His Master sheweth him more kindness than formerly; the ill requital he made him, by Cuckolding him: an accident that fell out thereupon, which produced two remarkable stories, deduced from the strength of Imagination.

My Master upon my reception, told me he had freely forgiven me, and if that I would henceforward endeavour the prosecution of a more regular course of life, he would forget too my past follies. I promised him more then the strictest Zelot ever yet did, and begged him pardon aforehand, if he found a defect in performance.

As my expressions gave my Master much content, so my return (I perceived by my Mistresses eyes) gave her the greatest satisfaction. My Master began to doat on me again, seeing I daily trebled my diligence, and so active I was in every thing that concerned his affairs, that it was hard for any to anticipate me in my intention.

This gained so much upon his facile good Nature, that I had liberty to wear my Hat, and sit at Table with him, neither would he command me any thing servile. I had (as formerly) the same sollicitations from my Brother Snippers; but fearing least one time or another I might be snapt by the timerous nature of some, who, if once taxt, will confess, not only as to themselves, but likewise detect the whole knot of a Brother-hood; I resolved to have no more to do with them, but would snip securely by my self, knowing, that in any secret design, if many are concerned, their business cannot be long kept private. Wherein by the way, I cannot but commend the craft and policy (though I absolutely disclaim the actions) of modern Padders, whose providence instructed them to rob singly, by which means their booty came to them intire without distribution, or if apprehended (as it was very rare) they knew how to make a better plea for themselves in a Court of Judicature. I now kept close to my business, not harbouring the least temptation to any extravagancy, and had sequestred my self from what might render me publickly notorious, and only studied by what means I might raise my Fortune, intending to build my future estate upon the ruines of other men: having nothing of mine own but my late purchase at play, my only way was (as I thought by some’s success therein) to make the world believe I was really reformed, and so create to my self a credit, whereas I was only a Devil converted to an Angel of light, or a Woolf in Sheeps-cloaths. Now did I begin to cant religiously, and not omit one Sabbath wherein I did not take Sermon-Notes, judging this religious cloak to be the best expedient, to screw my self farther into my Mistresses favour, who doted on Morning Exercises, and monethly Fasts. If my Master had forgot to do the duty of the day, I would with much respect put him in mind of the neglect, desiring that I might repeat what had been delivered. As they looked upon my conversion more miraculous then that of St. Paul, so they gave me the greatest incouragement, least like weak Women, I might prove a back-slider. There were few private meetings my Mistress heard of, but, by the leave of my Master, I must conduct her to them, which were as many portents of our private meetings afterwards, where Venus should appoint.

I am sorry that I am so uncharitable as to say that the zeal of her Spirit was not so hot as that of her flesh. Every day I had some remark of her love, which I received with much submissive respects, pretending I understood not her meaning, which added but fewel to the blazing flame of love within her. I could not be ignorant, that since she began to court me, she would prosecute it to the end. Her courtship me-thought was very preposterous; she might have first received the charge from me, and by that means she would have found me prepared, whereas otherwise she might have been deceived in her expectation.

My Mistriss gave me so many opportunities, and signified her desires by so many tokens and dumb expressions, that I began to condemn my fears, which rendred me unworthy of her favours. The besieger deserves not the honour of possessing that City, whose Gates are freely opened to him, yet dares not enter. Whilst I was thus ruminating, my Mistriss came to the Counting-house where I was writing; and leaning upon my shoulder, asked me what I was doing: I told her nothing but writing. Nothing, I believe said she, nor never will do any thing, but draw up blanks, and so abruptly left me. She knew the quickness of my apprehension, and so left the interpretation hereof to my own construction.

Not long after, (thinking her words had left a deep impression, as they did) and withall concluding I would give her the sence of them, when I had an opportunity; She informs my Master that she had a great desire to visit a Gentlewoman she had not seen a long time, and requested that her man Thomas (for that was my name) might wait on her: to which he assented. Though I led her, yet I wondered were she led me, through one street into another till we arrived at the water-side. She bid me call for a pair of Oars, which I accordingly did. The Watermen were very inquisitive according to their custome, to know whither we intended. Well, well, said she, put off, and then it will be time enough for you to understand. Said she, Row us up to Fox-hall. I for my part was somewhat amazed, yet I partly guessed what she drove at. I kept at a distance, shewing her the respect of a servant; which she taking notice of, laughed, saying, Come Cuz, why dost not sit neerer? to which I replyed as familiarly (for by this time I had much improved the stock of my confidence) I were best to sit a little neerer you, since I shall be the best expedient to ballance the Boat even, or trim it, for you are but light on your side. This expression I doubt nettled her, for presently thereupon she shot a piercing dart from her eye, (which I fancied to have penetrated my very soul) How now Cuz, said she, I thought you had a better opinion of me; I understand the Riddle, Your expressions may be very dark to some, however I have too much light in it. I would have made an Apology for my self, but that she hindred me by whispering me in the ear, to this effect, that if she was light, there was no other cause but my self, and that if I abused her love any longer, she would sit the heavier on my skirts. Landing, we went streight to Spring-Garden; by the way she told me, I must lay aside all formality, and for the better carrying on the design we went upon, she would have me as afore assume the title of Cuz. We were conducted into an obscure bower, I suppose one of Lovels Chapels of ease, where, without a Clew, it would be hard for any to find us. There was not any thing wanting that might delight the Appetite, which with much freedom we enjoyed together.

