The engagement my pardner had spoke on wuz to meet a Chinaman that wuz comin’ to see Robert Strong that evenin’. Robert had met him in California, and Josiah seemed dretful anxious to git home so as to dress up for his reception. And I sez, “There is time enough; I shouldn’t think it would take you more than two hours to wash your hands and change your neck-tie.” “Well,” sez he, in a evasive way, “I––I don’t want to be scrimped for time.” So, as Tommy and I wanted to stop along on the way, he left us and went home. Robert had told us a good deal about this man, Mr. Hi-wal-hum; about his wealth and high official standing, and Josiah had been talkin’ more or less about him all day; he looked forrered to it. He had said to me: “Samantha, this man is a Potentate, and it stands us in hand to be polite always to Potentates.” Well, I couldn’t dispute him nor didn’t want to. When we arriv home I thought I would have jest about time to go to my room and wash my face and hands and put on a clean collar and cuffs and change Tommy’s clothes. Tommy went on a little ahead of me, and I see him bend down and stretch his little neck forrered and look through the door as if he wuz agast at some sight. And as I come up he put his little fingers on his lips, as I spoze he’d seen me do, and whispered: “Keep still, Grandma; I don’t know what Grandpa is doin’.” I looked over his shoulder and thought to myself I should think as much, I should think he wouldn’t know. There stood Josiah Allen before the glass and of all the sights I ever see his dress went ahead. He had got on a red woolen “No, I can’t do that, but I can be fannin’ myself, all the time fannin’ and bowin’.” And then he stepped forrerd towards the glass and made a bow so low that his switch flopped over and ketched on the rocker of a chair and he couldn’t move either way without jerkin’ his braid off. “Goodness gracious!” I hearn him say, “I never yet tried to be genteel without its being broke up some way,” and he gin a jerk and left his switch on the floor. He took it up tenderly and smoothed it out and wuz tryin’ to attach it to his head agin. It wuz fastened on by a red ribbin comin’ up over his head and tied on top. But at that minute he ketched sight of me and he looked some meachin’, but he begun immegiately pourin’ our profuse reasons for his costoom and manners. Sez he, “You know, Robert wants us to meet that high official, and I felt that it would help our relations with China if I should dress up China fashion.” Sez I, “It will help one of your relations if you’ll take off Sez he, “I am doin’ this for political reasons, Samantha, and can’t be hampered by domestic reasons and ignorance.” And he kep’ on tyin’ the bow on his foretop. Sez I, “For the sake of your children and grandchildren won’t you desist and not put ’em to shame and make a laughin’ stock of yourself before Miss Meechim and Arvilly and all the rest?” “I shall do my duty, Samantha,” sez he, and he pulled out the ribbin of the bow, so that it sot out some like a turban over his forward. “Of course I look very dressy and pretty in this costoom, but that is not my reason for wearin’ it; you and Arvilly are always talking about political men who don’t come up to the mark and do their duty by their constituents. I am a very influential man, Samantha, and there is no tellin’ how much good I shall do my country this day, and the sneers of the multitude shall not deter me.” Sez I, almost fearfully, “Think of the meetin’ house, Josiah, where you’re a deacon and looked up to; what will they say to hear of this, passin’ yourself off for a Chinaman; dressin’ up in petticoats and red ribbins!” Sez he, cranin’ his neck round to see the bow hangin’ down his back, “Our old forefathers went through worse trials than this when they eat their cartridge boxes and friz themselves at Valley Forge,” and he fingered some of them bows and ornaments on his breast agin with a vain, conceited smirk of satisfaction. I wuz at my wits’ end; I glanced at the door; there wuz no lock on it; what should I do? Religion and common sense wouldn’t move him, and as for my sharpest weepon––good vittles––here I wuz hampered, I couldn’t cook ’em for him, what could I do? Sez he agin, “I only do this for patriotism; I sacrifice myself on the altar of my country,” and he fanned himself gracefully, lookin’ sarahuptishly into the glass. “Well,” sez I, growin’ calm as I thought of a forlorn hope, “mebby it is best, Josiah, and I hain’t a-goin’ to be outdone by you in patriotism. I too will sacrifice myself.” And I proceeded to comb my hair with a firm look on my face. He looked alarmed. “What do you mean, Samantha?” sez he. “I won’t let you go ahead of me in sacrificing yourself, Josiah. No, I will go fur ahead of what you or anybody else would do; it will most probable kill me, but I shall not falter.” “What is it, Samantha?” sez he, droppin’ the fan