The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and Marvels

THE DEAD DRUMMER.

A LEGEND OF SALISBURY PLAIN.

Oh, Salisbury Plain is bleak and bare,— At least so I've heard many people declare, For I fairly confess I never was there;— Not a shrub nor a tree, Nor a bush can you see; No hedges, no ditches, no gates, no stiles, Much less a house, or a cottage for miles;— —It's a very sad thing to be caught in the rain When night's coming on upon Salisbury Plain.

Now, I'd have you to know That, a great while ago, The best part of a century, may be, or so, Across this same plain, so dull and so dreary, A couple of Travellers, wayworn and weary, Were making their way; Their profession, you'd say, At a single glance did not admit of a query; The pump-handled pig-tail, and whiskers, worn then, With scarce an exception by seafaring men, The jacket,—the loose trousers "bows'd up together"—all Guiltless of braces, as those of Charles Wetherall,— The pigeon-toed step, and the rollicking motion, Bespoke them two genuine sons of the Ocean, And shew'd in a moment their real charÁcters, (The accent's so placed on this word by our Jack Tars.)

The one in advance was sturdy and strong, With arms uncommonly bony and long, And his Guernsey shirt Was all pitch and dirt, Which sailors don't think inconvenient or wrong. He was very broad-breasted, And very deep-chested; His sinewy frame correspond with the rest did, Except as to height, for he could not be more At the most, you would say, than some five feet four, And if measured, perhaps had been found a thought lower. Dame Nature, in fact,—whom some person or other, —A Poet,—has call'd a "capricious step-mother,"— You saw, when beside him, Had somehow denied him In longitude what she had granted in latitude, A trifling defect You'd the sooner detect From his having contracted a stoop in his attitude. Square-built and broad-shoulder'd, good-humoured and gay, With his collar and countenance open as day, The latter—'twas mark'd with small-pox, by the way,— Had a sort of expression good will to bespeak; He'd a smile in his eye, and a quid in his cheek! And, in short, notwithstanding his failure in height, He was just such a man as you'd say, at first sight, You would much rather dine, or shake hands, with than fight!

The other, his friend and companion, was taller By five or six inches, at least, than the smaller;— From his air and his mien It was plain to be seen, That he was, or had been, A something between The real "Jack Tar" and the "Jolly Marine." For, though he would give an occasional hitch, Sailor-like to his "slops," there was something, the which, On the whole savoured more of the pipe-clay than pitch.— Such were now the two men who appeared on the hill, Harry Waters the tall one, the short "Spanking Bill." To be caught in the rain, I repeat it again, Is extremely unpleasant on Salisbury Plain; And when with a good soaking shower there are blended Blue lightnings and thunder, the matter's not mended; Such was the case In this wild dreary place, On the day that I'm speaking of now, when the brace Of trav'llers alluded to quickened their pace, Till a good steady walk became more like a race, To get quit of the tempest which held them in chase.

Louder, and louder Than mortal gunpowder, The heav'nly artill'ry kept crashing and roaring, The lightning kept flashing, the rain too kept pouring, While they, helter-skelter, In vain sought for shelter From, what I have heard term'd, "a regular pelter;" But the deuce of a screen Could be anywhere seen, Or an object except that on one of the rises, An old way-post show'd Where the Lavington road Branch'd off to the left from the one to Devizes; And thither the footsteps of Waters seem'd tending, Though a doubt might exist of the course he was bending, To a landsman, at least, who, wherever he goes, Is content, for the most part, to follow his nose;— While Harry kept "backing And filling,"—and "tacking,"— Two nautical terms which, I'll wager a guinea, are Meant to imply What you, Reader, and I Would call going zig-zag, and not rectilinear.

But here, once for all, let me beg you'll excuse All mistakes I may make in the words sailors use 'Mongst themselves, on a cruise, Or ashore with the Jews, Or in making their court to their Polls and their Sues, Or addressing those slop-selling females afloat—women Known in our navy as oddly-named boat-women. The fact is, I can't say I'm vers'd in the school So ably conducted by Marryat and Poole; (See the last-mentioned gentleman's "Admiral's Daughter,") The grand vade mecum For all who to sea come, And get, the first time in their lives, in blue water; Of course in the use of sea terms you'll not wonder If I now and then should fall into some blunder, For which Captain Chamier, or Mr. T. P. Cooke Would call me a "Lubber," and "Son of a Sea-cook."

