^"The Junior Off'cers," said "Tiny" to the youngest Subaltern, "is on the whole as smart an' efficient a lot of young gents as I'd wish to see, fond o' their work, eager to learn, an' ready to take suggestions from their Comp'ny Instructors, but if you listen to them you'd think they was Generals. They may not know 'ow to c'mmand a comp'ny as they should, but there never was one of 'em who, after being a week at Aldershot, but what could have devised an' carried out a course of trainin' that would have been twice as good an' ten times more suitable to the requiremints of their Battalion at any rate.

"It's true they don't go into details, but they're sure of the results. 'But,' I ses, 'think of the poor man that's in charge of all these 'ere Auxiliary Forces, d'you think 'e got the billet for 'is looks?' I ses. 'The General,' ses you, 'can't know the Volunteer like the Volunteer 'isself does.' 'Now, put yerself in his place,' ses I, 'an' let's work the sum out to four places o' decimals. To commence with,' ses I, 'the first thing 'e does on being appointed to the job is to go an' 'ave a chat with the Gov'mint on the subjec'. Ses he, 'I've bin studyin' the thing.' 'I know ye 'ave,' ses the Gov'mint; 'that's why you've got the place. We want a man as understan's the machine; it wants over'aulin' before we goes on tour with it. Not simply washin' out the bearin's an' replatin' the 'andle bars, but takin' to bits, an' shovin' together agin. Yer predecessor, poor man, did 'is best, but——, well, de mortuis, you know, de mortuis.' A sweet sentimint, Sir, but one tendin' to untruthfulness. 'So,' ses the Gov'mint, 'you see 'ow the matter stands. 'Ere is the great mass of patriotic defenders of this glorious country, ready to be trained into a force that shall be the envy an' hatred of every Foreign Power. 'Tis a noble an' inspirin' prospec' that unrolls itself before you, an' one that should stimulate yer vital energies to their utmost; the 'arder the work to you, the greater the glory to us. You 'ave a free 'and in the matter.'

"'Well,' ses the General, 'takin' into consideration that, if the Volunteers is ever wanted, they'll be wanted in a hurry, I should suggest that they might be advantageously employed in fitting themselves for the task.' 'Excellent,' ses the Gov'mint; 'why ever wasn't it thought of before? Go on,' ses he. 'They should be trained,' ses the General, 'to the use of the most modern weapons, an' practised in the lessons which we 'ave learned by bitter experience, to the end that, in the event of an invasion, threatened or actual, every unit shall be able to take the field without delay, sufficiently organised an' equipped to carry it through a short campaign.' 'Marvellous!' ses the Gov'mint. 'It's my dream realised. I will be interviewed on the matter to-morrow.' 'Of course,' ses the General, 'this will undoubtedly entail a certain amount of hextra expense.' 'Not another word!' ses the Gov'mint. 'All bets is off! Train 'em, give 'em transport, stand 'em on their 'eads, or teach 'em to sing; anything you like as long as it don't cost anything. Take a fresh start,' ses 'e.

"So the General sits down with 'is Staff an' 'ammers away at it, an' cuts down the bills till 'e ain't givin' more than fifteen pence for 'arf-a-crown's worth of stuff, an' by an' by, round comes the Gov'mint. 'I've dropped in to see 'ow we're getting on,' ses 'e. 'Some of the corps,' ses the General, 'wants training in one way, I find, an' some in others, so I propose that the Commanding Off'cers of the various districts should adapt the training to the requirements of the troops under their command, an' should carry it out wherever we consider it would be most advantageous.' 'Splendid,' ses the Gov'mint. 'Speak it into the funnygraph that I may listen to it by nights. We'll do it,' ses 'e, 'at some future date. Just now I want ye to get 'em all together in one spot where the correspondents of the Daily Press can see an' realize from their own personal observation what a mighty weapon we are creatin'. The spectacle of tens of thousands of our brave defenders practisin' together the evolutions of war will be amazin' to them. Never again will they dare assert that we are neglectin' the defences of the country. The next three elections,' ses the Gov'mint, 'ought to be certs.'

"'But,' ses the G.O.C., 'there won't be space to train quarter of them properly.' 'Oh, never mind,' ses the Gov'mint, 'give 'em enough room to turn round, an' stick a sintry on every telegraph pole, an' tell 'em it's all practice; they won't know any better. Hevins an' earth! I ought to be playin' Bridge with Lady Betty by now! Tar-tar,' ses 'e; 'be good.'

"'Well,' ses the G.O.C., goin' to the sideboard an' mixing a couple o' stiff ones, 'wash it down with that,' 'e ses, givin' one to 'is Staff. 'Well, of all the dam nonsense!' 'e ses, fallin' into a chair. ''Twas ever thus,' ses the Staff, bein' by nature poetic.

"An' now, Sir," said "Tiny" to the Junior Subaltern, "things bein' like this, what would you do under the circumstances?"