and approachin’ me with agitated mean. “What are you goin’ to do? If it is to throw yourself in front of any idol and perish, I will save you if I shed the last drop of blood in my system!” “Yes,” sez I, “you could do great bizness in savin’ me, togged out as you are, made helpless by your own folly; but,” sez I, in a holler, awful axent, “it hain’t that, Josiah; it is fur worse than losin’ my life; that wouldn’t be nothin’ in comparison.” He looked white as a piller case. Sez he: “Tell me to once what you lay out to do.” “Well,” sez I, “if you must know, I spoze that it might help our relations with China if I should part with you and wed a China potentate. It would kill me and be bad for the potentate, but if your country’s welfare is at stake, if it would help our relations I–––” “Let the relations go to Jericho, Samantha! every one on ’em, and the Potentates! every one on ’em!” and he kicked off them robes quicker than I can tell the tale. Sez I, “Josiah, you needn’t tear every rag you’ve got on; take ’em off quietly.” He’d put ’em on over his own clothes. He obeyed me implicitly, and sez he anxiously, as he laid ’em all on the bed: “You’ve gin up the idee, hain’t you, Samantha?” Sez I, “I have for the present, Josiah, I wuz only doin’ He hadn’t been so good to me for sometime as he wuz for the rest of that day. I only done it to stop his display, and my conscience hain’t been quite at rest ever sence about it, but then a woman has to work headwork to keep her pardner within bounds. I wuzn’t goin’ to have him make a fool of himself before Arvilly and Miss Meechim. Arvilly would never let him hearn the end on’t nor me nuther. Well, we met the potentate in our own clothes and he met us in his own clothes, jest as he and we had a right to. He wuz a real sensible man, so Robert Strong said, and he understood a good deal of his talk and ort to know. Well, from Shanghai we sailed for Hongkong and then embarked for Point de Galle on the island of Ceylon, expectin’ to stop on the way at Saigon in Cochin-China and Singapore. It wuz dretful windy and onpleasant at first. It is much pleasanter to read about a monsoon in Jonesville with your feet on a base burner than to experience one on a steamer. Everything swayed and tipped and swung, that could, even to our stomachs. We only made a short stop at Saigon––a hotter place I wuz never in. I thought of the oven in our kitchen range and felt that if Philury wuz bakin’ bread and meat and beans and got into the oven to turn ’em, she knew a little about the climate we wuz enjoying. As we ascended the river our ship got a little too near the shore and kinder run its prow into a jungle where the monkeys hung from the tree-tops and made fun of us, I spoze, mad at our invadin’ their domain and wanted us to pay, ’tennyrate the muskeeters sent in their bills, sharp ones. Saigon is a pretty place set in its tropical scenery; it has eighty or ninety thousand inhabitants and belongs to France. The natives are small and slower than time in the primer. Singapore is an island in the straits of Malacca and is twenty-four milds long and fourteen wide; it is a British We didn’t stay long here, but rode out in what they called a Jherry lookin’ like a dry goods box drawed by a couple of ponies. Josiah sez to me, “I am glad that the Malay coolers wear a little more than the Japans.” And the coolies here did wear besides their red loin cloth a narrer strip of white cotton cloth hangin’ over their left shoulders. Our hotel wuz a very comfortable one; it consisted of several buildin’s two stories high connected by covered halls; it wuz surrounded by handsome trees and beautiful ornamental shrubbery and flowers. The wide verandas wuz very pleasant, with their bamboo chairs and couches and little tables where you could have tea served. Birds of the most beautiful plumage soared and sung in the trees, and butterflies that looked like flowers on wings fluttered about. You can’t tell men from wimmen by their clothes. They all wear earrings and bracelets and nose-rings. Josiah sez to me: “I have always said, Samantha, that men didn’t dress gay enough; a few bracelets and breastpins and earrings would add to a man’s looks dretfully, and I mean to set the fashion in Jonesville. It would take ten years offen my age. Jest see how proud the men walk; they feel that they’re dressed up; it gives ’em a lofty look.” The men did seem to have a different gait from the females; the wimmen looked more meek and meachin. We didn’t stay long in Saigon, but we visited the Whampoo garders and found that they were perfectly beautiful, made by Mr. Whampoo, a rich Chinaman. There wuz fifty acres under most perfect cultivation. Here the Chinese fad of dwarfing and training trees wuz carried to perfection; there Here wuz a Victoria lily in its full beauty, the dark green leaves edged with brown and red, as big round as our