack of gems which she had insisted upon his wearing that night.

“Ebeneezer! What did you do with those shirt-studs and the scarf-pin you were told to wear tonight? They are diamonds of the purest quality, and that stud weighs, at least, four carats!”

Even the butler looked shocked at the guest’s lack of tact, and everyone wondered what little Mr. Alexander would say. It was a tense moment for all.

“Well, this time I speak out even if I lose my head for it!” retorted the badgered man, in a voice that plainly signified he expected to be tortured forever afterwards. “I saw that Mr. Fabian and Sir James diden’ have no jooels of any kind shinin’ around ’em, and I am as good as them, any day. Why should I look like pawn-shop, when I don’t feel that way!”

It was hard work for the grown-ups to keep a straight face, but Dodo set the younger members the example of laughing outright. In a moment, the young folks were all enjoying the blunt repartee.

“Oh, Pa!” sighed Dodo, finally. “What would our life be without you to entertain us!”

“Miss Dodo is right, there, Mr. Alexander. You certainly are a valuable member to any party on a pleasure trip,” added Mr. Ashby. And Mrs. Alexander smirked and nodded her head approvingly, so that everyone breathed easier, knowing a catastrophe had been averted for the little man.

Sir James now turned the conversation into a different channel. As they enjoyed the excellent dinner, he told about the new car he had presented to his son Jimmy, on his twenty-first birthday, two weeks previous.

“Oh, have you a grown-up son?” asked Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.

“Yes indeed! And a very fine young man we think him, too,” returned Lady Osgood.

“He is not at home, is he?” asked Mrs. Alexander.

“He is dining with his latest love, this evening,” laughed Angela. “He has a new one every other week, but this one has lasted since Nancy refused him some time ago.”

“Refused him! Nancy Fabian refused Sir James’s son,” gasped the unbelieving hunter for a title.

The girls laughed, and Nancy shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. Mrs. Alexander stared from her to each one about the table, as if the truth of the statement would not sink into her mind.

Again Sir James entered the breach and bridged over the yawning chasm in the conversation. “I gave Jimmy the car—which is a fine seven-passenger affair—with the understanding that he was to take Angela and the Fabians on a summer tour through England, but he spoiled all that by falling madly in love with Nancy and then being refused. Of course, he had no desire after that, to join any party. We are giving him ample opportunity, now, to recover from his broken heart. Then he and his car will be ours, again.”

Jimmy’s family did not express much concern over his damaged heart, and the guests considered that pity or sympathy for him would be useless. However, Mrs. Alexander began to feel an intense interest in the absent heir and, as usual, she suggested a plan which others would have weighed carefully before mentioning.

“If your son has a seven-passenger car and I have mine, wouldn’t it be just too lovely for anything, if we took all this party on the tour of England. He can drive his motor, and Pa can drive mine.”

Her very audacity caused sudden silence with everyone, although the younger members of the party felt that the plan would be perfectly wonderful if it could be carried out. Sir James finally answered.

“If Jimmy could be induced to join such a party, it certainly would be fine for all. But Lady Osgood and myself have to go down to our country house, in a few days, as there are so many things an owner of a large estate has to take charge of, in summer.”

“Perhaps Miss Angela will join us, and we can divide the party accordingly,” persisted Mrs. Alexander, eagerly.

“Oh yes, I’d love to be one of the touring party,” said Angela. “But what do the others say about this idea?”

“If we could make the trip and get me back to London in two weeks’ time, so I can keep the appointments with several men I agreed to see, I’d like it immensely,” said Mr. Ashby.

“As for us—we planned to tour England, anyway, and traveling with a party of friends will make it all the pleasanter,” added Mr. Fabian.

“Oh, how grand! Then it is all settled, isn’t it?” cried Mrs. Alexander, clasping her be-ringed hands estatically.

“That depends on Jimmy,” remarked Angela.

“Jimmy will agree to do anything, the moment he meets this new bevy of pretty girls,” laughed Sir James.

