He receives sentence of Condemnation; he thereupon seriously contemplates Death, and considers Eternity.

Appearing at the Sessions, and seeing so many of my Adversaries ready to give in their evidence against me, I concluded my self a leman; my very countenance betrayed both my thoughts of guilt and despair. In short, I received sentence of Death to be hanged at Tyburn, by the neck till I was dead. I thought these sad tidings would have presently deprived me of my life, and so have saved the Hangman a labour. All the way I went back to Newgate, I fancied nothing but Gibbets stood in my way, and that I saw no other trades but Cord-winders. Being entred the prison, I was forthwith put into the Dungeon, laden with shackles: I had not been many hours there, before a charitable Physician of the soul, I mean a Minister, came to visit me, who advised me to repent, since it was high time; and endeavouring to disburden my conscience, by extracting from me a general ingenious confession of what enormous crimes I had committed. Finding this person to have no other design, but merely for my souls sake, I dissected the actions of my whole life, not omitting any thing that might be accounted sinful. He was amazed to hear such notorious Roguery in one Man, and so young; wherefore, before he applied any cordial, he administered his corrosives, and so thorowly searcht every corner of my heart, that there was nothing hid from him. In the first place, he made me sensible of the wickedness of my life, and that every, nay, the least evil action, deserved the loss of eternal and inexpressible happiness, and instead thereof, torments everlasting and intolerable. It will take up too much time, to give an account of every thing this pious man alleadged for my information, contrition, and consolation: so effectually and powerfully he delivered his divine Message, that the obdurateness of my heart was able to hold out no longer, but melting into tears, was willing to have its flintiness broken by the hammer of Sacred Writ. Finding me in so good a temper, he left me to God and my self, for the perfecting of that work he had so hopefully and successfully begun. I began to consider what I was, only a statue of dust kneaded with tears, and mov’d by the hid engines of restless passions; a clod of earth, which the shortest Fever can burn to ashes, and the least showre of rheums wash away to nothing; and yet I made as great a noise in the world, as if both the Globes (those glorious Twins) had been unwombed from that formless Chaos, by the Midwifry of my wit: all my actions were attended with so much success, and so answerable to my desires, as if I had been one of heavens privy-Counsellors; which swelled me up with so much arrogance, that I spake thunder, lookt lightning, and breathed destruction; and by the eloquence of my own vanity, I perswaded my self, that the machinations of my brain were able to unhinge the Poles: but it is otherwise decreed, that the Ministers of Justice should put a period to my boundless pride, to make me know I am but a man, and that mortal too. And having but a short time to live, I thought it very requisite to think of that which must shortly be the means to convey me either to bliss or woe; by so doing, I seized on death before it seized on me. It was the fittest subject I could b usie my soul about; for what more heavenly, than the thought of immortality? and what so necessary, as the thought of death? Seneca saith, When he was a young man, he studied to live well; when aged how to dye well: but I never practised Artem bene vivendi, and therefore am so ignorant in Arte bene moriendi; which makes me so fearful, that I know not how to be careful of not being found unprepared. Methinks I already hear that doleful saying, Ite imparata in paratum. My sole companions were now despair and fear, for the King of fear is death; and indeed there is nothing absolutely fearful, but what tends to death, and I am confident, the fear of death is worse than the pains of death: for, fear of death kills us often, whereas death it self can do it but once. Life would not be troubled with too much care, nor death with too much fear, because fears betray, and cares disorder those succours which reason would afford to both: and though some say, he is more sorrowful than is necessary, that is sorrowful before there is necessity; yet that soul cannot be in a good condition, so long as it fears to think of dying; but did I not sorrow now, and justly fear that messenger that must bring me before the Tribunal of Heaven, I should have too little time to wash away so many black spots, especially having nothing but objects of terror and amazement before my eyes; but I never needed have feared what I should suffer when dead, if I had not deserved it whilst I lived. Life is not alike to all men: To such a wicked wretch as I am, the best had been, that I never had been, and the next best were to live long; in this condition, it was ill for me that I was born, worse for me that I must die: for without