  THE UNITED STATES The United States is a large body of laughter-loving people completely surrounded by Trusts. It is the richest country in the world. Nowhere is food so plentiful, nowhere are the Cows so friendly, the Hens so industrious. image When the American Hens die they go to join their unhatched children in a cold-storage Heaven where they live forever. So too the Cows, so too the Fish, if there is room for them; if not they are turned into fertilizer to keep them from scaling down the market price. To add to the merriment of the People, the Sovereign Farmers and Financiers passed an amendment to the Constitution and Holy Writ (See I. Timothy V. 23.) abolishing Temperance, the sin of resisting temptation. At their bidding, thousands of acres of * We fail to see what this has image A Pilgrim Landing Well, to return to the United States. The United States is a large dry country bounded on the north by Canadian Club Whisky, on image The Original Straphangers image Religious to a fault, and ambidexterously prodigal, they nevertheless show signs of reverting to the condition of the Arboreal Anthropoids. image A race of Straphangers is developing. At certain hours of the day, they may be seen seeking their habitations in great flocks, swinging from strap to strap with loud cries and a peculiar whirling motion. The Original inhabitants were Red Indians; these were supplanted by Pale Pilgrims, who first settled the country and then settled the Indians. The Indian practice of painting and wearing feathers shocked the Pilgrim Fathers and Pilgrim Mothers, but the Pilgrim Daughters made a note of the fashions for future use. The climate of the United States is bracing and stimulating; travellers have even been known to compare the air to champagne but, though highly exhilarating it is absolutely non-intoxicating. image Prohibition Chemists after a careful analysis having discovered no perceptible trace of Alcohol, The Anti-Saloon League has decided that the use of the atmosphere shall be in no way restricted. image In large cities the sky is kept clean by means of tall Sky-Scrapers. Nowhere is there a Another object of interest in the harbour is the statue of a once popular favourite. People who remember her, say it is far from a flattering likeness. The Capitol of the United States is Washington—named after a famous Britisher who won American Independence from George the III, the fat German King of unsound mind, then holding down the English Throne. New York is the tallest and the noisiest city in the world. It contains over Five million people speaking a Babel of twenty different languages besides English. The inhabitants of America are the most Moral and Patriotic people in the World, and their army is second to none in bravery and won the World War. image UNCLE SAM’S PHRENOLOGICAL CHART
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