“You don’t seem to worry much over his susceptible heart,” ventured Mr. Fabian.

“No, because ‘there is safety in numbers,’ you know,” said Lady Osgood. “And Jimmy falls out of love quite as safely as he falls in.”

Mrs. Alexander listened intently whenever anyone spoke of the heir, and she made up her mind that that son must fall in love with Dodo if she had to take him by the neck and shake him into it. And once he was in love, she would see that Dodo accepted him and gave him no excuse to fall out again.

“What do you think of this touring plan, Angie?” asked Nancy Fabian of her friend Angela.

“Why I like it, Nan; don’t you think it will be heaps of fun? Much nicer than doing as we first planned, you know. With a large party of young folks there is always more sport.”

“Yes, I agree with you.” Then Nancy turned to her father: “Have we arranged about the expenses of the trip? Of course the guests will want to entertain the owners of the two cars.”

“Oh decidedly!” agreed Mr. Fabian.

“Indeed not!” objected Mrs. Alexander. “What do you think of me, with all my money, letting others pay any of the bills?”

This shocked her hearers and she actually realized that she had committed a social error that time. So she hoped for some opening by which she could mend matters. Sir James gave it to her.

“It would seem better, if financial arrangements were left to the men, to settle. Ladies are seldom experienced enough to assume such responsibilities. So, if all agree, the cost and payment of bills will be attended to by the four gentlemen.”

That smoothed matters out agreeably for the time being, and the subject of the itinerary was taken up and discussed. Dinner passed with no other breach of etiquette by the Alexanders, and they all went to the drawing-room to complete the plans for the trip.

Dodo and her father were unusually quiet that evening, but Mrs. Alexander seemed the more pleased at it. In fact, she did so much talking about the car and how they all loved to drive it, that Dodo finally silenced her with a strange remark.

“Ma, suppose you wait until you find whether your car can be driven this summer. It may have disappeared from the garage in London, where you say it is waiting.”

Mrs. Alexander then remembered a very grave situation. “Did anyone remember that there would be thirteen in this party? Someone must drop out, or we’ll have to add an extra passenger.”

The others laughed, believing she was joking, and Sir James said: “Oh, that sort of superstition never worries one, these days.”

“Do you mean to say, you wouldn’t hesitate to do anything when there were thirteen in it?” wondered Mrs. Alexander.

“Of course not! Thirteen really ought to be a lucky number because it is made up of one and three—both very lucky numerals,” returned Sir James. “It is only the fear of a thing that gives it any power. And the sooner you overcome the fear of thirteen being unlucky, it turns out to be favorable for you.”

As long as a wise man like Sir James said so, Mrs. Alexander thought it must be so, and nothing more was said about the thirteen in the party.

Jimmy had not come in that night when the guests said good-night to their host and hostess and retired. But what Sir James and his wife said to him when he did let himself in in the ‘wee sma hours’ about the bevy of very wealthy girls who were waiting for him to choose a wife from, had due effect on the young man.

“And remember, Jimmy,” added his sister Angela. “These four girls have money by the bag! Nancy Fabian is a dandy girl, but she hasn’t a cent to bless her husband with.”

In the morning, when Mr. and Mrs. Alexander appeared in street costumes ready to go to the garage where they believed their automobile would be awaiting them, Jimmy said he would go with them.

“Oh dear no! I couldn’t think of such a thing,” declared Mrs. Alexander, anxiously, “Why, I am not even taking Dodo. But leaving her here for you to entertain.”

Jimmy grinned and thought to himself: “If Dodo is anything like her parents she’ll entertain me, not me her.” But he said aloud: “I really feel that your husband and I ought to get the car out, Mrs. Alexander, and spare you that trouble.”

“No trouble whatever, my dear boy, as I propose looking at a new roadster for myself, at the same time,” said the lady.

To escape further explanations, she managed to get her husband out of the house before the others came down to the morning meal.

