CLEANTE
Whither away so fast?
ORGON
How should I know?
CLEANTE
Methinks we should begin by taking counsel
To see what can be done to meet the case.
ORGON
I'm all worked up about that wretched box.
More than all else it drives me to despair.
CLEANTE
That box must hide some mighty mystery?
ORGON
Argas, my friend who is in trouble, brought it
Himself, most secretly, and left it with me.
He chose me, in his exile, for this trust;
And on these documents, from what he said,
I judge his life and property depend.
CLEANTE
How could you trust them to another's hands?
ORGON
By reason of a conscientious scruple.
I went straight to my traitor, to confide
In him; his sophistry made me believe
That I must give the box to him to keep,
So that, in case of search, I might deny
My having it at all, and still, by favour
Of this evasion, keep my conscience clear
Even in taking oath against the truth.
CLEANTE
Your case is bad, so far as I can see;
This deed of gift, this trusting of the secret
To him, were both—to state my frank opinion—
Steps that you took too lightly; he can lead you
To any length, with these for hostages;
And since he holds you at such disadvantage,
You'd be still more imprudent, to provoke him;
So you must go some gentler way about.
ORGON
What! Can a soul so base, a heart so false,
Hide neath the semblance of such touching fervour?
I took him in, a vagabond, a beggar! …
'Tis too much! No more pious folk for me!
I shall abhor them utterly forever,
And henceforth treat them worse than any devil.
CLEANTE
So! There you go again, quite off the handle!
In nothing do you keep an even temper.
You never know what reason is, but always
Jump first to one extreme, and then the other.
You see your error, and you recognise
That you've been cozened by a feigned zeal;
But to make up for't, in the name of reason,
Why should you plunge into a worse mistake,
And find no difference in character
Between a worthless scamp, and all good people?
What! Just because a rascal boldly duped you
With pompous show of false austerity,
Must you needs have it everybody's like him,
And no one's truly pious nowadays?
Leave such conclusions to mere infidels;
Distinguish virtue from its counterfeit,
Don't give esteem too quickly, at a venture,
But try to keep, in this, the golden mean.
If you can help it, don't uphold imposture;
But do not rail at true devoutness, either;
And if you must fall into one extreme,
Then rather err again the other way.
SCENE II
DAMIS, ORGON, CLEANTE
DAMIS
What! father, can the scoundrel threaten you,
Forget the many benefits received,
And in his base abominable pride
Make of your very favours arms against you?
ORGON
Too true, my son. It tortures me to think on't.
DAMIS
Let me alone, I'll chop his ears off for him.
We must deal roundly with his insolence;
'Tis I must free you from him at a blow;
'Tis I, to set things right, must strike him down.
CLEANTE
Spoke like a true young man. Now just calm down,
And moderate your towering tantrums, will you?
We live in such an age, with such a king,
That violence can not advance our cause.
SCENE III
MADAME PERNELLE, ORGON, ELMIRE, CLEANTE, MARIANE, DAMIS, DORINE
MADAME PERNELLE
What's this? I hear of fearful mysteries!
ORGON
Strange things indeed, for my own eyes to witness;
You see how I'm requited for my kindness,
I zealously receive a wretched beggar,
I lodge him, entertain him like my brother,
Load him with benefactions every day,
Give him my daughter, give him all my fortune:
And he meanwhile, the villain, rascal, wretch,
Tries with black treason to suborn my wife,
And not content with such a foul design,
He dares to menace me with my own favours,
And would make use of those advantages
Which my too foolish kindness armed him with,
To ruin me, to take my fortune from me,
And leave me in the state I saved him from.
DORINE
Poor man!
MADAME PERNELLE
My son, I cannot possibly
Believe he could intend so black a deed.
ORGON
What?
MADAME PERNELLE
Worthy men are still the sport of envy.
ORGON
Mother, what do you mean by such a speech?
MADAME PERNELLE
There are strange goings-on about your house,
And everybody knows your people hate him.
ORGON
What's that to do with what I tell you now?
MADAME PERNELLE
I always said, my son, when you were little:
That virtue here below is hated ever;
The envious may die, but envy never.
ORGON
What's that fine speech to do with present facts?
MADAME PERNELLE
Be sure, they've forged a hundred silly lies …
ORGON
I've told you once, I saw it all myself.
MADAME PERNELLE
For slanderers abound in calumnies …
ORGON
Mother, you'd make me damn my soul. I tell you
I saw with my own eyes his shamelessness.
MADAME PERNELLE
Their tongues for spitting venom never lack,
There's nothing here below they'll not attack.
ORGON
Your speech has not a single grain of sense.
I saw it, harkee, saw it, with these eyes
I saw—d'ye know what saw means?—must I say it
A hundred times, and din it in your ears?
MADAME PERNELLE
My dear, appearances are oft deceiving,
And seeing shouldn't always be believing.
ORGON
I'll go mad.
MADAME PERNELLE
False suspicions may delude,
And good to evil oft is misconstrued.
ORGON
Must I construe as Christian charity
The wish to kiss my wife!
MADAME PERNELLE
You must, at least,
Have just foundation for accusing people,
And wait until you see a thing for sure.
ORGON
The devil! How could I see any surer?
Should I have waited till, before my eyes,
He … No, you'll make me say things quite improper.
