Being departit from the place where I left my hart, it is esie to be judgeit quhat was my countenance, seing that[20] I was evin als mekle as ane body without ane hart; quhilk was the occasioun that quhile dennertyme I held purpois to na body: nor zit durst ony present themselves unto me, judging yat it was not gude sa to do.
Four myle or I came to the towne, ane gentilman of the Erle of Lennox came and maid his commendatiounis unto me; and excusit him that he came not to meit me, be ressoun he durst not interpryse the same, becaus of the rude wordis that I had spoken to Cuninghame; and he desyrit that he suld come to the inquisition of ye matter yat I suspectit him of. This last speiking was of his awin heid, without ony commissioun.
I answerit to him, that thair was na receipt culd serve aganis feir; and that he wald not be affrayit, in case he wer not culpabill; and that I answerit bot rudely to the doutis yat were in his letteris.[21] Summa, I maid him hald his toung. The rest were lang to wryte. Schir James Hammiltoun met me, quha schawit, that the uther tyme quhen he hard of my cumming, he departit away, and send Howstoun, to schaw him, that he wald never have belevit that he wald persewit him, nor yit accompanyit him with the Hammiltounis. He answerit, that he was only cum bot to see me, and yat he wald nouther accompany Stewart nor Hammiltoun, bot be my commandement. He desyrit[22] that he wald cum and speik with him. He refusit it.
The Laird of Lusse,[23] Howstoun, and Caldwellis sone, with xl hors or thair about, came and met me. The Laird of Lusse said, he was chargeit to ane day of law be the King's father, quhilk suld be this day, aganis his awin handwrit, quhilk he has; and zit notwithstanding, knawing of my cumming, it is delayit. He was inquyrit to come to him, whilk he refusit, and sweiris that he will indure nothing of him.
Never ane of that towne came to speik to me, quhilk causis me think that thay ar his; and nevertheless he speikis gude, at the leist his sone. I se[24] na uther gentilman but thay of my company.
The King send for Joachim zisternicht,[25] and askit at him, quhy I lodgeit not besyde him, and that he wald ryse the soner gif that wer; and quhairfoir[26] I come, gif it was for gude appointment? and gif ye wer thair in particular? and gif I had maid my estait, gif I had takin Paris[27][28] and Gilbert to wryte to me? and yat I wald send Joseph away. I am abaschit [i.e. I wonder] quha hes schawin him sa far; zea, he spak evin of ye marriage of Bastiane.
I inquyrit him of his letteris, quhairintil he plenzeit {complained} of the crueltie of sum; answerit, that he was astonischit,[29] and that he was sa glaid to se me, that he belevit to die for glaidness. He fand greit fault that I was pensive.
I departit to supper. This beirer will tell zow of my arryving. He prayit me to returne; the quhilk I did. He declairit unto me his seiknes, and that he wald mak na testament, but only leif all thing to me; and that I was the caus of his maladie, becaus of the regrait that he had that I was sa strange unto him. And thus he said: Ze ask me quhat I mene be the crueltie contenit in my letter? It is of zow alone that will not accept my offeris and repentance. I confes that I have failit, but not into that quhilk I ever denyit, and sicklyke hes failit to {too} sindrie of your subjectis, quhilk ze have forgevin.[30]
I am zoung.
Ye will say that ze have forgevin me oft tymes, and zit yat I returne to my faultis. May not ane man of my age, for lacke of counsell, fall twyse or thryse, or inlacke {fail} of his promeis, and at last[31] repent himself and be chastisit be experience? Gif I may obtene pardoun, I protest I sall never mak fault agane. And I crave na uther thing bot yat we may be at bed and buird togidder as husband and wyfe; and gif ze wil not consent heirunto I sall never ryse out of yis bed. I pray zow, tell me zour resolution. God knawis I am punischit for making my God of zow, and for having na uther thocht bot on zow; and gif at ony tyme I offend zow, ze ar the caus, becaus quhen ony offendis me, gif, for my refuge, I micht playne unto zow, I wald speik it unto na uther body; bot quhen I heir ony thing, not being familiar with zow, necessitie constrains me to keip it in my breist, and yat causes me to tyne {lose} my wit for verray anger.