As one girl after another appeared and was introduced to Jimmy, he thought: “Angie was right! here is as delightful a bouquet of lovely buds as I ever saw.”

And Nancy Fabian saw, to her satisfaction, that he had quite forgotten his broken heart that was caused by her refusal. Angela was nineteen in years, but older in experience than Jimmy who was twenty-one. She generally advised her brother in family problems that he would have shirked, had it not been for his sister.

With all the display of wealth and the semblance of riches that had to be carried on by Sir James in order to maintain his new position, the Osgood estate was in sore need of help. The loss of much money invested in war speculations and the heavy taxes imposed since the war, had impoverished his estate. But the Osgoods bravely kept up appearances while their feet were marking time on a tread-mill that Jimmy could, and would have to, work for them by marrying money.

So it was with a sense of tremendous relief that both Sir James and his wife saw such pretty American girls descend upon them, that day, and the fact that each girl had a fortune coming to her, was no obstacle in the way of their welcome of them.

Because of this fact, and also because Mrs. Alexander plainly showed her hand to the Englishman, he overcame many scruples to herself and seconded her plan of the touring party. To Angela, he confided the hope that she would return home with Jimmy securely engaged to one of the rich girls—for Jimmy had to obey his family in this matter.

The first girl Jimmy met that morning was Polly, who was always an early riser. She came downstairs in a slow dignified way, and Angela introduced her to Jimmy, who was standing in the library. He thought he had never seen such wonderful eyes, and such a mass of bronze-glinting hair. He attended her to the breakfast room and watched every motion and manner of her perfectly poised form.

Before he could quite lose himself in her charm, however, Eleanor bounced into the room. Here was a bright merry girl, full of mischief, and dearly delighting to flirt and tease anyone who would give her the opportunity.

Eleanor was attractive and pretty in a different way from Polly. And now Jimmy found it hard to choose which of the two girls he preferred. Then before he could decide, Dodo came in.

Dodo was domineering in her grand beauty. She was so frank and sincere, too, that everyone liked her, but Jimmy felt afraid of her. The fact that she was the richest one of the girls, also caused him to fear to try his luck with her.

While he was considering all these facts, sweet pretty Ruth came in. Here was a type Jimmy fully understood. She was pensive and alluring, and her round baby-blue eyes appealed to his gallant heart. Her wavy chestnut hair and her dainty figure would look well when she received with Lady Osgood, thought he. And Ruth also had a fortune awaiting her because she was an only child. So he finally chose Ruth for his bride-to-be. And straightway he turned all his attention to her.

The young folks thoroughly enjoyed that morning while growing better acquainted with each other; and by noon, when the purr of an engine came to them from the driveway, they rushed to the front windows and crowded their pretty heads together, in order to see who was stopping at the house in this unusual season for London.

“My goodness! if it isn’t Ma in a splendiferous car!” exclaimed Dodo, laughing uncertainly at the sight.

Little Mr. Alexander sat behind the wheel, perfectly happy, there, with a black pipe between his lips. He was smoking like a factory chimney and his wife was not saying a word in protest. She sat beside him, trying to impress upon his mind some new rule or remembrance of etiquette that he had ignored.

“Now don’t forget, Eben,” she was heard to say. “We had it all done over for this very tour!”

And her husband grinned self-complacently as he looked at her, but he never admitted that she had any further authority to command him. He actually seemed to have gained some power over his wife that she dared not question.

The groom ran down the stone steps of the house and held open the door of the automobile while the lady got out, then Mr. Alexander locked the engine and followed her.

“No use talking, Ma is a wizard when she makes up her mind to do a thing,” said Dodo to her companions. “There’s a car, and there’s Pa driving it, so that shows it is just like our old one, or he couldn’t handle it so cleverly.”

