When Dad gets out his safety
The family 'gin to quake;
They huddle 'round the doorway,
Nor dare the silence break.
When Dad gets out his safety,
A hush falls on the air
And Fido runs to hide him
Beneath a friendly chair.
Then Ma, she tiptoes gently
To fetch him water hot,
And lest he want for towels
She lays him out a lot.
One of us goes for talcum,
And one for shaving soap;
Another gets witch hazel,
Cold cream and smelly dope.
Then we withdraw us quickly
And watch him from afar;
A safety's mighty dang'rous—
It wouldn't do to jar.
With face all white and soapy
He scrapes his cheeks and chin;
The way he frowns and winces
It surely hurts like sin.
But when the job is over
And Dad looks clean and young,
We all resume our breathing,
And songs of praise are sung.
As Dad cleans up his safety
You ought to see him strut
And brag about how easy 'tis
His face to never cut.
When Dad's put 'way his safety
He laughs with fiendish glee
To think the grasping barber
From him will get no fee.
But ev'ry silver lining
Has dark clouds lurking near:
Tomorrow morn Dad's safety
Brings back our hour of fear.