Now, said my Mistress, I shall take off the veil of my modesty, and discover to thee the very naked secrets of my heart. The first time that ever I saw thee, I had more than a common respect to thee, and there was not a time since, wherein I had the sight of thee, but that it added new fewel to the flame of my affection: I used all possible means to smother or blast it in the bud, but could not; I summoned my reason to confute my passion, and notwithstanding I alledged that there was a disproportion in our age, and unsuitableness as to our condition, and lastly how great a strain it would be to my religious profession; yet Love got the Victory over these, and would have been too strong for ten times as many; the rest she supplyed with kisses, which were infinite.

Having gained a little breath, and she again having lent me the use and disposal of my own mouth, I returned to this her amorous Oration, something suitable to it by way of retaliation; Protesting with invocations, that since she had so compleated my happiness by her love, I would perish before I would be guilty of the least abuse therein.

That had it not been for the sense of my unworthiness, and fear of hazarding her love, and so gained her displeasure, no other difficulty should have deterred me from declaring, and discovering what she had prevented me in; adding, that where the quintessence of all loves contracted into one body, it could not equallize mine. Come, said she, let us leave off talking in such idle phrases, let future constancy make apparent the reallity of our affections, and let us not loose any time wherein we may mutually enjoy each other. It is but a folly for me now to mince the matter, or by my coldness endeavour to recongeal that water where the ice is too visibly broken and thaw’d. Yet let not your prudence be questioned, or reason forfeited, in making any unhandsome advantage of this my freedom. But above all, blast not my reputation by the unsavory breath of any ostentatious boasting of a Gentlewomans favours, nor let not my love cause any slighting or disrespect in you to your Master; neither let it so puffe you up with pride, as to contemn your fellow-servants. In company, shew much more reverence to me than formerly. In private, when none sees us but our selves, be as familiar and free as actions can demonstrate. Be constant to me alone, for true love will not admit of plurality. Be secret and silent, and follow not the common practise of vain-glorious Fools, that in requital of those favours they have received in private of some credulous Female, will make their braggs of them in publick. As if it were not enough for them to rob them of their Chastities, but must likewise murther their Reputations. Have a special care you slight me not, (as some squeamish or curious Stomacks use feeding too long on one sort of Food, though never so delicious) for a Womans love dispised will turn into extreme hatred, and will be ever restless till malice and revenge have consulted with Invention, how to be more than even with the slighting Injurer. She propounded more Articles, which I have forgot now, but I remember I sealed them without a witness. We made an end of our business for that time, with much expedition, to the intent the tediousness of our staying might not be suspected by the ignorant Cuckold at home: I have reason now for so calling him.

Coming home, I applyed my self to the business of the Shop as before, enjoyning my eyes a severe pennance, not so much as to look towards that Object they so dearly loved. According to my usual time I went to Bed, but sleep I could not, for thinking on what I had done. About one a clock I was much startled, to hear something come into my Chamber; but before I could give my eyes the liberty for a discovery, my Mistress had gotten within the sheets, and not daring to speak, because my Master lay in the next room, most commonly by himself, and her chamber was the next to that, (and in a Trundle-bed underneath my Mistress’s bed lay the Maid.) Neer upon day-break my sweet Bed-fellow left me, at an unhappy time, for then was my Master awake, which might have ruined us both, which had so faln out, had he been resolute or couragious; but on the contrary, exceeding timerous, but more especially, childishly afraid of the supposed walking of Spirits: For hearing the boards crack twice or thrice, with the weight of her body; besides, by the help of Starlight, perceiving something to move all in white, he shrunk underneath the cloaths, not daring to put out his head; now did his imagination work as strongly almost as his Breech, suggesting strange and ridiculous things to his fancy. But I shall give him leave to tell his own story. A little after it was day, being almost stifled for want of fresh Air, and choak’d with the stink that was in the Bed, he boldly & valiantly put his head out of the coverlid, and after he had thrice exorcis’d the Devil, or the supposed evil Spirit, with avoid Satan, repeating as often that Scriptural Sentence, Resist the Devil and he will flye from thee: He called out as loud as he might for me to come to him. I leapt out of Bed, and ran to him, asking him what was the matter: O Thomas, said he, light a Candle quickly; I running in haste to light the Candle, fell (by mistaking the first step) down the stairs, which made a terrible noise: my Master hearing me, cry’d out, (saying, O God, what will become of me?) thinking the Devil indeed had mistook me for himself, and that he was horsing me on his back to carry me away; with that he fell to prayer so fervently loud, that up starts the Mistress, and the Maids, running to know what was the matter: fear had so possessed him, that he could not be perswaded, but that they were some of the Devilish crew.