unfeigned repentance, this dying life will bring me to a living death; whereas a good man is otherwise minded, he counts his end the best of his being, for that brings him to the fruition of his hope: could death end misery, it should be the greatest happiness I would wish: but my conscience will not let me lye, for I fear the end of my present miseries will be but the beginning of worse; yea, such as death it self cannot terminate. Now came into my mind the consideration of Eternity: and with it, I remembred how it was represented by the Ancients, which very much helpt my present Contemplation; which was thus: A vast Den full of horror, round about which a Serpent winds it self, and in the winding bites it self by the tail. At the right-hand of this Den, stands a young man of a most beautiful and pleasant countenance, holding in his right-hand a Bow and two Arrows, and in his left an Harp. In the entrance sits an old man opposite, and having his eyes very intent on his Table-book, writes according to the dictations of the young man standing by. At the left-hand of this Den, sits a grave Matron gray-headed, and having her eyes always busied. At the mouth hereof, are four stairs ascending by degrees; the first is of iron, the second of brass, the third of silver, and the last of Gold: On these are little children sporting up and down, playing, fearless, and inapprehensive of falling. The sight of this Emblem of Eternity inculcated into my thoughts this interpretation: The Den, which was bottomless, signified to me the incomprehensibility of Eternity; the circumferating Serpent, Time; the young man, Nature: on Earth and Hell are her arrows fastned; but in Heaven there is the Harp, fulness of joy, and pleasures inexpressible: The old man I lookt upon to be Fate; the grave Matron, Providence; the Stairs, distinct Times and Ages; the Children running up and down the Stairs without fear of danger, do signifie foolish Man and Woman, who regardless of their salvation, sport and play with it so long, till they slipt into Eternity. So have I been careless of that which should have been my greatest care, though I knew (but would not know) that the least and lightest touch of death were sufficient, in a moment to translate me from Time to Eternity. Were we all to live a thousand years (whereas the Executioner is to put a period to my life in one day longer) we should before we had ran half our course, in our very non-age, apply our selves to repentance and newness of life. Now, now is the time, every hour, every moment: now one part of an hour (as I am informed, to my great comfort) may obtain pardon here, which all Eternity cannot hereafter. Therefore, let this now be my time (this one day I have left me) to cancel my debts and trespasses against Heaven, which I can never do in Hell-fire, in all the years and times to come hereafter. Let such who have liv’d (as I) in all manner of wickedness, consider what Eternity is, which may make them return like the penitent Prodigal. What then is Eternity? It is a Circle running back into it self, whose center is every where, and circumference no where, that is to say, infinite: It is an Orb that hath neither beginning nor ending: Or it is a Wheel,

Eternity is like a year, continually wheeling about, which returns again to the same point from whence it began, and still wheels about again. It is an ever-running Fountain, whither the waters after many turnings flow back again, that they may always flow. It is a bottomless pit, whose revolutions are endless. It may be compared to a snake bowed back unto it self orbicularly, holding its tail in its mouth; which in its end doth again begin, and never ceaseth to begin. What is Eternity? It is a duration always present; it is one perpetual day, which is not divided into that which is past, and that which is to come: Or, it is an age of ages, never expiring, and never changing: Or, more properly, it is a beginning continuing, never ending, always beginning, in which the blessed always begin a blessed life, in which the damned always die, and after all death and strugling therewith, always begin again to die. As Hell-torments are eternal, so will the conscience be perpetually tormented with deep and horrid despair for the life past: Their worm shall not die. The Poets of old alluded to this place notably, in that Fiction or Fable of Tytius, whom Virgil feigneth, that a flying Vulture every day gnaws and tears his Liver, which is every night again repaired and made up, that every day the Vulture may have more matter to prey upon. What is this Vulture, but the worm I speak of? and what is his Liver, but the conscience always gnawn and tormented? Not only this (as he that preacht my Funeral-Sermon told me) but all the torments of the damned shall never have end, because there can be no place for satisfaction: For although these inexpressible torments shall continue many millions of years; yet shall there not one hour, no, nor one minute of respite be granted: Let us then be no longer forgetful of our selves, and