Say! Matches,” said Chucky, removing his nose from his glass, “youse remember d' Jersey Bank? I means d' time youse has to go to cover an 'd' whole mob is pinched in d' hole. Tell us d' story; it's dead int'restin'.”

This last was to me in a husky whisper.

“That play was a case of fail,” remarked Mollie Matches thoughtfully. Then turning to me as chief auditor, he continued. “It's over twenty years ago; just on d' heels of d' Centenyul at Phil'delfy. D' graft was fairly flossy durin 'd' Centenyul, an' I had quite a pot of dough.

“One day a guy comes to me; he's a bank woiker, what d' fly people calls 'a gopher man'; he's a mug who's onto all d' points about safes an' such. Well, as I says, this soon guy comes chasin' to me.

“'Matches,' he says, 'don't say a woid; I'll put youse onto an easy trick. Come wit' me to Jersey, an' I'll show you a bin what's all organised to be cracked. Any old hobo could toin off d' play; it's a walk-over.'

“Wit' that, for I had confidence in this mark, see! We skins over to Jersey, an' he steers me out to a nearby town an' points me out a bank. What makes it a good t'ing is a vacant joint, wit' a 'To Rent' sign in d' window, built dost ag'inst d' side of d' bank.

“'Are youse on?' says d' goph, pointin' his main hook at d' empty house, an' then at d' bank.

“Bein' I'm no farmer meself, I takes no time to tumble. We screws our nuts, me an' d' goph, to d' duck who owns d' house, an 'd' nex' news is we rents it. D' duck who does d' rentin' says he can see we're on d' level d' moment we floats in; but all d' same, if we can bring him a tip or two on d' point of our bein' square people from one or two high rollers whose names goes, he'll take it kindly. We says, suttenly; we fills him to d' chin wit' all d' ref-runces he needs.

“'We won't do a t'ing but send our pastor to youse,' puts in d' goph.

“Good man, me pal was, as ever draws slide on a dark lantern, but always out to be funny.

“We rents d' joint, as I states, an' no more is said about refrunces. Now, when it comes to d' real woik, I ain't goin' to do none, see! I ain't down to dig an' pick; it spoils me hooks for dippin'. What I does is furnish d' tools an 'd' dough.

“I goes back an' gets a whole kit of bank tools—drills, centre-bits, cold-chisels, jointed-jimmies, wedges, pullers, spreaders, fuse, powder, mauls an' mufflers—I gets d' whole t'ing, see! Me pal knows a brace of pards who'll stand in on d' play. He calls 'em in, an' one night d' entire squeeze, wit 'd' tools, goes over an' plants themselfs in d 'empty house. Yes; dey takes grub an' blankets an' all dey needs.

“Before this I goes ag'inst d' bank janitor; an' while he's a fairly downy party, I wins him. D' janitor of d' bank gets a hundred bones, an' I gets a map of d' bank, which shows where d* money is planted an' all about it.

“What's d' idee? Our racket is to tunnel from d' cellar of d' joint we rents, under d' sidewall of d' bank, an' keep on until we reaches d' stuff, see! We're out to do all d' woik we can wit'out lettin' d' bank-crush twig d' graft. Then we waits till Saturday noon. D' bank shuts up on Saturday noon, understan'! An' then we has till Monday at 9 o'clock to finish d' woik. An' say! it's time plenty! It gives us time to boin!

“As I states, I don't do any of d' woik. D' gopher an' his two pals is all d' job calls for. So I lays dead in d' town, ready to split out me piece of d' plunder, an' waits results.

“To hurry me yarn, everyt'ing woiks like it's greased to fit d' play. D' mob gets d' tunnel as far as it'll go. Saturday noon comes an 'd' last sucker who belongs to d' bank skips out. It's then me gopher an' his two pals t'rows themselfs.

“All t'rough Saturday afternoon an' all d' night till daylight Sunday mornin', them gezebos woiks away like dogs. An' say! don't youse ever doubt it! dey was winnin' in a walk.