washtub, and turned up on the edges about two inches. Each plant has one leaf and one flower. And we see the most lovely orchids here; Dorothy thought them the most beautiful of all. Well, in a day or two we sot out for Ceylon’s isle. As we drew nigh to Ceylon I sez to Josiah: “Did you ever expect, Josiah Allen, to feel “‘The balmy breezes That blow from Ceylon’s Isle Where every prospect pleases, And only man is vile?’” And he sez, holdin’ on his hat, “I shouldn’t call these breezes very bammy, and you no need to lay such a powerful stress on man, Samantha, that term, man, means wimmen too in this case.” “Yes,” sez Arvilly, who wuz standin’ nigh, “that term, man, always includes wimmen when there is any blame or penalty attached, but when it sez ‘Man is born free and equal,’ it means men alone.” “Yes,” sez Josiah, smilin’ real pleasant, “you’ve happened to hit it jest right, Arvilly.” “Well,” sez I, “do look and enjoy the beauty that is Bein’ took by one to terry firmy, we soon made our way through the chatterin’ strange lookin’ crowd of every color and costoom to a tarven where we obtained food and needed rest, and the next mornin’ we sallied out some as we would if we had jest landed on the shores of another planet to explore a new world. We walked through the streets by big gardens that seemed jest ablaze with color and swoonin’ with perfume. The low white houses wuz banked up with drifts of blossom and verdure as the Jonesville houses wuz with snow drifts on a winter day. Sweet voiced birds in gayest plumage swung and soared aloft instead of the ice-suckles that hung from the eaves of Jonesville houses. And instead of Ury clad in a buffalo coat and striped wool mittens walking with icy whiskers and frost-bitten ears to break the ice in the creek, wuz the gay crowd of men, wimmen and children dressed in all the rich colors of the rainbow, if they wuz dressed at all. Solid purple, yellow, green, burnin’ colors palpitating with light and cheer under the warm breezes and glowin’ sunshine. Sometimes the children wuz in jest the state that Adam and Eve wuz when they wuz finished off and pronounced good. Sometimes a string and a red rag comprised their toilette, but they all seemed a part of the strange picture, the queer, mysterious, onknown Orient. The gorgeous colorin’ of the men’s apparel struck Josiah to the heart agin; he vowed that he would show Jonesville the way for men to dress if he ever got home agin. Sez he, “I will show Deacon “I can dress gay with small expense; I can take one of your white woolen sheets and color it with diamond dye a bright red or a green or yeller at a outlay of ten cents per sheet, and one of my bandannas will make a crackin’ good turban. Let me walk into the Jonesville meetin’ house with that gorgeous drapery wropped round me, why I should be the lion of the day.” “Yes,” sez I, “you would break up the congregation as quick as a real lion would.” “Well, I’ll tell you, Samantha, there is beauty in such a costoom that our sombry coats and pantaloons and vests can’t come nigh to.” I spoze Ceylon is the most beautiful place in the world, such glow and richness of color, such aboundin’ life in the verdure, in the animal and vegetable kingdom. No wonder so many think it wuz the original Garden of Eden; no shovelin’ snow for Adam or bankin’ up fruits and vegetables for winter’s use. No, he could step out barefoot in the warm velvety grass in December, and pick oranges and gather sweet potatoes and cucumbers, and strawberries if Eve took it into her head she wanted a shortcake pie. And little Cain could cut up cane literally, and every way, in January, and Abel pile flowers and fruit on his altar all the year round. But I wonder which of their descendants built these immense magnificent cities layin’ fur below forests and billows of turf and flowers. I wonder how they looked and what language they spoke and what their politics wuz. Arvilly thought they must have been temperance folks. Sez she, “Any city that has reservoirs twenty milds long believed in drinkin’ water.” We had took a tower to see one of them dug up cities, and sure enough the water reservoir wuz twenty milds long; jest think from that what the size of the hull city must have been, when their waterin’ trough, as you may say, wuz as A row of tall pillers, ten milds in length, line the roads to some of them cities, and I sez: “Oh, good land! How I wish I could be a mouse in the wall and see who and what passed over them roads, and why, and when, and where.” And Josiah sez, “Why don’t you say you wish you wuz a elephant and could look on? your simely would seem sounder.” And I sez, “Mebby so, for hull rows of carved marble elephants stand along them broad roads; I guess they worshipped ’em.” And he sez, “I wuz alludin’ to size.” Robert Strong looked ruther sad as we looked on them ruins buried so deep by the shovel of time. But I sez