"I was not twenty-one years old when I was married; but I had already loved, or thought that I loved. I was impulsive and passionate. I come from a region where women do not know how to conceal their sentiments, where they sometimes anticipate a declaration; and in my case, 'the accent of the province is in the heart as well as in the language,' as La Rochefoucauld says. At eighteen, I fell in love with a very comely youth—at eighteen, a girl thinks a good deal of physical beauty; and that is natural enough, for we pass judgment first of all on what we see. My rosy-cheeked, fair-haired, blue-eyed young man was two years older than I; but he had the manner of a sixteen-year-old schoolboy: awkward, shy, embarrassed; he did not know what to say to me, and was content to stare at me; but, as his eyes were fine, I considered myself fortunate in having them always fastened on my face. 'He loves me,' I said to myself; 'he must be very much in love with me, to stand in rapt contemplation before me as he does.'—Still, I should not have been sorry to hear a word or two of love from his lips. I tried to furnish him with opportunities to be alone with me; I thought that he would finally speak out. But Gabriel—his name was Gabriel—didn't know enough to seize an opportunity. When he came, and I had a girl friend with me, I would motion to her to leave us for a moment; young girls understand each other very readily. But when she had invented some excuse for leaving the room, Gabriel always felt called upon to take his hat and go with her. You can judge whether I used to fret and fume. But one day, when Gabriel started off on the heels of a peddler I had just dismissed, I detained him by his coat tails, and he was compelled to remain; which he did, blushing to the whites of his eyes, and saying:

"'Have I got anything on my back, mademoiselle?'

"'No, monsieur, there's nothing on your back, but I want to talk with you; that's why I detained you. I was driven to resort to this method, because you always run away as soon as I am alone.'

"Gabriel looked at the floor, playing with a little bamboo cane that he usually carried. I invited him to sit down on a sofa beside me; he did so, but moved as far away from me as possible, and continued to keep his eyes averted, gazing sometimes at the ferrule and sometimes at the head of his stick.

"'Monsieur Gabriel,' I cried at last, irritated by his silence, 'haven't you anything to say to me? Do look at me, at least; before to-day, when you were not speaking, you always had your eyes on me; why, pray, do you gaze at your cane all the time to-day? Come, monsieur, look up, and tell me just what you're thinking about; and come a little nearer; anybody would think you were afraid of me, that I was scolding you.'

"Gabriel made up his mind at last to look at me and to move a little nearer. He was as red as a cherry. He acted like a schoolboy who is afraid of the birch; but he was such a handsome boy!

"'Monsieur,' I continued, 'I see that you don't dare to tell me what it is that makes you sigh so when you are with me. But when a person doesn't explain himself, he doesn't make any headway. As I am less timid than you—as I like to know what to expect—I am going to help you to speak out, for I believe that I have guessed the secret of your heart. You—you—are in love with me, aren't you, Monsieur Gabriel?'

"My bashful suitor began anew to examine the two ends of his cane, which annoyed me beyond words. At last, he stammered:

"'I—I don't know, mademoiselle.'

"'What, monsieur, you don't know? Then you must try to find out. Don't you think me pretty?'

"'Oh, yes, mademoiselle!'

"'Don't you feel great pleasure in being with me?'

"'Yes, mademoiselle.'

"'Then, monsieur, of course you are in love with me.'

"'Dame! it is very possible.'

"And he kept on playing with his stick. Unable to contain myself, I snatched it out of his hands and threw it on the floor.

"'It seems to me, monsieur,' I cried, 'that, while I am speaking to you, you might stop playing with your cane; it looks as if you weren't listening to me, and that's very impolite!'

"The poor boy was thunderstruck by my action. He glanced at his cane out of the corner of his eye, and murmured:

"'I wont do it any more, mademoiselle.'

"Somewhat mollified by his submissive air, I continued:

"'Well, Monsieur Gabriel, as you are in love with me, of course you want to marry me; for my parents say that people ought not to love unless they're going to be married. I don't know how true that is. Would you like to marry me, Monsieur Gabriel?'

"'Why, certainly, mademoiselle, if you think it's possible.'

"'Why shouldn't it be, monsieur? Isn't it true that young men are brought into the world to marry young women?'

"'I don't know, mademoiselle.'

"'What's that? you don't know? For heaven's sake, what did they teach you at your school, monsieur?'

"'Latin, Greek, mathematics, geography, mademoiselle.'

"'And nothing at all about young ladies and love and marriage?'

