Won in the Ninth / The first of a series of stories for boys on sports to be known as The Matty Books

CHAPTER XXVI HAL-HONUSED

Tim Murnin witnessed the great deciding game from the press box, at the Polo Grounds, where he found a lot of other budding newspaper men who had been sent to New York to report the game for various journals. At a big ball game you find all kinds of people, and every class of newspaper or periodical reports the big games for its readers. Naturally these reporters try to make their reports interesting to their particular kind of readers and that is why, for instance, Swat Milligan in reporting the game to the Railway Signal described it in language that was perfectly intelligible to its readers, although it might be puzzling to the patrons of the Farm Weekly.

After Tim got started on his report he got to looking over the shoulders of the other reporters and had a great idea.

This is it. He would crib an inning or a part of an inning from each of the writers near him just to get their style, and he did it. When he got the jumbled mass together and arranged it according to the innings he wrote an introduction and wired the report to Lowell, where it appeared in the Reporter the next day. Here it is:

Lowell, 6—Jefferson, 5.

“Hal and Honus, the incomparable and inseparable beauties of the Lowell posy garden, render the Jefferson assault hopeless and Tim Murnin’s pets are returned as champions.

“Childe Harold, the peerless bunt killer from the Pacific, stopped them all. He dug them out of the trenches, climbed into the ozone for the high ones, and stabbed the wide ones for as natty a row of put outs as ever graced the fourth column of the box score.

“Honus bumped the opposing slab artists for an accumulation of ordinaries, repeaters, and a varied assortment of stick talk, including a sizzling homer that made dents in the car tracks on Eighth Avenue, and brought in a quarter dozen of much needed tallies, just enough to save the day.”

When the game opened Tim looked over the shoulder of Swat Milligan, of the Railway Signal, sitting on his right, and this is what he read as a report of the first half.

“The Laird of the West bumped one out of the home station which Miner tried to flag as it switched to the overhead track, and got a through ticket to Caseville.

“Beach rolled one out of the depot which ran local all the way to Everson, but by the time Johnny shut off the power Laird had caught an express which landed him safely at the middle junction and Beach was returning to the first stop for more coal.

“Captain Church went out on the Sacrifice Limited and Laird and Beach rolled into the next stops on time.

“Hollins now received orders from the Chief Dispatcher to squeeze the Laird Limited through and relieve the congestion. He made an opening and the Laird came through with wide open throttle while Hollins went to Caseville.

“Larry wanted a special for a joy ride but there was nothing nearer than the first station, and the General Superintendent suggested that he walk there.

“Warcford coaled one up for a long run to Larketown, but the steam gave out back of Port Arthur on the Texas League Division and Sam went to Caseville too as Beach pulled into the depot and went to the tank for water.

“Twitchell engineered one out to Hagnerville, but Hans got his hand on the throttle and putting on the reverse backed it into the home station where it ran into and wrecked the Hollins Local.

“Brest then pushed out a Cannon Ball Express on the upper level, but Hal was walking the track and it came to a dead stop when he set the block against it.”

For the second half of the first inning and first of the second, Tim poached on the efforts of Francis Huff, of The Flower and Fruit Weekly and what he saw looked good enough to put in his own copy.

“Johnny Everson dispatched an unmarried one to right just to show he had an eye for beauty. The captain pushed a clover kisser to Larry and reached first as Johnny faded at second. Talkington arched a rainbow to the outer gardens, but Twitchell was there and plucked the bags of gold from the other end.

“Robb then shot a bunch of pepper at Hollins which the latter made a mess of, and Ty got to first.

“Hans was invited to walk down to The Church but he preferred to stay where the posies wave in the breeze until he poked a blossom nipper out to Warcford’s daisy patch and Larke came home with the first bouquet for Lowell.

“Ty was anxious to bring his bouquet home, too, and show it to Hughie, but his flowers were already in full bloom and wilted in the dust at the plate when Roger touched them.

“Ty was anxious to bring his bouquet home.”

“Lowell now went into the garden and Mellen planted himself at the rubber. He looked ripe to Black who tried to pluck him. He nearly did it, too, and Mellen, weakened, dropped from the vine, and rolled to Miner who tossed him out of the garden to Hal. Black then alone got the Laird’s goat and sent him to the shed and with three swings cut down the young Beach that grew where the Laird had stood.”

Then there was a fellow sitting in front of him whom nobody knew, who was writing busily. He must have been connected with some burglar sheet, for he was using the kind of talk that made Tim look to see if his pocketbook was still there, after he had dug up this sample, which was no doubt intended for, say, the Second-Story Weekly or something like that.

