WHEN I look at our present condition,

And gather the state of the realm

From the names that adorn Opposition

And those of our men at the helm;

I acknowledge that, after perusing

My Telegraph, Standard, and Star,

'Tis a task not a little confusing

To find what my politics are.

By an ultra-Conservative journal

I 'm told that we 're all to give thanks

For a Ministry quite as paternal

As any from Liberal ranks.

By the next, in as urgent a manner,

I'm warn'd against going so far

As to mount the Conservative banner,

Whatever my politics are.

It is easy to draw my deduction—

The papers explain at a glance,

That the Tories are all for obstruction—

The Liberals all for advance.

But, in spite of the Press and its drilling,

If I live to the age of old Parr,

I shall never be able or willing

To say what my politics are.