CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER I.
VARIEGATED DOGS—THE BAD BOY SLEEPS ON THE ROOF—A MAN DOESN'T
KNOW EVERYTHING AT FORTY-EIGHT—THE OLD MAN WANTS SOME POLLYNURIOUS
WATER—THE DYER'S DOGS—PROCESSION OF THE DOGS—PINK, BLUE, GREEN AND
WHITE—“WELL, I'M DEM'd”—HIS PA DON'T APPRECIATE.

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER II.
HIS PA PLAYS JOKES—A MAN SHOULDN'T GET MAD AT A JOKE—THE MAGIC
BOUQUET—THE GROCERY MAN TAKES A TURN—HIS PA TRIES THE BOUQUET AT
CHURCH—ONE FOR THE OLD MAID—A FIGHT ENSUES—THE BAD BOY THREATENS THE
GROCERY man—A COMPROMISE.

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER III.
HIS PA STABBED—THE GROCERY MAN SETS A TRAP IN VAIN—A BOOM IN
LINIMENT—HIS PA GOES TO THE LANGTRY SHOW—THE BAD BOY TURNS
BURGLAR—THE OLD MAN STABBED—HIS ACCOUNT OF THE FRAY—A GOOD SINGLE
HANDED LIAR.

CHAPTER IV.

CHAPTER IV.
HIS PA BUSTED—THE CRAZE FOR MINING STOCK—WHAT'S A BILK?—THE PIOUS
BILK—THE OLD MAN INVESTS—THE DEACONS AND EVEN THE HIRED GIRLS
INVEST—HOT MAPLE SYRUP FOR ONE—GETTING A MAN'S MIND OFF HIS TROUBLES.

CHAPTER V.

CHAPTER V.
HIS PA AND DYNAMITE—THE OLD MAN SELLING SILVER STOCK—FENIAN
SCARE—“DYNAMITE” IN MILWAUKEE—THE FENIAN BOOM—“GREAT GOD, MANNER!
WE ARE BLOWED UP!”—HIS MA HAS LOTS OF SAND—THE OLD MAN USELESS IN
TROUBLE—THE DOG AND THE FALSE TEETH

CHAPTER VI.

CHAPTER VI.
HIS PA AN ORANGEMAN—THE GROCERY MAN SHAMEFULLY ABUSED—HE GETS
HOT—BUTTER, OLEOMARGARINE AND AXLE GREASE—THE OLD MAN WEARS ORANGE
ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY—HE HAS TO RUN FOR HIS LIFE—THE BAD BOY AT SUNDAY
SCHOOL—INGERSOLL AND BEECHER VOTED OUT—MARY HAD A LAMB

CHAPTER VII.

CHAPTER VII.
HIS MA DECEIVES HIM—THE BAD BOY IN SEARCH OF SAFFRON—“WELL, IT'S A
GIRL, IF YOU MUST KNOW”—THE BAD BOY IS GRIEVED AT HIS MA'S DECEPTION—
“SH-H-H TOOTSY GO TO SLEEP”—“BY LOW, BABY”—THAT SETTLED IT WITH
THE CAT—A BABY! BAH! IT MAKES ME TIRED

CHAPTER VIII.

CHAPTER VIII.
THE BABY AND THE GOAT. THE BAD BOY THINKS HIS SISTER WILL BE A FIRE
ENGINE—“OLD NUMBER TWO”—BABY REQUIRES GOAT MILK—? THE GOAT IS
FRISKY—TAKES TO EATING ROMAN CANDLES—THE OLD MAN, THE HIRED GIRL, AND
THE GOAT—THE BAD BOY BECOMES TELLER IN A LIVERY STABLE

CHAPTER IX.

CHAPTER IX.
A FUNERAL PROCESSION—THE BAD BOY ON CRUTCHES—“YOU OUGHT TO SEE THE
MINISTER”—AN ELEVEN DOLLAR FUNERAL—THE MINISTER TAKES THE LINES—AN
EARTHQUAKE—AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE WAS OVER—THE POLICEMAN FANS THE
MINISTER—A MINISTER SHOULD HAVE SENSE

CHAPTER X.

CHAPTER X.
THE OLD MAN MAKES A SPEECH. THE GROCERY MAN AND THE BAD BOY HAVE
A FUSS—THE BOHEMIAN BAND—THE BAD BOY ORGANIZES A SERENADE—“BABY
MINE”—THE OLD MAN ELOQUENT—THE BOHEMIANS CREATE A FAMINE—THE Y. M. C.
A. ANNOUNCEMENT

CHAPTER XI.

