  Professor Pikestaffe, Ph. D., While wandering over land and sea, Once on the plains of Timbuctoo Met a giraffe. “Why, how d’ ye do!” Exclaimed the amiable Pikestaffe. “I’m really charmed, my dear Giraffe! I’ve thought so much of you of late, Our meeting seems a stroke of Fate Particularly fortunate. I long have had upon my mind Something concerning you; be kind Enough to seat yourself, and pray Excuse, if what I have to say Seems personal!” “My dear Pikestaffe, I shall be charmed,” said the Giraffe, “To hear whatever you may say. You are too kind; go on, I pray.” “Well, then,” said Pikestaffe, “to resume, You are aware, sir, I presume, That though with your long neck at ease You crop the leaves upon the trees, Your legs are quite too long, and make It difficult for you to slake Your thirst—in other words, you’ve found Your neck too short to reach the ground. Indeed, I’ve often wept to think How hard it is for you to drink. “To right a wrong we must, of course, First try to ascertain the source; And in this case we find the cause In certain geometric laws, Which I will quickly demonstrate (How lucky that I brought my slate!). “Well, to begin, let line A B Be your front legs; then line A C (A shorter line) your neck shall be. Measured, ’twill only reach so far, When bent down toward the ground, as R. Then R’s your head stretched down, and shows How far the ground lies from your nose— Though if the ground lay not at B, But R, you’d reach it easily. Suppose it then at R to lie, And draw for ground line D R I. Your head then touches ground at R— But now your feet go down too far! My compasses then I will lay On A and B, and make round A A circle crossing line D I At two points. Mark them X and Y; Then draw from X and Y to A Two lines; then it is safe to say That line A X and line A Y Equal A B, being radii Of the same circle, as you see (According to geometry). But since at first we did agree A B your length of leg should be, These, being equal to A B, Are just the same as legs, you see. So now on legs A X, A Y. You stand upon the ground D I, And drink your fill; for, as I said, D I is touched by R, your head. What happened here Professor Pikestaffe has no clear Impression, but the little row Of stars above will serve to show What madly reeled before his eyes, As he went whirling to the skies. Below he heard a mocking laugh, That seemed to come from the Giraffe: “Go up! go up! You’ve proved enough; You’ve proved geometry is stuff! You’ve proved, till I am well nigh dead, And feel a thumping in my head, That I must spread my feet apart To take a drink—why, bless your heart! I laugh geometry to scorn.” Professor Pikestaffe, Ph. D., They say, has dropped geometry— It seems he dropped his slate as well, Which lies exactly where it fell (Also the diagram he drew) Upon the plains of Timbuctoo. |
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