I went into a private 'ouse to get a place as cook;

The lady ups an' greets me with a most angelic look:

"I've just been makin' tea," she sez, "I 'opes as you will try

These little scones wot I 'ave baked;" and to myself sez I:

"It was Polly this, an' Polly that, an' 'Polly, scrub the floor,'

But it's 'If you please, Miss Perkins,' since we won the bloomin' War;

We won the bloomin' War, my girls, we won the bloomin' War,

It's 'If you please, Miss Perkins,' since we won the bloomin' War."

The lady she was out to please; we talked about the weather,

An' when the tea was done we smoked a cigarette together,

An' then we talked o' jazzin' an' the BILLIE CARLETON case,

An' so we come in course o' time to talkin' o' the place.

"You won't mind cookin' lunch?" sez she. Sez I, "Without a doubt,

On Toosdays an' on Fridays, which they ain't my 'alf-days out;

An' dinner, too, I'll manage"—'ere the lady give a grin—

"On Mondays an' on Thursdays, which they 'll be my evenings in."

"An' wot about the breakfast?" "Don't you worry, mum," sez I,

"I'm willin' to oblige you every single blessed dye,

Bar Sundays, when my young man comes; 'e's such a bloomin' toff,

'E takes me up the river, so I takes the 'ole day off."

"That's excellent," the lady sez, "I'll easy do the rest,

So if you come, Miss Perkins, you will be our honoured guest,

For Mr. Vere de Vere an' I do all we can an' more

To please the splendid women wot 'ave bin an' won the War."

Well, seein' as the lady seemed to 'ave the proper view,

I took the situation an' I 'opes as it will do.

Of course there may be drawbacks, but you can't get all you wish,

For aprons ain't quite overalls an' cookin' ain't munish.

It was Polly this, an' Polly that, an' "Ugh! the mutton's red;"

But it's "Won't you come, Miss Perkins?" now we're paid to stay in bed;

An' it's Polly this, an' Polly that, an' anythink you please;

An' Polly ain't a bloomin' fool—you bet that Polly sees!