The excitement caused by the appearance of the car that was to carry half of the party on the proposed tour, was the only thing that saved the Alexanders from discovery of the little plot. But Angela had taken notice of Dodo’s surprise and unconscious admission, and she soon ferreted out the fact that the Alexanders purchased the handsome large touring car that very morning. That it was up-to-date and of a sporty appearance, went without saying, for Mrs. Alexander would see to that, all right. And the fact that a fabulous price was paid for the new car solved the discovery made by Angela, for the price paid proved, to her satisfaction, that the Alexander fortune could easily stand a check like the one paid to the motor company.

At luncheon that day, Mrs. Alexander led the conversation without interruption. Sir James had gathered from his daughter that the car was a recent purchase, and he could approximate the sum paid for it. Now he felt relieved to find this American lady so willing to be the victim of his carefully-laid plans.

“I saw just the kind of roadster I want,” said she, “but I guess I won’t buy it until we get back from the tour. Ebeneezer says it will keep a couple of weeks, and I agreed with him. We’ll go on with the old car, now, and I’ll buy the new one, for myself, when we return.”

Sir James and Angela exchanged glances when they heard this woman speak of buying high-priced cars as glibly as she would mention buying a new glove.

“Well, I won a point out of this business, too,” chuckled Mr. Alexander. Everyone paid strict attention to what he was about to say, for he generally caused a general laugh with his remarks; and everyone liked him so genuinely that they would have listened eagerly whether he was amusing or contrariwise.

“Ebeneezer, remember what I told you just before we came in!” warned his wife.

“Yeh, but I’m not alone with you now, Maggie,” said he.

“Please don’t call me ‘Maggie,’ Eben. You know my name is ‘Margaret’,” cried Mrs. Alexander, beside herself at her husband’s shortcomings.

“Don’t worry, Maggie. Us folks know it is a pet name,” chuckled the little man. “But what I was goin’ to say, is: I won a hard fight whiles I was out this mornin’ with my wife. She’s promised to let me smoke my old pipe if I agree to drive the car just like she wants.”

His happy laugh was echoed by his friends, especially by the men who felt in sympathy with him. They say that a woman can never understand, because she cannot appreciate, the solace of an old pipe.

Then the interesting part of the programme of the tour began—the arrangement of the members of the party for the two cars.

“I say, let the girls go in my car, Pater, and let Mr. Alexander drive the adults,” suggested Jimmy, eagerly.

“Yes, that sounds very good, if the youngsters will agree to follow our advice carefully, and behave as if a chaperone was in the car with them,” added Sir James.

“Oh, so many chaperones in the second car will suffice,” laughed Nancy.

“You arrange matters so independently in America, that I suppose it will be all right, from your point of view,” admitted Lady Osgood, glancing at Angela for her opinion.

“Yes, and one young man with so many girls, must behave himself, you know. So everyone will see it is quite proper for us to travel without an older woman in the car.”

All this fuss about “Mrs. Grundy” made Dodo laugh, and she freely confessed how silly it all really was to a sensible girl.

The plans were perfected that they were to start on the tour early the following morning, driving southward from London and following the coast as far as Brighton. On the northward route they would travel as far as Holyhead and then cross to Ireland; then tour to the farthest northerly point on the Irish coast and cross over again to Scotland. And lastly, follow the automobile route to Edinburgh and southward again to London.

They figured that two weeks ought to be sufficient for this trip, but a few days more would not really make much difference, as Mr. Ashby could leave them at any time, if necessary, and go on to London by train.

That afternoon they used the two cars to drive about the city of London and visit the parks, and other famous sights. The exterior of The Tower of London, Nelson’s Monument in Trafalgar Square, the Houses of Parliament, the Museums and Art Galleries, and other noted places were seen on this drive, but the visiting of these individual buildings and their contents, was left until the return from the trip.

That night, Jimmy was carefully instructed as to his cue and part in this trip. Before he returned, he was to have proposed and been accepted by one of the rich girls he would have to choose from on the drive. There was not much difference between them, said his parents, but of the four girls, it was probable that Dodo had the most money and could be more agreeably handled, as her parents would prove to be easily influenced by the title.