How his Mistress supplyed him with money, even to superfluity; what wayes he had to spend it. He is tempted to destruction by Correctors, (alias) Clippers, and Coyners (alias) Matter-men.

I Found my Estate to encrease abundantly, for I was half sharer my self with my Master; my Mistress she put in for one too, which I had likewise; so that the good man received but the fourth. I had been (since my return) very sparing in my expence, having laid up my money securely: But now finding out another rich Mine, I thought I should be too rich, unless I contrived wayes to draw out, as well as put in.

In the first place, I thought good to buy a brace of good Geldings, for by that means I could meet whom I pleas’d, though a dozen or sixteen miles distance, and so by the quickness of return come home undiscover’d. If occasion should serve, they might very well serve for the High Pad. These I bought, and where they stood, I had four or five several suits, either to Ride withal, (using variety that I might pass incognito) or to wear when I did intend to appear splendidly to peculiar friends; and then the Prodigal himself did not spend his money more profusely than my self.

I judge it unnecessary to relate how, and in what manner I disburst great sums, since there are few that are addicted to pleasure, and have money, but know how to lay it out to the satisfaction of their desires, that is, to please all their senses. My Mistress seldome saw a piece of Gold in her Husbands hands, or some large and great piece of Silver, but she would be begging it of him, for no other intents but to give it me; which she took delight in, withal, knowing that frequent presents very much ingage the affection.

My Master seldom denyed her, (for like a Cuckold he doted on his Wife) but if he did, she would take pet, and would not eat, have the forehead bound down with a cross-cloth, look pitifully, and the like. If he askt her what she ailed, or what she was troubled at, she would say, at nothing more than your unkindness, and then weep bitterly: for, like a right Hypocrite, she had tears at command. The Dotard would melt too, sometimes the great Calf crying and sobbing, like a child that hath lost his Bread and Butter: Then to make his atonement, he must procure her two or three pieces, if he hath them not in the house; otherwise it shall cost him as much more wealth on the Doctor, of whom she would often pretend to take Physick, but it should be only rich Cordials, strengthning Jellies, with such like Provocations to Venery.

For my own part, I was not idle in the mean time, laying up like the careful Bee for Winter. We returned great sums of money every day, which an acquaintance of mine knew very well; and he being dayly in the company of a fellow, who was both Coyner and Clipper, it seems a decayed Goldsmith, undone by the study of Chymistry, but now lived by some particular part thereof, as the transmutation of Metal, or so forth.

This man he informs that he knew a young Casheer, that he thought he could work to their purpose, who was very well qualified for it. An appointed time for meeting was agreed upon between them, which was made known to me: I thought of no other design but to be merry. Being met, we drank stifly, but ever and anon the stranger would beseech me to favour him with my future acquaintance, that he should think himself very happy, if I would admit him into a familiarity. I could do no less than promise so much, and so laying aside ceremonies, we entered into a very familiar discourse. But for that night there was nothing propounded, neither was it thought convenient: several times we met, (not without great expence) so that now we were grown intimately acquainted. Our discourse hapned on a time to be about Chymystry, I was forced to be mute, as not understanding any thing thereof; yet I could not but admire, to hear my new friend relate what admirable Rarities he could perform in that mysterious Art, and thereupon shew’d me a piece of Gold, demanding my opinion what I thought of it? I told him I could judge no less, but that it was what it seemed to be; he smilingly reply’d, No wonder that this should deceive you, since it will do the like to the most critical Goldsmith about the Town: No doubt, said he, you have heard of the Philosophers Stone, and what vast Estates some have mis-spent in the search thereof, how ineffectual the labour of such hath been, the miserableness of their condition makes apparent. Others, and not a few, have pretended they have obtain’d the mastery thereof, for no other intent then to delude some wealthy credulous person, making some ridiculous experiments to confirm his belief, and at last extract him to the very lees of his Estate. I shall not deludingly pretend to any thing, but what I will perform, which your own eyes shall attest. Hereupon he shew’d me various pieces, both Gold and Silver, which are the effects (said he) of my own labour and pains, imployed in an Art I have found out by the curious search and industry of my brain, with which I can convert Copper into that Metal which current money is composed of, either of which, according to the Tincture I shall give it. And to be plainer with you, out of that great love I have born ever since I first saw you, and that my actions shall make it apparent, see here this piece, according to the term of Art given, it is called a black Dog, with Queen Elizabeths Head thereon, which is only Pewter double washed. This here is a George plateroon, being all Copper within, and only a thin Plate about it. Another called Compositum, which is a mixt Metal, and will both touch and cut, but will not endure the fiery test. He gave me the sight likewise of Pieces of Eight, half pieces and quarter pieces. Then again (said he) our own Coyn we usually call English Cloth, the other Spanish; the prices whereof are several, according to their goodness and fineness: The best you may have for 15 sh. the yard, i. e. five shillings in the pound profit; the worser for eight, ten, or more.

