He descants on his Marrying, and lying with an Indian-Black: Gives wholsome Advice to others; and concludes for this time.

Interest so blinded my reason, that I went instantly to my Captain, and gave him information of my proceedings, desiring his consent in the marrying this Indian, alleadging how advantagious it would be to me. He granted my request, upon my earnest importunity; and being dismist from his service, we were married according to the Ceremonies of the Church by an English Priest, she renouncing her Paganism. What money was got by my wifes Trade, I laid out in such Commodities the Country afforded, as Callico’s, Pepper, Indico, Green-Ginger, &c. and sold them immediately to the Ships lying in the Harbour, doubling what I laid out: so that in short time I found my stock to increase beyond expectation: such satisfaction my Black received from me, that she thought she could not do enough to please me. I was an absolute Monarch in my family; she and her servants willingly condescended to be my vassals: yet though I thus enjoy’d the prerogative of an husband, yet I did not Lord it too much; which won so much upon my wifes affection, and those that were concern’d with her, that as soon as I desired any thing, it was immediately performed, with much alacrity and expedition.

I fancy’d my life to be now as happy as the world could make it, having plenty of every thing, & not control’d by the foolish self-will of an obstinate woman. I confess it was at first a great regret to my spirit, to lie by a woman so contrary to my own complexion: but Custom made her become in process of time as lovely in my eye, as if she had been the compleatest European beauty. I now again considered how he must live, that intends to live well; & upon that consideration, concluded upon this resolution, Not to neglect my duty to Heaven, my Self, or Neighbors: for he that fails in any of these, falls short in making his life commendable. For our Selves, we need Order; for our Neighbor, Charity; and for the Deity, Reverence and Humility. These three duties are so concatenated, that he which liveth orderly, cannot but be acceptable to his Maker and the World. Nothing jars the Worlds harmony more, than men that break their ranks; and nothing renders Man more contemned and hated, than he whose actions onely tend to irregularity. One turbulent spirit will even dissentiate the calmest Kingdom: so did my past unruly and disorderly life ruine my self, as well as many families. I have seen an Orthodox Minister in his Pulpit with his congregation about him; and since revolving in my minde the comeliness of that well-ordered sight, I have thought within my self how mad he would appear, that should wildly dance out of his room. Such is man when he spurns at the Law he liveth under; and such was I, that could not be contain’d within due limits, living like the Drone on others labors; taking no pains, but onely making a humming noise in the world, till Justice seiz’d me for a wandring, idle, and hurtful vagabond, (an ignavum pecus) and so had like to thrust me out of the world, the Hive of industrious Bees.

Ill company at first misled me, and it is to be feared by my example others have been misled. For he that giveth himself leave to transgress, he must needs put others out of the way. Experience giveth us to understand, that he which first disorders himself, troubles all the company. Would every man keep his own life, what a concord in Musick would every family be! It shall be my own endeavor to do this, and my cordial advice to others to do the like.

Doubtless he that performeth his duty to Heaven, shall finde such a peace within, that shall fit him for whatsoever falls. He shall not fear himself, because he knoweth his course is order: he shall not fear the World, because he knoweth he hath done nothing that hath anger’d it: he shall not be afraid of Heaven, for he knoweth he shall there finde the favour of a servant, nay more, a Son, and be protected against the malice of Hell.

I know I shall be lookt on no otherwise than an Hypocrite; neither will the world believe my reformation real, since I have lived so notoriously and loosly. Let a man do well an hundred times, it may be he shall for a short time be remembred and applauded; whereas if he doth evilly but once, he shall be ever condemned, and never forgot. However, let me live well, and I care not though the world should flout my innocence, and call me dissembler: it is no matter if I suffer the worst of censorious reproaches, so that I get to Heaven at last: to the attaining of which, the best counsel I can give my self and others is, Bene vive, ordinabiliter tibi, sociabiliter Proximo, & humiliter Deo: Live well, orderly to thy self, sociably to thy Neighbour, and humbly to thy Maker.

