SCENE I. — THE PALACE STAIRS.

ENTER PUNTARVOLO, WITH HIS DOG, FOLLOWED BY FASTIDIOUS
BRISK AND FUNGOSO.

PUNT. Come, gentles, Signior, you are sufficiently instructed.

FAST. Who, I, sir?

PUNT. No, this gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog;
he is no competent attendant for the presence.

FAST. Mass, that's true, indeed, knight; you must not carry him into the
presence.

PUNT. I know it, and I, like a dull beast, forgot to bring one of my
cormorants to attend me.

FAST. Why, you were best leave him at the porter's lodge.

PUNT. Not so; his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forth-coming.

FAST. 'Slight, how will you do then?

PUNT. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quality, if I will
have him to be safe. And see! here comes one that will carry coals, ergo,
will hold my dog.
ENTER A GROOM, WITH A BASKET.
My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this dog to thy prudent care?

GROOM. You may, if you please, sir.

PUNT. Pray thee let me find thee here at my return; it shall not be long,
till I will ease thee of thy employment, and please thee. Forth, gentles.

FAST. Why, but will you leave him with so slight command, and infuse no
more charge upon the fellow?

PUNT. Charge! no; there were no policy in that; that were to let him know
the value of the gem he holds, and so to tempt frail nature against her
disposition. No, pray thee let thy honesty be sweet, as it shall be short.

GROOM. Yes, sir.

PUNT. But hark you, gallants, and chiefly monsieur Brisk: when we come in
eye-shot, or presence of this lady, let not other matters carry us from our
project; but, if we can, single her forth to some place —

FAST. I warrant you.

PUNT. And be not too sudden, but let the device induce itself with good
circumstance. On.

FUNG. Is this the way? good truth, here be fine hangings.
[EXEUNT PUNT., FAST., AND FUNGOSO.

GROOM. Honesty! sweet, and short! Marry, it shall, sir, doubt you not;
for even at this instant if one would give me twenty pounds, I would not
deliver him; there's for the sweet: but now, if any man come offer me but
two-pence, he shall have him; there's for the short now. 'Slid, what a mad
humorous gentleman is this to leave his dog with me! I could run away with
him now, an he were worth any thing.

ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO.
MACI. Come on, signior, now prepare to court this all-witted lady, most
naturally, and like yourself.

SOG. Faith, an you say the word, I'll begin to her in tobacco.

MACI. O, fie on't! no; you shall begin with, "How does my sweet lady",
or, "Why are you so melancholy, madam?" though she be very merry, it's all
one. Be sure to kiss your hand often enough; pray for her health, and tell
her, how "More than most fair she is". Screw your face at one side thus,
and protest: let her fleer, and look askance, and hide her teeth with her
fan, when she laughs a fit, to bring her into more matter, that's nothing:
you must talk forward, (though it be without sense, so it be without
blushing,) 'tis most court-like and well.

SOG. But shall I not use tobacco at all?

MACI. O, by no means; 'twill but make your breath suspected, and that you
use it only to confound the rankness of that.

SOG. Nay, I'll be advised, sir, by my friends.

MACI. Od's my life, see where sir Puntarvolo's dog is.

GROOM. I would the gentleman would return for his follower here, I'll
leave him to his fortunes else.

MACI. 'Twere the only true jest in the world to poison him now; ha! by
this hand I'll do it, if I could but get him of the fellow. [ASIDE.]
Signior Sogliardo, walk aside, and think upon some device to entertain the
lady with.

SOG. So I do, sir.
[WALKS OFF IN A MEDITATING POSTURE.

MACI. How now, mine honest friend! whose dog-keeper art thou?

GROOM. Dog-keeper, sir! I hope I scorn that, i'faith.

MACI. Why, dost thou not keep a dog?

GROOM. Sir, now I do, and now I do not: [THROWS OFF THE DOG.] I think
this be sweet and short. Make me his dog-keeper!
[EXIT.

