  By D. F. de l'Hoste Ranking, M.A., LL.D. De mortuo illo quid dicam? What shall I say about the deceased? "Nilnisi bonum" ut aiunt. "Nothing but good" as they say. Sed quid si nil boni fecit? But what if he didn't do any(thing) good? De bonis licet loqui. One can talk about his goods. At si nulla bona reliquit? But what if he left no goods? De eo tacere decet: One should keep quiet about that: si neque bonum fecit nec bona acquisivit nil valet. if he neither did good nor acquired goods, he is worthless. Sed si bona reliquit in sermonem hominum semper venit; But if he left property, people always talk about him; vitia operta sunt; his faults are concealed; pecuniam fecit, illa quidem "non olet." he made money, and it "doesn't smell". Quem heredem instituit? Whom did he name as heir? Extraneis haec omnia livori proxima videntur. To outsiders all these seem next door to envy. Te autem si tu aut cognatione aut affinitate propinquus exspectatio tenet. But you—if you are close, either by acquaintance or relationship, expectation grips you. An mea interest? Si sic habet, quanti? But does it concern me? If that's how it is, how much? Suave est ex magno tollere acervo; It's pleasant to receive a big heap; ejus pecunia quid non facere possim? with his money, what couldn't I do? Siste, amice; aliquantulum cogita; Stop, friend; think a little; supersunt multi cognati; there remain many friends; fieri potest ut aut cum aliis bona partire debeas, aut exheredatus sis. it may be that either you have to share the goods with others, or you are disinherited. Gerrae! Sine dubio testamentum fecit: Nonsense! Without a doubt he made a will: et cum ratione constat me alicujus rei legatarium esse. and it's reasonable to think I was left something. Nemo enim magis eum fovit; For nobody took better care of him; alii omnes cognati asseclae; solus eum amavi. all his other friends only cared about his money; I alone loved him. Insipiens, inter os et offam multa intervenire possunt. O fool, many things can come "between the mouth and the morsel" [Latin idiom, like "many a slip between cup and lip"?] Audi de gente Fulvia fabellam: I've heard the story of the Fulvian people: de multis mutato nomine narratur. it is told of many, with the name changed. (In scena est coenatio Georgii Fusci, argentariorum interpretis. (Setting: The dining room of George Black, assayer of money. Fuscus, bene coenatus, alterum cyathum Falerni sorbillat. Black, having dined well, is enjoying his second glass of port. Accurrit uxor, commota; His wife runs in, excited; in manu litteras resignatas tenet). in her hand she holds a signed paper.) U. Georgi! George! F. Quid tibi nunc est? Num quid novi est? What's the matter with you? What's happening? U. Amita mea Maria decessit! My aunt Mary has died! F. Bene! nunquam postea illud vile Sabinum necesse erit obsorbere: Good! I will never again have to drink her vile claret: magnum est solatium. that's a great solace. U. At tu Georgi semper id laudasti! But George, you always praised it! F. Et tu simul filiaeque semper miratae estis Persicam illam detestabilem And you and your daughter always admired that detestable Persian et psittacum dissonum, et laudibus extulistis: and the raucous parrot, and sang their praises: pretium fuit vetulae placere. that's the cost of pleasing old women. U. Esto: illa vero suavia erant. Never mind: They were really agreeable. At hic mihi litterae a cognitore ejus Semaureo allatae: But this letter was sent to me by her solicitor [Semaureus]: dicit se hodie vesperi te conventurum. he says he is coming to [see] you this evening. F. Demiror si testamentum fecit! I'll be amazed if she made a will! Sin minus omnia ad te perveniunt, If not, everything goes to you; tu heres ex asse; you are the [default/intestate] heir; cognati alii desunt. there are no other relatives U. Est quidem mariti nepos iste. There's that nephew of her husband. F. Nullus: tu sola heres: That's nothing: you alone are the heir: si intestata omnia ad te. if she [died] intestate, everything goes to you. U. Tabulas vere fecit: She really made an accounting: cognitor scribit se te conventurum quia her solicitor writes that he is coming to you because testamentum ad rem tuam maxime pertinet. her will greatly concerns your business. F. Mihi crede igitur! Then believe me! Aliquid magni tibi legavit: She left you something big: haud verisimile illam quidquam juveni Albo legasse: it's hardly likely that she left anything to young White: nunquam illam observavit; he never paid any attention to her; homo nil est nisi pictor ignotus aut aliquid simile: