XXVI THE SQUIRREL

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As I was about to leave the house, Pomponne handed me a card; it was Balloquet's. He had been several times to see me and had failed to find me. I was ashamed of my discourteous treatment of that young man, to whom I was indebted for my acquaintance with Armantine and FrÉdÉrique. It was not his fault if nothing had come of that acquaintance, neither love nor friendship. I was very sure that he had been more fortunate than I, and that the liaison he had begun at Monsieur Bocal's party had led to something. But there was no reason why I should not convince myself of the fact, and I determined to pay Balloquet a visit.

I betook myself to the young physician's abode on Place BrÉda. Balloquet had established himself there in the hope of obtaining patients among the lorettes. He considered that with such a clientage his fortune was assured. He had my best wishes, but it was not medicine that he practised with those ladies.

As I was entering the house in which lived my jovial companion of the night of the weddings, the concierge stopped me.

"Where is monsieur going?"

"To see Monsieur Balloquet, physician."

"He has not lived here for two months, monsieur."

"His address, if you please?"

"Rue d'Amsterdam, No. 42, near the railroad station."

To Rue d'Amsterdam I went. It seemed that Balloquet had not obtained the practice that he hoped for among the lorettes; perhaps he had decided to be a railroad doctor—that is to say, to be on hand to attend to arriving and departing travellers. That would not be a bad idea.

I arrived at No. 42. It was a handsome house, and quite new, naturally enough, as the street was new. I asked for Dr. Balloquet. The concierge pointed to a staircase at the rear of the courtyard:

"Top floor, door facing you. He must be in."

The top floor was at least the fifth. It seemed to me that it must be a bad thing for a doctor to live so far up. Some of the patients who came to consult him would certainly find it hard work to climb so high. Probably Balloquet loved fresh air, and made more visits than he received.

The hall was quite light and very clean and neat; but I had to climb six flights of stairs before I reached the top landing. I got there at last, and found the name of Balloquet, with his professional title, on a little card nailed to the door that faced me. It occurred to me that a copper plate would be better. I thought that I remembered that he had a very fine one at his other lodgings; probably he was having it changed.

I pulled a dilapidated tassel, which had at one time done duty on a curtain. The bell rang shrilly, but nobody opened the door. Perhaps the apartment was very large. I rang again, but nobody appeared. Still, the concierge had said:

"He must be in."

I tried another method. Sometimes young men dread a woman's visit, especially when they have another woman with them. I coughed in several keys, and in a moment the door opened a little way and Balloquet's nose appeared. When he spied me, he threw the door wide open, crying:

"Why, it's my dear Rochebrune! Come in, my dear fellow, come in! That was a good idea of yours, to cough. I was apprehensive of other visits."

"A doctor doesn't ordinarily fear them."

"That depends on what kind they are."

"Perhaps you have company, and I disturb you?"

"Not at all. I am alone. Come in."

I passed through a very small room, in which I did not see a single piece of furniture, into a large bedroom with an iron bed, a desk, chairs, two trunks, and a small book-case. Clothes and toilet articles were scattered about on all the furniture and in every corner. If picturesque disorder is the result of an artistic temperament, it is impossible to be more artistic than Balloquet, who offered me a chair, saying, as he removed the dressing gown in which he was wrapped:

"I'll go back to bed, with your permission?"

"Certainly; but you lie in bed very late; are you ill?"

"Not now; but I've had a hard time."

"You are changed, that is true. Where is your fine coloring, and the fresh complexion that procured you so many soft glances?"

"Oh! as to my fresh complexion, I have lost that entirely; but it will come back. It's infernally cold here!"

"That is true."

"Come nearer the fireplace."

"I haven't the slightest objection, but how will that help me? There's no fire."

"No fire! Gad! that's so. I remember now that I didn't find a single stick this morning in that trunk that I use as a woodbox; indeed, that's why I stayed in bed, because it was warmer here. Will you get into bed with me, without ceremony?"

"No, thanks; I prefer to be cold. But, tell me, Balloquet, what in the deuce has happened to you since I saw you last? Then you had a very pretty little suite of rooms, handsomely furnished; you had everything you wanted, and a fellow didn't freeze in your room; and to-day you are perched on a sixth floor, in a single room; for I don't see any other than the one I entered, and this is evidently the whole apartment."

"Yes; but how beautifully it's decorated, eh? Fresh paint, and this wall paper, and that ceiling with a centre-piece!"

