Alcoholism Treated: The per capita consumption of hootch here is the highest in the world. If you raise it still more call: (Washington) Greenhill Institute, CO 4754. (Baltimore) Baltimore Clinic, LA 1200.

Amusement Parks: Where lonely people meet. The rides are fun, too. (Washington) Glen Echo Park and Marshall Hall Park. (Baltimore) Bay Shore Park, Gwynn Oak Park and Carlins.

Art Instruction: Learn to paint nudes in the nude. (Washington) de Burgos, ME 1039; Kane, ST 7917.

Astrologers: If you’re wondering what Congress is going to do next. (Washington) Mabel Bowles, HO 5017. They’re outlawed in Baltimore.

Baby Sitters: Some people still bring their brats with them. If you’re that dumb after reading this book, call: (Washington) Part Time Mothers, DI 2300; or Courtesy, EX 5050. (Baltimore) Samuels, HO 4303; or Villa, CL 1931.

Bail Bonds: The fee is $75 for each $500. If you work for the Big Mob, the price is just half. Call: (Washington) Weinstein, ME 9292; Jones, ME 8123; Ryan, RE 7661 and O’Conor, ME 5500. (Virginia) Weinstein, WO 6700. (Baltimore) Statewide, BR 8200 and Walker, SA 6333.

Barber Shops, All Night and Sunday: If you failed to make a date before midnight, why do you want to get shaved so late? (Washington) Robinson’s, 829 14th St. (Baltimore) East Baltimore St.

Baseball: The Washington Senators never get anywhere, but they always make money. That’s because Washingtonians come from every part of the country and liberally patronize Griffith Stadium when their old home teams are in town. All week-day games are at night. Baltimore is larger than half a dozen major league cities, yet it only has a minor league team, the famous Orioles. Night games, too.

Blacksmiths: Left-Wingers insist conservative Congressmen are still in the horse-and-buggy stage. This proves it. If you’re looking for a smithy, try (Washington) Capital, 4706 Rhode Island Ave.; Del Grosso, 424 New Jersey Ave. (Baltimore) Adams, 2628 Boston; or Phillips, 645 East 25.

Boating: (Washington) Potomac Boat Club, foot of 36th St.; Dempsey’s Boat House, 3600 K St. (Baltimore) Atlas, foot of Broadway; Ward Brothers, Deal, Maryland. And don’t forget the excursion and night boats on the Potomac and the Chesapeake.

Bookmakers: Must you ask?

Bridge Games Found: The experts claim the game is all skill, but with us it’s purely luck—bad. (Washington) RE 9886.

Burlesque: For what New York can’t have—see page 263.

Carnival Suppliers: Maybe you’ve always wanted to own a paddle wheel, a bingo layout or a Jap rolling ball game. Merry-go-rounds and ferris wheels, too. (Baltimore) Superior, ED 3737 and United, LE 6239.

Cats Boarded: In case your pussy is shy, this place has a lady attendant. (Washington) Williams, SH 6923.

Chaperones: Most unattached ladies are so ugly they don’t need this. But if you don’t trust your cutie call (Washington) DI 2300 or EX 8596. If no answer, call us.

Chinese Cooking; How to Learn: Personally we don’t know why you want to, but if you got a yen for moo goo gai pan and don’t like the way it’s prepared in the marts of trade, try Washington School, EX 0265.

Cleaners, One Day: When the Fair Dealers finish spending your dough, you probably will have gone to the cleaners. But if you have a suit and you’ve got to get it back the same day, try your hotel valet or (Washington) Central, 1405 H or Century, 633 F, cleaning done while you wait. (Baltimore) Premier, Monroe and Windsor, same day.

Colonic Irrigation: Just in case. (Washington) Warcoff, RE 0872; Riggs, ME 2388; Washington, BI 7701. (Baltimore) Keller, LE 6862.

Comfort Stations and Rest Rooms: When you gotta go, you gotta go. (Washington) Pennsylvania Ave. between 13th and 14th; Library Park; La Fayette Square; the Capitol and all public buildings. (Baltimore) Lexington Market.