“But all this time d' pins was set up to do 'em. It was d' same old story. There's always some little nogood bet a crook is sure to overlook, an' it goes d' wrong way an' downs him. Here's what happens:

“In d' foist place, we forgets to take d' 'To Rent' sign out of d' window, see! That's d' beginnin'. Nex,' me goph an' his side-partners digs so much dirt out of d' tunnel it fills d' cellar. Honest! it won't hold no more.

“At this last, dey takes to shovelin 'd' dirt into a bushel basket. Then dey carries it up d' back stairs and dumps it on d' floor of a summer kitchen. Be 7 o'clock Sunday, mebby dey dumps as many as six basketfuls; dumps it, as I tells youse, in this lean-to, which is built on d' rear.

“Now, right at this time there's an old Irish Moll who keeps a boardin' house not far away who is flyin' along to early Mass, bein' dead religious an' leary about her soul, see! This old goil, as she comes sprintin' along, gets her bleary old lamps on d' 'To Rent' card. All at onct d' idee fetches her a t'ump in d' cocoa that d' house would be out of sight for a boardin' joint. Wit' that she steers herself in to take a squint an' size up d' crib.

“D' door is locked, so d' old goil can't come in. Wit' that she leads d' nex' best card an' goes galumpin' round, pipin' off d' place t'rough d' windows. An' say! she gets stuck on it. She t'inks if she can rent it, she can run d' dandy boardin' house of d' ward in it.

“As d' old frail goes round d' place, among all d' rest, she looks t'rough d' windows into d' summer kitchen. She gets onto d' dirt that's dumped, as I states, in one corner. But she don't see none of d' gang, bein' dey's down in d' hole at d' time, so she don't fasten to nothin'.

“At last she's seen enough an' sherries her nibs to d' cat'edral.

“That's all right if it's only d' end; but it ain't. When it gets to about 2 o'clock, this old skate in petticoats goes toinin' nutty ag'in about d' empty house. Over she spins to grab another glimpse, see! When she strikes d' summer kitchen she comes near to throwin' a faint. D' pile of rubbidge is twenty times as big!

“That settles it! d' joint is ha'nted! an' wit' that notion all tangled up in her frizzes d' old mut makes a straight wake for d' priest.

“'D' empty house nex' to d' bank is full of ghosts!' she shouts, an' then she flings her apron over her nut an' comes a fit.

“Now, this priest is about as sudden a party as ever comes over d' ocean. Youse can't give him no stiff about spooks, see! Bein' nex' to d' bank is a hot tip, an' he takes it.

“Nit! he don't go surgin' round for his prayer-books an d' hully water. It would have been a dead good t'ing if he had. Nixie weedin'! D' long-coat sucker don't even come over to d' house.

“What does he do? He sprints for d' nearest p'lice station at a 40 clip, an' fills up d' captain in charge wit 'd' story till youse can't rest. After that, it takes' d' p'lice captain about ten seconts to line up his push; an' be coppin' a sneak, he pinches me gopher an' his two pals right in d' hole. Dey was gettin' along beautiful at d' time, an' in ten hours more dey would have had that bank on d' hog for fair.

Dey was dead games at that. While dey gets d' collar, not one of 'em coughs on me, an' me name ain't never in it from start to finish. Dey was game, true pals from bell to bell, an' stayed d' distance.

“It was d' bummest finish, all d' same, for what looked like d' biggest trick, an' d' surest big money, that I ever goes near. Youse may well peel your peeps! If it wasn't for that old Irish keener an' her ghost stories, in less than ten hours more we wouldn't have got a t'ing but complete action on more'n a million plunks! There was a hay-mow full of money in that bin!

“That's d' last round an' wind-up, as d' pugs puts it. Me gopher an' his pals is handed out ten spaces each, an' I lose me kit of tools. Take it over all, I'm out some four t'ousand dollars on d' deal. A tidy lump of dough to be done out of be a priest, a p'liceman an' an old Irish boardin' boss! D' old loidy lands wit' bot' her trilbys, though; d' bank chucks her a bundle of fly-paper big enough to stan' for all her needs until she croaks, forcuttin' in on our play, see!”