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cheese on plate with beeze flying toward it “Mamma!” “Yes, My Child.” “Wilfred has Crashed in a Shell-hole.”
men in trophy room chatting Host (a Mighty Hunter, breaking off in the middle of his longest story): “But I seem to be boring you?” Guest: “Oh, no. Fact is—all these animals yawning—so beastly infectious.”
man in easy chair at club with irate man glaring at him “Waiter, bring me a whisky-and-soda, please.” “I’m not a waiter, confound you!” “Oh, right-o—then don’t trouble.”
two men talking in business offfice Prospective Purchaser: “And why do your advertisements say that yours is essentially the car for the owner-driver?” Salesman (under notice to leave): “Because no self-respecting chauffeur will condescend to be seen in one.”
man talking to driver in long line of cars TACT
“Excuse me, driver, but could you tell me where I’d be most likely to find a taxi?”
man stanind on shore facing enormous waves “...Or to take arms against a sea of troubles...” Hamlet, Act III, Sc. 1.
trousers and skirt on line dancing Danse des Vents
man with golf club while another man films him
Man in dress carrying hat box standing in front of crowd on curb Portrait of a Gentleman in process of deciding that the hire of a car to take him to his fancy-dress revel would have been well worth the expense.
man's golf club breaks when he makes a divet “Dear, dear, dear! what a curious accident! I thought that only happened in the comic papers.”
play on stage Voice from the gods: “It’s all right, Miss. Don’t you take on so. They’re only doing it for the pictures.”
man sits on bench and accidentally pulls up one trouser leg without noticing. He stands and it's still scrunched up. One by one people stop and stare and he pretends not to notice. A porter finally whispers in his hear and the man faints. The Tragedy of a Trouser
Man using golf club like a pool cue to sink his putt
The Lost Ticket: man searching for ticket with horde of people behind him
man on foot talking to people in car “Can you tell me if this is the right road for London, please?” “Why, bless my soul, ain’t none of you ever been there before?”
man standing in middle of shop that has hundreds of hats in boxes and also hanging on the wall asks salesmen question “Have you any—er—hats?”
small man talking to much taller man in office “Please, Mr. Grafto, the gentleman on the next floor presents his compliments and says, seeing as how you can foretell the future, would you be so good as to let him know how long it will be before your bath stops overflowing through his ceiling?”
man sneezes during soloist's piece. Entire auditorium and musicians horrified. Musician stalks off and audience leaves man alone covered with embarassment THE MAN WHO SNEEZED
Soldier in kilt writing on broken wall, he crosses out England and writes "Great Britain" so it says: "Gott Strafe Great Britian" Scotland for Ever.
Soldier getting too much gear a piece at a time; on the field, the drops it all and just runs off with his rifle “Gadgets”
Two men looking at line of trees on horizonthat look like a row of people with their hands in the air NATURE’S TACTLESS MIMICRY.
Curious attitude assumed by Trees in a district occupied by the Germans. men in trenches “Here, stick your head down, Charlie.” “What—is there an order come round about it?”
man running from cowboys Unpleasant nightmare of Hans, the ex-cinema attendant, after learning of the American Declaration of War. Two Scot soldiers looking at a restaurant named Cafe d'Edimbourg “We’ll no gang in there, Jock.” “For why, Donal’?” “Man, it’s got an awfu’ Gerrman-like name, yon.”
Soldier arrives to huge crowd and parade and runs all the way back to the front The Bashful V.C.’s Welcome Home
man looking at shadow of possible hun in dark THE BRIBE. “Who goes there?” “K-Kamerad—mit souvenirs.” Soldier at door of bunker talking to man inside door “Hear the latest rumour up from the back, George? War’s going to be over next week.” “Ho. Well, I hope it don’t upset my going on leave next Tuesday.”
man leaning over trench in dark and holding hand up to soldier in trench Boche (suddenly appearing over the top): “Kamerad! Kamerad!” Briton: “Lor’, my son, you DID give me a turn. I thought you was an enemy.”
two soldiers sitting in blown out window “Here, listen to this. It says the Gov’ment have bought up all the strawberries to make jam for the troops.” “Go on, George! How can they make plum-and-apple out o’ strawberries?” two men outside foxholem, one holding hand grenade Tommy (“Mopping-up” captured trench): “Is there anyone down there?” Voice from dug-out: “Ja! Ja! Kamerad!” Tommy: “Then come out here and fraternise.”
two soldiers sitting and talking Sociable Escort (to Boche prisoner, after several ineffectual attempts to start a conversation): “Ahem!—er—no trouble at home, I hope?” two men looking at third man The Wit: “Ah, now you’re for it, Albert.” Tractor-Driver: “Wot’s the matter?” The Wit: “Why, you’ve been and gone and come on parade without your spurs.”