Detective Agency, Colored: That’s not where we got our info. (Washington) Keystone, RE 8913.

Detective Agency, Confidential: They can find anything except what’s happening to the tax-payers’ money. (Washington) Bradford, NA 4610; Burns, NA 7681. (Baltimore) Pinkerton, MU 2770.

Drags, Costumes For, Also Wigs: (Washington) Jack Mullane, 714 11th St.

Drug Addiction Treated: Uncle Sam will do it free if he catches you first. Otherwise (Baltimore) Relay Sanitarium, phone Elkridge 40, or Pinel, phone Ellicotte City 362.

Drug Stores, All Night: If you run out of lipstick at 3 a.m. (Washington) Peoples, Thomas Circle, HO 1234. (Baltimore) Morgan & Millard, Baltimore and South Sts., SA 4233. For 24-hour prescription service, phone Arbutus 2019.

Emergency Information: (Washington) Birth Control Clinic, 715 E St., SW, NA 4780. (Baltimore) Planned Parenthood Association, 1028 North Broadway, DR 1681.

Escort Services: To accompany the lonely. (Washington) DE 8000.

Fashion Shows: Some guys surprise their wives and ask to come along. See the pretty models Thursdays at six in the Willard lounge; Fridays at six, Mayflower lounge (Washington). In Baltimore—Wednesday luncheon at the Belvedere.

Friends, to Meet New Ones: How lonesome can you get? Call (Washington) The Just For Fun Club, DE 2500 or Clara Lane, RE 3504 (Baltimore). Visit the Baltimore Friendship Club, Charles Street.

Frustrated, are you? (Washington) Curt Miller, 1406 G St.

Gambling: See page 207.

Ghost Writers: Some Congressmen write their own. (Washington) Henderson, NA 4576.

Guns and Firearms: After reading this book, you may want to defend yourself. (Washington) Lorch, 1010 Vermont; Temblers, 913 D. (Baltimore) Baltimore Gun Smith, 218 So. Broadway.

Handwriting Expert: In case she forged the embarrassing love letters call (Washington) Dr. Newton J. Baker, DI 7070. If you really wrote them don’t bother.

Limousines: So you want to put on the swank. (Washington) Haines, HO 8460, ask for James Conley. (Baltimore) Associated, HA 5494; Belvedere, LE 8888.

Manicurists: No matter how easy it is to get others, most traveling men still prefer the finger-nail mechanics. They’re on duty in every hotel and large barber shop. Some will come to your room.

Manure: This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject, unless it’s what you think about when you hear your Congressman’s speech. We said Washington is a small town and we mean it. You can get it by the shovelful or the truckload from American, GE 2440. (Baltimore) Town and Country, HO 0906.

Maps: We don’t know what this has to do with this book, because none of the cartographs they sell are confidential. On the other hand, a lot of phony foreign spies buy them over the counter and send them home as the genuine article filched from the files. See classified phone directory.

Marital and Sex Problems: This book is guaranteed to cure them for some, cause them for others. (Washington) Lurie, CO 1331; Psychological Service, OL 1980.

Masseurs: If you read what we wrote about the Hopkins Institute you will know why we don’t want to get mixed up with the F.B.I. on this one. However, if you still insist on getting a massage, refer to the classified phone book. Most are legit.

Models’ Agencies: All girls like to pose. Some get paid for it. If you want to be a model or hire a model see (Washington) Phyllis Bell, ST 2353; Fashion Show, NA 6590; Models Bureau, DU 1000; Ralston, RE 0069. (Baltimore) Academy Models, PL 4454; Model Agency, PL 4019. (Inside Stuff: Some model agencies try to sell you lessons, photos and make-up instead of securing work for you. Have nothing to do with them.)

Out-of-town Newspapers: The news is bad all over. (Washington) 14th and New York. (Baltimore) Calvert and Fayette.

Palmists: In Washington, when she says, “Give a little girl a great big hand,” she ain’t the ghost of Texas Guinan. If you want to have your palm read, try Astor, ST 0698; De Long, ME 5234; Gentry, EX 3075. Illegal in Baltimore.

