CHAPTER III. Dinners, Luncheons, Breakfasts, Teas, Receptions, Dancing Parties, Cards, Parties, Weddings, Wedding Gifts, Wedding Anniversaries.

DINNERS.[B]

A “dinner” is supposed to be an elaborate affair, with numerous courses and ample service, and is usually given at seven or eight o’clock in the evening. At a dinner the number of courses naturally varies according to the taste and financial condition of the hostess. (For arrangement of the table, see Chapter VI.)

For a formal dinner the courses usually consist of soup, fish, a roast with one or more vegetables, a salad, an ice or ice cream, cakes, bonbons, and black coffee. Olives and salted almonds, jellies, etc., generally appear in some of the courses.

Although the following really belongs under the head of “The Table” and “Service at Table,” a repetition here may not come amiss.

The attendant places each dish, in succession, before the host or hostess with the pile of plates. Each plate is supplied, taken by the attendant on a small salver, and set, from the left, before the guest. A second dish which belongs to the course is presented at the left of the guest, who helps himself. As a rule the woman at the right of the host, or the eldest woman, should be served first. As soon as a course is finished, the plates are promptly removed, and the next course is served in the same way. Before the dessert is brought on, all crumbs should be brushed from the cloth. The finger bowls, which are brought in on a napkin on a dessert-plate and set at the left of the plate, are used by dipping the fingers in lightly and drying them on the napkin. They should be half full of warm water with a bit of lemon floating in it. When all have finished dessert, the hostess gives the signal, by pushing back her chair, that dinner is ended, and the guests repair to the drawing-room, the oldest leading and the youngest following last, the men passing into the library or smoking-room.

Seemingly, one should arrive at the house where one is invited to a dinner or a luncheon at exactly the hour mentioned in the invitation; but the proper thing at a formal function is to get to the house ten minutes after the hour of the meal, and to be announced in the drawing-room five minutes later.

The host, with the guest of honor, leads the way into the dining-room at a dinner; at a luncheon the hostess leads the way alone or with one of the guests.

Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest when the dinner hour was understood, as it always should be.

If the hostess thinks the visitor has no acquaintances in the room, she introduces her to two or three persons who are near her, and then, counting on her knowledge of the customs of society, she will feel quite sure that her guest will enjoy herself.

A hostess should never reprove a servant before a guest, as it is unpleasant for all concerned, and by passing over the annoyance herself, it may escape the attention of others.

No accident must seem to disturb a hostess, no disappointment embarrass her.

At formal dinner parties the servant who is detailed to attend to the wants of the men guests hands each one, as he leaves the dressing-room, an envelope containing a card bearing the name of the woman whom he is to take to dinner.

LUNCHEONS.

Luncheons are usually given between the hours of one and two o’clock in the afternoon, and to them women only are invited. The menu is lighter than for a dinner, and generally consists of sherbets, oyster patties, scalloped oysters, sweet-breads, sandwiches, salads, ices, cheese sticks, fruit, ice cream, cakes, bonbons, salted almonds, olives, and black coffee, served in such number and order of courses as best suits the hostess.

BREAKFASTS.

The difference between a breakfast and a luncheon is very slight. On the invitation the word breakfast is used instead of luncheon, and the hour is earlier than for a luncheon. Also men and woman may meet together for a breakfast, and therefore a few more solid courses are advisable. Otherwise one may be guided entirely in giving the entertainment by the rules which apply to a luncheon.

TEAS.

A tea is the simplest and easiest kind of an entertainment to give, for the only essential requisites for its success are prettily arranged receiving-rooms, with as many flowers as one can afford; a gracious hostess, who stands during the hours of the function to receive her guests and is properly dressed in a becoming high-necked house dress; a few other women, who also receive in pretty dresses; and a dainty tea table, which may be presided over by a woman friend or two of the hostess. It is only necessary to serve a modest menu of tea, chocolate or bouillon, assorted sandwiches, fancy cakes, and bonbons. The other factors to the tea’s success are pleasant weather and well trained servants, who may assist in serving the tea and are alert to open and close the door for the guests.

At a formal function of any kind the guests leave their wraps in dressing-rooms, where one or more maids should be on hand to assist women in their dressing-room, and a man to perform the same services in the men’s dressing-room; but at a small tea, where, as a rule, the guests do not remove their street wraps, it is only necessary to have a maid in the entrance hall to be ready, if called on, to do any service.

