Walter K. Kelly

He is my friend who grinds at my mill.

That is, who is serviceable to me—a vile sentiment if understood too absolutely; but the proverb is rather to be interpreted as offering a test by which genuine friendship may be distinguished from its counterfeit. "Deeds are love, and not fine speeches" (Spanish).[180] "If you love me, John, your acts will tell me so" (Spanish).[181] "In the world you have three sorts of friends," says Chamfort; "your friends who love you, your friends who do not care about you, and your friends who hate you."

Kindness will creep where it canna gang.—Scotch.

It will find some way to manifest itself, in spite of all hinderances. As Burns sings,—

Friendship canna stand aye on one side.—Scotch.

It demands reciprocity. "Little presents keep up friendship" (French);[182] and so do mutual good offices. Note that the French proverb speaks of little presents—such things as are valued between friends, not for their intrinsic value, but as tokens of good-will.

Before you make a friend, eat a peck of salt with him.

Take time to know him thoroughly.

Sudden friendship, sure repentance.

Never trust much to a new friend or an old enemy.

Nor even to an old friend, if you and he have once been at enmity. "Patched-up friendship seldom becomes whole again" (German).[183] "Broken friendship may be soldered, but never made sound" (Spanish).[184] "A reconciled friend, a double foe" (Spanish).[185] "Beware of a reconciled friend as of the devil" (Spanish).[186] Asmodeus, speaking of his quarrel with Paillardoc, says, "They reconciled us, we embraced, and ever since we have been mortal enemies."

Old friends and old wine are best.

"Old tunes are sweetest, and old friends are surest," says Claud Halcro. "Old be your fish, your oil, your friend" (Italian).[187]

One enemy is too many, and a hundred friends are too few.

Enmity is unhappily a much more active principle than friendship.

Save me from my friends!

An ejaculation often called forth by the indiscreet zeal which damages a man's cause whilst professing to serve it. The full form of the proverb—"God save me from my friends, I will save myself from my enemies"—is almost obsolete amongst us, but is found in most languages of the continent, and is applied to false friends. Bacon tells us that "Cosmos, Duke of Florence, was wont to say of perfidious friends that we read we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read we ought to forgive our friends."

A full purse never lacked friends.

An empty purse does not easily find one. To say that "The best friends are in the purse" (German),[188] is, perhaps, putting the matter a little too strongly; but, at all events, "Let us have florins, and we shall find cousins" (Italian).[189] "The rich man does not know who is his friend."[190] This Gascon proverb may be taken in a double sense: the rich man's friends are more than he can number; he cannot be sure of the sincerity of any of them. "He who is everybody's friend is either very poor or very rich" (Spanish).[191] "Now that I have a ewe and a lamb everybody says to me, 'Good day, Peter'" (Spanish).[192] Everybody looks kindly on the thriving man.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

But, as such friends are rare, the Scotch proverb counsels not amiss,—

Try your friend afore ye need him.

On the other hand, "He that would have many friends should try few of them" (Italian).[193] "Let him that is wretched and beggared try everybody, and then his friend" (Italian).[194]

A friend is never known till one have need.

"A friend cannot be known in prosperity, and an enemy cannot be hidden in adversity" (Ecclesiasticus). "A sure friend is known in a doubtful case" (Ennius)[195]

When good cheer is lacking, friends will be packing.

"The bread eaten, the company departed" (Spanish).[196] "While the pot boils, friendship blooms" (German).[197]

No longer foster, no longer friend.

Help yourself, and your friends will like you.