VANKA'S BIRTHDAY I

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BEAT, drum! Rub-a-dub-dub! Blow, trumpets! Toot-a-toot-too!

This is Vanka's birthday. Let's have music. All are welcome. Come, let us gather. Rub-a-dub-dub! Toot-a-toot-too! Vanka is strutting about in his new red blouse, exclaiming:

"Brothers, you are welcome. There is plenty to eat. The soup is made of the freshest shavings; the cutlets of the very best and cleanest sand; doughnuts of different-colored papers; tea of the finest boiling water. You are all welcome. Music, play! Rub-a-dub-dub! Rub-a-dub-dub! Toot-a-toot-too!"

The room was crowded with visitors. The first to arrive was the bulging Wooden Top.

"Z-z-z! Z-z-z! Where is the birthday child? Z-z-z! Z-z-z! I am very fond of making merry in good company."

The next to arrive were two Dolls; one, blue-eyed Anya with a slightly damaged nose; the other, black-eyed Katya with one arm missing. Both came in very modestly and sat down on the toy couch.

"Let us see the treat Vanka has for us," said Anya, "I think he boasts too much. The music isn't bad, but I have my doubts about the treat."

"Anya, you are always grumbling," said Katya, chidingly.

"And you are always ready to argue," said Anya.

The Dollies had a little argument and were just about to quarrel, when a much worn Clown hobbled in on one leg, and made peace.

"Ladies, patience! Everything will be very nice and we will have a good time. Of course, I have only one leg, but Top isn't any better off than I am. See him spin on his one leg. Hello, old Top!"

"Z-z-z! Z-z-z! Hello! Why does one of your eyes look as if someone had punched you?"

"Nonsense! I fell off the couch. Worse things than that happen."

"Oh, I know that. Spinning, I sometimes strike my head against the wall full force."

"It's a good thing your head is empty," said Clown.

"All the same, it hurts. Z-z-z! Just try it and you'll find out."

Clown only clapped his brass cymbals in answer. He was really a very light-minded fellow.

Then came Petrooshka, bringing along with him a crowd of visitors: his own wife, Matryona Ivanovna; the German doctor, Carl Ivanovitch; and a huge-nosed Gypsy, riding on a three-legged horse.

"Now, Vanka, receive your visitors!" said Petrooshka gaily, tapping his own nose. "They're all fine. Look at my own wife, Matryona Ivanovna! Isn't she splendid? She is as fond of tea as a duck is of water."

"We will find some tea for her, Master Petrooshka, and we are always glad to see good company," said Vanka. "Please sit down, Matryona Ivanovna. Carl Ivanovitch, pray be seated."

Then came Mr. Bear with Mr. Rabbit, Gray Billy Goat and Waddling Duckling, Mr. Rooster and Mr. Wolf. There was plenty of room for everyone.

The last to arrive was Verotchka's Slipper with Verotchka's Broom. They looked around and found all seats occupied.

"Never mind. I'll stand in the corner," said Broom.

Slipper said nothing, but crept silently under the couch. She was a venerable old Slipper, very much worn. She was slightly embarrassed by the tiny hole near her toe, but she hoped that under the couch no one would notice that.

"Music, start!" ordered Vanka. "Drum, beat! Rub-a-dub-dub! Trumpets toot! Toot-a-toot-too!"

Immediately the guests became merry and gay.

II

AT the beginning, the party was splendid. Drum did his own beating, and Trumpet his own tooting. Top buzzed, Clown beat his cymbals and Petrooshka squealed with all his might. It was merry and gay.

"Friends, be happy!" called Vanka, smoothing his flaxen curls.

Anya and Katya laughed in their shrill voices, clumsy Bear danced with little Broom, Gray Billy Goat strutted about with Waddling Duck, Clown tumbled about, showing off his tricks, and Dr. Carl Ivanovitch, chatting with Matryona Ivanovna, asked:

"Does your stomach ache, Matryona Ivanovna?"

"Why, no, Carl Ivanovitch," replied Matryona Ivanovna, offended. "What makes you think that?"

"Just show me your tongue," insisted the Doctor.

"Leave me alone, please."

"I'm here," rang the thin voice of Silver Spoon, with which Verotchka ate her cereal. She had been lying quietly on the table until the Doctor spoke of showing a tongue. Then she jumped up, for she knew that the Doctor always needed her help when he looked at Verotchka's tongue.

