A LATE ARRIVAL.

"FANCY BALL, SIR! NO, SIR! MISSUS'S FANCY BALL, SIR, WERE LAST TOOSDAY, SIR."

SNUFFED OUT.

"MY EYE, TOMMY! IF 'ERE AIN'T THE SCOTCHMAN HOUT OF THE SNUFF SHOP A TAKIN' A WALK."

THE TEST OF GALLANTRY.

Conductor. "WILL ANY GENT BE SO GOOD AS FOR TO TAKE THIS YOUNG LADY IN HIS LAP?"

ENCOURAGING.

Old Gentleman. "I WANT SOME SHAVING SOAP, MY GOOD LAD."

Boy. "YES, SIR, HERE'S AN HARTICLE I CAN RECOMMEND, FOR I ALWAYS USE IT MYSELF!"

TAKING IT COOLLY.

Old Gent. "NOW, THEN, CABMAN, HOW MUCH TO THE STRAND?"

Cabman. "SIX SHILLIN'!"

Old Gent. "THAT'S TOO MUCH."

Cabman. "WELL: WHAT YOU PLEASE! IT'S TOO HOT TO DISPUTE ABOUT TRIFLES."

DID YOU EVER?

Old Gentleman (politely). "OH, CONDUCTOR! I SHALL FEEL GREATLY OBLIGED TO YOU IF YOU WOULD PROCEED, FOR I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT IN THE STRAND, AND I AM AFRAID I SHALL BE TOO LATE."

Conductor (slamming the door). "GO ON, JIM! HERE'S AN OLD COVE A CUSSIN AND A SWEARING LIKE ANY THINK!!!

PROPRIETY.

PERSONS REPRESENTED. SARAH-JANE. MATILDA.

Scene—Camblin Town.

Sarah-Jane. "OH! YOU 'ORRID DREADFUL STORY! I DIDN'T."

Matilda. "YOU DID NOW, FOR I SEE HIM. I SEE HIM KISS YER. AND HERE HAVE I BIN ENGAGED TO TOMMY PRICE FOR YEARS, AND NEVER SO MUCH AS WALKED ARM-IN-ARM WITH HIM!"

A COURT DRESS.

"OH! JUST AIN'T PEOPLE PROUD WHAT HAVE GOT PAIRASOLES!"

A VALUABLE ANIMAL.

Gentleman (fond of dogs). "SAGACIOUS? OH, VERY! WHY, HE NEVER SEES AN OLD GENTLEMAN, BUT HE PULLS OFF HIS HAT AND RUNS AWAY WITH IT. HE'LL FETCH A DUCK OFF A POND; AND HE'S SUCH A NOTION OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF THAT HE COSTS ME FULL A GUINEA A WEEK FOR THE LEGS OF MUTTON HE STEALS."

CRUEL!

Snob. "'AVE A CIGAR, COACHEE?"

Swell Busman. "NO, THANKEE—I ONLY SMOKE TOBACCER!"

FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

Policeman. "HA! THAT'S THE WAY YOU DRINK THE BEER WHEN YOU'RE SENT OF A HERRAND?"

Genius. "AND THE RIGHT WAY TOO—AIN'T IT?"

THE JOYS OF OCEAN.

Smith. "WELL, BROWN! THIS IS BETTER THAN BEING STEWED UP IN A RAILWAY! EH?"

Brown (faintly). "OH—IM-MEASURABLY SU-PERIOR."

UNFEELING OBSERVATION.

Vulgar Little Boy. "OH, LOOK HERE, BILL! HERE'S A POOR BOY BIN AND HAD THE HINFLUENZA, AND NOW HE'S BROKE OUT ALL OVER BUTTONS AND RED STRIPES."

IN FOR IT.

"HALLO, SIR! ARE YOU AWARE YOU'RE TRESPASSING THERE?"

ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY PIE.

Little Boy. "OH, LOR, MAR, I FEEL JUST EXACTLY AS IF MY JACKET WAS BUTTONED."

VERY FINE FRUIT.