"'Nothing at all!'

"'Much good it does to send boys to school! it's a funny kind of education they get! However, Monsieur Gabriel, you're in love with me, you love me, you want to marry me; and I ask nothing better than to be your wife. Well, monsieur, you must go to my father and ask him for my hand.'

"'You want me to go to monsieur your papa?'

"'Yes, monsieur, and right away; he's in his study now. Go and prefer your suit.'

"'But—mademoiselle—you see—I don't think I'd dare say that to monsieur your papa.'

"'My papa! my papa! Great heaven! can't you say my father, Monsieur Gabriel? You talk like a little boy of six! This is no time to tremble in your shoes and be afraid; if you don't go and make your request, some other man will be bolder than you; he'll speak out, my father will listen to him, I shall be bound to another, and I shan't be your wife.'

"Gabriel summoned all his courage, cast a glance at his costume, and cried:

"'I will go and speak to monsieur your pap—your father, mademoiselle.'

"'Good! and you must come right back and tell me what answer he makes.'

"'Right away?'

"'Why, of course! Do you think that I am not interested in it?'

"'I will come back, mademoiselle.'

"He walked to the door of the salon, then retraced his steps and picked up his stick, which lay where I had thrown it. I stamped the floor angrily, and said:

"'What, monsieur! you have come back for that?'

"'Because I am used to having it in my hand, mademoiselle; it encourages me. When I haven't it, I don't know what to do with my hands.'

"'When a person's mind is occupied, monsieur, he is never embarrassed by his hands. But go, and hurry back!'

"When Gabriel had gone, I was anxious and impatient; I imagined that I loved that young man with a very profound love. In girls of that age, the slightest sentiment, the most trivial caprice, at once assumes the form of a passion. A pleasing illusion! which lasts too short a time, thanks to you, messieurs, who are so well skilled in opening our eyes to the melancholy reality!"

"My dear FrÉdÉrique, the illusions and disappointments are the same in both sexes! You are more affectionate, perhaps, but you are more easily fascinated, too. We change without reason, you change from pure coquetry. There is no more fidelity on one side than on the other."

"Do you think so? That may be true. Let me finish the story of my first love.

"Gabriel was not long away; in about ten minutes he returned; his face was flushed, his eyes gleamed—but not with joy. I must tell you that my father, an ex-naval officer, was not good-humored every day, that his language was often brusque, and that his manners corresponded with his language.

"'Well, monsieur,' I said, 'did you see my father?'

"'Yes, mademoiselle.'

"'Did you ask him for my hand?'

"'Yes, mademoiselle.'

"'What answer did he make?'

"Gabriel began to twirl his cane.

"'If you don't keep your cane quiet, monsieur, I'll throw it out of the window! What did father say?'

"'Mademoiselle—monsieur your father—he is not in a very good humor—he listened to me with a sarcastic expression, and then—then he took me by the hand, and—and put me out of his study. "Go and blow your nose!" he said; "you may come again in ten years and talk about your love."'

"'What! is it possible? My father told you to—to go and blow your nose?'

"'Yes, mademoiselle; and I give you my word I had no desire to.'

"I was petrified. My father's response seemed to me so rude, so humiliating, to Gabriel, that I asked him, looking him in the eye:

"'And you took that without a word?'

"'What would you have had me do, mademoiselle? I could not—threaten your papa, could I?'

"'No, of course not. Well, Monsieur Gabriel, as he looks upon you as a schoolboy, you must show him that you're a man. You must—you must—run off with me.'

"'Run off with you!'

"Gabriel was paralyzed; but I, afraid of nothing, and having no comprehension of the importance of my projected action, continued:

"'Mon Dieu! Monsieur Gabriel, you seem dumfounded. However, it's a very simple matter. You carry me off—that is to say, I run away—to-night, after dinner. No one suspects anything, and it will be easy enough for me to do it. You must be waiting for me at the corner, wrapped in a cloak—do you hear? You must have a cloak,—no one ever abducts a girl without that,—and a broad-brimmed hat pulled down over your eyes. I will wear a long pelisse and a veil. It will be great fun! You must take me—wherever you choose. Then you can write to my father that I am with you, and he can't help consenting to our marriage; that's the way it always ends.'

"'In that case, mademoiselle, I will run away with you; I should like to.'

"'To-night?'

"'To-night.'

"'I will leave the house at eight o'clock; be on the lookout for me.'

"'I will.'

"'And you will wear a cloak?'