I answerit ay unto him, bot that wald be ovir lang to wryte at lenth. I askit quhy he wald pas away in ye Inglis schip. He denyis it, and sweirs theirunto; bot he grantis that he spak with the men. Efter this I inquirit him of the inquisition of Hiegate. He denyit the same quhill I schew him the verray wordis was spokin. At quhilk tyme he said that Mynto had advertisit him, that it was said that sum of the counsell had brocht an letter to me to be subscrivit to put him in presoun, and to slay him gif he maid resistence. And he askit the same at Mynto himself, quha answerit that he belevit ye same to be trew. The morne I will speik to him upon this point. As to the rest of Willie Hiegait's,[32] he confessit it, bot it was the morne efter my cumming or {till} he did it.
He wald verray fane that I suld ludge in his ludgeing. I refusit it, and said to him that he behovit to be purgeit, and that culd not be done heir. He said to me, I heir say ze have brocht ane lyter {litter, couch} with zow; bot I had rather have passit {travelled} with zow. I trow[33] he belevit that I wald have send him away presoner. I answerit that I wald tak him with me to Craigmillar, quhais the mediciner and I micht help him, and not be far from my sone. He answerit that he was reddy when I pleisit, sa I wald assure him of his requeist.
He desyris na body to se him. He is angrie quhen I speik of Walcar, and sayis, that he sall pluk the eiris out of his heid, and that he leis {lies}. For I inquyrit him upon that, and yat he was angrie with sum of the Lordis, and wald threittin thame. He denyis that,[34] and sayis he luifis {loves} thame all, and prayis me to give traist to nathing aganis him. As to me he wald rather give his lyfe or he did ony displesure to me.
And efter yis he schew me of sa mony lytil flattereis, sa cauldly and sa wysely, that ze will abasche {marvel} thairat. I had almaist forzet that he said he could not dout of me in yis purpois of Hiegait's; for he wald never belief yat I, quha was his proper flesche, wald do him ony evill; alsweill it was schawin that I refusit to subscrive the same.[35] But as to ony utheris that wald persew him, at least he wald sell his lyfe deir eneuch; but he suspectit na body, nor yit wald not, but wald lufe all yat I lufit.
He wald not let me depart from him, bot desyrit yat I suld walk {watch} with him. I make it seme that I beleive that all is trew, and takis heid thairto, and excusit my self for this nicht that I culd not walk. He sayis, that he sleipis not weil. Ze saw him never better, nor speik mair humbler. And gif I had not ane prufe of his hart of waxe, and yat myne were not of ane dyamont quhairintill na schot can mak brek, bot that quhilk cummis furth your hand, I wald have almaist had pietie of him. But feir not, the place[36] sall hald unto the deith. Remember, in recompense thairof, that ze suffer not zouris to be wyn {won} be that fals race[37] that will travell na les with zow for the same.
I beleve thay have bene at schuillis togidder. He has ever the teir in his eye; he salutis every body, zea unto the leist, and makis pieteous caressing unto thame to mak thame have pietie on him. This day his father bled at the mouth and nose; ges quhat presage that is. I have not zit sene him, he keipis his chamber. The King desyris that I suld give him meit with my awin handis; but gif {give} na mair traist quhair ze ar than I sall do heir.
This is my first journay {day's work.} I sall end ye same ye morne. I wryte all thingis, howbeit thay be of lytill wecht, to the end that ze may tak the best of all to judge upon. I am in doing of ane work heir that I hait greitly.[38] Have ye not desyre to lauch to see me lie sa weill, at ye leist to dissembill sa weill, and to tell him treuth betwix handis {i.e. occasionally.} He schawit me almaist all yat is in the name of the Bischop and Sudderland, and zit I have never twichit ane word of that ze schawit me; but allanerly {only} be force, flattering, and to pray him to assure himself of me. And be pleinzing on the Bischop I have drawin it all out of him.[39] Ze have hard the rest.
We are couplit[40] with twa fals races; the devil sinder us and God knit us togidder for ever, for the maist faithfull coupill that ever He unitit. This is my faith; I will die in it.
Excuse I wryte evill, ze may ges ye half of it; bot I cannot mend it, becaus I am not weil at eis; and zit verray glaid to wryte unto zow quhen the rest are sleipand, sen {since} I cannot sleip as they do and as I wald desyre, that is, in your armes, my deir lufe, quhome I pray God to preserve from all evill, and send yow repois; I am gang and to seik myne till ye morne, quhen I sall end my Bybill; bot I am faschit {troubled} that it stoppis me to wryte newis of myself unto zow, becaus it is sa lang. Advertise me quhat ye have deliberat to do in the mater ze know upon this point to ye end, that we may understand utheris {each other} weill, that nathing may thairthrow be spilt.