"Oh, no! Not that!" piped Matryona Ivanovna, waving her arms comically, as if she were a windmill.

"Very well. I will not burden you with my services," said little Spoon, very much offended. She was growing angry, when little Top came spinning up to her and invited her to dance. Top hummed. Little Spoon rang.

Little Slipper could resist no longer. She crept out from under the couch and whispered to little Broom:

"I love you very much, little Broom."

Little Broom closed her eyes softly and sighed: she loved to be loved. She was such a modest little Broom, never boasting as others do,—for instance, Matryona Ivanovna, Anya, and Katya. These dollies always liked to make fun of other people's failings, saying:

"Clown has but one leg. Petrooshka's nose is too long. Carl Ivanovitch is bald. Gypsy is like a firebrand."

But Vanka, the birthday child, was criticized most of all.

"He is too much of a moujik," Katya said.

"And he boasts too much," added Anya.

After dancing and making merry, they all sat down at the table and the real feast began. The dinner passed as a real birthday dinner should; not without a few mishaps, however. Bear almost ate Rabbit, mistaking him for the cutlet. Top nearly came to blows with Gypsy about little Spoon. You see, Gypsy wanted to steal little Spoon and he tried to put her into his pocket. Petrooshka, a well-known squabbler, quarrelled with his wife over nothing at all.

"Matryona Ivanovna, be calm," urged Carl Ivanovitch.

"Petrooshka is really kind. Perhaps your head aches. I have wonderful powders for headaches."

"Doctor, do leave her alone," said Petrooshka. "She is an impossible woman. I love her very much. Come Matryona Ivanovna, let us kiss and be friends."

"Hurrah!" shouted Vanka. "That's much better than quarreling. I hate to see people quarrel. Just look ..."

Then something quite unexpected happened, something so horrible, it's dreadful to relate.

Drum beat—rub-a-dub-dub! Trumpets blew—toot-a-toot-too. Clown clanged his cymbals. Little Spoon laughed in her silver voice. Top hummed. Rabbit shouted merrily, "Bo! Bo! Bo!" Porcelain Dog barked loudly. Rubber Cat meowed gently. Bear stamped his feet with such force that the floor shook. Gayest of all was Gray Billy Goat. He was the best dancer. And he shook his beard so comically and bleated "Baa! Baa! Baa!" in his cracked voice.

III

HOW did it all happen? That is hard to tell because of all the guests only Verotchka's Slipper remembered just what had transpired. She was the only sensible one. She crept away under the couch just in time.

This is how it all happened. First the Wooden Blocks went up to Vanka to congratulate him. No-No-NO. That isn't how it started. The Blocks really did go up to Vanka, but the real cause of the trouble was Katya. Yes, it was all her fault. This pretty little rascal, towards the very end of the dinner, whispered to Anya:

"Anya, who do you think is the prettiest of all here?"

It was quite a simple question to ask, but Matryona Ivanovna, overhearing it, grew frightfully offended and asked Katya:

"Do you think my Petrooshka is ugly?"

"Nobody thinks that," answered Katya, trying to defend herself. But it was too late.

"Of course, his nose is too big," continued Matryona Ivanovna, "but that is hardly noticeable, if you look at him sideways. I know he has a bad habit of squealing and squabbling with people but he is really very kind. And as for brains ..."

She was unable to finish because the Dolls began to argue with so much heat that they attracted everybody's attention. The first to interfere was, of course, Petrooshka himself.

"It's true, Matryona Ivanovna," said he, "I am the handsomest here."

Then the men were all offended.

"Just listen to this conceited Petrooshka!" said they. "It's disgusting!"

Clown was not much of a talker, so he was silently offended. But Dr. Carl Ivanovitch almost shouted:

"Does that mean that the rest of us are monsters? Gentlemen, I congratulate you!"

There was great noise and confusion. Gypsy shouted something in his own language. Bear growled. Wolf howled. Gray Billy Goat bawled. Top hummed. They all shouted their offense.

"Gentlemen, stop!" pleaded Vanka. "Please pay no attention to Petrooshka. I am sure he was only jesting."

It was all in vain. Carl Ivanovitch was noisier and more excited than the rest. He even pounded his fist on the table and shouted:

"Gentlemen, this is a fine treat, I must say! We were invited here only to be told that we are monsters!"