“In the second half of the deuce stanza Childe Harold got the combination of the safe and stole a maiden who danced on his left. Arthur came out of the coop to show what he had but his best was chicken which roosted finally in Roger’s mitt.

“When Gibbie came up Hal turned robber and purloined the middle cushion and then the third also, in broad daylight, while Roger made two efforts to grab his gun. Gibbie lifted a high one that looked good to go over Warcford’s second story but Sam turned porch climber and arrested it. Black thrice got the scent but immediately lost it and was sent to the box to look for the other clews.”

Abe Zeager, of Pulpit Platform and Song, sat right next to this second-story fellow so it averaged things up, thought Tim, as he copied what was said about the next full inning.

“The Church Captain opened the next meeting with a few hot remarks which he addressed particularly to Delvin and Hagner. They were too deep for Arthur’s study box but struck Hans about right and he put Hal next as the Jefferson captain meandered down the first aisle and the captain felt put out.

“Hollins was called out in open meeting for violating the rules of the committee on buntings, having offended the third time.

“La Joy started a song with a false high note. The Larke caught it up and the Professor dismissed the class on the strength of it, there being no score, and it was the time for Lowell’s Choir practice.

“But it was of short duration, as Everson’s first note was off the key and on Larry’s kick Johnny was put out of the class and Larke and Talkington went out to Church after trying to get beyond Hollinsville.”

Then on the other side of this fellow, strange to say, sat Frank Dichter, of the Police News, who no doubt was putting it all in language that the boys down at headquarters could understand and Tim didn’t have to look any farther for a characteristic account of what happened to Jefferson in their next time at bat.

“Warcford scared the top row of the left-side bleachers twice and two small boys got passes to the inside.

“The third one stayed inside and in front and Sammy pulled up at third when he saw Church waving the red lantern as Ty relayed the ball to Hal, who ferried it to Gibbie. Twitchell handed a horseshoe to Gibbie, Roger the cop was let go to his beat without swinging his stick. Big George pried the lid off when he handed a long one to Tris and Warcford got away with the goods.

“Church waving a red lantern.”

“Roger was caught off his beat and chased to the station by Johnny and Hal.”

Farther over in the box Tim heard some ticker talk about the market, etc., and he went over to see if he could decipher the stuff that was being sent out by Sid Mercury, of the Salesman’s Review.

“Ty hurried out to see what was being offered in the market, but after missing the best there was, he sent an inquiry up among the dollar sitters and when he again thought he saw a good thing he found it was only a tip which Roger had acted on.

“The mighty Hagner Honused forward and after inspecting the Mellen spring samples gave an order for three bags, paying for two for immediate delivery. Beach the credit man canceled the order for the extra bag claiming Honus’ credit wasn’t good for the third but he wasn’t anxious to extend himself anyhow.

“Hal came up but he wasn’t ready to buy although he did make a pretty fair offer to Hollins for the best he had in the shop, which the latter turned down through his manager.

“Honus had, however, done so well in negotiating his two bags by this time that he hurried home to look for more bargains.

“When Mellen drove the next one down the lane Arthur hitched a fly kid on to his wagon and he gave it a long ride to Warcford.”

There was a fellow sitting some distance away who had on a sailor suit and Tim asked him who he was. “I’m Sam Lane, of Man of War’s Man, and I’m telling the boys about the game in the style they like.”

“In the first half of the fifth Miner sent one up through the outside passage after it was two and three and the Harbor Master gave The Laird clearance papers for the next port of call. The Laird then turned pirate and started to run wild on the high seas with the patrol ship Gibbie in hot pursuit when the Pirate Brig Beach made a sortie under short bunting and the fight was centered on the Beach while The Laird entered a cove at Delvin’s Island.

“Captain Church, of the Pirate League, then set all sails and primed the guns to squeeze the enemy, while The Laird made a dash for the home shelter, but he miss-fired and The Laird went to the Gibbie as a prize.

“Captain Church then made an effort to rescue himself by jumping with a lifesaver, but the latter floated toward Delvin’s Island while the tide carried the captain toward Caseville, and Hal got him out with a jerk.

“Gibbie came alongside and launched a screamer to the side one should always pass on. Miner laid himself on the altar and Gibbie jumped to the second landing.”

Just as Tim was going back to his seat he heard Norman Rhodes, of the Churchman, clicking it off like this.

“The Human Crab then offered his mite, but it was tainted money that dropped into Roger’s contribution box.”