To return to our muttons—This mode of progression At length upon Spanking Bill made some impression. —"Hillo, messmate, what cheer? How queer you do steer!" Cried Bill, whose short legs kept him still in the rear. "Why, what's in the wind, Bo?—what is it you fear?" For he saw in a moment that something was frightening His shipmate much more than the thunder and lightning.

—"Fear?" stammer'd out Waters, "why, Him!—don't you see What faces that Drummer-boy's making at me!— —How he dodges me so Wherever I go?— What is it he wants with me, Bill,—do you know?"

—"What Drummer-boy, Harry?" cries Bill, in surprise, (With a brief explanation, that ended in "eyes,") "What Drummer-boy, Waters?—the coast is all clear, We haven't got never no Drummer-boy here!"

—"Why, there!—don't you see How he's following me? Now this way, now that way, and won't let me be! Keep him off, Bill—look here— Don't let him come near! Only see how the blood-drops his features besmear! What, the dead come to life again!—Bless me!—Oh dear!"

Bill remarked in reply, "This is all very queer— What, a Drummer-boy—bloody, too—eh!—well, I never— I can't see no Drummer-boy here whatsumdever!" "Not see him!—why there;—look!—he's close by the post— Hark!—hark!—how he drums at me now!—he's a Ghost!"

"A what?" return'd Bill,—at that moment a flash More than commonly awful preceded a crash Like what's call'd in Kentucky "an Almighty Smash."— And down Harry Waters went plump on his knees, While the sound, though prolong'd, died away by degrees; In its last sinking echoes, however, were some Which, Bill could not help thinking, resembled a drum!

"Hollo! Waters!—I says," Quoth he in amaze, "Why, I never see'd nuffin in all my born days Half so queer As this here, And I'm not very clear But that one of us two has good reason for fear— You to jaw about drummers, with nobody near us!— I must say as how that I thinks it's mysterus."

"Oh, mercy!" roared Waters, "do keep him off, Bill, And, Andrew, forgive!—I'll confess all!—I will!

tb
THE DEAD DRUMMER.

I'll make a clean breast, And as for the rest, You may do with me just what the lawyers think best; But haunt me not thus!—let these visitings cease, And, your vengeance accomplish'd, Boy, leave me in peace!" —Harry paused for a moment,—then turning to Bill, Who stood with his mouth open, steady and still, Began "spinning" what nauticals term "a tough yarn," Viz.: his tale of what Bill call'd "this precious consarn."

"It was in such an hour as this, On such a wild and wint'ry day, The forked lightning seemed to hiss, As now, athwart our lonely way, When first these dubious paths I tried— Yon livid form was by my side!—

"Not livid then—the ruddy glow Of life, and youth, and health it bore! And bloodless was that gory brow, And cheerful was the smile it wore, And mildly then those eyes did shine— —Those eyes which now are blasting mine!!

"They beamed with confidence and love Upon my face,—and Andrew Brand Had sooner fear'd yon frighten'd dove Than harm from Gervase Matcham's hand! —I am no Harry Waters—men Did call me Gervase Matcham then.

"And Matcham, though a humble name, Was stainless as the feathery flake From Heaven, whose virgin whiteness came Upon the newly-frozen lake; Commander, comrade, all began To laud the Soldier,—like the Man.

"Nay, muse not, William,—I have said I was a soldier—staunch and true As any he above whose head Old England's lion banner flew; And, duty done,—her claims apart,- 'Twas said I had a kindly heart.

"And years roll'd on,—and with them came Promotion—Corporal—Sergeant—all In turn—I kept mine honest fame— Our Colonel's self,—whom men did call The veriest Martinet—ev'n he, Though cold to most, was kind to me!—

"One morn—oh! may that morning stand Accursed in the rolls of fate Till latest time!—there came command To carry forth a charge of weight To a detachment far away,— —It was their regimental pay!—

"And who so fit for such a task As trusty Matcham, true and tried, Who spurn'd the inebriating flask, With honour for his constant guide?— On Matcham fell their choice—and He,— 'Young Drum,'—should bear him company!

