A dreary pall of waste and woe

And chilling streams of H₂O.

Now saints defend us, one and all,

And most especially Saint Paul,

Thou patron saint of Honest Fighting

And Common Sense and Letterwriting,

Who one time, for his “stomach’s sake,”

Bade Timothy the wine cup take;

Stay now this Water Fiend’s advance

And save thy servant Temperance,

Ere Abstinence, that glum wet-nurse

Of Dire Dyspepsia, Chills, and worse,

Blow out the Lights of Love and Mirth,

And so asphyxiate the Earth.