Your aid let me ask in a difficult task, Mr. Punch, with the greatest submission;

To win for my name a well-merited fame was always my ardent ambition,

And clearly to-day the least difficult way is to send an appeal to the papers,

To form an intrigue for creating a league against fashion-designers and drapers.

Thereby shall I reap an advertisement cheap, and writers, with much perseverance,

Will furnish as news their apocryphal views on my appetite, age, and appearance;

They all will revere my conviction sincere, and loudly re-echo my praises,

But the thing which, as yet, I'm unable to get, is a novel departure in crazes

The idea shall we float that a swallow-tail coat is only adapted for Vandals?

Write pamphlets, designed to enlighten mankind on the duty of taking to sandals?

Would a hatred of hats, or crusade on cravats, secure us a sympathy louder?

Or shall we assert it is time to revert to patches, knee-breeches, and powder?

Meanwhile, your applause we invite for our Cause—you notice the capital letter—

Subscriptions and fees you may send when you please to the writer, the sooner the better.

But as to the theme of this notable scheme, I wait for a timely suggestion;

Its worth's beyond doubt, but what it's about remains, for the present, a question!