two soldiers looking at lanscape First Contemptible: “D’you remember halting here on the retreat, George?” Second ditto: “Can’t call it to mind, somehow. Was it that little village in the wood down by the river, or was it that place with the Cathedral and all them factories?”
men walking on large railroad bridge THE RIGHT SPIRIT. Corporal in charge (on arrival at bridge): “De—tachment, break—step!” [“When crossing a military bridge Infantry will break step.”—Extract from “Regulations.”]
golfer looking forlornly at ball in water trap
cricket team one by one handing their jumpers et al., to bystander to hold until he is buried under their clothes OUR TREACHEROUS CLIMATE
man walking down street in coat that looks like it was cut down from a winter one “Well, anyhow, no one could tell that this was once a British warm.”
tall man following short caddy who is carrying his clubs
many old men sitting around a table The young firebrands’ art club holds its fiftieth annual dinner.
man speakign to salesman in store PATHOS “I want to choose a Christmas present—one suitable for a short, dark, middle-aged bachelor with retiring disposition and no near relatives—to give to himself.”
man speaking to two children out of doors Wee Donald Angus: “Please, Sirr, what time will it be?” Literal Gentleman: “When?”
man in field talking ot neighbour over the fence “Hullo, George—not demobbed yet?” “No—signed on again.” “How long for?” “Just for duration of the Peace.”
husband in robe speaking to wife in evening gown Husband (on visit to Country House): “I say, someone’s forgotten to pack my evening clothes.” Wife: “Well, it wasn’t me, dear. If anyone didn’t, you must have yourself.”
man in antique shop “Bed, Sir? Here is a genuine Jacobean, for which we are asking only two hundred and fifty guineas.” “Well, to tell you the truth I wasn’t wanting to BUY one. But I can’t get a bed anywhere in London, and I was just wondering if you could let me sleep in it to-night.”
man speaking to another in a very crowded lift “Hullo, Brown! Fancy running up against you. How small the world is, to be sure!” “Y-Yes. Terribly small, isn’t it?”
two men meeting on walk and ending up fighting like and with their dogs THE DOG FIGHT
woman speaking to waitress and pointing downward in crowded auditorium “Could we have two teas, please?” “Why, didn’t I bring you two just now?” “Oh, yes. But we’ve let a gentleman in the stalls have those.”
two gentlemen talking in street The Pugnacious Gentleman: “But ’e bin an’ called me a ’Un.’” The Peacemaker: “Well, he may have meant it quite kindly-like, Bill. It ain’t as if we was still at war with the dirty ’ounds.”
Man speaking to workman working across street in hole in pavement across the street from a theater “I trust you’ll excuse me mentioning it, my good fellow, but that is the right entrance—on the opposite side of the road.”
man hears street musician out side his home and invites him in and feeds and pays him, after he leaves thousands of musicians appear outside his home playing THE BROTHERHOOD OF MUSIC
professor sitting at desk under umrella, wife stands nearby holding her skirts up from flooded floor, water pours from ceiling like steady rain Professor’s Wife: “Septimus, the thaw has burst the pipes.” Professor: “No, no, Marie. As I’ve Had occasion to explain to you every year since I Can remember, it’s the frost that bursts the pipes—NOT the thaw.”
man on shore surrounded by midges speaks to man in center of creek up to his neck and still his face is surrounded by midges “My dear fellow, you’ll never catch anything like that.” “No—dare say not—get away from most of the midges, though.”
two golfers shouting at each other over the lay of their two golfballs next to each other
two men talking at club with another group of men listening to someone tell a story “Have you heard Brown’s story of how he scored off a taxi-driver this morning?” “Yes. I told him it last night.”
man and woman talking at dinner table Fair Partner: “One always meets so many interesting people here that I get quite confused. Now tell me, which Mr. Jones are you?” Jones: “Me? Oh, I’m only the Jones who’s invited to brighten up a dull party.”
man has field full of crows, visits a modern scuplture gallery and then uses the sculptures to great success as scarecrows A USE FOR MODERN ART
One golfer 's pipe smoke drifts into another golfer's face
woman has inadvertently snagged a great deal of merchandise with her umbrella handle's hook Tactful Shopwalker (to lady who seems to have got into the rough with her umbrella): “Excuse me, Madam, but would you not prefer to have them sent for you?”
Doctor wearing forgotten party hat looks in at patient in consulting room Unfortunate oversight on the part of a practitioner called away from his children’s party to attend a patient in his consulting-room.
Printed in Great Britain by Jarrold & Sons, Ltd., Norwich, England. | 