"Yes, yes, it's all fresh and new; for all that, I should think that you'd need some furniture."

"Do you think so? For my part, when an apartment has pretty wall paper and fresh paint, it seems to me that very little furniture is required."

"Very little, possibly, but some; and I didn't see a single piece in the outer room."

"Furniture would make it look smaller, and it's none too large."

I began to laugh, and Balloquet followed suit, rolling himself up in the bedclothes.

"My dear Rochebrune," he continued, "I will conceal the truth from you no longer: you see before you a man who is completely strapped—yes, completely!"

"Parbleu! did you suppose that I hadn't discovered it?"

"I'll tell you what has happened to me.—Sapristi! where in the deuce is it? I can't find it, and I must have it."

"What are you looking for under your bedclothes?"

"A friend, a trusty companion, who is of great assistance to me."

"A dog taught to fetch and carry, eh?"

"No, no, it isn't a dog. Ah! here it is!"

And Balloquet produced a little squirrel which he had just captured at the foot of his bed, and which he proceeded to fasten to the back of a chair by a small chain.

"What do you do with that beast?"

"He's a gift from the sentimental SatinÉ; and he would have gone the way of everything else, but for the fact that he has often helped me out of a scrape."

"That squirrel?"

"Yes, my dear fellow. Perhaps you will have ocular proof of it before long. But let me tell you the story of my misfortunes. I am sorry that you won't get into bed; I'm afraid that you are cold."

"No. Haven't you even a match here?"

"Faith! it's doubtful. Ah, yes! I see three in the corner. Why? have you got some firewood in your pocket?"

"No; but I have some cigars, and I propose to smoke one."

"An excellent idea! smoking keeps you warm. Have you a cigar for friendship?"

"Always."

"I recognize you there!"

"Could Achilles have smoked without Patroclus?"

Balloquet gave me a single match, begging me to be careful of it. I lighted a cigar, and from it he lighted the one that I gave him. Then he covered himself with the bedclothes, I wrapped myself hermetically in my cloak, and he began:

"The last time I saw you was at the dinner DuprÉval gave us, where Fouvenard told us such a villainous story."

"By the way, you were rather intimate with Fouvenard, I think; what is he doing now?"

"I don't know. I never see him. I am very far from being a saint, but his adventure with that poor girl from Sceaux made me detest him."

"Give me your hand, Balloquet; I am glad that you think as I do on that subject. I should have had a very poor opinion of you, if you had continued to be that man's friend. Take another cigar, and go on; I am listening."

"You remember those two famous wedding parties, don't you? I attended Mademoiselle PÉtronille Bocal's, where, after some rather lively scrimmages, I became the jewel, the Benjamin of the family, thanks to your arrival with Papa Bocal's landlord. You saw how refreshments were served at that function: punch, mulled wine, and bischoff circulating all the time. The women were of all the colors of the rainbow, and so lively and free and easy! the number of glances that were flashed at me was fabulous! but I had cast my spell on a buxom, high-colored brunette, with red roses in her hair."

"I remember your charmer; I saw you talking with her."

"In that case, you see that I don't flatter her. To make a long story short, after supper, during which there was a time when the whole company was fighting because Madame Girie, the groom's mother, swore that she hadn't had the second joint of a chicken that rightfully belonged to her, and that they hadn't given her any truffles when all the others had some, we left the mother-in-law quarrelling, the father swearing, the groom apologizing, and the bride weeping and tearing her hair, and stole away, my widow and I, in much better spirits than the givers of the feast. But it's almost always like that; sic vos—you know the rest.

"My new conquest sold gloves; she had a fine shop on Boulevard des Italiens. No end of style! Mirrors everywhere, violet-wood counter, and an odor of perfumery as soon as you entered the shop! I was in raptures. 'At last, here's a woman who won't cost you anything, and they're very scarce!' I said to myself. In fact, during the first few days, my pretty widow invited me to dine in her back shop. We dined very well, for Madame SatinÉ likes good things, the delicacies of the season; moreover, she kept me in gloves; as soon as she saw that mine were shabby, she'd say:

"'Fi! fi! what sort of gloves are you wearing? I like to have a man always well gloved; that's the way to recognize a dandy.'

"I let her do as she pleased; I can never refuse a woman anything.

"One day, my loving SatinÉ, with whom I was dining, said to me:

"'Look you, my little Loquet,'—she always called me by the tail of my name,—'I have an opportunity to make a lot of money.'