Take this as wholesome advice, though from an ill liver, which hath been in part discovered in the foregoing Discourse; wherein I have endeavoured, by drawing up a List of my own evil actions, to frighten others from the commission of the like. For as there is no company so savagely bad, but a wise man may from it learn something to make himself better: so there is no Book so poorly furnished, out of which a man may not gather something for his benefit. Herein I have not minded so much words, as the matter; aiming at nothing more then how I might compleatly limn Vice in her proper ugly shape: having done that, I have done what I intended, The reformation of others by my wicked example. For Vice is of such a Toady complexion, so ill shap’d & deform’d, that she cannot chuse but teach the soul to hate; so loathsome when she is seen in her own nasty dress, that we cannot look upon her but with detestation and horrour. Vice was cunning and curiously painted when I fell into her scabbed embraces; neither could I have ever known her foulness and rottenness, had I not tried whether her (seeming) fairness and soundness were real. Believe me, she is no ways that she appears to be; therefore be not deluded by her: but let my Life be to the Reader, as a friend fal’n into a pit, that gives warning to another to avoid the danger. So admirably hath Providence disposed of the ways of man, that even the sight of Vice in others, is like a Warning-arrow shot for us to take heed. Vice usually in her greatest bravery, publisheth her self foolishly, thinking thereby to procure a Train; and then it is, that the secret working of Conscience makes her turn her weapons against herself, and strongly plead for her implacable adversary Vertue. We are frequently wrought to good by contraries; and foul acts keep Vertue from the charms of Vice. An ancient Poet writ well to this purpose, thus:

There is no better way to correct faults in our selves, than by observing how uncomely they appear in others. After a fit of drunkenness, my conscience would usually accuse me, & many times, after convictment, would pass so severe a sentence of condemnation on me, that my own hands have oftentimes been like to prove my Executioners. Considering within my self what should be the cause of this trouble and self-loathing, I found it proceeded from no other reason than the observation of others in the like beastly condition, & how noisom it hath rendred them to all. The first thing that made me abhor a Cholerick passion, and a fawcy pride in my self, (of which I was too guilty) was the seeing how ridiculous and contemptible they rendred those that are infested with them. Besides, those that are thorowly experienc’d in navigation, do as well know the coasts as the Ocean; as well the sands, the shallows, & the rocks, as the secured depth in the most dangerless channel: so I think those that would arrive to as much perfection as they are capable of enjoying here, must as well know bad, that they may abtrude or shun it; as the good, that they may embrace it. And this knowledge we can neither have so cheap, nor so certain, as by seeing it in others: for under a Crown you may buy the whole experience of a mans Life, (as of mine) which cost some thousands; though me no more hundreds than what I borrowed of the world, having of mine own nothing originally. If we could pass the world without meeting Vice, then the knowledge of Vertue onely were sufficient: but it is impossible to live, and not encounter her. Vice is as a god in this world: for as she ruleth almost incontrollably, so she assumes to her self ubiquity; we cannot go any where, but that she presents her self to the eye, &c. If any be unwittingly cast thereon, let him observe for his own more safe direction. He is happy, that makes another mans vices steps for him to climb to his eternal rest by. The wife Physitians make poyson medicinable; and even the Mud of the world, by the industrious (yet ingrateful) Hollander, is turned to an useful fuel.

If (Reader) then thou lightst here on any thing that is bad, by considering the sorded stains, either correct those faults thou hast, or shun those thou mightest have. That Mariner which hath Sea-room, can make any wind almost serve to set him forwards in his wished voyage: so may a wise man take any advantage to set himself forward to the haven of Vertue. Man, assoon as created, had two great suiters for his life and soul; the one Vertue, and the other Vice: Vertue came in this manner, and thus attended; Truth ran before her naked, yet couragious; after her followed Labour, Cold, Hunger, Thirst, Care and Vigilance; these poorly arrayed, as looking upon it unseemly to go finer than their Mistriss, who was plainly & meanly clad, yet cleanly, & her countenance shew’d such a self-perfection, that she might very well emblem whatsoever Omnipotency could make most rare. Modest she was, and so lovely, that whosoever lookt on her stedfastly, could not but insoul himself in her. After her followed Content, enricht with Jewels, and overspread with Perfumes, carrying with her all the treasure and massie riches of the world. Then came Joy, with all essential pleasures: Honour, with all the ancient Orders of Nobility, Scepters, Thrones, and Crowns Imperial. Lastly, Glory, whose brightness was such, (which she shook from her Sunny tresses) that it dazled the eyes of her beholders, so that they could never truly describe her. In the rear came Eternity casting a ring about them, which like a strong Inchantment made them ever the same. Vice strove not to be behind-hand with Vertue; wherefore she sets out too, and in this form: Her precursor or fore-runner was Lying, a painted houswife, of a smooth, insinuating, and deluding tongue, gaudily clad all in changeable: but under her vestments she was full of scabs and loathsome ulcers. Her words seem’d exceeding pleasant, promising to all she met whatsoever could be wisht for, in the behalf of her Mistress Vice. On this hypocritical Quean Wit waited: next him, a Conceited fellow, and one that over-swayed the Fancie of man with his pretty tricks and gambals. Sloth and Luxury followed these, so full, that they were even ready to be choaked with their own fat. After these, followed some Impostors, to personate Content, Joy, and Honour, in all their wealth and Royal dignities. Close after these, Vice came her self, sumptuously apparel’d, but yet a nasty surfeited slut; her breath being so infectious that he which kiss’d her was sure to perish. After her followed suddenly Guilt, Horror, Shame, Loss, Want, Sorrow, Torment; and these were charmed with Eternity’s Ring, as the former. And thus they wooed fond Man, who taken with the subtile cozenages of Vice, yielded to lie with her; whereby he had his Nature so empoysoned, that his seed was all vitiated and contaminated; and his corruption even to this day is still convey’d to his undone posterity. It is mans folly, onely to look on the fore-runners of Vertue, which are very poor, as Cold, Hunger, Thirst, &c. but not to consider her glorious attendants that follow after, as Content, Joy, Honor, and Glory. We fancy Vice for her outside, not imagining what she is when stript of all her Gauderies.

