The Life of a Law-abusing Cheat.

Dear Friend,

For what am I beholding, it is to Nature alone; for as I am ashamed of my birth, so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on me, since his condition was so low, yet his spirit so high, that he would not beg himself though ready to starve, however would permit me, which was the sole support of his and my life. I was ten years old before I could meet with any preferment; one day Fortune favouring, she offer’d to my view a Commodity, which with confidence and dexterity I might carry off undiscovered. My hands presently successfully effected what my mind suggested; it was but of small value, the utmost I could get for it was a Link, with which that night I more than trebled what it cost. This course I followed by night, and ran in errands by day, so that I had furnished myself both with Cloaths and Money. In process of time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House; my Master taking a liking to me, put me to a Writing-school, where being capacitated for his business, he puts me into the Shop, and instructs me in his imployment. I had not been there long before I made my self very eminent, by studying the Law, the Rudiments whereof I understood so well, as I knew how to ingross an Indenture. This made my Master esteem of me, and that estimation made me proud; and being not yet bound his Apprentice, I thought I knew better things than to be his servant any longer, and so left him. Then was I with an Attorney a while, afterwards with a Counsellor, till thinking I had Law enough, I took an House, resolving to see what I could do with it my self. I sollicited several mens businesses, giving a general content, insomuch that my credit and reputation increased dayly. Now did I marry for Wealth, having not the least affection; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the skin off. Sometimes I liv’d with her, too long for any delight I took in her; and being resolv’d to be rid of her, this stratagem I used. I shewed her more kindness than formerly, pretending I would do nothing but what I would consult with her about; which so wrought upon her love, that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul to my interest; and made her withal so opinionative, that she judged every silly and unsavory expression she utter’d was no less than an Oracle. Having brought my business thus far to perfection, I came home one evening very melancholy: very inquisitive she was to know the cause. My Dear, (said I) I will not conceal any thing from thee; such a Gentleman hath injured me, and I cannot rest till I be revenged. Thou knowest my Nature, if wrong’d I am implacable, it is a fault I cannot help. Come, come, said my wife, let us go to bed, and there we will consult. Being there she askt me how we should bring our revenge about? I seemed to study awhile,—I have it now (said I) thou art with Child: he is one tender of his reputation; tax him for being the Father of it, and that will do the work to my full content: very loth she was, because of the talk of the people; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul, by telling her that as long as I knew her chaste, it was no matter what others said of her: whereupon she condescended, and had the Person before a Justice, where she swore positively that she was got with Childe by that Gentleman. I presently took advantage of her Confession, turned her off, leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual Court. This was my first prank.