"'My dear,' said I, 'you must seize it as you do my name—by the tail.'

"'I know someone who has invented a way of making gloves without seams. They will be splendid; fashionable people won't wear anything else. There's a hundred thousand francs to be made in it.'

"'Somebody once invented seamless boots,' I replied, 'but I don't think he ever made much money, for they didn't take.'

"'Hands aren't like feet. I am sure of the success of this enterprise.'

"'Go on and make your seamless gloves, then.'

"'But I must buy the secret process first, and I can't get it for less than fifteen thousand francs.'

"'That's rather dear for a few less seams.'

"'But with that fifteen thousand francs I shall make a hundred thousand!'

"'Buy the secret, then.'

"'That's what I want to do. A mere trifle prevents me—I haven't any money; but I thought of you. You told me, you know, that it would make you unhappy if I didn't always think of you.'

"'When it's a matter of love, that is true.'

"'I think of you for everything. My little Loquet, you must lend me the fifteen thousand francs.'

"'I should be delighted to oblige you, my sweet love; but there's a trifle that prevents me too: I have no money.'

"'Oh! nonsense!'

"'Five or six hundred francs, at your service, but no more. I am just beginning the practice of medicine, you understand; I have a large number of patients already: almost all the lorettes in the BrÉda quarter have me to attend them, and they often have trifling indispositions; but not one of them ever pays me, that isn't their custom. As for my parents, who live in La Beauce, they have got tired of sending me money. They claim that I ought to have acquired talent enough to earn my living. Parbleu! talent isn't what I lack, but paying patients.'

"My brunette stamped impatiently, crying:

"'I mean to make my fortune, I tell you, and I can do it by selling seamless gloves. Look you, my little Loquet, you can give me your notes of hand; I can negotiate them; the owner of the process will take them in payment.'

"'But how am I to pay them?'

"'The profits will begin to come in before they fall due; I shall be selling my new gloves, and we shall have the means to pay them.'

"I hesitated; but my brunette was so sure of success; and then, I had dined well, and at such times I sign whatever anyone asks me to. I made five notes of hand, of three thousand francs each.—You can guess the result! The seamless gloves tore as soon as anyone attempted to put them on. My poor SatinÉ was forced to assign. We paid the first two notes, but I was obliged to sell almost everything I possessed. The third has come due, and they will soon be here to demand payment. I am besieged already by a crowd of other creditors; for, after all, a man must live, and clothe himself, and have a roof over his head. I am completely cleaned out! But I don't bear my mistress any grudge; she has gone to law with the villain who defrauded her with his secret, and hopes to make him disgorge the last two notes at least, and——"

A ring at the doorbell interrupted Balloquet, who sat up in bed and looked at me, saying in an undertone:

"Damnation! there's someone!"

"Shall I open the door?"

"No, no! wait a moment. I recognize a creditor by his way of ringing; perhaps it's the bearer of that note. No matter! I might as well have it over with. Wait!"

Balloquet jumped out of bed and opened a closet near the headboard, in which I saw a rather large iron chest set into the wall.

"I found this safe here when I took possession," whispered Balloquet, "and it serves my turn splendidly."

"I can't imagine what purpose a safe can serve, when you have no money."

"You will see, my dear fellow."

He opened the chest, threw in three large two-sou pieces, then said to me:

"Will you lend me two hundred-sou pieces for a few minutes? They will do much better."

"With pleasure, my dear fellow! do you want more?"

"No, two are enough, but I don't happen to have any at this moment."

He took out the two-sou pieces and replaced them by the five-franc pieces I had given him; then, untying his squirrel, he put him into the chest, and at once closed and locked the door, taking care to remove the key. Then he closed the closet. Having completed this operation, he returned to the bed, motioning to me to open the door.

An old man stood on the landing, well dressed, very short and stout, with a red face; he had all the externals of a retired restaurant keeper.

"Monsieur Balloquet, if you please?"

"This is the place, monsieur."

"I have come to collect a note for——"

"Be good enough to come in, monsieur."

He entered the inner room, where Balloquet, still in bed, nodded his head to him.

"I have come," the visitor repeated, "to collect a note of hand for three thousand francs, due to-morrow; but to-morrow being a holiday, it falls due the day before."

"Very well, monsieur. Please take a seat, and you shall be paid.—My dear Charles, will you be good enough to get the amount from my safe? It's in the closet at the head of my bed."