Newspaper Boy (reads). "A GENTLEMAN IN THE N-E-I-G-H—NEIGHBOURHOOD OF——, HAS AT THE PRESENT TIME SEVERAL E-NORMOUS GOOSEBERRIES IN HIS GARDEN, WHICH MEASURE TEN INCHES IN C-I-R-CIR C-U-M-CUM F-E-R-FER E-N-C-E-ENCE CIRCUMFERENCE, AND ARE OF THE A-S-AS ASTON ASTONISHING WEIGHT OF THREE HOUNCES HEACH."

His Friend. "OH, WHAT WHOPPERS! WOULDN'T I LIKE A PINT!"

A PHILOSOPHER.

Harriet. "ST! ST! ST! DEAR ME, NOW, I'VE BROKEN MY COMB, AND ALL MY BACK HAIR'S COME DOWN. WHAT WITH BRUSHING, AND DRESSING, AND CURLING, AND ONE THING AND THE OTHER, WHAT A PLAGUE ONE'S HAIR IS TO BE SURE!"

Young Fellow. "WELL, HARRIET, WE ARE ALL BOTHERED WITH SOMETHING. LOOK AT US MEN; WE HAVE TO SHAVE EVERY MORNING, SUMMER AND WINTER!"

MATERNAL SOLICITUDE.

Mamma. "GEORGINA! GEORGINA!"

Georgina. "WELL, MA. HOW YOU DO FIDGET ONE!" Mamma. "SHOULDERS, MY LOVE; SHOULDERS! PRAY HOLD YOURSELF UP. YOU'RE STOOPING AGAIN DREADFULLY."

FANCY PORTRAIT.

THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SENDS A FIFTY-POUND NOTE FOR UNPAID INCOME-TAX TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.

VERY FINE TALKING!

"NOW, THEN, SIR, JUMP UP ON THE ROOF, AND LOOK SHARP, PLEASE, SIR, HERE'S T'OTHER BUS A-COMING."

HOW TO SUIT THE TASTE.

Waiter. "GENT IN NO. 4 LIKES A HOLDER AND A THINNER WINE, DOES HE? I WONDER HOW HE'LL LIKE THIS BIN?"

MAKING THE MOST OF IT.

AN AFFAIR OF IMPORTANCE.

Harriet. "OH! I'M SO GLAD YOU ARE COME, BLANCHE! I'VE BEEN SO PERPLEXED I COULD SCARCELY SLEEP ALL NIGHT."

Blanche. "WELL! WHAT IS IT, DEAR?"

Harriet. "WHY, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO HAVE MY NEW MERINO FROCK VIOLET OR DARK BLUE!"

A LONDON GENT ABROAD.

Scene—A CafÉ in Paris.

London Gent. "GARCONG! TAS DE CORFEE!"

GarÇon. "BIEN, M'SIEU'—VOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE ZEE 'TIMES'?"

London Gent. "HANG THE FELLER! NOW, I WONDER HOW THE DOOSE HE FOUND OUT I WAS AN ENGLISHMAN!"

SYMPTOMS OF WET WEATHER.

Tom. "HOLLO, SAM, WHAT THE JUICE ARE YOU CARRYING OF?"

Sam. "'CLARISSA ARLO,' FOR MISSIS."

PITY THE SORROWS OF THE POOR POLICE.

"LOR, SOOSAN! HOW'S A FELLER TO EAT MEAT SUCH WEATHER AS THIS? NOW, A BIT O' PICKLED SALMON AND COWCUMBER, OR A LOBSTER SALAD MIGHT DO."

THE DERBY EPIDEMIC.

GENTLEMEN,

OWING TO SUDDEN AND VERY SEVERE INDISPOSITION, I REGRET TO SAY THAT I SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE OFFICE TO-DAY. I HOPE, HOWEVER, TO BE ABLE TO RESUME MY DUTIES TO-MORROW.

I AM, GENTLEMEN,
YOURS VERY OBEDIENTLY,
PHILIP COX.

HOW TO GET RID OF A GRATIS PATIENT.

"SO YOU'VE TAKEN ALL YOUR STUFF, AND DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER, EH? WELL, THEN, WE MUST ALTER THE TREATMENT; YOU MUST GET YOUR HEAD SHAVED; AND IF YOU WILL CALL HERE TO-MORROW ABOUT ELEVEN, MY PUPIL HERE WILL PUT A SETON IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK."

