How he had like to have been transported, being taken up by Kid-napper, vulgarly called a Spirit.

Having satisfied my stomach, I walked along with much more courage than before; which had been to little purpose, had I not had a stick in my hand; For there was hardly a dog in the street (which I went through) that gave me not his grinning Salutation, and would when my back was turned (knowing else I would never have suffered their humility) have kist my very heels, had not my stick prevented their Snearing Dog-ships mouths. I have wondred often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker, Pedlar, Tom-a-Bedlam, nay, any suspitious fellow, till I found it my self by experience, that by natural instinct they know and hate the scent of a Rogue. My course of life appeared so idle (by my lazy stalking and gaping this way and that, sometimes standing still and seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance) that the Beadle took hold on me, telling me it was great pitty that such a lusty young Man should want imployment, and therefore would help me to some: but understanding from him that it must be in Bridewel, my leggs failed me, shewing thereby how unwilling they were to be accessary to the punishment which would be inflicted on my back: at length by pitiful looks, and many intreaties, I got clear of him, but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit, or a Seducer of Persons to the Indies. Well may he be called a Spirit, since his nature is like the Devils, to seduce any he meets withal, whom he can perswade with allurements and deluding falsities to his purpose.

After he had asked me many impertinent questions, he invited me to drink with him; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny, otherwise his motion would be acceptable to me. At which he cast up his eyes to Heaven, and laying his hands on his breast, Alas poor young Man, said he, what pitty it is such a fellow as thou art shouldst want money; which argues thou art both destitute of friends, and an imployment also. Well, I’le say no more for the present, but before we part I’le study some way or other for thy advantage, which I shall do meerly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy condition, as also out of respect to thy Father, whom I am confident I have heretofore known; by the resemblance thou bearest him in thy Countenance. I could but smile to my self to hear how this Rascal dissembled; not discovering my thoughts, I willingly went with him to drink, resolving to see what the event would be; after he had paused a while, Well, said he, I have found it.

There is a Merchant an intimate friend of mine that wants a Store-house-keeper; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently, you shall find entertainment from him, and 40 l. per annum for encouragement. I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer, and that I should refer my self to be disposed of as he should think fit. With that he imbraced me, saying, within two days I should go aboard the Ship where the Merchant was, who would go along with me to Virginia (where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay) in the mean time, you shall go along with me to my house, where you shall be, and shall receive from me what your necessities require. I had heard before, how several had been served in this kind, so that being forewarned, I was fore-armed: premonitus, premunitus. He carried me away presently to Wapping, and housed me. To the intent he might oblige me to be his, he behaved himself extraordinary friendly; and that he might let me see that he made no distinction between me and his other friends, he brought me into a Room where half a score were all taking Tobacco: the place was so narrow wherein they were, that they had no more space left, than what was for the standing of a small table. Methought their mouths together resembled a stack of Chimneys, being in a manner totally obscured by the smoak that came from them; for there was little discernable but smoak, and the glowing coals of their pipes. Certainly the smell of this Room would have out-done Assa Foetida, or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the Mother. As to the sight, the place resembled Hell, so did it likewise as to its scent, compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and Tarpawlin. So that I concluded the resemblance most proper.

I was seated between two, lest I should give them to slip.

After I had been there awhile, the Cloud of their smoak was somewhat dissipated, so that I could discern two more in my own condemnation: but alas poor Sheep, they ne’re considered where they were going, it was enough for them to be freed from a seven years Apprenticeship, under the Tyranny of a rigid Master (as they judged it, coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too indulgent Mother) and not weighing (as I know not how they should) the slavery they must undergo for five years, amongst Brutes in foreign parts, little inferior to that which they suffer who are Gally-slaves. There was little discourse amongst them, but the pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for, (out of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine) & the temperature of the Air, the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts; the little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in it, that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of punishment; and then to sweeten us on the farther, they insisted on the pliant loving natures of the Women there; all which they used as baits to catch us silly Gudgeons. As for my own part, I said but little but what tended to the approbation of what they said.

For all my aim (as I related before) was to understand the drift of this Rogue, and then endeavour to get what I could from him. By this time supper was talkt of by our Masters; so choice they were in their dyet, that they could not agree what to have. At last one stands up, and proclaiming silence, said, that a Dish of Bruiss was the most Princely Dish of any. And to tell you truly, by his looks, I thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her mouth, of that Stomach-murdering stuff, the grease running about her chops, which pleasing her fancy, struck so deep an impression in the imagination upon her conception, that the face of that thing she brought forth, lookt much like a Toast soaking in a Cooks Dripping-pan.

That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths, some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives.

Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior) scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively determined to have some Poor John, swearing that the Great Mogul did eat nothing else thrice a week, and that Atabalipa (that Indian King whom Cortez conquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on an Altar made of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to the Idol, afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided. Though they did beat it most unmercifully, yet it would not yield, resolving rather to be broken in peices, then to become unlike its Masters heart, or shew any thing of a tender nature. There was one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done, laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately and inragedly seiz’d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak, but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head, the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing, where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong-water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of the Poor John, which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature.

Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of provision, I was forced to feed on Cordage, or the Ship sides. Had this poor creature been ground small, I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did the Saw-dust of deal boards coming from Norway, and destitute of other food. That night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowed Opium for that purpose, for the innumerable quantity of Buggs (as some call them) that had invaded my body; being weary (as I suppose) of inhabiting any longer the dry mansion of that old rotten Bedsted on which I lay. In the morning I found the ruines of a Looking-glass in the window, which I took up to discover what knots or nodes those were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted Feaver.

I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death, coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes, the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on. It might have been a good QuÆre, whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies.

My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by a stinging sort of Vermine, who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as were New-comers. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should not be long before I would take my farewell. We had scarce breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend. I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure, above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out, a Spirit, a Spirit, but that the thought of the Water-men being his Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for my sins, in Hell’s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage, (which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered, and I the first person taken up and set on shore.

Many hands make light work. I ne’er staid to see what was become of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could, attended with a great number of little hooping Owlets (I mean the young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from this Anthropopola, or Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in this pickle, (for it was Salt water, which my Sous’d guts may testifie if they please, in their grumbling manner of speaking) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow. This was the greatest Cordial could be applied to this cross; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately put me to bed.