It appears almost laughable to talk about a rheumatic dog; but, in fact, the animal suffers quite as, or even more acutely than the human patient, and both from the same cause—over-indulgence; still with this difference—the man usually suffers from attachment to the bottle; the dog endures its misery from devotion to roaming under the table. It is not an uncommon sight to behold an animal so fat that it can hardly waddle, without scruple enjoying its five meals a day; which it takes with a bloated mistress, who, according to her own account, is kept alive with the utmost difficulty by eating little and often. The dog, I say, looks for its lady's tray with regularity, besides having its own personal meal, and a bone or two to indulge any odd craving between whiles. These spoiled animals are, for the most part, old and bad tempered. They would bite, but they have no teeth, and yet they will wrathfully mumble the hand they are unable to injure; while the doting mistress, in alarm for her favorite, sits upon the sofa entreating the beast may not be hurt: begging for pity, as though it were for her own life she were pleading. The animal during this is being followed from under table to chair, growling and barking all the time; and showing every disposition, if it had but ability, to do you some grievous bodily harm. At length, after a chase that has nearly caused the fond mistress to faint and you to exhaust all patience, the poor brute is overtaken and caught; but no sooner does your hand touch the miserable beast, than it sets up a howl fit to alarm the neighborhood. On this the hand is moved from the neck to the belly, intending to raise the dog from the ground; but the howl thereon is changed to a positive scream, when the mistress starts up, declaring she can bear no more. On this you desist, to ask a few questions: "The dog has often called out in that manner?" "O yes." "And has done so, no one being near or touching it?" "O yes, when quite alone." Thereupon you request the mistress to call the animal to her; and it waddles across the carpet, every member stiff, its back arched, and its neck set, but the eye fixed upon the person who has been called in.

You get the mistress to take the favorite upon her lap, and request she will oblige you by pinching the skin. "Oh, harder; pray, a little harder, madam!" Nevertheless, all your entreaties cannot move the kind mistress to do that which she fears will pain her pet; whereon you request permission to be permitted to make a trial; and it being granted, you seize the coat, and give the animal one of the hardest pinches of which your fore-finger and thumb, compressed with all your might, are capable. The animal turns its head round and licks your hand, to reward the polite attention, and solicits a continuance of your favors. The skin is thick and insensible. What teeth remain, are covered with tartar, and the breath smells like a pestilence.

The dog is taken home, and an allowance of wholesome rice and gravy placed before it, with one ounce of meat by weight. The flesh is greedily devoured, but the other mess remains untouched. The next day the untouched portion is removed, and fresh supplied; also the same meat as before, which is consumed ere the hand which presented the morsel is retracted, the head being raised to ask for more.

The second day, however, the gravy and rice are eaten, and the meat on the morrow is deficient; gravy and rice for the future constituting the animal's fare. Then, for physic, an embrocation containing one-third of turpentine is used thrice daily, to rub the animal's back, neck, and belly with. Some of the cathartic pills are given over night, with the castor-oil mixture in the morning. Constant purgation is judiciously kept up, and before the first fortnight expires, the dog ceases to howl. Then the pills and mixture are given every other night, and the quantity of turpentine in the embrocation increased to one-half, the other ingredients being of the same amount. This rubbed in as before, evidently annoys the animal, and on that account is used only twice a-day. When all signs of pain are gone, the turpentine is then lowered to one-third, the embrocation being applied only once a-day, because it now gives actual pain. Some liniment, however, is continued, generally making the poor beast howl whenever it is administered. At the expiration of a month, all treatment is abandoned for a week, that the skin may get rid of its scurf, and you may perceive the effect of the treatment you have pursued. If the skin then appears thin, especially on the neck and near the tail, being also sensitive, clean the teeth, and send the dog home with a bottle of cleansing fluid, a tooth-brush, (as before explained,) and strict injunctions with regard to diet.

The subsequent strength is made by increasing the quantity of turpentine.