Balloquet said this with a self-possession which I could not but admire; I opened the closet, and we heard the jingling of money in the safe. I guessed that it was the squirrel playing with the coins with which he was confined, and I had to bite my lips to keep from laughing, while Balloquet exclaimed:

"I would like right well to know what my next-door neighbor is doing; something that shakes the house, apparently, as it makes the gold pieces dance in my safe; and it's like that almost all day. I shall end by complaining to the landlord.—Take three thousand francs and pay monsieur, will you, Charles?"

I put my head into the closet and replied:

"But the safe is locked and the key isn't in it."

"What do you say? the key isn't in the lock?"

"No."

"Look on the floor—and on top."

"I have looked on top and underneath, but I don't see any key."

"Ah! the rattle-headed rascal! I'll stake my head that that's what has happened. Sapristi! it puts me in a pretty fix, on my word!"

"What's the matter?"

"Imagine, Charles, that I had twelve thousand francs to pay this morning. It was all right, the funds were ready—I am never behindhand, you know—but, being ill, I had asked Bertinet, a friend of mine, who happened to drop in, to stay with me, so that I need not have to get up. He consented, after some urging; he had business at Rouen and was in a hurry to be off. Luckily, my creditor came early to get the twelve thousand francs. Bertinet paid him, and soon after went away. Well, I see now that the careless fellow must have put the key of my safe in his pocket, by accident, and gone off with it! It's very amusing, as he isn't to return for a week!"

Balloquet's tale was accompanied by the rattle of the silver pieces, which the squirrel kept constantly in motion in the safe. It seemed to me a most ingenious trick, and I rejoined, indulgently:

"It's all the more disagreeable because these safes have secret locks and there's no way of opening them except by destroying them altogether; and that would be a pity, for they're quite expensive."

"I should say so! that safe cost me nine hundred francs. But it's a solid fellow! You might try to smash it, but you couldn't do it. It would require a charge of gunpowder to open it, and then—— You see what has happened, monsieur; I am exceedingly mortified that you have come here for nothing, but it is not my fault; my friend will return in a week, and then——"

The old gentleman, who had listened with an expression bordering on idiocy, rejoined in the same tone as when he first entered the room:

"I have come to collect a note for three thousand francs, due to-morrow; but as to-morrow is a——"

"All right, monsieur!" interposed Balloquet, impatiently; "I know perfectly well why you have come, and I was going to pay you. Parbleu! your money's there; it isn't the money that's lacking; indeed, you can hear my gold pieces dancing, thanks to my neighbor. But as I haven't the key of my safe, as it has been carried off by mistake,—for it wasn't done maliciously, I am sure,—I can't pay you to-day. It is annoying, I can understand that; but, after all, it's only a delay of a few days."

The little old man blew his nose at great length, took a pinch of snuff, coughed, spat, wiped his nose, and began:

"I have come to collect a note——"

"Sapristi! this is too much!" cried Balloquet, throwing his head back on his pillow; then he crawled under his bedclothes, so that nothing was visible but the end of his nose, muttering: "Do what you please; I have had enough; I've nothing more to say."

The bearer of the note of hand gazed at me in blank amazement. I tried to make him understand the situation. I took him by the hand and led him to the safe, where the squirrel was still at play, and said:

"How do you expect my friend to pay you? He hasn't the key; it's at Rouen; and there's no way of forcing this lock."

"But then I, who came here to——"

"Come again in a few days; then my friend will have his key, and you will be paid. I have the honor to salute you, monsieur; if you should stay here three hours, the fact would remain the same, so you might as well go!"

And I pushed him gently toward the door; he made no resistance, so I escorted him to the landing and closed the door on him. I heard him mumbling as he went downstairs:

"I came to collect a note of hand for three thousand francs——"

"Bravo, my dear Rochebrune, and a thousand thanks!" said Balloquet. "We had hard work; he was as tenacious as the devil, that fellow, but I am rid of him."

"He'll come again in a few days."

"He won't find me, for I am going to move, to hide myself, wall myself up. Would you have me pay a second time for those seamless abortions? SatinÉ will find money somehow—that's her business."

The bell rang again.

"Bigre! do you suppose the old fossil has come back? He can't have gone to get a locksmith, can he?"

"It isn't probable; he hasn't had time. What are you going to do? Shall I open the door?"