to him in a low voice: “There is no danger of the city you’re a-rarin’ up ever bein’ engulfed and lost, for justice and mercy and love shine jest as bright to-day as when the earth was called out of chaos. Love is eternal, immortal, and though worlds reel and skies fall, what is immortal cannot perish.” He looked real grateful at me; he sets store by me. Everywhere, as you walk through the streets, you are importuned to buy sunthin’; some of the finest jewels in the world are bought here. The merchants are dretful polite, bowin’ and smilin’, their hair combed back slick and fastened up with shell combs. They wear white, short pantaloons and long frocks of colored silk, open in front over a red waistcoat; sometimes they are bare-footed with rings on their toes; they wear rings in their nose and sometimes two on each ear, at the top and bottom. Josiah studied their costoom with happy interest, but a deep shade of anxiety darkened his mean as they would “If you knew, Samantha, how much more beautiful you looked to me in your cameo pin you would never think of appearin’ in diamonds and rubies.” I sez, “I guess I won’t buy any nose-rings, Josiah, my nose is pretty big anyway.” “Yes,” he interrupted me eagerly, “they wouldn’t be becomin’, Samantha, and be in the way eatin’ sweet corn on the ear and such.” There are lots of men carryin’ round serpents, and I sez to Josiah, “Who under the sun would want to buy a snake unless they wuz crazy?” “Yes,” said Josiah, “Eve made a big mistake listenin’ to that serpent; there probable wuzn’t but one then, and that’s the way they have jest overrun the garden, her payin’ attention and listenin’ to it. Females can’t seem to look ahead.” And I sez, “Why didn’t Adam do as you always do, Josiah, ketch up a stick and put an end to it?” I always holler to Josiah if I see a snake and he makes way with it. But such talk is onprofitable. But Josiah hadn’t a doubt but this was the Garden of Eden and talked fluent about it. One odd thing here in Ceylon is that foxes have wings and can fly. Josiah wanted to get one the worse way; he said that he would willin’ly carry it home in his arms for the sake of havin’ it fly round over Jonesville, and sez he, “They are so smart, Samantha, they will git drunk jest as naterally as men do, they would feel to home in America.” And they say they do steal palm wine out of bowls set to ketch it by the natives and are found under the trees too drunk to git home, not havin’ wives or children willin’ to lead ’em home, I spoze, or accomidatin’ policemen. But I sez, “Don’t you try to git the animals in America to drinkin’, Josiah Allen.” Sez I, “I should be mortified to death to see the old mair or Snip staggerin’ round as men “Well, well, I don’t spoze I can git one of these foxes anyway, though I might,” sez he dreamily, “git one real drunk and carry it.” But I guess he’ll gin it up. The jungles all round us wuz, I spoze, filled with wild animals. Elephants, tigers and serpents, big and little, besides monkeys and more harmless ones. The snake charmers did dretful strange things with ’em, but I didn’t look on. I always said that if snakes would let me alone, I would let them alone. But they brought all sorts of things to sell: embroideries of all kinds, carved ivory, tortoise shell and all kinds of jewels. Paris and London gits some of their finest jewels here. Men and wimmen are all bejewelled from head to foot, children up to ten years of age are almost always naked, but wearin’ bracelets, anklets and silver belts round their little brown bodies, sometimes with bells attached. Some of the poorer natives chew beetle nuts which make their teeth look some like an old tobacco chewer’s. They eat in common out of a large bowl and I spoze they don’t use napkins or finger bowls. But unlike the poor in our frozen winter cities, as Arvilly said, there is little danger of their starving; warm they will be from year’s end to year’s end, and the bread tree and cocoanut palm supply food, and the traveller’s palm supplies a cool, delicious drink. There is one palm tree here––the talipot––that blooms when about forty years old with a loud noise and immegiately dies. Arvilly said that they made her think of some political candidates. Dorothy and Robert Strong and Miss Meechim wanted to go to Kandy, the capital of Ceylon, only seventy milds away, to see the tooth of Boodha. Miss Meechim said she wanted to weep over it. She is kinder romantic in spots, and Josiah hearn her and said, soty vosey, to me, “You won’t ketch me weepin’ over any tooth unless it is achin’ like the Old Harry.” But I kinder wanted to see the tooth. I had hearn Thomas J. read a good deal about Prince Siddartha, Lord Buddha, and how he wuz “right gentle, though so wise, princely of mean, yet softly mannered, modest, deferent and tender hearted, though of fearless blood,” and how he renounced throne and wealth