CONTENTS. MY APOLOGY. CHAPTER I. |
Date and place of birth—My Mother's second marriage—A kind step-father—Raising a flock of sheep from a pet lamb—An established reputation—Anxious to speculate—Frequent combats at home—How I conquered a foe—What a phrenologist said—A reconciliation—Breaking steers—Mysterious disappearance of a new fence—My confession—My trip to New York—The transformation scene—My return home with my fiddle. My mother wishes me to learn a trade—My burning desire to be a live-stock dealer—Employed by a deaf drover to do his hearing—How I amused myself at his expense and misfortune.
Selling and trading off my flock of sheep—Co-partnership formed with a neighbor boy—Our dissolution—My continuance in business—Collapse of a chicken deal—Destruction of a wagon load of eggs—Arrested and fined my last dollar—Arrived home "broke."
Borrowing money from Mr. Keefer—Buying and selling sheep pelts—How I succeeded—A co-partnership in the restaurant business—Buying out my partner—Collapsed—More help from Mr. Keefer—Horses and Patent rights.
Swindled out of a horse and watch—More help from Mr. Keefer—How I got even in the watch trade—My patent right trip to Michigan and Indiana—Its results—How a would-be sharper got come up with.
My new acquaintance and our co-partnership—Three weeks' experience manufacturing soap—The collapse—How it happened—Broke again—More help from Mr. Keefer—A trip to Indiana—Selling prize soap with a circus—Arrested and fined for conducting a gift enterprise—Broke again.
Eleven days on a farm—How I fooled the farmer—Arrived at Chicago—Running a fruit stand—Collapsed—My return home—Broke again—A lucky trade.
Three dollars well invested—Learning telegraphy—Getting in debt—A full-fledged operator—My first telegraph office—Buying and selling ducks and frogs while employed as operator—My resignation—Co-partnership in the jewelry and spectacle business—How we succeeded—Our dissolution.
Continuing the jewelry and spectacle business alone—Trading a watch chain for a horse—Peddling on horseback—Trading jewelry for a harness and buggy—Selling at wholesale—Retiring from the jewelry business.
Great success as an insurance agent—Sold out—Arrived at Chicago—Selling government goods—Acquiring dissipated habits—Engaged to be married—Broke among strangers—How I made a raise—My arrival home.
More help from Mr. Keefer—Off to see my girl—Embarked in the Agricultural-implement business without capital—Married—Sold out—In the grocery business—Collapsed—Running a billiard hall—Collapsed again—Newspaper reporter for a mysterious murder.
More help from Mr. Keefer—Six weeks as a horse-trainer—A mysterious partner—Collapsed—How I made a raise—Home again—Father to a bouncing boy.
Engaged in the Patent-right business—My trade with Brother Long—The compromise—My second trade with a deacon—His Sunday honesty and week-day economy—A new partner—The landlord and his cream biscuits—How we headed him off—A trade for a balky horse—How we persuaded him to go—Our final settlement with the landlord.
Our trip through Indiana—How I fooled a telegraph operator—The old landlord sends recipe for cream biscuit—Our return to Ohio—Becoming agents for a new patent—Our valise stolen—Return to Ft. Wayne—Waiting six weeks for Patent-right papers—Busted—Staving off the washerwoman for five weeks—"The Kid" and 'de exchange act'—How the laundry woman got even with us—The landlord on the borrow—How we borrowed of him—Replenishing our wardrobe—Paying up the hotel bill.
Our visit to La Grange, Ind.—Traded for a horse—Followed by an officer, with a writ of replevin—Putting him on the wrong scent—His return to the hotel—The horse captured—Broke again—How I made a raise.
Arriving at Elmore, Ohio, stranded—Receiving eight dollars on a Patent right sale—Dunned in advance by the landlord—Changing hotels—My visit to Fremont—Meeting Mr. Keefer and borrowing money—Our visit to Findlay—A big deal—Losing money in wheat—Followed by officers with a writ of replevin—Outwitting them—A four-mile chase—Hiding our rig in a cellar.
Visiting my family at Elmore—How we fooled a detective—A friend in need—Arriving at Swanton, Ohio, broke—How I made a raise—Disguising my horse with a coat of paint—Captured at Toledo—Selling my horse—Arrived home broke.
Mr. Keefer called from home—My mother refuses me a loan—Peddling furniture polish on foot—Having my fortune told—My trip through Michigan—Arrested for selling without license—"It never rains but it pours"—Collapsed—A good moral—Making a raise.
My co-partnership with a Clairvoyant doctor—Our lively trip from Ypsilanti to Pontiac, Michigan—Poor success—The doctor and his Irish patient—My prescription for the deaf woman—Collapsed, and in debt for board.