"And grateful was that sound to hear, For he was full of life and joy, The mess-room pet—to each one dear Was that kind, gay, light-hearted boy. —The veriest churl in all our band Had aye a smile for Andrew Brand.—

"—Nay, glare not as I name thy name! That threat'ning hand, that fearful brow Relax—avert that glance of flame! Thou seest I do thy bidding now! Vex'd Spirit, rest!—'twill soon be o'er,— Thy blood shall cry to Heaven no more!

"Enough—we journey'd on—the walk Was long,—and dull and dark the day,— And still young Andrew's cheerful talk And merry laugh beguiled the way; Noon came—a sheltering bank was there,— We paused our frugal meal to share.

"Then 'twas, with cautious hand, I sought To prove my charge secure,—and drew The packet from my vest, and brought The glittering mischief forth to view, And Andrew cried,—No!—'twas not He!— It was The Tempter spoke to me!

"But it was Andrew's laughing voice That sounded in my tingling ear, 'Now, Gervase Matcham, at thy choice,' It seem'd to say, 'are gawds and gear, And all that wealth can buy or bring, Ease,—wassail,—worship,—every thing!

"'No tedious drill, no long parade, No bugle call at early dawn;— For guard-room bench, or barrack bed, The downy couch, the sheets of lawn And I thy Page,—thy steps to tend, Thy sworn companion,—servant,—friend!

—"He ceased—that is, I heard no more, Though other words pass'd idly by, And Andrew chatter'd as before, And laugh'd—I mark'd him not—not I. 'Tis at thy choice!' that sound alone Rang in mine ear—voice else was none.

"I could not eat,—the untasted flask Mocked my parch'd lip,—I passed it by. 'What ails thee, man?' he seem'd to ask.— I felt, but could not meet his eye.— 'Tis at thy choice!'—it sounded yet,— A sound I never may forget.

—"'Haste! haste! the day draws on,' I cried, 'And, Andrew, thou hast far to go!'— 'Hast far to go!' the Fiend replied Within me,—'twas not Andrew—no! 'Twas Andrew's voice no more—'twas He Whose then I was, and aye must be!

—"On, on we went;—the dreary plain Was all around us—we were Here! Then came the storm,—the lightning,—rain,— No earthly living thing was near, Save one wild Raven on the wing, —If that, indeed, were earthly thing!

"I heard its hoarse and screaming voice High hovering o'er my frenzied head, ''Tis, Gervase Matcham, at thy choice! But he—the Boy!' methought it said. —Nay, Andrew, check that vengeful frown,— I lov'd thee when I struck thee down!

"'Twas done!—the deed that damns me—done I know not how—I never knew;— And Here I stood—but not alone,— The prostrate Boy my madness slew, Was by my side—limb, feature, name, 'Twas He!!—another—yet the same!

"Away! away! in frantic haste Throughout that live-long night I flew— Away! away!—across the waste,— I know not how—I never knew,— My mind was one wild blank—and I Had but one thought,—one hope—to fly!

"And still the lightning ploughed the ground, The thunder roared—and there would come Amidst its loudest bursts a sound, Familiar once—it was—A Drum!— Then came the morn,—and light,—and then Streets,—houses,—spires,—the hum of men.

"And Ocean roll'd before me—fain Would I have whelm'd me in its tide, At once beneath the billowy main My shame, my guilt, my crime to hide; But He was there!—He cross'd my track,— I dared not pass—He waved me back!

"And then rude hands detained me—sure Justice had grasp'd her victim—no! Though powerless, hopeless, bound, secure, A captive thrall, it was not so; They cry 'The Frenchman's on the wave!' The press was hot—and I a slave.

"They dragg'd me o'er the vessel's side; The world of waters roll'd below; The gallant ship, in all her pride Of dreadful beauty, sought her foe; —Thou saw'st me, William, in the strife— Alack! I bore a charmed life;

"In vain the bullets round me fly, In vain mine eager breast I bare; Death shuns the wretch who longs to die, And every sword falls edgeless there! Still He is near!—and seems to cry, 'Not here, nor thus, may Matcham die!'—

"Thou saw'st me, on that fearful day, When, fruitless all attempts to save, Our pinnace foundering in the bay, The boat's-crew met a watery grave,— All, all—save One—the ravenous sea That swallow'd all—rejected Me!

And now, when fifteen suns have each Fulfilled in turn its circling year, Thrown back again on England's beach, Our bark paid off—He drives me Here! I could not die in flood or fight— He drives me Here!!"— "And sarve you right!