CHAPTER XI.
GARDENING UNDER DIFFICULTIES—THE GROCERY MAN IS DECEIVED—THE BAD
BOY DON'T LIKE MOVING—GOES INTO THE COLORING BUSINESS—THE OLD MAN
THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED—UNCLE TOM AND TOPSY—THE OLD MAN ARRESTED—WHAT
THE GROCERY MAN THINKS—THE BAD BOY MORALIZES ON HIS FATE—RESOLVES TO
BE GOOD

CHAPTER XII.

CHAPTER XII.
THE OLD MAN SHOOTS THE MINISTER—THE BAD BOY TRIES TO LEAD A DIFFERENT
LIFE—MURDER IN THE AIR—THE OLD MAN AND HIS FRIENDS GIVE THEMSELVES
AWAY—DREADFUL STORIES OF THEIR WICKED YOUTH—THE CHICKEN COOP
INVADED—THE OLD MAN TO THE RESCUE—THE MINISTER AND THE DEACONS SALTED

CHAPTER XIII.

CHAPTER XIII.
THE BAD BOY A THOROUGHBRED. THE BAD BOY WITH A BLACK EYE—A POOR
FRIENDLESS GIRL EXCITES HIS PITY—PROVES HIMSELF A GALLANT
KNIGHT—THE OLD MAN IS CHARMED AT HIS SON'S COURAGE—THE GROCERY MAN
MORALIZES—FIFTEEN CHRISTS IN MILWAUKEE—THE TABLES TURNED—THE OLD MAN
WEARS THE BOY'S OLD CLOTHES

CHAPTER XIV.

CHAPTER XIV.
ENTERTAINING Y. M. C. A. DELEGATES—THE BAD BOY MINISTERS AT THE Y.
M. C. A. WATER FOUNTAIN—THE DELEGATES FLOOD THEMSELVES WITH SODA
WATER—TWO DELEGATES DEALT TO HIS MA—THE NIGHT KEY—THE FALL OF THE
FLOWER STAND—DELEGATES IN THE CELLAR ALL NIGHT—THE BAD BOY'S GIRL IS
WORKING HIS REFORMATION

CHAPTER XV.

CHAPTER XV.
HE TURNS SUPE. THE BAD BOY QUITS JERKING SODA—ENTERS THE DRAMATIC
PROFESSION—“WHAT'S A SUPER”—THE PRIVILEGES OF A SUPE'S FATHER—BEHIND
THE SCENES—THE BAD BOY HAS PLAYED WITH MC'CULLOUGH—“IWAS THE
POPULACE.”—PLAYS IT ON HIS SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER—“I PRITHEE, AU
RESERVOIR, I GO HENS!”

CHAPTER XVI.

CHAPTER XVI.
UNCLE EZRA PAYS A VISIT. UNCLE EZRA CAUSES THE BAD BOY TO
BACKSLIDE—UNCLE EZRA AND THE OLD MAN WERE BAD PILLS—THEIR RECORD IS
AWFUL—KEEPING UNCLE EZRA ON THE RAGGED EDGE—THE BED SLATS FIXED—THE
OLD MAN TANGLED UP—THIS WORLD IS NOT RUN RIGHT—UNCLE EZRA MAKES HIM
TIRED

CHAPTER XVII.

CHAPTER XVII.
HE DISCUSSES THEOLOGY. MEDITATIONS ON NOAH'S ARK—THE GARDEN OF
EDEN—THE ANCIENT DUDE—ADAM WITH A PLUG HAT ON—“I'M A THINKER FROM
THINKERSVILLE”—THE APOSTLES IN A PATROL WAGON—ELIJAH AND ELISHA—THE
PRODIGAL SON—A VEAL POT PIE FOR DINNER

CHAPTER XVIII.

CHAPTER XVIII.
THE DEPARTED ROOSTER. THE GROCERY MAN DISCOURSES ON DEATH—THE DEAD
ROOSTER—A BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH—THE TENDERNESS BETWEEN THE ROOSTER
AND HIS FAITHFUL HEN—THE HEN RETIRES TO SET—THE CHICKENS—THE PROUD
ROOSTER DIES—THE FICKLE HEN FLIRTING IN INDECENT HASTE

CHAPTER XIX.

