Man is a "forgiving animal," and this is a better definition of him than Plato's "biped without feathers," which the plucked cock demonstrated. Man is the only animal which strikes a bargain. A dog does not exchange a bone with another dog; and however skilful he may be at a steak, he is not at all clever at this sort of "chop."

"Our chops are our masters," says Hobbes; and it is all "a matter of wittles," says Sam Weller. Hence arise the art and mystery of swapping, buying, and selling, and the notion of trade and commerce.

England is per se a nation of shopkeepers—we do every thing upon the principle of small profits and quick returns. To barter the national honour is legitimate policy; to sell up our enemies has been a practice since the days of the Plantagenets.

Hence we can always buy our enemies, if we cannot beat them. Buonaparte, according to the radicals, was sold at Waterloo; we have been recently sold to the Russians; and thus British gold has been always more powerful than British steel.

Ten thousand thanks will be given to any influential gentleman who will procure the advertiser a place of commensurate value under government: an under lord of the treasury, a commissioner of excise, a distributor of stamps, a head clerkship, or any other situation, in which the principal duties are to receive the salary.

Appointments in the army secured without risk, loss, or trouble to the purchaser. Cornetcies, Ensigncies, Lieutenancies, Colonelcies, to be disposed of, at the lowest possible prices. Also a few cast-off ribbons, stars, spurs, and garters, to be had a bargain.

The next presentation to a valuable rectory, to be had for a song. A title for orders, "cheap as dirt." Degrees may be obtained of A.M., LL.D., D.C.L. and D.D., on reasonable terms; and livings wholesale, retail, and for exportation. Apply at the "Bottle-nose Head," York; or at the "Frigasseed surplice," Canterbury.

Comfortable and respectable sittings at Beelzebub Chapel, Brimstone Alley, St. Luke's, under an able minister, by the quarter, month, or year. Pews to hold eight, 2l. 12s. 6d. per annum; single sittings, 10s. The Pewseyites will have the right of election and other privileges.—N.B. No connexion with the parish church next door.

To be sold, peremptorily, the property of a gentleman about to travel, (once a rum cove, now a Sidney cove,) a five-year old hunter, the most splendid horse in Europe, with grand action. Got by Spavin out of Roarer, grandsire Glanders, grandam Botts, warranted sound and without fault; (blemishes are not faults, but misfortunes;) gentle to ride, quiet to drive, warranted to do fourteen stone, or any other weight. Price 120 guineas.—No abatement.

Sale by auction, in Smithfield. Without reserve. A most eligible and desirable lot. Coming in low. Parasol, bustle, and baggage included. My better half. Weight, sixteen stone. Has taken the lead at All Max. Temper, mild (horse-radish). Eloquence, Broughamatic. Voice, Saffernhillish. Person, Nixmydollyish. Talons, cataclawdish.—No abatement.

The idea of trade and commerce naturally leads us to the consideration of the sublime science of Political Economy, which endeavours to dogmatize that profound conundrum, that the natural rate of wages is that which barely affords the labourer the means of subsistence, and of continuing the race of labourers—meaning thereby, the starvation point at which a labourer can be worked. It is assumed that the labourer has so much work in him, and the problem is to draw it out at the least possible cost—of whip or legal enactment—or police forces or military expenditure.

Another leading doctrine of the political economists is, the fatal necessity of starvation. It is maintained, and that seriously, that "God, when he made man, intended that he should be starved;" that human fecundity tends to get the start of the means of subsistence; that the former moves as 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64; but the latter only as 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. The consequence drawn from this proposition is, that poor-laws, or any efforts of charity, are only a childish indulgence of feeling; for since there will be a surplus number, who must at all events be starved, if the life of one is saved by charity, whether public or private, it is only that another may be starved in its stead. Hence the perishing of annual multitudes may be looked upon as a proof of the national wealth; and the poor-law system, and the Queen's Letter, but so much concern utterly useless; and the only remedy for our abundant population is for us to return to the system of the ancients, and legalize a few Herods, or, to go further back, to make every man a Saturn—the eater of his own children.