"What! bilk your Commander!—desart—and then rob! And go scuttling a poor little Drummer-boy's nob! Why, my precious eyes! what a bloodthirsty swab!— There's old Davy Jones, Who cracks Sailors' bones For his jaw-work would never, I'm sure, s'elp me Bob, Have come for to go for to do sich a job! Hark ye, Waters,—or Matcham,—whichever's your purser-name, —T'other, your own, is, I'm sartain, the worser name,— Twelve years have we lived on like brother and brother!— Now—your course lays one way, and mine lays another!"

"No, William, it may not be so; Blood calls for blood!—'tis Heaven's decree! And thou with me this night must go, And give me to the gallows-tree! Ha!—see—He smiles—He points the way! On, William, on! no more delay!"

Now Bill,—so the story, as told to me, goes, And who, as his last speech sufficiently shows, Was a "regular trump,"—did not like to "turn Nose;" But then came a thunder-clap louder than any Of those that preceded, though they were so many; And hark!—as its rumblings subside in a hum, What sound mingles too?—"By the hokey—A Drum!!"

I remember I once heard my Grandfather say, That some sixty years since he was going that way, When they shew'd him the spot Where the gibbet—was not— On which Matcham's corse had been hung up to rot; It had fall'n down—but how long before, he'd forgot; And they told him, I think, at the Bear in Devizes, The town where the Sessions are held,—or the 'Sizes, That Matcham confess'd, And made a clean breast To the May'r; but that, after he'd had a night's rest, And the storm had subsided, he "pooh-pooh'd" his friend, Swearing all was a lie from beginning to end; Said "he'd only been drunk— That his spirits had sunk At the thunder—the storm put him into a funk,— That, in fact, he had nothing at all on his conscience, And found out, in short, he'd been talking great nonsense."—

But now one Mr. Jones Comes forth and depones That, fifteen years since, he had heard certain groans On his way to Stone Henge (to examine the stones Described in a work of the late Sir John Soane's,) That he'd followed the moans, And, led by their tones, Found a Raven a-picking a Drummer-boy's bones!— —Then the Colonel wrote word From the King's Forty-third, That the story was certainly true which they'd heard, For, that one of their drummers, and one Sergeant Matcham, Had "brushed with the dibs," and they never could catch 'em.

So Justice was sure, though a long time she'd lagg'd, And the Sergeant, in spite of his "Gammon," got "scragg'd;" And people averred That an ugly black bird, The Raven, 'twas hinted, of whom we have heard, Though the story, I own, appears rather absurd, Was seen (Gervase Matcham not being interr'd), To roost all that night on the murderer's gibbet; An odd thing, if so, and it may be a fib—it, However, 's a thing Nature's laws don't prohibit. —Next morning, they add, that "black gentleman" flies out, Having picked Matcham's nose off, and gobbled his eyes out!

Moral.

Avis au Voyageur.

Imprimis. If you contemplate walking o'er Salisbury Plain, Consult Mr. Murphy, or Moore, and refrain From selecting a day when it's likely to rain! 2^o. When trav'lling, don't "flash" Your notes or your cash Before other people—it's foolish and rash! 3^o. At dinner be cautious, and note well your party;— There's little to dread where the appetite's hearty,— But mind and look well to your purse and your throttle When you see a man shirking, and passing his bottle! 4^o. If you chance to be needy, Your coat and hat seedy, In war-time especially, never go out When you've reason to think there's a press-gang about! 5^o. Don't chatter, nor tell people all that you think, Nor blab secrets,—especially when you're in drink,— But keep your own counsel in all that you do! —Or a Counsel may, some day or other, keep you. 6^o. Discard superstition!—and don't take a post, If you happen to see one at night, for a Ghost! —Last of all, if by choice, or convenience, you're led, To cut a man's throat, or demolish his head, Don't do it in a thunderstorm—wait for the summer! And mind, above all things, the Man's not a Drummer!!

Among a bundle of letters I find one from Sucklethumbkin, dated from London, and containing his version of perhaps the greatest theatrical Civil War since the celebrated "O. P. row." As the circumstances are now become matter of history, and poor Doldrum himself has been, alas! for some time the denizen of a far different "House," I have ventured to preserve it. Perhaps it may be unnecessary to add, that my Honourable friend has of late taken to Poetry, and goes without his cravat.

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