Personal Services: We mean such things as running errands, answering your phone and doing your dirty work. (Washington) Buddie’s, MI 9034.

Personality Developed: They laughed when he walked into the drawing-room. After he took lessons, they wouldn’t let him in the drawing-room. But if you’ve got a personality like a dead fish, try (Washington) Colt, OV 4531 or Parker, ME 2299.

Post Office, All Night: Just in case you want to write home for dough. (Washington) General Post Office. (Baltimore) Calvert and Fayette.

Pregnancy Tests: If your luck is dubious. (Washington) Professional, NO 2944.

Psychics and Mediums: Guaranteed to put you in touch with your great aunt (Washington) Wright, AD 4249; Mar Vell, HO 5017. No lost souls admitted in Baltimore.

Psychologists: Some people were born goofy, others went crazy reading this book. No matter how you got that way, call (Washington) MacBaugh, OL 1980 or Dupont, HU 7979. (Baltimore) Kaufman, BE 5640 or Schor, LE 5445.

Punch Boards: If you would like to set up a little gambling racket back in your home town, you can buy the paraphernalia in Baltimore from A & A, 715 Ensor or Royal, 618 East Baltimore.

Secretarial: Some people call them because they want to dictate in their hotel rooms. Others have hopes. We do our own typing. Look in the classified phone directories under “Stenographic.”

Shooting Galleries: Some Washingtonians practice their marksmanship on the streets. If you want to do yours indoors go to (Washington) 9th St. between Pennsylvania and G or (Baltimore) East Baltimore St.

Shopping Service: Some guys don’t do anything they shouldn’t when they’re away from home. Others bring their wives beautiful gifts. (Washington) Embassy, EX 7158; Ideas Unlimited, ST 0082. Phyllis Bell, ST 2353 will help women who have no confidence in their own taste to buy their clothes. (Baltimore) E.Z., SA 0295. All department stores maintain such services.

Slot-Machines: Some people buy them for their game rooms. Personally, we’d like to own a two-bit one-armed bandit in the Times Square subway station. Whatever purpose you want one for, you can buy them in (Washington) at the Game Room, 1538 Connecticut Ave.; Atlas, 1360 H St. NE or Silent Sales, 1771 Columbia Road. (Baltimore) A & A, 715 Ensor; Premier, 214 South Howard. It’s illegal to transport across state lines.

Spiritualists: They talk to the departed. (Washington) Brewer, EX 3075; Worsley, LI 3-3557. (Baltimore) If they call themselves fortune tellers they’re taboo. But Madame Matthew, ED 1260, is a “spiritual advisor.” So is Madame Collins, SA 4745.

Stags: Why anyone should have to go to one to see naked dames is beside us. However, if you want to hire such babes to perform in the District or in Baltimore, phone (Baltimore) Sponsler, MU 0271.

Sucker Lists: Have you anything to sell by mail? (Washington) Intelligence Bureau, 1311 G, has “wealthy” list of government executives, home-owners, teachers, graduates, businessmen and women, etc. for D.C. and suburbs. (Baltimore) call Webb LE 5671.

Tattoo Artists: If your girl friend likes pretty pictures, try (Washington) 8th St. SE or (Baltimore) East Baltimore St.

Telegraph Office, All Night: Washington 708 14th NW, phone NA 7100—Baltimore, 108 E. Baltimore, LE 6300.

Theatre Tickets for New York and Philadelphia Shows: When the road won’t come to you, you’ve got to go find it. Always reserve your seats in advance, because if the show’s any good you can’t get ’em, and if you can you won’t want to see the show. (Washington) New York Service, NA 5575; Stabler, RE 7307; Willard Hotel Agency, NA 5575. (Baltimore) New York Service, SA 2100.

Toupees and Wigs: When you blow your top. (Washington) Emil, 1221 Connecticut Ave.; Hepner’s, 612 13th St. (Baltimore) National, 334 North Howard.

Worrier, Professional: Before you lose your hair, consult (Washington) Thelma Hunt, RE 4600 or Clifton, AD 4550. They’re willing to get bald, for a fee.