and love for his people, to “seek deliverance and the unknown light.” I had always pictured him as looking more beautiful than any other mortal man, but of this more anon. Josiah and Arvilly concluded to go too; it wuz only a four hours’ ride. We passed coffee plantations, immense gardens and forests full of ebony trees, the strange banion tree that seems to walk off all round itself and plant its great feet solidly in the earth, and then step off agin, makin’ a hull forest of itself, and satin wood trees, and India rubber, bamboo, balsam, bread fruit, pepper and cinchony or quinine bushes, tea and rice plantations. Our road led up the mountain side and anon the city of Kandy could be seen sot down in a sort of a valley on the mountain. We had our dinner at the Queen’s Hotel, and from there sallied out to see the sights. Not fur from the hotel wuz a artificial lake three milds round, built by some king. His very name is forgotten, whilst the water of this little lake he dug out splashes up on the shore jest as fresh as ever. All round the lake is a beautiful driveway, where all sorts of vehicles wuz seen. Big barouches full of English people, down to a little two-wheeled cart drawed by one ox. Crowds of people, jewels, bright color, anon a poor woman carrying her baby astride her hip, men, wimmen, children, a brilliant, movin’ panorama. The tooth of Buddha is kep’ in a temple called Maligawa, or Temple of the Tooth, and I laid out to have a considerable number of emotions as I stood before it. But imagine a tooth bigger than a hull tooth brush! What kind of a mouth must Lord Buddha have had if that wuz a sample of his teeth? Why, his mouth, at the least calculation, must have been as big as a ten-quart pan! Where wuz the beauty and I don’t believe it wuz his tooth. I hain’t no idee it wuz. No human bein’ ever had a mouth big enough to hold thirty odd monsters like that, let alone this noble prince, “with godlike face and eyes enwrapped, lost in care for them he knew not, save as fellow lives.” There is a mistake somewhere. There wuz lots of natives round worshippin’ it. But I felt that if Prince Siddartha could speak out of Nirvana he would say: “Don’t worship that tooth, Josiah Allen’s wife; it hain’t mine nor never wuz; but worship the principles of love and compassion and self-sacrifice I tried to teach to my people.” And almost instinctively I sez, “I will, Prince Siddartha, I will.” And Josiah sez: “What say, Samantha?” And I sez: “Let’s go out, Josiah, and see the sacred tree, Bo, that they worship.” “I’ll go,” sez Josiah, “but you won’t git me to worship no tree, I can tell you that. I’ve cleared off too many acres and chopped and sawed too much cord wood to worship a tree.” “Did I ask you to, Josiah?” sez I. “It would break my heart to see you bend your knee to any idol. But this is the oldest tree in the world; it is over two thousand years old.” “Wall, it ort to be cut down, Samantha, if it is that age; it is seasoned and would make crackin’ good lumber.” Oh, how oncongenial Josiah Allen is by spells; he seemed to be quite a distance off from me as he made them remarks. But Robert Strong and Dorothy shared my feelin’s of reverence for a tree whose mighty branches might have shaded the head of our Lord and whose leaves might have rustled with the wind that swept the brow of Napoleon and CÆsar and Pharo for all I knew. There wuz some natives burnin’ camphor flowers before it and some on ’em had hung up Well, the next day we embarked for Calcutta. Our steamer stopped two milds off from Madras. The wind was so high we couldn’t get any nearer. None of our party went ashore but Robert Strong. He wuz tied into an arm-chair and swung off by ropes down into a little boat that wuz dashin’ up and down fur below. I wouldn’t done it fur a dollar bill. The surf boats are deep, made of bark and bamboo, shaped some like our Indian canoes. But no matter how much the winds blew or the boats rocked, lots of native peddlers come aboard to sell jewelry, fans, dress stuffs; and snake charmers come, and fakirs, doin’ their strange tricks, that I d’no how they do, nor Josiah don’t. Madras has more than half a million inhabitants, and it looked well from the steamer: handsome villas, beautiful tropical trees, and hull forests of cactus ablaze with their gorgeous blossoms. It bein’ Sunday whilst on our way from Madras to Calcutta the captain read service, and afterwards We sailed acrost the Bay of Bengal, where I spoze Bengal tigers wuz hidin’ in the adjacent jungles, though we didn’t meet any and didn’t want to. And so on to the Hoogly River; one of the mouths of the Ganges, and on to Calcutta. Calcutta is over four thousand milds from Hongkong. And oh, my heart! how fur! how fur from Jonesville. Most fourteen thousand milds from our own vine and apple trees and the children. It made my head turn round so that I tried to furgit it. |