"Ladies and gentlemen!" shouted Vanka, trying in vain to be heard. "If monsters are under discussion, there is but one monster here. It is I! Now are you satisfied?"

Then, let us see what happened next....

Carl Ivanovitch completely lost control and flew at Petrooshka, with a threatening fist.

"If I were not an educated man, knowing how to behave properly in decent society, I would say to you, 'Master Petrooshka, you are quite a fool.'"

Knowing Petrooshka's squabbling disposition, Vanka tried to get between him and the Doctor, but on his way, his fist caught Petrooshka's long nose. Petrooshka thought that it was not Vanka, but the doctor who had struck him. And that's how it all began.

Petrooshka clutched at the doctor. Gypsy, seated at one side, began without any provocation to pummel Clown. Bear threw himself with a growl upon Wolf. Top hit Billy Goat with his empty head. In a word, there was a row. Dolls squealed in their shrill voices and all three fainted with fright.

"I'm fainting," screamed Matryona Ivanovna, falling off the couch.

"Gentlemen! What does all this mean?" pleaded Vanka. "Gentlemen! Is this not my birthday? Gentlemen! This is rude!"

It was a real fight. The confusion was so great that it was impossible to tell who was beating whom. Vanka tried to separate the fighters, but it ended in his beating anybody and everybody who came within his arm's reach. And as he was the strongest, his guests came off pretty badly.

"Help! Help! Heavens' help!" cried Petrooshka, loudest of all, trying to strike the Doctor.

"They are murdering Petrooshka! Help! Help!"

Slipper was the only one who escaped the fight. She crept under the couch just in time. She closed her eyes in fear. Rabbit, seeking safety, hid inside Slipper.

"Where are you going?" grumbled Slipper.

"Keep still! They might hear us and then both of us would get it," pleaded little Rabbit, peeping through the tiny hole in Slipper's toe. "What a rascal that Petrooshka is! He beats everyone and shouts loudest of all. He's a fine guest, I must say! You know I hardly got away from Wolf. My! it's horror, just to think of it! Just see Duckling with her tiny legs up. Poor thing! She must be dead."

"How foolish you are, little Rabbit," said Slipper. "All the dolls have fainted and so has Duckling."

They fought and fought and fought until Vanka drove away all the guests except the Dolls.

Matryona Ivanovna, tired of lying in a faint, opened one eye and asked:

"Where am I? Doctor, will you see if I am still alive?"

No one answered her and Matryona Ivanovna opened her other eye. The room was empty except for Vanka, who stood in the center looking around, much astonished. Anya and Katya also revived and they, too, were amazed. Something horrible must have happened.

"You're a fine birthday child, I must say!" simultaneously exclaimed the Dolls, addressing Vanka, who did not know what to answer.

Someone hit him; he hit someone. Why? Wherefore? He did not know.

"I really do not know how it all happened," said Vanka. "The thing that hurts most is that I love them all. All without exception."

"We know how it all happened," called Slipper and Rabbit from under the couch. "We saw it all."

"It is all your fault," said Matryona Ivanovna, accusing little Slipper and Rabbit. "Of course, it is you who are to blame. You started the row and then you ran away and hid."

"They're to blame! They're to blame!" screamed Anya and Katya in chorus.

"Now I see it all," cried Vanka, joyfully. "Get out, you rascals! You only visit people to start quarrels."

Slipper and Rabbit were barely able to make their escape through the window.

"I'll teach you a lesson," threatened Matryona Ivanovna, following in their wake. "There are some nasty people in this world! Even little Duckling will agree with me."

"Yes, yes," said little Duckling. "I saw them hide under the couch." Duckling always agreed with everybody.

"Let the guests return," said Katya. "We can still have a jolly time."

The guests were all glad to come back. Some had black eyes; some limped. Petrooshka's long nose had the worst of it.

"The rascals!" all repeated in chorus, blaming Rabbit and Slipper for everything. "Who would have thought it of them!"

"Oh, I am so tired! My hands are all sore," complained Vanka. "But let us forget it and bear no grudge. Let's have music."

Once more, drum beat—rub-a-dub-dub! Trumpets blew—toot-a-toot-too! And Petrooshka shouted with all his might:

"Hurrah for Vanka!"


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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