If you then intend to enjoy for your portion a Kingdom hereafter, adhere not to the allurements of Vice; for she will soon perswade you to be an unthrift, to sell your Inheritance whilest it is but in Reversion. But hearken to Vertue’s counsel; she will teach you how to husband all things well, so as to become a purchaser of no less than Joys eternal.

Thus have I given you a summary account of my life, from the Non-age to the Meridian of my days. If there be any expressions either scurrilous or obscene, my onely design was to make Vice appear as she is, foul, ugly, and deformed: and I hope, he that hath sense will grow wiser by the folly that is presented him; as Drunkards are often cured by the beastliness of others that are so. The subject would not permit to be serious, neither would it have been suitable to our merry age, being generally of Tully’s minde, when he said, Lectionem sine ulla delectatione negligo: He hated reading where no pleasure dwelt.

As the day-light is purest, so have I endeavored to make my slender Wit appear terse and spruce, without the fulsomness of wanton language. If I have in anyplace transgrest the bounds of modesty by loose expressions, you need not fear to be offended with their unsavoury breath, for I have perfumed it: but if it should chance to stink, it is only to drive you from my former inclination and conversation. It is probable I may be a little guilty, being not fully cured of that malady I lately laboured under. For as the breaking out of itch and blains shews the body is not clear, so foul and unrinsed expressions are the parulent exhalations of a corrupted minde, stained with the unseasonedness of the flesh.

If any loose word have dropt from (the Mindes best Interpreter) my Pen, I would have the Reader to pass it over regardless, and not like a Toad, only gather up the venom of a Garden; or like a Goldfinder, make it his business to dive in stench and excrements. However, very cautious I was in offending any modest ear, (though sometimes it could hardly be avoided, the matter in a manner requiring it) because I look upon obscene expressions as the Plague on Paper; and he that comes between the sheets, is in danger of being infected. I shall assure you, had I not more respected a general good, by displaying Vice in general, to put men out of conceit with it, I should not have taken so much pains, to be both blam’d and laught at, but should have wrapt up in silence my shame and infamy. For in truth, this Book may bear a similitude with the Amphisbena, a Serpent headed at either end: one biteth the vicious temper of him that reads it, and the other stings him that wrote it. To conclude, I care not though my wickedness and folly be set up as a Monument to make my infamy eternal, so that the reading of my Life may be any ways instrumental for the reformation of licentious persons.

Variations in spelling, hyphenation, apostrophisation and capitalisation have been retained.

Frontispiece, ‘n’d’ changed to ‘n’t.,’ “that is thronged with n’t.”

Page vi, comma changed to full stop following ‘hereof,’ “have hereof. I am so”

Page 8, ‘mourh’ changed to ‘mouth,’ “from my mouth. And then”

Page 10, ‘Surpliee’ changed to ‘Surplice,’ “or Surplice, was adjudged”

Page 16, closing parenthesis inserted following ‘him,’ “(which I temptingly shewed him)”

Page 17, closing parenthesis changed to comma following ‘Preacher,’ “for being a protestant Preacher,”

Page 18, ‘minu’ changed to ‘menu,’ “to the menu of the true Church”

Page 22, ‘to’ changed to ‘too,’ “of him, yet too forward”

Page 23, ‘irecoverably’ changed to ‘irrecoverably,’ “precious time (irrecoverably) I had lost”

Page 34, ‘&c’ changed to ‘&c.,’ “Crabs, Bullies, &c., and longed to”

Page 39, comma changed to full stop following “Swigmen.”