CHAPTER XIX.
ONE MORE JOKE ON THE OLD MAN—UNCLE EZRA RETURNS—THE BASKET ON THE
STEPS—THE ANONYMOUS LETTER—“O, BROTHER THAT I SHOULD LIVE TO SEE THIS
DAY!”—AN UGLY DUTCH BABY—THE OLD MAN WHEELS THE BABY NOW—A FROG IN
THE OLD MAN'S BED

CHAPTER XX.

CHAPTER XX.
FOURTH OF JULY MISADVENTURES. TROUBLE IN THE PISTOL POCKET—THE GROCERY
MAN'S CAT THE BAD BOY A MINISTERING ANGEL—ASLEEP ON THE FOURTH OF
JULY—GOES WITH HIS GIRL TO THE SOLDIER'S HOME—TERRIBLE. FOURTH OF JULY
MISADVENTURES—THE GIRL WHO WENT OUT COMES BACK A BURNT OFFERING

CHAPTER XXI.

CHAPTER XXI.
WORKING ON SUNDAY. TURNING A GRINDSTONE IS HEALTHY—“NOT ANY GRINDSTONE
FOR HENNERY!”—THIS HYPOCRISY IS PLAYED OUT—ANOTHER JOB ON THE OLD
MAN—HOW THE DAYS OF THE WEEK GOT MIXED—THE NUMEROUS FUNERALS—THE
MINISTER APPEARS—THE BAD BOY GOES OVER THE BACK FENCE

CHAPTER XXII.

CHAPTER XXII.
THE OLD MAN AWFULLY BLOATED. THE OLD MAN BEGINS DRINKING AGAIN—THINKS
BETTING IS HARMLESS—HAD TO WALK HOME FROM CHICAGO—THE SPECTACLES
CHANGED—A SMALL SUIT OF CLOTHES—THE OLD MAN AWFULLY BLOATED—“HENNERY,
YOUR PA IS A MIGHTY SICK MAN”—THE SWELLING SUDDENLY GOES DOWN

CHAPTER XXIII.

CHAPTER XXIII.
THE GROCERY MAN AND THE GHOST. GHOSTS DON'T STEAL WORMY FIGS—A GRAND
REHEARSAL—THE MINISTER MURDERS HAMLET—THE WATER MELON KNIFE—THE OLD
MAN WANTED TO REHEARSE THE DRUNKEN SCENE IN RIP VAN WINKLE—NO HUGGING
ALLOWED—HAMLET WOULDN'T HAVE TWO GHOSTS—“HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE AN
IDIOT?”

CHAPTER XXIV.

CHAPTER XXIV.
THE CRUEL WOMAN AND THE LUCKLESS DOG—THE BAD BOY WITH A DOG AND A BLACK
EYE—WHERE DID YOU STEAL HIM?—ANGELS DON'T BREAK DOGS' LEGS—A WOMAN
WHO BREAKS DOGS' LEGS HAS NO SHOW WITH ST. PETER—ANOTHER BURGLAR
SCARE—THE GROCERY DELIVERY MAN SCARED

CHAPTER XXV.

CHAPTER XXV.
THE BAD BOY GROWS THOUGHTFUL—WHY IS LETTUCE LIKE A GIRL?—KING SOLOMON
A FOOL—THINK OF ANY SANE MAN HAVING A THOUSAND WIVES—HE WOULD HAVE
TO HAVE TWO HOTELS DURING VACATION—300 BLONDES—600 BRUNETTES, ETC.—A
THOUSAND WIVES TAKING ICE CREAM—“I DON'T ENVY SOLOMON HIS THOUSAND”

CHAPTER XXVI.

CHAPTER XXVI.
FARM EXPERIENCES. THE BAD BOY WORKS ON A FARM FOR A DEACON—HE KNOWS
WHEN HE HAS GOT ENOUGH—HOW THE DEACON MADE HIM FLAX AROUND—AND HOW HE
MADE IT WARM FOR THE DEACON

CHAPTER XXVII.

DRINKING CIDER IN THE CELLAR—THE DEACON WILL NOT ACCEPT HENNERY'S
RESIGNATION—HE WANTS BUTTER ON HIS PANCAKES—HIS CHUM JOINS HIM—THE
SKUNK IN THE CELLAR—THE POOR BOY GETS THE “AGER.”