Now to the intent that I may compleat your happiness here, if enjoyment of Wealth will do it, I would advise you to take some of every sort, and so mingle it with the rest of your good cash, proportionably to the sum. Let me add one thing more, if any large money comes to your hand, lay it aside for me, which after I have corrected a little, (for broad brim’d Hats are not now in fashion) I will return it, allowing you 18 pence per pound interest.

I gave him all this while great attention, without the least interruption; but he here making a stop, I thought he expected my replication; which was to this effect, That I thankt him cordially for his respects, which I believed were real, having used that freedom with me, that I did not in the least question the greatness of profit that would redound by the acceptance of his proffer; but it being a matter of the greatest consequence, and highest concern, I desired I might have some time for consideration. This answer made him look blank, fearing lest I made a demur only to betray him, so that I saw by his countenance, he wisht he had been more sparing in his expressions. I must needs confess, I trembled all the time I was in his company, wherefore I made all the haste I could to be gone, giving him to understand, that after serious consultation with my self, I would send him an answer by my friend, and so I took my leave of him. The whole night following I spent in weighing his Proposals in the ballance of profit and preservation: I quickly found that Life’s preservation outweigh’d all other interest, and that honour, riches, and pleasure would avail little to that man that was riding Post to the Gallows. Besides, how could I expect to escape better than others, who were frequently made wretched spectacles of rash imprudence and folly, who, having forfeited the Kings high and just displeasure, did usually betray their own selves to the Severity of the Law in that case; which hath as little Commiseration on such as on the worst of Offendors? Though I had committed several things that might come within the verge of an Indictment, yet I always shunned such actions as bore the inscription in their front, Memento mori. To be as good as my promise, I sent my Chimist these consequent Lines.

I never receiv’d any answer to what I wrote, neither did I ever see my new friend after, which was according to my own desire, but I heard of his sad destiny, whereof I should have participated, had I listed my self in that Mettle-simulating Regiment. Some found out operating in the obscurest thickets of woods; others were detected clipping in dark Concaves on Black-heath, and their Ringleader discovered in his own house, in a deep Vault befitting his purpose; who, though he had timely notice to remove his tools, yet, by his Seizers they were found hid in a Chimney-mantletree, hollowed to that intent, with a shutter at the end. After the dismal catastrophe of these Hazardous fools, I had like to have been put to a great trouble, though not in the least guilty of the accusation: and thus it was; an indigent Hanger-on, having taken notice of my being once or twice in the company of the chief of those lately executed, came to me one Evening, and requested some private discourse: I consented: being together (laying aside several Formalities that ushered in his discourse) he told me, that I was taken notice of as a notorious disperser of Counterfeit money, and that there was a warrant out to apprehend me, and, that out of pure love to a man so young and fairly promising as my self, he thought himself bound in duty to preserve if he could, by giving timely notice to shun that, which, if neglected might prove destructive. I immediately saw the Rogue peep through the Vizard of dissimulation, and therefore instead of giving thanks I gave him a blow over both the eyes, to the intent he should not see how I would beat him, which was in such a manner, that he could not see himself for three days afterward. This fellow I understood to be a Dunner for the Prisoners of their confederates abroad; and if they would not continually let down their milk, impeach them, and were often condemn’d.