It is not customary to offer refreshments to casual evening callers; but if one has a regular evening for receiving, she may have a tea table in the drawing-room, and serve tea, chocolate, sandwiches, cake, etc., as in entertaining on the afternoon of a “day.”

RECEPTIONS.

On the day of the reception, the hostess, with her assistants, should receive the guests, standing at the door of the drawing-room. The refreshment tables should be spread in the dining-room, and prettily decorated with flowers, candles in candelabra or candlesticks, dishes of bonbons and cakes, plates of sandwiches, and platters of salad. A bouillon urn may stand at one end of the table with cups, and coffee may be served from the other end. All that is necessary for the menu is bouillon, easily prepared in the house from canned bouillon, jellied tongue, chicken salad, and sandwiches, ices and cake, fruit, and candies. Coffee and lemonade will suffice for beverages. If one can afford to have a few pieces of music, so much the better. The musicians should play from some hidden nook. One or two servants in the dining-room, and one to open and shut the front door, will be all that is necessary.

DANCING PARTIES.

For the form of invitation refer to Chapter II.

In selecting a company for a dancing party the hostess will naturally choose only those who dance, and she should see, as far as possible, that all the women are provided with partners.

It is better to dance first with one acquaintance and then with another, rather than to make one’s self conspicuous by giving a great number of dances to one man.

A man gives the first and last dances to his partner of the evening.

No man should invite a young woman to attend a dress affair without providing a carriage for her. When the party is small and informal, it is allowable to go on the street-cars.

At the end of the dance, the man should offer his arm to his partner, and take at least one turn around the room before consigning her to her seat.

A man who can dance, and will not, ought to remain away from a ball.

If for any reason a girl should refuse to dance with one man, she should not accept another invitation for the same dance.

An invitation to a ball may be asked for a friend who is a stranger in town, and has had no opportunity of making the acquaintance of the one who gives the ball.

A man should not ask a girl, to whom he has been introduced for the purpose of dancing with her, for more than two dances the same evening.

CARD PARTIES.

If given, prizes should be carefully chosen, so that they may be in good taste and desirable. The supper should be served at the card tables after the playing is over. A large napkin should be spread on the top of each table, and the refreshments served in courses.

WEDDINGS.

For invitation forms see Chapter II.

When a wedding takes place in a church that has but one entrance, the customary way for the bridal procession to enter is for the groom and best man to walk in just behind the minister, a little before the others, and to take their places at the altar; then the ushers enter, walking two by two; then the bridesmaids in the same order; then the maid of honor alone; and last the bride on her father’s arm. The bride’s family enter the church a few minutes before the minister and the groom and bridal party.

A bride goes up to the altar with her veil over her face, but comes down with it thrown back. It is the duty of the maid of honor to throw it back immediately after the ceremony is ended.

When the bride’s mother gives her away at a church ceremony, she usually walks up the aisle with the bride. After she has given her to the groom, she steps quietly and unescorted to the front pew, where she stays during the remainder of the service. The bride may walk up the aisle with an attendant instead of with her mother, who in this case steps from her seat in the front pew to the chancel when the time comes for her to officiate, and steps back to her seat afterwards.

The bride and the groom should stand at the wedding reception until they have received the congratulations of all present, then, together, they should walk into the room where the breakfast is to be served. The others follow as they please, with the exception of the parents on both sides. The groom’s father usually escorts the bride’s mother, and vice versa.

It is not the custom for a bride to remove her gloves at the wedding. The inside seam of the ring finger of the glove should be ripped beforehand; and when the time comes for the ring to be put on, the bride merely slips off this glove finger, and puts it back again after the ring is on her finger.

At no wedding service is it proper for the bride to enter the church alone.

At a church or house wedding where the bride walks up the aisle with her sister acting as the maid of honor, instead of with a gentleman escort, she need not take the arm of her attendant, as both the ladies will look more graceful if walking separately. The maid of honor should carry a bouquet, and the bride a bouquet, prayer-book, or bible.

At a home wedding the bride enters the room on the arm of her father. With a short dress she would not wear a veil.

The wearing of gloves at an informal wedding is entirely a matter of taste. Recently at several large weddings they were omitted by the entire bridal party.

The prettiest way to make an aisle for the bridal party at a house wedding is for four children to enter the room where the ceremony will be, just before the bridal party comes in, and separate the guests into two groups by stretching two pieces of white ribbon the length of the room. A child stands at each end of the two pieces of ribbon, holding it while the bridal party walks up between them, and during the service. Ushers may hold the ribbons instead of the children, or the ends may be fastened around plants which are placed at the requisite points.

