  If I could only see you again— If I could only see you again! How can it be I shall never see you again? For the world has shown it can roll on its way And blot you out forever— And I shall never see you again! I thrill as one who slips on the edge of a gulf When I think I shall never see you again! As a dead leaf is hurtled over the tops of trees; As a dead leaf is dizzily driven through woodland valleys I am driven and tossed in the storms of living. But as the dead leaf escapes the breeze’s fingers, And sinks till it nestles motionless under a rock So in quiet moments I dream Of you, I dream of all that you were— And I shall never see you again! There never was any one like you! There never yet was such joy in a heart, Such love to love, Such thought to see how life is good, Such maternal passion, Such breasts eager to nurse child after child— And I shall never see you again! Your breasts were made to suckle conquerors, Warriors, prophets, Invincible souls Loving life, and loving death at last. And now your breasts are dust, You are all dust, You are lost save for my memory. And this morning I woke As a leaf might wake in its sheltered place Under the rock Stirred by a breath of April. And I lived again the last time I saw you— The last visit! You were almost ninety then. But there was the old zest in your heart To do all things and have all things Unchanged, as I had known them As a boy. You gave me the same room, Nothing was changed, And you came up-stairs before it was day And lighted a fire in the little stove To have the room warm for me to dress in— There never was love like yours! And I went down to the kitchen and found you Frying batter cakes, and laughing, And bringing back my boyhood days With the old stories. And how you kissed me, and hugged me With your withered arms! And then you sat down with me, And ate with me as of old, And brought out priceless jars of things Which you had made and saved for me! The breath of memory stirs me Under the rock. I must have the madness of life to drive me, To toss me Into forgetfulness of my loss of you— For I shall never see you again! |
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