he is nobody except an unknown painter or something like that: uxorem quoque duxit quamdam inopem, he also married some penniless woman, et eis saepe amita tua subvenire debuit. and your aunt always had to come to their assistance. U. Fores pulsantur: advenit cognitor! There's a knock at the door: her solicitor has arrived! F. Dic famulae ut alteram cyathum ponat. Tell the maid to bring another glass. (Ingreditur Dominus Semaureus.) (Enter Mr [Semaureus].) Quid agis vir doctissime? How are you, my esteemed friend? Mea uxor dixit te venturum; My wife said you were coming; nonne ob testamentum amitae ejus? is it about the will of her aunt? S. Sic res habet, Fusce; That's how it is, Black; venio ad te quod hoc res tua maxime refert; I come to you because this concerns you greatly; et scio te onus suscepturum. and I know you will take up the burden. F. An sic habet? Is that how it is? Vetulae illi multa bona provenere ut opinor. The old lady left a large property, I think. S. Permulta: super haec te consulendum putavi. Very large: I thought to consult you about it. Hic mecum tabulas attuli ut eas inspicias. I have brought the accounting with me so you can study it. F. Bene est; Dignissima erat; cui semper plurimum tribui. Good; she was a worthy lady; I always said so. Falerni sume cyathum. Have a glass of port. S. Benigne dicis; dimidium: You are very kind; half a glass; bona venia uxoris tuae est mihi in animo with the permission of your wife I am thinking of telling you summas testamenti reddere; the amounts in the will; ad illam guoque pertinet. it concerns her too. (Testamenta allata resignat.) (Opens the will he has brought.) Post nonnulla famulis legata ita instituit: After several bequests to servants, it states: "Fratris filiae Mariae lego Persicam et Psittacum To my brother's daughter Mary I leave the Persian and the Parrot, quae animalia tantopere admirata est, which animals she greatly admired, certa fiducia se illis hospitium praebituram; in the full confidence that she will provide a good home for them; eidem etiam lego annulum meum gemmatum. to her I also leave my diamond ring. Nepoti ejusdem Mariae viro Georgio Fusco lego omne To my niece Mary's husband George Black I leave quod in hypogaeo superest vinum illud Falernum all the wine that remains in my cellar because quod semper laudabat." he always praised it. F. (In malam rem.) (Black is unhappy.) S. "Quod ad ceteras possessiones As to my remaining possessions, Georgius Fuscus heres esto ex asse: let George Black inherit all: (subridet Fuscus et uxori in aurem susurrat "ita ut dixi.") (Black smiles and whispers in his wife's ear "as I said.") S. (Conversa tabula) (Turning the page) "et rogo eum ut cum primum potuerit haereditatem adire, "and I ask him to go to the inheritance as soon as possible, omnibus et fundis et mobilibus venditis, to sell both real property and chattel, pecunias in cautionibus publica auctoritate factis to deposit the money in a bank collocet et fructus reddat nepoti mariti mei and give the interest to my husband's nephew Jacobo Albo et uxori suae in aetatem John White and his wife for their lifetimes aut utri eorum vita superarit: or to whichever of them outlives the other: eis mortuis ut inter liberos eorum caput dividat: when they die, the capital is to be divided among their children: aut liberis sine prole defunctis or if their children die without offspring caput reddat ad sodalitatem Anthropophagis Africanis the capital goes to the African Cannibal Mission informandis et nutriendis institutam: established to educate and provide for them: praemio sint fiduciario viginti in annum librae." let the executor's pay be twenty pounds a year." F. Anus odiosa et malefica! Hateful and malicious old woman! At enitar ut testamentum rescindatur; I will try to overturn the will; inofficiosi testamenti querelam instituam! I will make a complaint about this useless will! Delira fuit! She was mad! S. Immo mentis omnino compos fuit, Improbe: On the contrary she was of completely sound mind, unworthy man: sic summa fide clamabo et testabor. I will affirm and witness to this. Verba tua pro tempore et re indecora. Your words are spontaneous and unfitting. Tui piget me: evado. I am ashamed of you: I shun you. F. Maria! Mary! U. Georgi! George! Uterque. Exsecrabilis Illa! Both. Detestable woman! (Aulaeum tollitur.) (Curtain.) BY APPOINTMENT TO H.M. THE KIN... by appointment to H.M. THE KING J. MILES &Co LTD Printers 68 &70. Wardour ST, London, W. Portion of the book cover... Portion of the book cover |
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