Many years ago when I was a boy at school, we had over our class an ancient and spectacled schoolmaster who was as kind at heart as he was ferocious in appearance, and whose memory has suggested to me the title of this book.

It was his practice, on any outburst of gaiety in the class-room, to chase us to our seats with a bamboo cane and to shout at us in defiance:

I find by experience that there are quite a number of indulgent readers who are good enough to adopt the same expectant attitude towards me now.

STEPHEN LEACOCK

McGILL UNIVERSITY MONTREAL

November 1, 1916

CONTENTS

PREFACE

FOLLIES IN FICTION

I. Stories Shorter Still

CHAPTER ONE AND ONLY

II. Snoopopaths; or, Fifty Stories in One

III. Foreign Fiction in Imported Instalments.

CHAPTER I

CHAPTER II

CHAPTER III

CHAPTER IV

Movies and Motors, Men and Women

(II) THE MINISTER WHOSE CHURCH HE ATTENDS

(III) HIS PARTNER AT BRIDGE

(IV) HIS HOSTESS AT DINNER

(III)

X. A Study in Still Life—My Tailor

Peace, War, and Politics

XI. Germany from Within Out

XIII. In Merry Mexico

XIV. Over the Grape Juice; or, The Peacemakers

XV. The White House from Without In

Timid Thoughts on Timely Topics

XVI. Are the Rich Happy?

XVII. Humour as I See It