At first they thought him to be fallen mad; but finding out the cause of this distraction, with much ado my Mistress made him sensible of his mistake. Being fully assured, that they were not (yet) damned Spirits, he relates what he had seen, in this manner: My Mistress afterwards told me, that had it not been for laughing, which so busied her, that her sense of smelling for that time had left her, she could never have endured to hear him out, for that notorious stink, which came from the Bed, when he stirred ever so little.

I wonder’d, said he, that contrary to my usual custom, I awak’d about four a clock, whereas I used to sleep soundly, thou knowest till eight. I hearkned, at first I perceived onely the boards to crack, but presently after I heard chains rattle, and the stools flung about the room, the bed, and I in it, danced up and down, as if a Scotch Bagpipe had been plaid upon by a Northern Witch, and the Devil the while had Danced with me, and the Bed a Morrice, (supplying the Bellows with wind.) Sometimes they pull’d me out of Bed, and laid me on the cold floor, and then tost me in again like a Dog in a Blanket.

Hearing no noise, I attempted to peep out; but scarcely had mine eyes recovered the top of the Bed-cloths, when I saw standing by me, a composition of meer bones, with a shrowd thrown over his shoulders, like an Irish Brachin, or a Scotch Pladd, with a light Taper in one hand (I knew not what use he could make of it, for there were only holes in his head instead of eyes) and an Hour-glass in the other: he grinn’d at me with his teeth, (for he had no lips) and shaking his chains left me, which sight so terrified me, that I had like to have shot out (like a Pudding in a Bag) all that was within me. My Mistresse had like to have broken out into extreme laughter, had not the consideration of danger (that might have ensued thereon) hindred her.

After this, it was a long time before he would be perswaded to lie in that Chamber again, which made me curse his strong conceit, for by this means he would lye with his wife, which interrupted our sweet venereal pastime. As for my part, I believed he would never have return’d to his own chamber again, for he trembled when he past through it in the day time; and if alone, he would so thunder down the stairs (fear giving wings to his feet) as if (Vulcan-like) he had been sent by Jupiter head-long in a message.

Another accident (hapning not long after) cur’d him in part of his ridiculous belief, grounded on nothing else but fancy: In the Sellar, on a certain beam that went crosse, there were great quantity of Tenter-hooks placed there, some to hang meat on, others of a smaller sort for other uses. Our Cat being somewhat ravenous, was following the scent, and had gotten upon the Beam; her foremost feet slipping, she was strangely caught by the tail, and not able to recover her self: Being terribly pained by the hook, she made a most hideous noise, which made our Dog fall a howling. This strange din first approached my Masters ears, who awaking my Mistress, asked her now whether she would believe her own ears. At first she confest to me, she knew not what to think, her conscience being yet tender (which having no long time accustomed her self to sin, was not hardned and fear’d up) put her in mind of what she had lately committed, so that she had like to have concluded that it was Satan was sent to buffet her; But she having a martial spirit, and not easily daunted, she hearkned further, and then judg’d that Thieves had broken into the house.

My Master all this while was breathing his last at both ends, whilest my Mistress leap’d out of Bed, and came to my Chamber door, bidding me in all haste to rise, for there were Thieves in the house. I confess I had no great mind to be kill’d, and therefore I was in no great haste to rise, sometimes buttoning my Doublet, and anon unbuttoning it again; perceiving that I delaid, she came again, taxing me with Cowardise, and meanness of Spirit, which put new life into me, making me to resolve to adventure my life, rather than hazard the loss of her good opinion.

Finding my Mistress in her smock, I thought it a shame for me to have any cloaths on; and so naked as I was, we march’d on. Coming to the Stairhead, my fancy troubled me a little too, for the noise had so amaz’d me, that I would fain have my Mistress to go first; she could not forbear laughing, to observe how complemental and ceremonious at that time I was. Having scattered my fear by resolution, How do I abuse myself, said I, and with that boldly went on.

By this time a light was produced, and then those Bug-bear thoughts which darkness possesseth the fancy withal, began to vanish. There was not a hole big enough to contain a man, but what I prob’d. Descending the Cellar-stairs, I there plainly saw the Original cause of our fear and distraction, hanging by the tail. I called my Mistress to the sight, and now the Maids too would be Spectators, understanding the danger to be overpast.

Well, the general vote was, that the Cat should be carried up stairs to our Master, and shew him the wound in his Tail, for evidence to prove his guilt in being seduced by fancy.

He hearing some come up, thought we were all destroyed, and that they were coming up to dispatch him too: Wherefore he cryed out, Save my Life, and take all I have. His wife (not to encrease his perplexity) bid him quiet himself, there was no harm, nor any like to be done; and withal so convinced him of his folly, both past and present, that he had not a word to say in his own defence; he enjoyning us all silence, we were dismiss’d.

The next night, to show how much he was altered from his former temper and belief, he did lye in his Chamber aforesaid, supposedly haunted, and that same night with much joy, my Mistress and I renewed our pleasures.