I saw a dress! 'twas of my wife,

She stepped along with frivol rife,

And by her side, a man of strife

A guardsman of the line.

Ha ha! So ho! was here a cause,

To agitate the Probate laws,

For a divorce, I did not pause,

With guardsman of the line,

I had an umbrella stout,

I lifted it, I flung it out,

In semicircle, with a shout,

At guardsman of the line!

Ah! me, for an unlucky wight!

Beneath the sick electric light,

She turned, O shock unto my sight!

She was no wife of mine!

He didn't draw, I wasn't slain,

But of that blow, he did complain,

And made me wipe away the stain,

With legal brief, and twine.