MACI. This is excellent, above expectation! nay, stay, sir; [SEIZING THE
DOG.] you'd be travelling; but I'll give you a dram shall shorten your
voyage, here. [GIVES HIM POISON.] So, sir, I'll be bold to take my leave
of you. Now to the Turk's court in the devil's name, for you shall never
go o' God's name. [KICKS HIM OUT.] — Sogliardo, come.

SOG. I have it i'faith now, will sting it.

MACI. Take heed you leese it not signior, ere you come there; preserve it.
[EXEUNT.

COR. How like you this first exploit of his?

MIT. O, a piece of true envy; but I expect the issue of the other device.

COR. Here they come will make it appear.

SCENE II. — AN APARTMENT IN THE PALACE.

ENTER SAVIOLINA, PUNTARVOLO, FASTIDIOUS BRISK, AND FUNGOSO.

SAV. Why, I thought, sir Puntarvolo, you had been gone your voyage?

PUNT. Dear and most amiable lady, your divine beauties do bind me to those
offices, that I cannot depart when I would.

SAV. 'Tis most court-like spoken, sir; but how might we do to have a sight
of your dog and cat?

FAST. His dog is in the court, lady.

SAV. And not your cat? how dare you trust her behind you, sir.

PUNT. Troth, madam, she hath sore eyes, and she doth keep her chamber;
marry, I have left her under sufficient guard there are two of my followers
to attend her.

SAV. I'll give you some water for her eyes. When do you go, sir?

PUNT. Certes, sweet lady, I know not.

FAST. He doth stay the rather, madam, to present your acute judgment with
so courtly and well parted a gentleman as yet your ladyship hath never seen.

SAV. What is he, gentle monsieur Brisk? not that gentleman?
[POINTS TO FUNGOSO.

FAST. No, lady, this is a kinsman to justice Silence.

PUNT. Pray, sir, give me leave to report him. He's a gentleman, lady, of
that rare and admirable faculty, as, I protest, I know not his like in
Europe; he is exceedingly valiant, an excellent scholar, and so exactly
travelled, that he is able, in discourse, to deliver you a model of any
prince's court in the world; speaks the languages with that purity of
phrase, and facility of accent, that it breeds astonishment; his wit, the
most exuberant, and, above wonder, pleasant, of all that ever entered the
concave of this ear.

FAST. 'Tis most true, lady; marry, he is no such excellent proper man.

PUNT. His travels have changed his complexion, madam.

SAV. O, sir Puntarvolo, you must think every man was not born to have my
servant Brisk's feature.

PUNT. But that which transcends all, lady; he doth so peerlessly imitate
any manner of person for gesture, action, passion, or whatever —

FAST. Ay, especially a rustic or a clown, madam, that it is not possible
for the sharpest-sighted wit in the world to discern any sparks of the
gentleman in him, when he does it.

SAV. O, monsieur Brisk, be not so tyrannous to confine all wits within the
compass of your own; not find the sparks of a gentleman in him, if he be a
gentleman!

FUNG. No, in truth, sweet lady, I believe you cannot.

SAV. Do you believe so? why, I can find sparks of a gentleman in you, sir.

PUNT. Ay, he is a gentleman, madam, and a reveller.

FUNG. Indeed, I think I have seen your ladyship at our revels.

SAV. Like enough, sir; but would I might see this wonder you talk of; may
one have a sight of him for any reasonable sum?

PUNT. Yes, madam, he will arrive presently.

SAV. What, and shall we see him clown it?

FAST. I'faith, sweet lady, that you shall; see, here he comes.

ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO.
PUNT. This is he! pray observe him, lady.

SAV. Beshrew me, he clowns it properly indeed.

PUNT. Nay, mark his courtship.

SOG. How does my sweet lady? hot and moist? beautiful and lusty? ha!

SAV. Beautiful, an it please you, sir, but not lusty.

SOG. O ho, lady, it pleases you to say so, in truth: And how does my
sweet lady? in health? 'Bonaroba, quaeso, que novelles? que novelles?'
sweet creature!

SAV. O excell