THE FISH DINNER.

"THE WHITEBAIT SEEM VERY LARGE, WAITER?"

"YES, SIR; VERY FINE AT PRESENT, SIR."

A HIGHLAND GAME IN A LONDON STREET.

PORTRAIT OF THE BOY WHO WON THE PRIZE FOR "PUTTING A STONE" THROUGH A WINDOW.

PRODIGIOUS!

Schoolmistress. "YOU SEE, MY LOVE—IF I PUNCTURE THIS INDIA-RUBBER BALL IT WILL COLLAPSE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Child. "OH, YES, I UNDERSTAND—IF YOU PRICK IT, IT WILL GO SQUASH."

BLESS THE BOY!

Old Lady. "NOW, ARTHUR, WHICH WILL YOU HAVE? SOME OF THIS NICE PUDDING, OR SOME JAM TART?"

Juvenile. "NO PASTRY, THANK-YE, AUNT. IT SPOILS ONE'S WINE SO. I DON'T MIND A DEVILLED BISCUIT, THO', BY-AND-BY, WITH MY CLARET."

(Old Lady turns all manner of colours.

HOOKING AND EYEING.

Angelina (the Wife of his Bussum). "WELL, EDWIN, IF YOU CAN'T MAKE THE 'THINGS,' AS YOU CALL THEM, MEET, YOU NEED NOT SWEAR SO. IT'S REALLY QUITE DREADFUL."

A GAY YOUNG FELLOW.

Young Rapid. "YOU ARE QUITE SURE THIS IS THE CORRECT DRESS FOR A YOUNG FELLOW OF THAT PERIOD, EH?"

Mr. Noses. "OH, PERFECTLY CORRECT, SIR; AND REALLY LOOKS SPLENDID ON YER!"

"DE GUSTIBUS," &c., &c.

Snip. "THAT'S A SWEET THING FOR A WAISTCOAT, SIR, AND WOULD LOOK UNCOMMON WELL UPON YOU, SIR!"

JEALOUSY.

Betrothed (who does not dance the Polka). "I SHOULD LIKE TO PUNCH HIS HEAD—A CONCEITED BEAST!"

SPECULATORS.

"THIS AIN'T SUCH A WERRY BAD IDEA, IS IT, JIM? HERE'S THE GREAT DIDDLESEX WRITES TO ME FOR FIVE BOB ON A HUNDRED AN' FIFTY SHARES; AND, TO SAVE TROUBLE, VANTS THE NAME OF MY SOLICITUR."

A PROFESSIONAL MAN.

Medical Student. "WELL, OLD FELLOW, SO YOU'VE 'PASSED' AT LAST."

Consulting Surgeon. "YES; BUT I DON'T GET MUCH PRACTICE, SOMEHOW—ALTHOUGH I AM NEARLY ALWAYS AT HOME, IN CASE ANY ONE SHOULD CALL."

INTERESTING SCENE DURING THE CANVASS FOR MR. ——. NOT A HUNDRED MILES FROM ——.

Wife of Free and Independent. "OH! AIN'T HE A HAFFABLE GENTLEMAN, TUMMUS?"

Free and Independent. "AH! JUST AIN'T 'UN. I SHOULDN'T WONDER IF I WARN'T ABLE TO PAY MY RENT TO-MORRER!"

MURDER WILL OUT.

Mrs. Smith. "IS MRS. BROWN IN?"

Jane. "NO, MEM, SHE'S NOT AT HOME."

Little Girl. "OH! WHAT A HORRID STORY, JANE! MA'S IN THE KITCHEN, HELPING COOK!"

DOING A LITTLE BILL.

"YOU SEE, OLD BOY, IT'S THE MEREST FORM IN THE WORLD. YOU HAVE ONLY TO—WHAT THEY CALL—ACCEPT IT, AND I'LL FIND THE MONEY WHEN IT COMES DUE."

Victim. "COME ALONG—GIVE US THE PEN."

A PLEASANT STREET GAME.

Old Gent. "CONFOUND THE BOYS AND THEIR TOPS! WHERE ARE THE POLICE?"