"'I have one, mademoiselle; but I haven't a broad-brimmed hat.'

"'Buy one.'

"'To be sure; I didn't think of that.'

"'And think about where you will take me.'

"'I'll think about it.'

"'Now go; until to-night!'

"I can't tell you, my dear Charles, all the thoughts that assailed me as soon as I had persuaded my lover to abduct me. I was glad, and sorry; I looked forward with delight to being abducted, for I had read many novels, and, unluckily, of the sort in which one never finds a truthful line; in which nature, constantly perverted and distorted, like the language of the characters, is made to produce only such individuals as never existed, with an accompaniment of stilted, bombastic phrases; and whose moral is that vice or crime is always triumphant over virtue and honesty. Is it not true, my friend, that those are villainous books, and that if by chance they contain charm of style and poetic thoughts the author is all the more culpable, since he employs his talent solely to disgust us with what is good and beautiful, with what has always been held in respect?

"As I was saying, I was intensely excited, in a sort of delirium, in fact. I had had no mother from childhood! Abandoned at an early age to the care of paid dependents, never having found a heart into which I could pour out my thoughts and feelings, treated by my father like a little girl, or rather like a boy who was left to himself all day to raise the deuce, I had no one but myself. Ah! if my mother had lived! how many, many things would not have happened to me! She would have made me more prudent and careful; and it is probable that you would not be supping with me to-night.

"I had no thought of drawing back. At the appointed hour, I stole out of the house, wrapped in my pelisse, with a veil over my face, carrying a small bundle, in which, I remember, I had put a ball dress, a pair of bracelets, a package of candy, a toothbrush, three pairs of gloves, two cakes of chocolate, a fan, and a shoehorn.

"I found Gabriel waiting for me. The poor fellow was trembling much more than I was; he had the conventional cloak, but his head was almost invisible in an enormous hat like those worn by the porters at the market; it crushed him, made him look small and insignificant, and was not at all the style of headgear that I had hoped to see on my abductor. And, to cap the climax, he still carried in his right hand that miserable switch which had already caused me so much vexation of spirit.

"He came to meet me, and stammered something or other. I took possession of his arm, saying:

"'Let us make haste, we may be followed. Where's the post chaise?'

"'The post chaise? There isn't any. You didn't mention a post chaise.'

"'I thought that you would understand that. Where are you going to take me, then?'

"'Oh! never fear! I have engaged a lodging. Come.'

"I followed where he led. But I could not help saying to him:

"'That's a horribly ugly hat!'

"'Why, mademoiselle, it has a turned-down brim.'

"'So I see! but it's too much of a good thing. You ought to have a hat such as they wore under Louis XIII, with a feather curled round it. You look like a miller.'

"'Dame! you didn't tell me——'

"'Great heaven! must I tell you everything?'

"We halted in front of a furnished lodging house in the heart of the town, into which my abductor escorted me. I considered that very unromantic; I had flattered myself that I was to be spirited away to some venerable chÂteau, or to some village inn, where there would be robbers, or, at all events, very dark passages. Instead of that, we were shown into a pleasant, well-lighted room, where a table was laid, but in which there was nothing to suggest that we were to pass the night there. I said nothing, but it seemed strange to me. When we were left alone, Gabriel, who had removed his cloak and his plebeian hat, began to play with his cane.

"'Mademoiselle FrÉdÉrique,' he said,'do you like roast duck with olives?'

"You cannot conceive the impression produced upon me by that question, at a moment when I expected my lover to throw himself at my feet with passionate protestations of love.

"'Was it to feed me on roast duck with olives that you eloped with me, monsieur?' I demanded angrily.

"'No, mademoiselle; but we must eat. They won't take us in here unless we order supper; and while we're waiting for them to come for you——'

"'To come for me! Who, pray?'

"'Why, your papa.'

"'My father come here for me! Who can have told him that I am here?'

"'Why, I did.'

"'You? What do you mean? You bring me to this hotel, to conceal me, and you send word to my father!'

"'Why, mademoiselle, it was you yourself who said to me: "You will carry me off, then you will write to my father, and he'll have to consent to our marriage."—I have followed your instructions; I have sent a letter to your papa by a messenger, telling him that I have carried you off and that we are here.'

"'Oh! is it possible that anybody can be such a stupid fool! Why, monsieur, the time to write to the parents is after a few days have passed; when the elopement has made a great sensation, and they have hunted everywhere for the girl, and when—when—things have happened that—— Oh! how stupid you are, monsieur! Mon Dieu!'