Where there is no side door through which the groom and best man may enter the room at a house wedding, they come in by the principal door just before the bridal party and just after the minister.

It is not customary for the men at a wedding party to kiss the bride; that is a liberty taken only by the immediate members of the family.

A bride, if she wishes, may omit the bridal veil, but she should then wear a dainty bonnet or picture hat. The ushers and best men are invited by the bridegroom.

If the church wedding is a full dress one, followed by an evening reception, it is proper to wear an evening gown. If it is in the daytime, a handsome visiting dress and pretty bonnet are proper.

At a daytime wedding the guests seldom remove their bonnets, although, of course, heavy wraps are frequently laid aside. At an evening affair one goes in full dress without anything on one’s head. The ushers present the guests to the bridal party. The bridesmaids are spoken to by the people they know, but it is not necessary that they should be addressed by everybody.

A bride may wear her wedding dress after her wedding day as much or as little as she chooses. For the sake of sentiment many brides like to preserve their wedding dresses intact to hand down to future generations; but a girl who has to consider economy cannot afford to consider sentiment, and often the wedding dress is converted into a low dinner and evening gown soon after the wedding day. A bride may, with perfect propriety, wear her wedding dress to the reception given her after her wedding by the groom’s mother. Of course, she will wear it just as it was when she was married, high in the neck, unless the reception takes place in the evening and demands evening dress, when, according to the conventions, it must be cut low.

A bridegroom is always expected to furnish the bouquets that the bride, bridesmaids, and all the bride’s attendants carry at the wedding. He should learn from the bride the flowers she wishes, and should order them several days before the wedding, so that they may be ready at the bride’s house when the bridesmaids meet there to go together to the church or to the place where the ceremony is held.

Besides furnishing these bouquets, the groom provides the ushers and best men with their boutonniÈres, and gives them also some small souvenir, and, if he wishes, a bachelor dinner or supper a day or two before the wedding.

There are no wedding luncheons nowadays. Every entertainment of the kind up to two o’clock is called a breakfast, and when it takes place in the afternoon or evening it is called a reception.

WEDDING GIFTS.

The idea that a wedding invitation necessitates a present has, sensibly enough, gone out of fashion, and only those who are bound by ties of blood or close friendship have the privilege of sending a gift to the bride.

Presents should be sent as soon after receiving the invitations as possible. All wedding gifts, even from friends of the groom who may never have met the bride, are sent to the bride; and, if marked, they should be engraved with the initials or monogram of the bride’s maiden name, or they may have her name in full.

Wedding presents should be acknowledged by the bride-elect in a short personal note, which should be written and sent immediately on receipt of the present.

When several friends combine in giving a present to the bride, she should write a letter of thanks to each one separately, sending the letters by post.

It is perfectly proper to open a gift in the presence of the giver, and express one’s pleasure and gratitude on the spot. Indeed, it is much better form to do so than to wait until the giver has gone.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.

The paper wedding, so termed, is celebrated one year after marriage. Invitations should be issued on heavy gray paper or thin card-board. Presents may consist of any article made of paper or papier mÂchÉ; such, for instance, as books, engravings, etc.

The wooden wedding is celebrated five years after marriage. Invitations may be issued upon wooden cards, or wooden cards may be inclosed with an invitation written or engraved upon a sheet of wedding note paper. The presents may be anything made of wood, from a mustard spoon to a house or set of furniture.

The tin wedding comes ten years after marriage. Invitation cards are sometimes covered with tin foil, or tin cards are inclosed, or, if preferred, the invitation is printed on tin bronze paper. Presents should consist of articles made of tin.

The crystal wedding, fifteen years after marriage, is next in order. Cards may be issued upon transparent paper, or upon note paper with a card of isinglass inclosed.

The china wedding takes place twenty years after marriage. Semi-transparent cardboard will answer for the invitations.

The silver wedding is celebrated on the twenty-fifth anniversary, and is generally an occasion of much more importance than any of the foregoing anniversaries. The invitations may be printed on silver paper, and the presents are, of course, articles of silver.

The golden wedding, celebrated on the fiftieth anniversary of the marriage, may be said to be the one in which the young do homage to the old. It should be conducted by the near relatives or friends of the couple, and the occasion should be made one of retrospect, of encouragement, and of congratulation. The invitations should be on white paper in gold letters, and the presents should be of gold.

At each of these anniversaries it is customary to have the marriage ceremony re-performed, and all arrangements for the celebration are made in about the same manner as for the first marriage.

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