Luke sold Jawbones for a much higher price than he had expected.

“You see,” the agent explained, “the place is in such a perfect condition. Everything up to the mark. Absolutely spotless.”

“Yes,” said Luke. “Mrs. Sharper was an excellent housekeeper. I’ve always said so.”

Luke had intended to pay Dot and Dash board-wages until he was free to marry Jona, and then to take them into his service again. But this was not to be.

“Sorry,” said Dot, “but it won’t do. Of course we wish you every happiness, and no doubt in time you’ll get used to not suffering so much, and not being misunderstood so frequent. But me and Dash has been brought up respectable, and respectable we shall remain. I’ve no doubt your good lady thought it was all right, and went to church with him, and signed the book and all that. But facts are facts, and the fact is that for years and years she was living the life of open sin with that Lord Tyburn. No, we couldn’t stick it. Besides, I’m going to marry Hector to take entire charge of a small flat, one in family, no children or washing, every Sunday, and frequent outings. And my sister’s doing the same with Albert. All the same, here’s luck.”Our friend, Mr. Alfred Jingle, solicitor, arranged everything splendidly. He prevented Luke from inserting, in a moment of enthusiasm, an advertisement under the Fashionable Intelligence in the daily press that a divorce had been arranged and would shortly take place, between Luke Sharper, Esq., formerly of Jawbones, Halfpenny Hole, and Mabel, his wife. The case was undefended, and the day after the decree was made absolute Luke married Jona.

Nor did Mr. Alfred Jingle forget, when he made out his bill of costs, to include in his out-of-pocket expenses, the cost of certain luncheons and drinks which Mr. Sharper would, no doubt, have defrayed had he not at that time been in a condition of absent-mindedness induced by martyrdom.

Not only did Lord Tyburn succeed in getting his photograph on to the back page of the “Daily Mail.” There was also another photograph of the four ladies whom he had married, reading from left to right. He did everything well.

THE END

Transcriber's Notes:

1. This book is a parody on the biographies of it's times; as a result, very few changes have been made, other than obvious typesetter errors.

2. On the title page, there were two lines of words that were typeset with "strikethroughs"; these have been indicated by the addition of "=" before and after the lines.

3. The original book had no Table of Contents; this e-text has added one for the reader’s convenience.