| Introduction: WASHINGTON CONFIDENTIAL | ix |
| Part One—THE PLACES (Confidential!) |
| 1. | DISTRICT OF CONFUSION
Washington’s whys and wherefores, guaranteed to mystify, amaze and amuse. | 1 |
| 2. | “GORGEOUS” GEORGETOWN
No relation to the wrestler, only sometimes he makes more sense than the rich big domes and fancy queers who reside in this made-to-order Greenwich Village. | 8 |
| 3. | NW COULD MEAN NOWHERE
North West is the only section of Washington which counts. On the other hand, what is there in it you won’t find in Denver, Detroit or Dubuque, except the White House? | 12 |
| 4. | NOT-SO-TENDER TENDERLOIN
Where the hustlers hustle. | 21 |
| 5. | HOBOS WITH NO HORIZONS
They can’t vote the bums in Washington’s flophouses, otherwise these skidrows are like your home-town Bowery, except there are three. | 30 |
| 6. | GREEN PASTURES Here
the poor, downtrodden colored folk are not equal, they’re superior. And there are more of them. This is a Negro Heaven. | 34 |
| 7. | MIGHTY LIKE A ROSE
Where the blackest crimes are hatched. | 46 |
| 8. | CHINATOWN CHIPPIES
Washington’s Chinatown offers inducements other than Chop Suey and Chow Mein. | 56 |
| 9. | THE OVERFLOW
A. The Free State—where anything goes for a price.
B. The Policy of the Old Dominion is policy. | 62 |
| 10. | UNCLE SAM: LANDLORD
The government owns 40% of the land. Read this and find out what happens on it. | 70 |
| Part Two—THE PEOPLE (Confidential!) |
| 11. | THERE’S NOTHING LIKE A DAME
You can say that again about those in Washington. | 74 |
| 12. | G-GIRLS
They come in two grades: A. Government Gals—they’re many and not so glamorous. B. Glamour Gals—they’re few and not so glamorous. | 77 |
| 13. | COMPANY GALS
Being a dissertation on a specialty known only to Washington and how one finds same. | 83 |
| 14. | FOR IMMORAL PURPOSES
The capital was made for lupos. An elucidation on how one goes about being one. | 86 |
| 15. | GARDEN OF PANSIES
The hand-on-hip set wins the battle of Washington. | 90 |
| 16. | THE LITTLE RED HERRINGS
Agrarian reformers—that’s what the bright State Department lads call them, in other countries. We call those in Washington traitors. | 99 |
| 17. | KICKING THE GONG AROUND
When we speak of hopheads, we don’t mean Congressmen. | 107 |
| 18. | THE YOUNG IN HEART
Until we read this book we liked children. In Washington the little dears are devils. | 118 |
| 19. | BOOZE AND BOTTLES
Washingtonians imbibe three times as much as you. Where they get it, how and why, with pointers on what to do with your hollow leg. | 123 |
| 20. | CAFE AU CORN
That’s Washington’s Cafe Society. | 131 |
| 21. | CALL ME MADAME
With apologies to Irv Berlin. Being the story of the Social Climbers who climbed in when SOCIETY climbed out. | 134 |
| 22. | STRIPED PANTS
Elsewhere men who wear ’em bury the dead; in Washington most who wear them are dead but not buried. That’s the sad tale of what happened to the once oh, so gay diplomatic corps. | 144 |
| 23. | LOBBYIST’S LICENSE—THE RIGHT TO PETITION
The population consists of so many five percenters, lobbyists, fixers, lawyers, press agents and men from Missouri, you’d think everyone was taking advantage of the Constitutional guarantee. | 155 |
| 24. | RACKETS BY REMOTE CONTROL
Washington’s underworld is operated by local overseers for absentee landlords. This is how the system works. | 171 |
| 25. | WHO’S WHO IN MOBOCRACY
The Blue Book of the silk-lined aristocracy who own the works. | 177 |
| 26. | THE TERROR FROM TENNESSEE
Estes in Plunderland. | 194 |
| 27. | LUCKY NUMBERS
After all, politics is a gamble, so why shouldn’t the citizens do it too? |
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