"Gabriel was at his wits' end, and I was choking with rage. At that moment, I heard my father's voice in the street. He was just entering the house, with a friend of his, and I heard him say:

"'It's a boy and girl's joke, but I don't like it.'

"The thought of being found there by my father, and of the bundle I had brought, together with Gabriel's dazed look, drove me into a perfect frenzy of rage; and in my longing to be revenged, to vent my spleen upon someone, I seized my lover's cane, and, without taking time to reflect, beat him soundly over the shoulders before he knew what I was doing. Then I opened the window—we were only on the entresol—and jumped without a moment's hesitation. I landed in the street, uninjured, hurried home, and succeeded in creeping up to my room without being seen. I quickly scrambled into bed, so that when my father returned he concluded that the letter he had received was simply a hoax, and never mentioned it. As for little Gabriel, I never saw him again.

"That, my friend, is the story of my first love, if one may fairly give that name to the impulsive fancy of a mere girl, which makes her think that she loves the first fair-haired stripling who sighs when he looks at her.

"A few months after this adventure, another young man paid court to me; but he was not timid, not he! he knew how to speak out, and was not at all embarrassed about declaring his affection; he expressed himself too eloquently, perhaps, for he turned my head with fine phrases which I thought superb at the time, but which would seem quite devoid of sense now. After declaring his passion to me, he asked my father for my hand, and was formally refused. He had not a sou, and I have learned since that he was a very bad character. But at that time I looked upon my father as a tyrant, and when Anatole proposed an elopement, to be followed by a marriage, it seemed to me a perfectly natural proposal.

"However, I hesitated. The memory of my escapade with Gabriel had cooled my ardor somewhat on the subject of elopements, and at first I made some objections. Anatole thereupon drew from under his waistcoat a little dagger with a gleaming blade, swearing that he would kill himself before my eyes if I did not consent to be abducted. A man who proposes to kill himself for love of you! That is magnificent, and not to be resisted. I consented.

"The elopement was carried out without difficulty—I was so poorly guarded! This time I had the pleasure of being abducted in a carriage; but we went only three leagues from the city. Anatole told the coachman to stop at an inn, where we were to pass the night. Ah! that time I was in great danger.

"In the common room of the inn, where we had to wait while a room was prepared for us, we met two ladies on their way to Bordeaux. I fancied that I detected an interchange of smiles and knowing glances between them and Anatole. I was suspicious, but I said nothing. I refused to eat any supper, and went up to the room that had been prepared for me, telling Anatole not to put himself out on my account, but to sup without me. He assented, which was in itself rather ungallant; for there are times when a man ought not to think of eating. Although I had had little experience, it seemed to me that that was one of the times.

"A quarter of an hour later, I opened my door very softly and crept downstairs without meeting a soul. As I passed through a hall into which several doors opened, I heard laughter, and recognized Anatole's voice. I went to the door from which it came, and put my ear to the crack. I cannot describe my feelings when I heard the man who had eloped with me speak of me as a little fool whose head he had turned without difficulty. I heard two women's voices also; they spoke sneeringly of me and laughed at my expense; then they kissed, chuckling over the good times they would have with my dowry. I was furious, and for a moment I was tempted to rush into the room and box my seducer's ears as well as his companions'. But I restrained myself, reflecting that a scandalous scene in an inn would compromise me much more, and that it would be far better to go away without a word and leave Monsieur Anatole to his reflections.

"I had no difficulty in leaving the inn; I found my way to the highroad and entered a diligence going to Bordeaux. To make a long story short, I succeeded in returning home before my absence was discovered; so that my father had no suspicion that I had eloped a second time. That was wonderful luck; but I swore that I would never take the risk again.

"Several days passed before I heard from Anatole, but at last I received a letter from him. He demanded an explanation of my conduct and reiterated his protestations of undying love; in conclusion, he asked for a meeting. You will readily understand that I did not answer the letter. The next day came another, in which he himself appointed a meeting. At that, I went to my father and told him that Monsieur Anatole, whom I could not endure, had the assurance to make assignations with me, and I mentioned the place where he proposed to meet me. My father kissed me in acknowledgment of my trust in him and my prudence, saying that he would take it upon himself to administer fitting chastisement to the impertinent scoundrel who presumed to write to me. In fact, that same evening Monsieur Anatole received from my father's foot a number of blows on a sensitive spot."

FrÉdÉrique paused to moisten her lips with malvoisie, and I turned my face so that I could see her better.