Page 41, comma changed to closing parenthesis following ‘injustice,’ “that must needs (without injustice) be commemorized”

Pages 47-53, format of canting vocabulary regularised

Page 80, second ‘a’ struck, “concomitant of a very white”

Page 80, opening parenthesis inserted before ‘as,’ “or Flaxenish hair, (as I said)”

Page 83, ‘I’ changed to italic, “said my Mistress, I have”

Page 84, ‘mnst’ changed to ‘must,’ “I must have a word”

Page 88, second ‘my’ struck, “over powered my sourness”

Page 101, ‘Hs’ changed to ‘He,’ “of a Tavern. He is”

Page 107, second ‘a’ struck, “spirits with a glass or”

Page 107, ‘&’ struck following ‘and,’ “and my Mistresses affection”

Page 122, full stop changed to comma following ‘drinking,’ “drinking, smoaking, painting, and”

Page 133, ‘termimination’ changed to ‘termination,’ “at the termination of which”

Page 136, second ‘them’ struck, “I handled them them so scurvily”

Page 143, ‘jndged’ changed to ‘judged,’ “In fine, I judged it”

Page 144, ‘iu’ changed to ‘in,’ “I added in my thoughts”

Page 152, ‘likewife’ changed to ‘likewise,’ “the knock likewise had like”

Page 154, full stop changed to comma following ‘light,’ “and light, that some have thought”

Page 156, italics and punctuation changed for clarity from “What are ye angry, said I? To which they replied Affirmatively: If so, I answered, (laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale) I value your anger no more than the drinking this Pot, which I swallowed at two gulps, and so bid them farewel; leaving them to call for another Ordinary.” to “What are ye angry? said I. To which they replied Affirmatively: If so, I answered, (laying my hand upon a full pot of Ale) I value your anger no more than the drinking this Pot, which I swallowed at two gulps, and so bid them farewel; leaving them to call for another Ordinary.”

Page 156, closing parenthesis changed to a comma following ‘Salutation,’ “his grinning Salutation, and would”

Page 157, ‘feduce’ changed to ‘seduce,’ “seduce any he meets withal”

Page 164, ‘detterred’ changed to ‘deterred,’ “his Accomplices, deterred me”

Page 166, full stop inserted after ‘viz.,’ “I had to say, viz., that”

Page 197, ‘facilime’ changed to ‘facillime,’ “Pares cum paribus facillime congregantur”

Page 221, ‘Goaler’ changed to ‘Gaoler,’ “that accursed Gaoler, Poverty”

Page 224, ‘othewise’ changed to ‘otherwise,’ “retain’d, otherwise by a fit of an Ague”

Page 243, ‘claps’d’ changed to ‘clasp’d,’ “formerly lye clasp’d in some”

Page 248, ‘greastest’ changed to ‘greatest,’ “in the greatest iniquities”

Page 252, ‘the’ changed to ‘thee,’ “I shall bring thee. Once”

Page 255, ‘resolutiou’ changed to ‘resolution,’ “desists from that resolution”

Page 266, ‘paflages’ changed to ‘passages,’ “divers obscure passages till”

Page 274, ‘Hogsheard’ changed to ‘Hogshead,’ “him, an empty Hogshead”

Page 285, ‘Ill’ changed to ‘I’ll,’ “I’ll pass my life in choicest pleasure”

Page 312, ‘agaist’ changed to ‘against,’ “I commenced my suit against him”

Page 317, second ‘them’ struck, “I askt them where”

Page 319, ‘o’ changed to ‘of,’ “freely the quantity of mony”

Page 326, full stop inserted after ‘l.,’ “where then is my 100 l.?”

Page 339, ‘l.’ italicised, “in an Action of 5000 l.”

Page 351, ‘l.’ italicised, “industry, above 500 l.”

Page 351, ‘Uririnal’ changed to ‘Urinal,’ “disembogue this Urinal of what”

Page 353, closing parenthesis changed to semicolon following ‘body,’ “your body; I say, that”

Page 374, ‘wayway’ changed to ‘way,’ “the next that came this way”

Page 387, ‘changgeable’ changed to ‘changeable,’ “residence, and changeable names”

Page 392, comma changed to full stop following ‘bridle,’ “on your bridle. As for the”

Page 398, ‘evividence’ changed to ‘evidence,’ “in their evidence against me”

Page 442, ‘ball’ changed to ‘bell,’ “remove the bell, and apply to the”

Page 455, second ‘the’ struck, “without the the least suspicion”

Page 455, second ‘if’ struck, “confident if he might have”

Page 463, ‘he’ changed to ‘be,’ “cannot but be acceptable”

Page 464, ‘perfometh’ changed to ‘performeth,’ “he that performeth his duty”