T. J. Macnamara

"Political Economy is the science that teaches us to get the greatest benefit out of the least possible amount of honest labour."—WEARY WILLY, JUNIOR.

There is no more universal fallacy than the firmly-rooted prejudice that finds a comment in the old tag that "Everybody's goose is a swan." How impregnably established is this conviction in the parental mind—when in contemplation of the capacity of its wonderful offspring—only teachers know. Eternal are the complaints that whilst Jimmy Miggs has been promoted to the Third Standard "Our Willie" remains in the Second! And brilliant is the diplomacy that is needed to make the situation parentally endurable. Then there is the irate parent, the sacred person of whose immaculate hopeful has been gently touched with the discriminating hand of discreet personal chastisement. Ah me! What havoc such an one can work with the calm serenity of the schoolroom. Strangely enough, it is amongst the thriftless and self-indulgent minority of working classes—those who shockingly neglect and ill-treat their children themselves—that the teacher finds the greatest trouble in this matter of objection even to the most moderate and wisely-administered corporal punishment.

For myself, I hit upon an excellent expedient when the peace of the school was suddenly ravished by the sudden and unbidden entrance of some angry "mother." With great suavity I offered her a chair and considerately pressed her into it. If she could be induced to rehearse her complaints whilst still sitting down the fires of her fury would soon flicker out. Indeed, I have never yet met an angry woman in any walk of life who could sufficiently express her feelings whilst sitting down. Verb. sap.

The parental "Note" is often very amusing, sometimes abusive, and occasionally clever and caustic. Excuses for absence, which involve a reference to ailments with rather unspellable names are, naturally enough, badly boggled. Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Influenza, Lumbago, Inflammation, Diarrhoea—what tribulation these half-dozen words represent to be sure! And what excruciating distortions the parental note bears upon its usually rough and crumpled face. I remember neuralgia once being rendered "real raw jaw," which is not so far out after all! "Very bad with New Roger" is not so near a shot. I also recall a note of excuse that informed the teacher that Charlie couldn't come to school "because he has got haricot veins!" This is as curious as "In bed with Piper's Dance!" I have seen a "note," too, which speaks of Mary being "down with an illustrated throat, with glaciers on both sides!" And, finally, there was once the alarming case of Alfred, who had "gone to the hospital to have some aneroids taken from his nose." But let a few of these little missives speak for themselves:—

A Novel Mode of Travelling.—The following excuse for lateness from a Dover parent is very appropriate to a seaside town: "Dear miss, please excuse mary being late as she as been out on a herring."

Money Market Down.—Here is a verbatim copy of a note received: "Tom is not fit to come to school yet, as doctor Blight said I have to tell you as they have Inflamation in the Consols. John and Harry."

One for the Teachers.—The following note is from an irate parent: "Willie —— was absent From school this morning because Is mother is at market and I have no one here to do anything as you Do know I have Told you before know kindly state the Reason That you and all of The Teachers was absent from school for a month without asking our leave. Mr. A."

"Hary and Emena."—Please sir hary and emena are unfit to attenion school hary is got to go to the infirny with Exmoor and emena all over him and not able to come I have seen Mr. Bennett." This excuse was to convey the information that Harry and Emma had gone to the infirmary because both were suffering from eczema, and that the mother had seen the attendance officer (Mr. Bennett) about it.

To Introduce Maud P.—A new scholar recently appeared at a Board School with the accompanying letter: "Maud P. will be 6 years of age next january 30th 1905 God Willen it she live she have not atended Scoole Much as she is Never well far lange toGether she suffer with a bad feat she have had 2 wounds an it if you like to lett she take off her sliper an shoken you Can see it i fear it will break aut again as it is Very read and inflamed at Night and she Complained of pain it was in the furst place threw a kick fraw another Child at W—— P—— Scoole the Cause kindle see she is not hurt if you plese and Not to wipe she as she is a such a timed Sence Child ben ill so Much have rather spoilt her but she is i trust honest and truful and laven so kindness will do ware sharpness faile she only stain with Me to see if she Gett on all rite as her home is 2 Miles from a Scoole at —— her parents keep she i am her Grandmother & Canat see Very well so i fear My riten will be hard to read."

Parental Rage.—"If you please A—— B—— what made you not give F—— C—— his ticket on Friday for he had been 10 times so he ought to have had it so if you please dont to give him it on Monday morning i shall go farther to work with it. for i think i know more about school then you do for i when their long before you did he as been to school all the week so he as earnt his ticket so if you dont give it to him by fair means you shall by foul so you can please yourself for you are not master nor misstres yet and i dont think that ever you will be we have to pay rates so we have to pay part for the school and it was down right a shame that he was not put up when the others was for he is always at school wet or fine bad or well he never stop away their was never such teachers as you had to teach me when i went to school they know which way to teach a child and that is more than you do if he his not put up before long he shall go to another school for he does reading and writing very well at home at night so by that means he must do it good at school. so if he dont bring his ticket home with him on Monday dinner time you can look for some body to make you give it up for it was not in your place at all to keep it i know school rules."

Dropped into Poetry.—The following couplet was once received in reply to an inquiry as to the reason for absence:—

On another occasion the reply came back:—