Engaged to manage the hotel—The doctor my star boarder—Discharging all the help—Hiring them over again—The doctor as table waiter—The landlady and the doctor collide—The arrival of two hus'lers—How I managed them—The landlady goes visiting—I re-modeled the house—My chambermaid elopes—Hiring a Dutchman to take her place—Dutchy in disguise—I fooled the doctor—Dutchy and the Irish shoemaker.
The doctor swindled—How we got even—Diamond cut diamond—The doctor peddling stove-pipe brackets—His first customer—His mishap and demoralized condition—The doctor and myself invited to a country dance—He the center of attraction—The doctor in love with a cross-eyed girl—Engaged to take her home—His plan frustrated—He gets even with me—We conclude to diet him—The landlady returns—Does not know the house.
Out of a position—Moved to Ann Arbor—How I made a raise—A return to furniture polish—Selling experience—Hauling coke—My summer clothes in a snow-storm—A gloomy Christmas—An attack of bilious fever—Establishing an enforced credit—The photograph I sent my mother—Engaged as an auctioneer at Toledo, Ohio—My first sale.
A successful auctioneer—Playing a double role—Illustrating an auction sale.
My employer called home—I continue to hus'le—An auctioneering co-partnership—Still in a double role—A neat, tidy, quiet boarding-house—We move to a hotel—A practical joke—Auctioneering for merchants—Making a political speech—Getting mixed.
I continue to sell for merchants—Well prepared for winter—Trading a shot-gun for a horse and wagon—Auctioneering for myself—Mr. Keefer needing help—How I responded—Turning my horse out to pasture—Engaged to sell on commission—How I succeeded—Out of a job—Busted—How I made a raise—A return to the Incomprehensible—Peddling with a horse and wagon—Meeting an old friend—Misery likes company—We hus'le together—Performing a surgical operation—A pugilistic encounter—Our Wild-west stories—Broke again—A hard customer—Another raise.
Helping a tramp—We dissolve partnership—My auction sale for the farmer—How I settled with him—I resume the auction business for myself—My horse trade—I start for Michigan.
Auctioneering at the Michigan State Fair—Three days' co-partnership with a showman—My partner's family on exhibition—Our success—Traveling northward—Business increases—Frequent trades in horses and wagons—The possessor of a fine turn-out—Mr. Keefer again asks assistance—How I responded—Traveling with an ox-team and cart—A great attraction—Sold out—Traveling by rail—My return to Ohio—Meeting the clairvoyant doctor—How I fooled him—Quail, twelve dollars a dozen—The doctor loses his appetite.
A co-partnership formed in the auction business—How it ended—A new friend—His generosity—Exhibiting a talking machine—It failed to talk—How I entertained the audience—In the role of a Phrenologist.
In the auction business again—A new conveyance for street sales—My trip through the lumber regions—A successful summer campaign—A winter's trip through the south—My return to Grand Rapids, Mich.—A trip to Lake Superior—Selling needles as a side issue—How I did it—State license demanded by an officer—How I turned the tables on him—Buying out a country store—A great sale of paper-cambric dress patterns—A compromise with the buyers—My return to Chicago—Flush and flying high.
Buying out a large stock of merchandise—On the road again—Six weeks in each town—Muddy roads and poor trade—Closing out at auction—Saved my credit but collapsed—Peddling polish and jewelry—Wholesaling jewelry—Fifty dollars and lots of experience my stock in trade—Tall "hus'ling" and great success—An offer from a wholesale jewelry firm—Declined with thanks—Hus'ling again—Great success.
Robbed of a trunk of jewelry—Only a small stock left—A terrible calamity—Collapsed—An empty sample-case my sole possession—Peddling polish again—Making a raise—Unintentional generosity breaks me up—Meeting an old partner—The wholesaler supplies me with jewelry—Hus'ling again with great success—Making six hundred dollars in one day—My health fails me—I return to Ohio—A physician gives me but two years to live—How I fooled him.
A friend loans me twenty-five dollars—My arrival in Chicago—Forty dollars' worth of goods on credit—I leave for Michigan—Effecting a sale by stratagem—Great success during the summer—Enforcing a credit—Continued success—Opening an office in the city—Paying my old debts, with interest—My trip to New York—Buying goods from the manufacturers—My return to Chicago—Now I do hus'le—Immense success.
Employing traveling salesmen—Depression in trade—Heavily in debt—How I preserved my credit—I take to the road again—Traveling by team—Deciding a horse-trade—My book-keeper proposes an assignment—I reject the proposition—Collecting old debts by stratagem.
Another horse trade—A heavy loss—Playing detective—My visit home—A retrospect—Calling in my agents—A new scheme—It's a winner—Mr. Keefer and my mother visit Chicago—His verdict, "It does beat the devil."
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