If the great Nizam will deign to step through the portico, I will conduct his Mightiness at once to the two great libraries.

Here beneath these two great domes is gathered all the literature and learning of the world. These shelves that you see are loaded with books in papyrus or parchment by the hundred thousand, many of them dispatched from Babylon by the great Alexander himself. This door upon our right leads to the amphitheatre where sages and philosophers debate, while upon our left is the hall of banquets.

As your Mightiness will observe—permit me to throw open the door—it is the hour of the afternoon meal. Here you can see some two thousand students reclining at the feast. (Slave! wine for his Mightiness the Nizam!) We cultivate the luxury of our tables and the subtlety of our cooking to the fullest extent. The dignity and splendour of our dinners is beyond belief. I myself spend many hours a day in quiet mastication and enjoyment.

This door opens straight upon the Porch or Colonnade where the Walking philosophers discuss the Cosmos and digest their dinner. These gardens beyond are set apart for the study of botany. Every species of plant and tree has been collected, from the Pillars of Hercules to the shores of the Euxine, from Mesopotamia to the lands of the Ganges, which your Mightiness honours by his gracious rule.

We have now reached the Zoological Gardens. (The collection of these animals was begun by the great philosopher Aristotle.) Here are wolves from the Northern Isles far beyond the Pillars of Hercules; there are monkeys from Northern Africa; tigers from India; river-horses from the far south; and this—I marvel not that your Mightiness is astonished; but have no fear, they harm neither man nor beast!—here is the camelopard, tallest known of beasts. The neck of this specimen measures seven cubits! Those are the bird-houses, and these are ponds and tanks containing all manner of fish. And here are innumerable pheasants, bred for the philosophers’ table.

We now reach the lecture-theatre, and I must lower my voice, for lectures are now in progress. Observe, your Mightiness, this old philosopher with the grey whiskers. That is Euclid, professor of Geometry and Conic Sections. It is he who refuted the Sceptics. The Sceptics, your Mightiness? They are philosophers who say that they know nothing at all, not even that they know nothing at all—and even that they do not know that they do not know. But Euclid has discovered certain Truths that all must admit. Observe him now, demonstrating upon the screen. I have attended his lectures, and I understand. He is now demonstrating that the two angles at the base of an isosceles triangle are equal. Listen to the cries of enthusiasm and delight with which the students hail his proof! Those cries from the farther room? Your Mightiness is right—those are not screams of enthusiasm and enjoyment, for that is the dissecting-room where students learn anatomy and all the wonders of the human frame. The city authorities allow us three criminals a week upon whom we may experiment for the advancement of science. The criminal whose screams you hear is a Nile boatman who stole three measures of meal from the public market. They are now operating upon his stomach, and I am told it is like to be a most entertaining and instructive lecture. Your Mightiness would prefer not to attend? It is as your Mightiness wishes; though I cannot but feel that much instruction and enjoyment will be missed.

These are the instruments of the Astronomers—armils, astrolabes, and the like; these are the halls for light reading and discussion of general topics. And these padded cells, marked ‘Silence’, are reserved for poets. Here also theologians sit in contemplation, for in the Museum six hundred different religions are represented. No, we have no trouble with them at all, except occasionally with the devil-worshippers.

And now we reach our original starting-point, and I have done. I humbly thank your Mightiness for your courtesy and attention, for the honour which you have done us by gracing the Museum with your kingly presence, and for the brace of panthers which you have so generously presented.