And farther along he caught the reporter for Janitors’ Hints sending this.

“Captain Larke pushed a vacuum cleaner to La Joy which picked up dust all the way and reached first when Larry couldn’t stop the motor and Gibbie was beating the rug at the near station.”

Tim then asked Van Lent, of the National Detective, how he liked the game and the latter handed him his report of the next half inning saying, “You can see what I am saying about it.”

“Larke wirelessed Gibbie the code word for the double pilfer and although Pinkerton Roger received the message too he was afraid to leave the home station without an operator and couldn’t prevent the captain from committing the crime.

“Mellen pinned four stripes to Talkington’s batting suit, filling all the cells, and then Robb tried to arrange a get away for the bunch by a breakaway over the center fence but the Chief Hawkeye of the Jefferson outer guard stone-walled it and the prisoners were all sent to the yard.”

S. C. Rice, of the Bakers’ and Confectioners’ Daily was kneading his report of the game into shape so that his folks could see it and he was going along like this.

“Hollins, who was the first to stir the batter in the sixth, hoisted a wad of dough to Ty whose fingers were buttered, however, and Eddie was presented with the first bun.

“It tasted like more and Eddie reached through the kitchen window and stole the second.

“Larry loafed around the office door and they gave him a pass to the free lunch counter. Warcford started one toward China which Hal dug out of the turf, and snow balled to Arthur, who congealed to it in time to put Hollins on ice.”

Passing back to his regular seat Tim heard the operator for English Society who happened to be Buckingham Roseberry wiring this to his sheet.

“Twitchell jolted a bounder to Childe Harold who diverted it to Hans, eliminating Warcford and then returned to his doorstep in time to put the ‘not-at-home’ sign out before Martin called, when Hans handed it to him.”

The readers of Ivory Ball Review were going to be entertained the next day by a description of the contest, which ran something like the following, from Hugh Fullers their correspondent.

“Hans miscued twice and then made a two cushion shot into the second pocket. Delvin attempted a follow through on a shot to the right corner, but was kissed off by Church. Gibbie tried a long draw past the middle pocket but was froze, Mellen to Church and all he got was, ‘You ought to have had it.’”

While Ernest Banigan, of the Daily Provision Market, was crowding the telegraph lines with the following rehash, although Tim thought that in the last part of the report of the particular play noted Erny was getting his wires crossed, though he may have been reporting for Motor and The Watch Tower as well.

“Brest hit the hole in three large doughnuts that Miner passed to him from the pretzel station, Mellen’s barker went into the Hagner-Case sausage factory. Laird hoisted a cuckoo over Delvin’s tower, which Arthur almost caged with his hands over his belfry and Harry motored to first but had his tire punctured by Gibbie and Hans between the first and second controls.”

Medil Larder, of the National Butcher, handed up this contribution when Tim asked for a sample of his style.

“Black, the first to show his willingness in the Lowell half, burned one at Church, who assaulted it for a knockout with a side swipe from Mellen.

“Everson sneaked one to Hollins which treated Eddie like the pig in the alley did the bow-legged man and Johnny ambled to the first feed trough. Larke chased one to second which Larry stabbed and Johnny was slaughtered at the midway and sent to the packing house.

“Larke jumped into the chute and slid all the way to the second salt bag.

“Larke jumped into the chute.”

“Talkington sneaked down the line on a bunt which caught all the infield pickets napping while the captain dusted the near bag with his sun shield.

“Robb’s fat was a foul that went into Hollins’ pan and the inning was in the soup.”

And Jacob Morass, of the Farm Weekly and the Country Banker was killing two birds with one stone like this.

“In the eighth act the curtain rose with Little Tommy Beach in the center of the stage.

“Tommy hit a bender on the wishbone and boosted it to the middle gate, but Talkington hugged it for an early demise, and his wishbone was where his backbone ought to be.

“Church winged a broiler to the poultry farm back of first and Case wrung its neck. Hollins pushed a fresh-laid one over the edge of the plate which Gibbie scrambled and Eddie reached his nest.

“Larry knocked four over the barn and then straightened the kinks in the next one which went for a repeater to Tris and Eddie wiped his feet on the ‘welcome’ mat at home.

“Sam, the Kansas farmer, dug a furrow between Arthur and Hans and planted himself at Caseburg while Larry drove his hack all the way to the barn on the dead run.”

L. Moore Betts, of the Commercial, with its varied class of readers tried to cover all the trades from Wall Street to Bill Boards and was turning out page after page of this kind of stuff.