"Faith! the squirrel is still in the safe, playing his little game. If it happens to be a creditor, the trick may work again. Be kind enough to open the door."

I complied with his request, and received a lady fully fifty years of age, who was dressed with much coquetry, although her costume was not absolutely fresh. She bowed to me, and, without waiting to be ushered in, walked quickly by me, saying:

"I beg pardon, monsieur, it's Monsieur Balloquet I want to see, and I know he's in; I took pains to inquire."

She was in the inner room before I had had time to answer her. Seeing my friend in bed, she started back; but she speedily recovered herself and went on.

"Ah! so you're in bed, are you?" she exclaimed. "But, after all, the doctors visit us when we're in bed; so why shouldn't we do the same by them?"

"Perfectly argued, Madame Philocome. Pray take the trouble to be seated."

Madame Philocome took a chair, after some show of reluctance.

"Are you sick?" she said, twisting her mouth out of shape.

"Mon Dieu! yes, dear Madame Philocome, I am sick. But may I know to what I am indebted for the honor of this visit?"

"Why, I happen to have in my hands a little broche of yours."

"A broche?"

"A little note, if you like that better; a hundred and fifty francs. It's a small matter. You made it to your tailor's order; he paid it to me, and I came to collect it. If, at the same time, you could give me what you owe me for perfumery and essences, you know——"

"Yes, I know that I owe you a trifle. Parbleu! if you have your bill here, we'll settle the whole thing together; I ask nothing better."

"It will be an accommodation to me, especially as you don't come to see us any more, doctor; you've taken your custom away from us; that's all wrong."

"Not at all; but when I moved into another quarter——"

"Here's my bill; it amounts to a hundred and thirty-two francs."

"Very good; a hundred and fifty and a hundred and thirty-two; that makes two hundred and eighty-two in all.—My dear Charles, do me the favor to take that amount from my safe."

Thereupon we performed for Madame Philocome's benefit the scene of the lost key, with an accompaniment of money jingling by the squirrel. But I was pained to see that the perfumer shook her head and smiled in a very equivocal fashion. Finally, when Balloquet essayed to express his regret at the loss of his key, the old coquette interrupted him, saying:

"It seems that you mislay your key very often, monsieur; for I have happened to see two of your creditors, and they have told me why you didn't pay them; it was exactly the same thing as to-day—the same scheme and the same details."

"That may be, madame; in fact, I did lose my key several days ago."

"Then, monsieur, why did you pretend at first that you were ready to pay me?"

Balloquet buried himself under the bedclothes, with a horrible grimace. I closed the closet door so that we could no longer hear the squirrel, whose efforts thenceforth were of no avail. Madame Philocome settled herself comfortably in her chair, saying:

"I'm very sorry, monsieur, but I want my money. You must have some, judging from that silvery tinkle in your safe. I refuse to be so good-natured as the others you have got rid of by this means. You must pay me; I won't go away until you do."

"Then you'll stay here a long while, madame."

"It's all the same to me, monsieur; I'm in no hurry."

Balloquet angrily rolled himself up in his bedclothes. I seated myself beside the hearth, curious to see how it would end. Madame Philocome stared for a while at the centre-piece on the ceiling, then took a book from the shelves. If she began to read, the situation might be prolonged indefinitely.

After some time, Balloquet broke the silence by groaning as if he were in pain; I rose and went to the bedside.

"My friend," he said, with a wink that I understood, "is my face red in spots?"

"Why, yes—you have some blotches."

"Are the whites of my eyes yellow?"

"Very yellow!"

"The devil! Be kind enough to look at my tongue and tell me if there are any little swellings on it?"

He put out his tongue, and I exclaimed after examining it:

"It's covered with them!"

"Damnation! Then it must be that; I can't fool myself any longer. I know now what my trouble is. However, I can take care of myself."

"Why, what is your trouble?"

"Pardieu! I am going to have the smallpox, that's all! However, I have been vaccinated!"

Balloquet had not finished speaking, when Madame Philocome threw down her book, sprang abruptly to her feet, and rushed from the room, crying:

"Adieu, doctor! you can pay me later; when you please!"

"But, Madame Philocome, if you would rather wait for my key, I'll send to Rouen."

It was unnecessary to say more; we heard the outer door open and close with a bang, and Madame Philocome scrambling down the stairs. Then Balloquet looked at me and roared with laughter, in which I joined. We were still laughing, I am sure, when the old coquette was a long way from the house.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

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