so degenerate into beasts, but seriously to consider our end, and what shall come after. All men are in the way of Eternity, but I am now almost at my journeys end: I sit on the Stairs of Eternity, expecting when one small thrust shall plunge me into the bottomless pit, where one hours punishment shall be more grievous (as Thomas a Kempis saith) then 100 years here in the bitterest of torments: There they are tortured for infinite millions of ages, & are so far from finding an end, as never to be able to hope for any end. The consideration of these things brought me to that pass, as I was content to suffer any thing in this life, so that I might not suffer in the life to come. Though a King, I should willingly and patiently have endured what Andronicus did, Emperour of the East; who (as History relates) being overcome and taken prisoner by Isaac Angelo, had immediately two great chains of iron put about his neck; and being laden with fetters, was brought before Isaac, who delivered him over to the rage of the multitude, to be abused at their pleasure. This rabble being incenst and stimulated on by revenge, some buffeted him, some bastinado’d him, others pulled him by the beard, twitching the hair from his head, dashing out his teeth, dragging him in publick through the streets: the insolence of women was such, as to fall upon him, leaving the marks of their nails in his Imperial face. After all this, they cut off his right-hand: thus maimed and bruised, he was thrown into the Dungeon of Thieves and Robbers, without either attendance, or the least thing necessary to sustain life: Some few days being past, they put out one of his eyes: thus mangled, they put upon him an old rotten short coat, shav’d his head, set him upon a scabbed Camel, with his face towards the Tail, put on his head a crown of Garlick, made him hold in his hand the Camels Tail instead of a Scepter, and so they carried him through the Market-place very leisurely, with great pomp & triumph. Here did the most impudent crew, and base among the people, like Tygers, after an inhumane manner fall upon him, not considering in the least, that not three days before he was no less then an Emperour, crowned with a royal Diadem, whose frowns were inevitable death, was honoured, yea, adored of all men. Their rage and madness fitted every one with instruments to execute their revenge: Some struck him on the head with sticks, others filled his nostrils with dirt, others squeezed spunges upon his face soaked in humane and beastial excrements: some threw stones, others dirt at him. An impudent woman as he past, came running out with scalding water in her hand, and poured it on his head. All these indignities which they exercised upon this poor Emperor, did not satisfie their insatiate revenge, but bringing him to the Theatre, took him down from the Camel, and hung him up by the heels: yet did he behave himself like a man, by bearing patiently what was inflicted upon him, being never heard to cry out against the cruelty of his fate. All that he was heard to say, was this, which he often repeated, Domine miserere, Domine miserere. Thus hanging up, one would have thought their malice should have ceased; but they spared him not as long as he lived; for pulling his Coat from his body, they tore him with their nails. One more cruel then the rest, ran his Sword through his bowels as he was hanging: Two others, to try whose Sword was sharpest, cut him and gasht him in several places; and so ended his life miserably, but was not suffered to be buried. Oh, that my condition were as Andronicus, to suffer all that man can lay upon me, that I might not perish for ever! I should be content to be miserable for so short a time, that I may not be miserable to all Eternity. Questionless he could never have suffered such things so constantly and couragiously, but that he had Eternity in his thoughts; and were our minds imployed about the same subject, any adversity or affliction we should more easily bear. From the time of my condemnation till Monday morning I slept not, neither did I eat or drink: then did I hear my passing-bell (having heard the day before my Funeral-Sermon) every stroke methought carried my soul one degree higher, being confident I had made my peace above. Whilst I was in the depth of Meditation, and my soul breathing out this short ejaculation.

Behold, a friend came to me (that never visited me during my imprisonment) but now in the time of need brought me a Reprieve; when I lookt thereon at first, I could not believe my own eyes; I thought I dreamt, or that grief had so distracted me, as that I imagined things that are not. My friend at length cleer’d up my doubts; but I shall tell you this for a truth, I knew not whether I were best accept of this self-preserving courtesie: For, methought I had so well settled my eternal concerns, as that I had nothing else to do but die.

About a fortnight after, I was sent aboard, in order to my transportation; my sentence of Death being converted into a seven years banishment.