SCENE I.-Coleman Street.
A Hall in Justice CLEMENT'S House.

Enter CLEMENT, KNOWELL, KITELY, Dame K., TIB., CASH,
COB, and Servants.

Step. Why then let him do his worst, I am resolute.

Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave: my chair, sirrah. You,
master Knowell, say you went thither to meet your son?

Know. Ay, sir.

Clem. But who directed you thither? Know. That did mine own man,
sir.

Clem. Where is he?

Know. Nay, I know not now; I left him with your clerk, and
appointed him to stay here for me.

Clem. My clerk! about what time was this?

Know. Marry, between one and two, as I take it.

Clem. And what time came my man with the false message to you,
master Kitely?

Kit. After two, sir.

Clem. Very good: but, mistress Kitely, how chance that you were at
Cob's, ha?

Dame K. An't please you, sir, I'll tell you: my brother Wellbred
told me, that Cob's house was a suspected place—

Clem. So it appears, methinks: but on.

Dame K. And that my husband used thither daily.

Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, mistress.

Dame K. True, sir: but you know what grows by such haunts
oftentimes.

Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely: but
did you find your husband there, in that case as you suspected?

Kit. I found her there, sir.

Clem. Did you, so! that alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of
your wife's being there?

Kit. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred.

Clem. How, Wellbred first tell her; then tell you after! Where is
Wellbred?

Kit. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither.

Clem. Why this is a mere trick, a device; you are gull'd in this
most grossly all. Alas, poor wench! wert thou beaten for this?

Tib. Yell, most pitifully, an't please you.

Cob. And worthily, I hope, if it shall prove so.

Clem. Ay, that's like, and a piece of a sentence.—
Enter a Servant.

How now, sir! what's the matter?

Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman in the court without, desires to
speak with your worship.

Clem. A gentleman! what is he?

Serv. A soldier, sir, he says.

Clem. A soldier! take down my armour, my sword quickly. A soldier
speak with me! Why, when, knaves? Come on, come on; [arms himself]
hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget, my sword: stand by, I
will end your matters anon.—Let the soldier enter.
[Exit Servant.
Enter BOBADILL, followed by MATHEW.

Now, sir, what have you to say to me? Bob. By your worship's
favour—

Clem. Nay, keep out, sir; I know not your pretence. You send me
word, sir, you are a soldier: why, sir, you shall be answer'd here:
here be them that have been amongst soldiers. Sir, your pleasure.

Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most
uncivilly wrong'd and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow,
about the town here; and for mine own part, I protest, being a man
in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath
assaulted me in the way of my peace, despoiled me of mine honour,
disarmed me of my weapons, and rudely laid me along in the open
streets, when I not so much as once offered to resist him.

Clem. O, God's precious! is this the soldier? Here, take my armour
off quickly, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look
on't, that will put up a blow.

Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace.

Clem. Why, an he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they?
Re-enter Servant.

Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two
gentlemen here; one, upon your worship's warrant.

Clem. My warrant!

Serv. Yes, sir; the officer says, procured by these two.

Clem. Bid him come in. [Exit Servant.] Set by this picture.
Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAINWORM, disguised as before.

What, Master Downright! are you brought in at Mr. Freshwater's suit
here?

Dow. I'faith, sir, and here's another brought at my suit.

Clem. What are you, sir?

Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle!

Clem. Uncle! who, Master Knowell?

Know. Ay, sir; this is a wise kinsman of mine.

Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wrong'd here monstrously, he
charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never
stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance.

Dow. O, did you find it now? You said you bought it erestwhile.

Step. And you said, I stole it: nay, now my uncle is here, I'll do
well enough with you.

Clem. Well, let this breathe awhile. You that have cause to
complain there, stand forth: Had you my warrant for this
gentleman's apprehension?

Bob. Ay, an't please your worship.

Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so: where had you it?

Bob. Of your clerk, sir.

Clem. That's well! an my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not
at them! Where is the warrant-officer, have you it?

Brai. No, sir; your worship's man, Master Formal, bid me do it for
these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge.

Clem. Why, Master Downright, are you such a novice, to be ser'ved
and never see the warrant?

Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me.

Clem. No! how then?

Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he must serve it, and he
would use me kindly, and so—

Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it! Give me my
long sword there, and help me off. So, come on, sir varlet, I must
cut off your legs, sirrah; [Brainworm kneels.] nay, stand up, I'll
use you kindly, I must cut off your legs, I say.
[Flourishes over him with his long sword.

Brai. O, good sir, I beseech you; nay, good master justice!

Clem. I must do it, there is no remedy; I must cut off your legs,
sirrrah, I must cut off your ears, you rascal, I must do it: I must
cut off your nose, I must cut off your head.

Brai. O, good your worship!

Clem. Well, rise; how dost thou do now? dost thou feel thyself
well? hast thou no harm?

Brai. No, I thank your good worship, sir.

Clem. Why so! I said I must cut off thy legs, and I must cut off
thy arms, and I must cut off thy head; but I did not do it: so you
said you must serve this gentleman with my warrant, but you did not
serve him. You knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must,
sirrah! away with him to the jail; I'll teach you a trick for your
must, sir.

Brai. Good sir, I beseech you, be good to me.

Clem. Tell him he shall to the jail; away with him, I say.

Brai. Nay, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing
more than this: I will not lose by my travail any grain of my fame,
certain.
[Throws off his serjeant's gown.

Clem. How is this?

Know. My man Brainworm!

Step. O, yes, uncle; Brainworm has been with my cousin Edward and I
all this day.

Clem. I told you all there was some device.

Brai. Nay, excellent justice, since I have laid myself thus open to
you, now stand strong for me; both with your sword and your
balance.

Clem. Body O' me, a merry knave! give me a bowl of sack: if he
belong to you, Master Knowell, I bespeak your patience.

Brai. That is it I have most need of; Sir, if you'll pardon me,
only, I'll glory in all the rest of my exploits.

Know. Sir, you know I love not to have my favours come hard from
me. You have your pardon, though I suspect you shrewdly for being
of counsel with my son against me.

Brai. Yes, faith, I have, sir, though you retain'd me doubly this
morning for yourself: first as Brainworm; after, as Fitz-Sword. I
was your reform'd soldier, sir. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the
errand without end.

Know. Is it possible? or that thou should'st disguise thy language
so as I should not know thee?

Brai. O, sir, this has been the day of my metamorphosis. It is not
that shape alone that I have run through to-day. I brought this
gentleman, master Kitely, a message too, in the form of master
Justice's man here, to draw him out O' the way, as well as your
worship, while master Wellbred might make a conveyance of mistress
Bridget to my young master.

Kit. How! My sister stolen away? Know. My son is not married, I