One of my Clients another time, having bought a good handsome Tenement, had so much confidence as to put me in Possession; my Client having purchased an Estate in the Country, was forced to be there to look after the management of his Rural affairs, for some certain time; I took this opportunity to forge a Lease to my self, at an easie Rent, from him that constituted me his Trustee. I soon found a Chapman for it, and sold this Lease, receiving a good round Fine, which had been a penny-worth indeed, had the Title been good; unto this man I delivered possession, who dwelt in it till the return of the right owner, who coming to his said house, wonder’d to find every thing so contrary to his expectation, and demanding of the Tenant by what power he inhabited in that dwelling, the poor man shewed him his forged Lease, declaring that he had paid his fine to such a man, nominating me, who at that time was not to be found. The Landlord could do no less than eject him his house, but finding him so grosly abused, required nothing for the time he was in it, but left him to the Law to require satisfaction of me. The abused being very much troubled he should be thus deceived, made so strickt inquiry after me, and so unwearied in his search, that at last he found me out, who said, nothing should serve his turn, but he would for this cheat have the rigor of the Law executed upon me; knowing of what a dangerous consequence it was, I got my adversary arrested in an action of a thousand pounds, who wanting Bayl was committed to Newgate, where grief released me by his death from ensuing prejudice. I afterwards forged a deed of Sale of an House hard by the former, which would have made more for my advantage, had not this man discovered my design, which made me the more inveterate against him and his. For this was alwayes my temper, though nothing could provoke me to express my anger in company (as having a perfect command over my passions in that nature) yet if any durst prosecute his own or friends right in opposition to me, I seldome left him, till I had either absolutely undone him, or so impoverisht him, that he should be in no condition to hurt me, or help himself, making him at last confess that he had been better to have sate down with his first loss. And this I effected the easier, having a conscience that scrupled nothing, and instruments that would swear anything. These contrivances of mine made me generally reputed a subtil and knowing man, which brought me in multiplicity of business, with considerable in-comes. Neither did I alone sollicite for such as were concern’d in the Law, but I had my concernment with Lifters, who did put so great a confidence in me, that what they got was left solely to my disposal, either by sale or pawn, for which I had my brokage, and something else beside. Now was I grown so famous (my Garb adding much to my fame, which was very splendid) that if any intricate controversie, reference, or Law-suit arose among my Neighbours, they knew no person fitter to make their appeal to, than my self for arbitration. If any again wanted either money, goods, nay a cooler of concupiscence, I was adjudged the best Procurer. By these means I tumbled in money; and to let the world know it, I wore a several Suit every day, having besides Habits suitable to any design. Now did those that knew me not, even adore me; those that were acquainted with me, out of fear were forced to show me more than ordinary respects. I confesse had I now walkt in a medium, this had been the time (as they say there is a time allotted to every man) to have made my self for ever. But Knaverie was so implanted in my Nature, that I could not forbear cheating the dearest friend I had, if he intrusted me, circumvent every man that had more honesty than my self; and though I was sure to damn Soul and Body, yet I must attempt the destruction of my adversary, and to speak the truth, I did not stick to betray my friend, if any advantage would accrue to me thereby. For one trick I serv’d an ancient Widow, I now and then find some internal gripings, I cannot tell whether they proceed from conscience, because I never knew what conscience was; and this it is. A Gentlewoman of my acquaintance, whose sole dependance was upon Lodgers, and having taken up a great many Goods to a considerable value to furnish her House, befitting the reception of any person of quality, for which she was indebted, and having too often put off her Creditor, came to me, desiring the favour of me to procure her fifty pound, telling me, that such a Knight, and such a Squire would stand bound with her; that will not do (said I) for the Gentry have so many tricks to keep Citizens out of their money. That they will have better security. Perceiving her present necessities were very urgent, I knew I could do any thing with her; wherefore I perswaded her to confess a Judgement: she agreed to it. I told her such a day it should be done, but I would speak with the Party first: according to the day prefixt I came, bringing with me a Warrant of Attorny, with a friend or two to attest it; she confided so much in me, as to seal before she receiv’d the moneys. That being done; now come along with me (said I) to such a place, where the Money lyeth ready. As we were going, there was a stop in a Lane by Carts & Coaches, and by the help thereof I dodg’d her, she seeing me no more till it was too late; for I came with an Execution a while after, and carried away every pennyworth of Goods she had; yet so civil I was, that I would not let her see it done, knowing it could not but be a great trouble to her, to that intent about half an hour before I sent for her in my name, far enough distant from her own Habitation. In this nature with some variations as to the manner, I served several. Knowing I had a plentiful invention, which seldom failed me, I scorned to be so idle as to make use of one trick only, to bring about my ends; & as I had several, I never made use of one trick twice, for fear of being smoakt. I seldom went abroad, but I had some of my Complices at my heels, rarely going together, unless necessity required it. I went into a Coffee-house one day, and sat me down at a common Table, (as the Room is to all Comers) a little after came in one of my Imps, and sits himself down too. I had then a very curious Ring upon my finger, which a Gentleman opposite to me perceiving, pray Sir (said he) do me the favour as lend me a sight of that Ring on your finger; I presently delivered him; having viewed it and commended it, my Rogue must needs desire a sight of it too from this Gentleman, who thinking no harm, gave it into his hands; after he had lookt on it a while, he fairly marched off with it: I saw him, but would not in the least take notice thereof, knowing where to find him. The Gentleman imagined nothing to the contrary, but that the right Owner had received it again. A little while after, I demanded very courteously my Ring, excusing his detention thereof upon the account of forgetfulness. The Gentleman starting, replied, Sir, I thought you had had it long since. I told him I had it not; and as I delivered it unto him, I should require it from no other person. He pisht at it, and in the conclusion bad me take my course; and so I did, having first taken witness of the standers by, I sued him, and recovered the value of my Ring twice over; producing two in Court that swore point blank, that the one of them sold it me for so much—. One thing I confess I frequently made use of, which was this; If any person dy’d, and none durst administer, but leave the Deceased’s Goods to the Creditors, then would I be sure to make my self a principal Creditor by a forged Bond, and thereupon sue out letters of administration, and sweeping all away, I wiped the nose of other Creditors.