“The Certified Accounts made their report showing the large surplus of two for Jefferson and it looked like bankruptcy for Lowell.

“Hughie went down to the Curb Market and started to bid up prices.

“Hans uncorked a popper that he traded for a single hassock.

“Hal unbuckled a blue domer which Warcford kittened to and Hans was anchored.

“Arthur unbridled a broncho bucker that chortled down between Eddie and Laird and ran to Sam, and Hans pranced down to the midway. Gibbie expired on three fractures, and the Candy Kid came up with his box of sweets.

“While Mellen was smacking his lips Hans and Arthur sneaked behind the counter and touched the ticket box for a ride to the next branch stores, but when Huyler tried to stamp his trade-mark on the billboards, Twitchell was there with an order that canceled his permit.”

Rothe Child, of The American Youth, jumped from tin soldiers to airships for his similies and Tim thought that a half inning would be enough.

“The Infant Prodigy was now sent to the front to propel the puzzlers.

“He put up a jig saw that Twitchell fitted together and made a bird that lit in right.

“Roger danced a jig at the plate to amuse the Babe, and was told to lead the march.

“Twitchell and Roger advanced farther into the enemy’s country over Mellen’s dead body and Laird came out of hiding.

“Harry unlimbered a Zeppelin Limited that had the ‘standing-room-only’ sign out as it started on the air-line track toward Honusburg. Hans set the signals against it and then climbed into the empyrean blue for a puncture that wrecked the airship, and Twitchell was overcome at the home station when Gibbie told him the news.

“Babe was sued when he assaulted young Beach, and the jury awarded him damages to the extent of one free ride, and there was a rooster on every perch in the coop.”

Sol Singer, of the Volunteer Fireman, heard what Tim was doing by this time and he said, “How do you like this.”

“Things were as exciting as a ‘Fighting-the-Flames’ show at Coney Island and the Lowell boys had offers of passes for ‘A trip to the moon.’

“The captain of the Arson Band sneaked forward to light the fuse and start the conflagration while his pals hauled down the champions’ flag and as the infant burned the third one over the Captain fired a dynamite bomb over Delvin Square to set fire to the city, and the robbers got busy. Little Arthur, however, guarding his station, was prepared to die a patriot and although he had to handle it with gloves he knocked it down and quickly turned in the alarm calling out all reserves.

“He then proceeded calmly to throw the thing out of the lot, but missed, and it was headed for the top floor of the Lowell Hall of Heroes which it would have destroyed had not Hal got out his scaling ladder and grabbed it as it was going through and the Arson crew was sent away when Hal came down with the evidence.”

By this, however, Tim thought it was time to put a little of himself in to the report, and he contributed the last half of the ninth himself.

“Then it was up to the Dr. Lawrence’s Willing Workers to beat it to the woods and not come back empty-handed if they wanted any supper that night, with little brother Hughie tugging at the apron strings telling how hungry he was.

“Johnny was the first to shoulder his gun and walked down the lane boldly with his chin in the air, promising to come back with one bag full at least.

“He saw game, too, but after pulling the trigger three times discovered his gun wasn’t loaded and came back for ammunition, but was sent to bed without partaking of the feast.

“Larke started out with his double-barrel shotgun all loaded and primed and saw tracks immediately, but as luck would have it when he followed them over behind La Joy’s barn old man Larry grabbed him and chased him out of the lot through the first gate.

“Tris stirred up three crows and a couple of whistlers as soon as he got to the shooting grounds. The crows were too far away, however, and the whistlers were too fast for good shooting, so he waited. Tris became discouraged when the next was a crow which landed on the ground in front of him and the game warden told him they were running better down by the first turn.

“Ty walked to the firing line with just one bullet in his rifle with which he winged a bird that dropped in right field, Ty going to the first trap while Tris ran to the third, with Laird and Twitchell trying to put salt on his tail. Ty then grabbed Larry’s bag and he had two.

“Hans was sent out to bring in the game, and Mellen, who was operating the trap, was ordered to serve four of the closed season kind and chase him to the duck pond.

“The first was a ladybird far out to the right, the next was a mud hen that hugged the ground, the third was a waxwing far out of Hans’ reach. The fourth was a moth ball intended to lay Hans away for good; but he made one of his muscle-racking lunges, and hitting that moth ball on the solar plexus, released a humming bird that darted where the nightingale warbles its lay and the glowworm glimmers, while Hans snatched four full bags and almost beat Tris and Ty to the supper table, and the suspense was ended.”

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