  | Don't Shoot, Please 019 Doctors Left a Monkey Wrench in Him 025 Went out Just Ahead of the Old Man's Arctic Overshoes 027 Pasted a Tomato Can Label on the Suitcase 31 He Began to Dance All Around the Platform 037 Fished out a Nickel and Gave It to the Porter 042 President Began to Curl up his Lip 045 I Was Starting to Give Him a Swift Punch 047 Saw the Marble Coffins in Which George and Martha 050 Slipped It Down the Back of Dad's Pants 057 The Waiter Brought Dad the Check 063 One Man Wanted Dad to Cash a Check 067 Night Watchman Came in With a House Policeman 071 I Am Sorry for Dad, Because he Holds More Than I Do 074 A Speech, Thanking his Fellow Countrymen 078 Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep 094 Snarl at Everybody They See 101 Stood Around and Let Richard Kill Those Princes 098 Beefeater's Stampede 107 Suit he Had Made in Oshkosh 111 Settling the Irish Question 115 God Save the King 119 He Went over Backwards 121 Glad to Serve Any of the Descendants Of The Heroes 126 Dad Rolled off over the Bowsprit 128 Isn't Money Enough in the Whole Family to Wad a Gun 131 Dad Drove the Dukes out 135 Coughs up a Tip Every Time 143 A Tone of Voice That Meant Trouble 138 I Won't Hurt the Little Runt 145 Tried to Explain That he Had Been Buncoed 148 Badge on Dad's Breast, With the Word “bishop” 153 Dad Was a Sight when We Found Him in Jail 155 Flies Crawling Around There Are Men and Women 157 He Took out a Five-dollar Bill 159 Dance, Like They Had Seen the People Dance at The Show 164 A System of Gambling 162 Seeing the Poor Devils Who Had Gone Broke 166 Reach Into Another Pocket and Dig up Another Roll 171 Started in on a Democratic Speech 175 Dad Got Down on his Knees and Tried to Say a Prayer 178 Dad Slipped Down a Crevice About 100 Feet 181 Have to Remain There Until Spring Opened 183 Dad and the Anarchists Reveled Till Morning 188 Coughed up over $40 the First Day, Just Giving to Beggars 191 Overboard, One Yell in the English Language, One In Eye-talian 193 Then You Don't Blame Your Little Boy, Do You 197 Wanted to Turn in a Fire Alarm 201 Threw a Pail of Ashes over the Fence 204 Dad Insisted on Carrying an Umbrella 207 The Man Rolled Dad over and he Was a Sight 210 It Was a Picture to See Dad Go up Old Baldhead 214 And She Was Stroking his Hair 217 He Was Yelling for Water 223 Pulled a Long Blue Gun 220 It Brought on a Revolution 227 What Dad Expected of Me in the Way Of Amusement 230 Went over in the Sand and Struck his Pants on a Cactus 233 He Took the Lead for Good Old Rome 235 Had to Kiss Anybody They Brought To Me 238 For Awhile Dad Dassent Go up 241 He Would Break Me up Into Bones, and Throw Me Into a Pile 246 The Russian Told Dad That Nicholas Just Doted On Americans 250 See the Guards Shaking Dice for Our Money 253 A Cossack Rode Right up to Him and Lashed Him over The Back 258 Hit Dad in the Nose With The Butt of a Revolver 255 Hung by One Pant Leg 264 Piled Us out on Top of Dad 269 Dad Stood up in the Sledge 267 Pursued by a Pack of Ravenous Wolves 271 When Dad Put his Hand on Her Shoulder and Petted It 276 Get out You Hounds 282 There'll Be a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night 279 Another Took Me by the Ear 285 He Must Bring his Folks, and All His Wives 289 He Was Just Getting Warmed up 293 Stampede 299 It Takes Nine Baths to Get Down To American Epidermis 304 Sat There Like a Frog on A Pond Lily Leaf 308 Started on a Stampede for the Pyramids 311 I Was Ashamed of Dad 319 Pay, Or They Would Kill Him 316 Dad is Disguised As a Shiek 323 Keep Away from the Banks for Fear The Banks Will Cave In 329 Sang So Loud You Would Think he Would Split Hisself 333 Breathed in his Face 339 The King Got One Piece of the Cayenne Pepper Candy 347 Dad Couldn't Stand It Any Longer 343 Dad's Pants Stayed on the Bull's Horns 349 There is Laughter Everywhere 353 And So This is the Champion Little Devil of America 357 Dad Leaned Against a Lamp Post and Scratched his Back 364 Began to Sell Things To Dad 368 Dad and Leopold Make a Rush for That Swimming Place 372 I'll Swim You a Match to the Other Side 378 When the Goats Began to Chew The Clothes 375 Grabbed a Mouthful of Dad's Ample Pants 386 The Ox Bellowed and Run Away 382 |
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