I am irkit {weary}[41] and ganging to sleip, and zit I ceis not to scrible all this paper in sa mekle as restis thairof. Waryit mot this pockische man be that causes me haif sa mekle pane, for without him I suld have an far plesander subject to discourse upon. He is not over mekle deformit,[42] zit he hes ressavit verray mekle. He hes almaist slane me with his braith; it is worse than your uncle's;[43] and zit I cum na neirer unto him, bot in ane chyre[44] at the bed feit, and he being at the uther end thairof.
The message of the father in the gait {way}.
The purpois {talk}[45] of Schir James Hamiltoun.
Of that the Laird of Lusse schawit me of the delay.
Of the demandis that he askit at Joachim.
Of my estait.
Of my company.
Of the occasioun of my cumming;
And of Joseph.
Item. The purpois that he and I had togidder.
Of the desyre that he has to pleis me, and of his repentance.
Of the interpretatioun of his letter.
Of Willie Hiegaite's mater {business}, of his departing.
Of Monsiure de Levingstoun.
I had almaist forzet, that Monsiure de Levingstoun said in the Lady Reres eir at supper he said to me, quhen I was lenand upon him warming me at the fyre. Ze have { fair sair } going to se seik folk,[46] zit ze cannot be sa welcum to thame as ze left sum body this day in regrait, that will never be blyth quhill he se zow agane. I askit at him quha that was. With that he thristit my body, and said, that sum[47] of his folkis had sene zow in fascherie; ze may ges at the rest.
I wrocht this day quhill {till} it was twa houris upon this bracelet, for to put the key of it within the lock thairof, quhilk is couplit underneth with twa cordounis. I have had sa lytill tyme that it is evill maid; bot I sall mak ane fairer in the meane tyme. Tak heid that nane that is heir se it, for all the warld will knaw it, becaus for haist it was made in yair presence.
I am now passand to my fascheous {hateful} purpois.[48] Ze gar (force) me dissemble sa far that I haif horring thairat; and ye caus me do almaist the office of a traitores. Remember how gif {if} it wer not to obey zow, I had rather be deid or I did it;[49] my hart bleidis at it. Summa, he will not cum with me, except upon conditioun that I will promeis to him, that I sall be at bed and buird with him as of befoir, and that I will leif him na ofter:[50] And doing this upon my word, he will do all thingis that I pleis, and cum with me. Bot he has prayit me to remane upon him quhil uther morne[51] {till tomorrow}.
He spak verray bravely[52] at ye beginning, as yis beirer will schaw zow, upon the purpois of the Inglismen, and of his departing; Bot in ye end he returnit agane to his humilitie.
He schawit, amangis uther purposis, yat he knew weill aneuch that my brother had schawin me yat thing, quhilk he had spokin in striviling, of the quhilk he denyis ye ane half, and above all, yat ever he came in his chalmer. For to mak him traist me, it behovit me to fenze {feign} in sum thingis with him; thairfoir, quhen he requeistit me to promeis unto him, that quhen he was haill we suld have baith ane bed;[53] I said to him fenzeingly, and making me to beleve his promisis, that gif he changeit not purpois betwix yis and {by} that tyme, I wald be content thairwith; bot in the meane tyme I bad him tak heid that he leit na body wit thairof, becaus, to speik amangis our selvis, the Lordis culd not be offendit, nor will evill thairfoir: Bot[54] thay wald feir in respect of the boisting he maid of thame, that gif ever we aggreit togidder, he suld mak thame knaw the lytill compt thay tuke of him; and that he counsallit me not to purchas sum of thame by him. Thay for this caus wald be in jelosy, gif at anis, without thair knawledge, I suld brek the play set up in contrair in thair presence.
He said, verray joyfully, And think zow thay will esteme zow the mair of that? Bot I am verray glaid that ze speik to me of the Lordis, for I beleve at this tyme ze desyre that we suld leif togidder in quyetnes: For gif it wer utherwyse, greiter inconvenience micht come to us baith than we ar war of;[55] bot now I will do quhatever ze will do, and will lufe all that ze lufe; and desyris zow to make thame lufe in lyk maner; For, sen thay seik not my lyf, I lufe thame all equallie. Upon yis point this beirer will schaw zow mony small thingis. Becaus I have over mekle to wryte, and it is lait: I give traist unto him upon zour word. Summa, he will ga upon my word to all places.