MADAME PERNELLE
In short, 'tis known too pure a zeal inflames him;
And so, I cannot possibly conceive
That he should try to do what's charged against him.
ORGON
If you were not my mother, I should say
Such things! … I know not what, I'm so enraged!
DORINE (to Orgon)
Fortune has paid you fair, to be so doubted;
You flouted our report, now yours is flouted.
CLEANTE
We're wasting time here in the merest trifling,
Which we should rather use in taking measures
To guard ourselves against the scoundrel's threats.
DAMIS
You think his impudence could go far?
ELMIRE
For one, I can't believe it possible;
Why, his ingratitude would be too patent.
CLEANTE
Don't trust to that; he'll find abundant warrant
To give good colour to his acts against you;
And for less cause than this, a strong cabal
Can make one's life a labyrinth of troubles.
I tell you once again: armed as he is
You never should have pushed him quite so far.
ORGON
True; yet what could I do? The rascal's pride
Made me lose all control of my resentment.
CLEANTE
I wish with all my heart that some pretence
Of peace could be patched up between you two
ELMIRE
If I had known what weapons he was armed with,
I never should have raised such an alarm,
And my …
ORGON (to Dorine, seeing Mr. Loyal come in)
Who's coming now? Go quick, find out.
I'm in a fine state to receive a visit!
SCENE IV
ORGON, MADAME PERNELLE, ELMIRE, MARIANE, CLEANTE, DAMIS, DORINE, MR. LOYAL
MR. LOYAL (to Dorine, at the back of the stage)
Good day, good sister. Pray you, let me see
The master of the house.
DORINE
He's occupied;
I think he can see nobody at present.
MR. LOYAL
I'm not by way of being unwelcome here.
My coming can, I think, nowise displease him;
My errand will be found to his advantage.
DORINE
Your name, then?
MR. LOYAL
Tell him simply that his friend
Mr. Tartuffe has sent me, for his goods …
DORINE (to Orgon)
It is a man who comes, with civil manners,
Sent by Tartuffe, he says, upon an errand
That you'll be pleased with.
CLEANTE (to Orgon)
Surely you must see him,
And find out who he is, and what he wants.
ORGON (to Cleante)
Perhaps he's come to make it up between us:
How shall I treat him?
CLEANTE
You must not get angry;
And if he talks of reconciliation
Accept it.
MR. LOYAL (to Orgon)
Sir, good-day. And Heaven send
Harm to your enemies, favour to you.
ORGON (aside to Cleante)
This mild beginning suits with my conjectures
And promises some compromise already.
MR. LOYAL
All of your house has long been dear to me;
I had the honour, sir, to serve your father.
ORGON
Sir, I am much ashamed, and ask your pardon
For not recalling now your face or name.
MR. LOYAL
My name is Loyal. I'm from Normandy.
My office is court-bailiff, in despite
Of envy; and for forty years, thank Heaven,
It's been my fortune to perform that office
With honour. So I've come, sir, by your leave
To render service of a certain writ …
ORGON
What, you are here to …
MR. LOYAL
Pray, sir, don't be angry.
'Tis nothing, sir, but just a little summons:—
Order to vacate, you and yours, this house,
Move out your furniture, make room for others,
And that without delay or putting off,
As needs must be …
ORGON
I? Leave this house?
MR. LOYAL
Yes, please, sir
The house is now, as you well know, of course,
Mr. Tartuffe's. And he, beyond dispute,
Of all your goods is henceforth lord and master
By virtue of a contract here attached,
Drawn in due form, and unassailable.
DAMIS (to Mr. Loyal)
Your insolence is monstrous, and astounding!
MR. LOYAL (to Damis)
I have no business, sir, that touches you;
(Pointing to Orgon)
This is the gentleman. He's fair and courteous,
And knows too well a gentleman's behaviour
To wish in any wise to question justice.
ORGON
But …
MR. LOYAL
Sir, I know you would not for a million
Wish to rebel; like a good citizen
You'll let me put in force the court's decree.
DAMIS
Your long black gown may well, before you know it,
Mister Court-bailiff, get a thorough beating.
MR. LOYAL (to Orgon)
Sir, make your son be silent or withdraw.
I should be loath to have to set things down,
And see your names inscribed in my report.
DORINE (aside)
This Mr. Loyal's looks are most disloyal.
MR. LOYAL
I have much feeling for respectable
And honest folk like you, sir, and consented
To serve these papers, only to oblige you,
And thus prevent the choice of any other
Who, less possessed of zeal for you than I am
Might order matters in less gentle fashion.
ORGON
And how could one do worse than order people
Out of their house?
MR. LOYAL
Why, we allow you time;
And even will suspend until to-morrow
The execution of the order, sir.
I'll merely, without scandal, quietly,
Come here and spend the night, with half a score
Of officers; and just for form's sake, please,
You'll bring your keys to me, before retiring.
I will take care not to disturb your rest,
And see there's no unseemly conduct here.
But by to-morrow, and at early morning,
You must make haste to move your least belongings;
My men will help you—I have chosen strong ones
To serve you, sir, in clearing out the house.
No one could act more generously, I fancy,
And, since I'm treating you with great indulgence,
I beg you'll do as well by me, and see
I'm not disturbed in my discharge of duty.
