The visitor is sometimes surprised that the New Theatre contains no boxes; the reason was supplied, in my day, by a famous living actor, who explained that he and his friends had attended a melodrama in the old theatre and had taken an uncontrollable dislike for the villain's trousers. As Æschylus undertook to finish any prologue of Euripides with the words "???????? ?p??ese?," so this undergraduate party qualified the villain's every boast and confession with the words: "Not in those trousers." The dialogue ran roughly thus: Villain. I will carry the girl off and make her my wife—— Interrupters.———————Not in those trousers. Villain. I will be revenged—— Interrupters.———————Not in those trousers. Villain. I will stick at nothing—— Interrupters.———————Not in those trousers. As the curtain fell on the first act, the interrupters leapt from their box on the stage and pursued the villain down the Corn and the High until they captured him on Magdalen Bridge. They then returned to the theatre with the offending trousers but without the villain. Jowett, as vice-chancellor, decreed that in the new theatre no boxes should be built. For this reason and under these limitations, all women, all men who do not know Oxford and even the men who do will, in that order, be prudently advised to leave Oxford alone; after Sinister Street, with its analysis and atmosphere, its restraint and its consummate handling of countless figures on a giant canvas, there is no room for a book conceived on similar lines or scale; the novelist must force upon Oxford something which Oxford disowns or he may turn disgustedly away from a place where innumerable people talk and think endlessly about something that does not matter to any one else and where nothing ever happens. Wellington.It's Marshal Ney himself who heads the charge. Spirit Ironic.And when that matchless chief Spirit of the Pities.To his shame. Thomas Hardy: The Dynasts. I am not alone in fashioning an imaginary figure to bear such a name. I am told that a distinguished black-and-white artist, meeting the name fortuitously, would walk pensively through the streets of London thereafter, searching the faces of the passers-by for one that would fit his ideal, Alexander-Teixeira-de-Mattos conception. And, when they met, I wonder if the artist was as much frightened as every newcomer to the department. On my second morning I looked up suddenly into a white impassive face; eyes unchanging in expression regarded me through the tortoise-shell spectacles which bestrid the impressive nose; the mouth was tightly-shut; neither word nor movement explained this paralysing figure which had glided to my table like some wandering sphinx. "I am not sure whether your minute intends to convey ..." he began at length and to my indescribable relief. Fear departed with that word, and we collaborated in redrawing the minute. Sometimes the Teixeira panic spread to distant committees which only knew his exquisite handwriting and his disabling knowledge of English; they hastened to do his bidding and to avert his wrath; no chairman likes to apologize twice for "the curiously pococurantist attitude of your committee", few care even to have the apology accepted with the words that consigned so many controversial files to oblivion: "Pray say no more. A.T." I am not aware, however, that the allegation has ever been denied. "Circular Notes" To the Mission In your hours of ease, I beg you Read, mark, learn, digest and pass on You will find its interest chaining First of all you must remember To a land of candid critics; I shan't mind the least if some People think you're deaf and dumb. If with questions you are pestered Do not risk replying till you've Heaven knows what might occur If you answered "on the spur." E.G.: "Why bring re-made soldiers Should the ready lie elude you Or remark with pungent wit "Miles nascitur non fit." (Note: for General T. Bridges— Don't appear in medalled khaki If they cap you, don't salute; If they challenge you, don't shoot.) Should they ask if England's starving, Do I seem emaciated If you have the indigestion, Ask for notice of the question. Very possibly they'll ask you "What about the Spring Offensive?" You should say, "I've no idea," And manoeuvre for the rear. There is just one other matter Should be handled with discretion 'Twould be well received, I think, If the Mission didn't drink. That completes the list of topics To sum up: I urge my colleagues Please observe punctiliously These injunctions. s.s. Olympic.————————————A. J. B. "M. Viviani," said Mr. Balfour, "has expressed in most eloquent words the feelings which grip us all here to-day. He has not only paid a fitting tribute to a great statesman, but he has brought our thoughts most vividly down to the present. The thousands who have given their lives, French, Russian, Italian, Belgian, Servian, Montenegrin, Roumanian, Japanese and British, were fighting for what they believed to be the cause of liberty. "There is no place in the world where a speech for the cause of liberty would be better placed than here at the tomb of Washington. But as that work has been so adequately done by a master of oratory, perhaps you will permit me to read a few words prepared by the British mission for the wreath we are to leave here to-day: "'Dedicated by the British mission to the immortal memory of George Washington, soldier, statesman, patriot, who would have rejoiced to see the country of which he was by birth a citizen and the country which his genius called into existence fighting side by side to save mankind from subjection to a military despotism.'" "From out their different tubs it was quoted by one member of a prolific triumvirate which then filled a considerable proportion of the critical journals. In those days it was hardly possible to read an article by A which did not contain a panegyric of B's latest book; it was no less difficult to read B's book without meeting a reference to what had been "most justly observed by C." to the cabinet by lord milner on his visit to france, The Prime Minister having asked me to run over to France in order to report to the Cabinet personally on the position of affairs there, I left Charing Cross at 12.50 on Sunday, March 24th.... On arrival at Doullens I was at once seized by Clemenceau, who startled me by the announcement that Haig had just declared that he would be obliged to uncover Amiens and fall back on the Channel ports. I told him I felt sure there must be some misunderstanding about this, and that before the general Conference I thought it was desirable that I should have a short conversation with the Field-Marshal and the Army Commanders, whom I had not yet seen.... The views of the British Commanders having thus been cleared up, the Conference assembled.... I asked whether I might have a word with Clemenceau alone. I then told him quite frankly of the conviction which had been growing in my mind ever since the previous day, and had been confirmed by my conversations with Wilson and Haig, that Foch appeared to me to be the man who had the greatest grasp of the situation, and was most likely to deal with it with the intensest energy. Could not he be placed by both the Governments in a position of general control, and given the sort of authority which he (Foch) had himself suggested to Wilson? Clemenceau, whose own mind, I am sure, had been steadily moving in the same direction, at once agreed, but he asked for a few minutes to speak to PÉtain. While he took PÉtain aside, I did the same with Haig. While I explained to the latter what was contemplated, he seemed not only quite willing, but really pleased. Meanwhile, Clemenceau had spoken to PÉtain, and immediately wrote and handed me the following form of words, to embody what he and I had just agreed to: Le gÉnÉral Foch est chargÉ par les gouvernements britanniques et franÇais de coordonner l'action des armÉes britanniques et franÇaises sur le front ouest. Il s'entendra À cet effet avec les deux gÉnÉraux en chef, qui sont invitÉs À lui fournir tous les renseignements nÉcessaires. I showed this to Haig, who readily accepted it, but suggested that it should be extended to cover the other armies—Belgian, American and possibly Italian—that might be employed on the present Franco-British front. To this Clemenceau at once agreed. We then all went back to the table. The amended formula, which ran as follows: Le gÉnÉral Foch est chargÉ par les gouvernements britanniques et franÇais de coordonner l'action des armÉes alliÉes sur le front ouest. Il s'entendra À cet effet avec les gÉnÉraux en chef, qui sont invitÉs À lui fournir tous les renseignements nÉcessaires. Doullens, le 26 mars, 1918. was read out, and after a very short discussion, which amounted to nothing more than cordial approval of the principle by all the speakers, the document was signed by Clemenceau and myself, and the Conference immediately rose with every appearance of general satisfaction.... This quotation is taken from the special supplement to The New Statesman of 23 April, 1921. TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE —Plain print and punctuation errors fixed. |