Alace! I never dissavit {deceived} ony body: Bot I remit me altogidder to zour will. Send me advertisement quhat I sall do, and quhatsaever thing sall cum thairof, I sall obey zow. Advise to with zourself, gif ze can find out ony mair secreit inventioun by medicine; for he suld tak medicine and the bath at Cragmillar. He may not cum furth of the hous this lang tyme.
Summa, be all that I can leirne, he is in greit suspicioun, and zit notwithstanding, he gevis credit to my word; bot zit not sa far that he will schaw ony thing to me; bot nevertheles, I sall draw it out of him, gif ze will that I avow all unto him. Bot I will never rejoyce to dissaive ony body that traistis in me: Zit notwithstanding ze may command me in all thingis. Have na evill opinioun of me for that caus, be ressoun ze are the occasion of it zourself; becaus, for my awin particular revenge, I wald not do it to him.
He gevis me sum chekis[56] of yat quhilk I feir, zea, evin in the quick. He sayis this far, yat his faultis wer publeist; bot yair is that committis faultis, that belevis thay will never be spokin of; and zit thay will speik of greit and small. As towart the Lady Reres, he said, I pray God that scho may serve zow for your honour; and said, it is thocht, and he belevis it to be trew, that I have not the power of myself into myself, and that becaus of the refuse I maid of his offeris. Summa,[57] for certanetie he suspectis of the thing ze knaw, and of his lyf. Bot as to the last, how sone that I spak twa or thre gude wordis unto him, he rejoysis, and is out of dout.[58]
I saw him not this evening for to end zour bracelet, to the quhilk I can get na lokkis. It is ready to thame: and zit I feir that it will bring sum malheus, and may be sene gif ze chance to be hurt. Advertise me gif ze will have it, and gif ze will have mair silver, and quhen I sall returne, and how far I mey speik.[59] He inragis when he heiris of Lethingtoun, or of zow or of my brother. Of zour brother he speikis nathing. He speikis of the Erle of Argyle. I am in feir quhen I heir him speik; for he assuris himself yat he hes not an evill opinioun of him. He speikis nathing of thame that is out, nouther gude nor evill, bot fleis that point. His father keipis his chalmer; I have not sene him.
All the Hammiltounis ar heir, that accompanyis me verray honorabilly. All the freindis of the uther convoyis me quhen I gang to se him. He desyris me to cum and se him ryse the morne betyme. For to mak schort, this beirer will tell zow the rest. And gif I leirne onything heir, I will make zow memoriall at evin. He will tell zow the occasioun of my remaning. Burne this letter, for it is ovir dangerous, and nathing weill said in it; for I am thinkand upon nathing bot fascherie. Gif[60] ze be in Edinburgh at the ressait of it, send me word sone.
Be not[61] offendit, for I gif not ovir greit credite. Now seing to obey zow, my deir lufe, I spair nouther honour, conscience, hasard, nor greitnes quhatsumevir; tak it, I pray zow, in gude part, not efter the interpretatioun of zour fals gude-brother, to quhome, I pray zow, gif na credite aganis the maist faithful luifer that ever ze had, or ever sall have.
Se not hir, quhais fenzeit teiris suld not be sa meckle praisit nor estemit, as the trew and faithful travellis quhilk I sustene for to merite his place. For obtening of the quhilk agains my natural, I betrayis thame that may impesche me. God forgive me, and God give zow, my only lufe, the hap and prosperitie quhilk zour humble and faithful lufe desyris unto zow, quha hopis to be schortly ane uther thing to zow for the reward of my irksome travellis.
It is lait; I desyre never to ceis fra wryting unto zow; zit now, after the kissing of zour handis, I will end my letter. Excuse my evill wryting, and reid it twyse over. Excuse that thing that is scriblit, for I had na paper zisterday quhen I wrait that of ye memoriall. Remember upon zour lufe, and wryte unto hir, and that verray oft. Lufe me as I sall do zow.
Remember zow of the purpois[62] of the Lady Reres
[The memoranda in the middle of the letter constitute the "thing that is scriblit," for which pardon is asked in the last sentence. The concluding words, from "Remember" to "Edinburgh," are instructions for the bearer.]
