  A Trip to Svitserland S AID she, "The Parkinses have gone, and all the Doolys, too, The Mcriartys, and the Dunns, and Mrs. old MacHugh; The Dalys and Fitzpatricks, with all their kin, and kinds, Have mounted crumpled papers, on all their window blinds. Ah! stop that old piano, you ding it all the day, It's only when your pupils are here, you make it pay; And all your pupils' parents, and all their kin, and kinds, Have all got crumpled papers, on all their cotton blinds." He stopped the old piano, and "Vot of zat?" said he, "Regarding which, we'll have to do exact the same," said she. "For if we don't, we'll be the talk for many a day to come, That when all others went abroad, the Zazels kept at home. It's positively foolish, affects your daughter's hopes—" "Vel, zhere," said he, "go pack ze thronk, I'll tie it vit ze ropes; And you discharge ze servong, ze moment zat you find, She's pinned ze crumpled papers, on all ze cotton blind: And put ze gossip on her tongue, for Svitzerland ve sail, Ze-morrow in ze Dover boat, vot brings ze voreign mail; And say, its Oh, so secret, by shings, but she vill blow Ze news, around ze town, until ze all ze people know." illustration The Dover boat had started, when, lo! prospecting round, A man upon the windows, those crumpled papers found. "Hello!" said he, "such houses are always left for me," And crept into the fanlight, and foraged round with glee. He stole away the silver, he stole away the clocks, He augured out the secret, of the children's savings' box; He laughed, and he did chuckle, and cackling "Ha!" said he, "The men who leave their houses thus, are men who toil for me." Alas! that in my ballads, I have to tune my song, To many flats, and minors, to show where sharps go wrong. illustration He donned a suit, next morning, And sought an auctioneer— "I'm ordered out to China, so harken, and look here; Bring up your ivory hammer to the house, where you will see, The blinds in crumpled papers, and cant the lot for me." He auctioned off the carpets, the suites of every room, He canted to a builder, the villa for its doom; He made him sign a docket, to take down every brick, Within the shortest notice, so he commenced it quick. They first upset the chimneys, and then unstitched the slates, They lifted off the rafters, and rooted out the grates; The door, and window casings, they took in several hauls, And carted off, the debris of bricks, that made the walls. illustration At length a workman picking with crowbar, in the rear, Let fall his pipe in terror, his knees went loose with fear, A chill of woe electric, begirt his heart, like lead, He found a row of corpses, and every corpse was dead! I've sketched him, with the crowbar, and falling pipe, to show His awful fright, and sorrow, the fact is, such a blow Might paralize his senses, unfit him for his trade— I hope some kindly ladies, will have collections made. But yet a glamoured beauty was on them all, so nice, He felt like pins and needles, in glass of strawberry ice, He shambled round a corner, "O Constable!" he said, "I've found a row of corpses, and every corpse is dead!" I like that honest fellow, tho' poor, with eye forlorn, Said he, "O Mister Pleeceman, I wish I wasn't born"— I've sought again to sketch him, above their ghastly rest, He indicates a label, on every corpse's breast. illustration They looked as they were sleeping, in fact, they looked themselves, The daughters of Herr Zazel, the wife of Zazel, and The Pleeceman asked for Zazel, was he in Switzerland? The oldest native, answered a deputating clutch Of specials, that there never before did happen such, And so they wrote sensations, and from the civic band, A posse of detectives, went scoot for Switzerland. illustration The crowner's Morgue was opened, the jurymen were caught, And every man protested, although he didn't ought, They went to view the corpses. "Mein gott, vots them?" said one, "Votever has there happened, vots been, and gone, and done? I could'nt spare ze money, avay mit me, so many, And so tinks I, I'll mesmer zem all, I vont brings any, I wraps 'em up mit labels, vots tied upon zem zare, Ven I comes home, to vake 'em, and sorts 'em up mit care. I vos in my purse, only ze cash enough to stand, For vot you calls, von single man, avay in Svitzerland. And so I mesmerised my vife, my daughters, von by von, And now I'll vake 'em all, and zen, by shings, you zee me run!" He party pumped his arms, he made a maze of passes, With flashing eyes of flame, that lit his pinc nez glasses. He clawed with his phalanges as he were going to seize Some hidden ghost, when lo! at length, his wife began to sneeze, His wife commenced the sneezing, the girls took up the que, "Now zee me run, or you vill find, too moosh vor me to do," He cried, and off he started, and took the tram for home, When peering thro' the twilight, of autumn's evening gloam, He saw a shocking poster, that curdled up his blood, "This ground to let for building," on which his house had stood, He laughed a weird, and woful, idiotic laugh at fate, He took a second tram-car, and sought a barber straight, And sitting down, he uttered a low despairing groan, "I'm vot you calls vor Bedlam, so shaves me to ze bone!!" illustration |
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