He comes up to London, sends to a particular friend whom he could confide in, to come to him, and requests him to compound with his Creditors, which he did in a short time; and in a short time after, he attempts the robbing of an house, but is taken and clapt up in Newgate: The miseries of an imprisoned estate, with the manner of his escape out of that Prison.

The next day I rode towards London, and about twylight took up my quarters in the Suburbs the day following, I sent for a friend whom I could put confidence in, who came immediately upon the reception of my Letter. I communicated to him my intentions, who was very glad to hear of my resolution; yet I would not acquaint him how strong I was, nor by what means procured: ’twas enough that I gave him commission how far forth he should proceed, and no farther, which was half a Crown per pound. He went (after I had given him a list of them all) to every one particularly, and treated with them so cunningly, and they despairing of ever recovering a farthing, condescended to his proposals; whereupon he gets them all to subscribe, and then brings the Paper to me, which I exceedingly well liked of. According to the day appointed, he carried them the Money, which every one received proportionably, each man respectively giving me his general release from the beginning of the world: they to whom I had confest Judgements, filed according to Law their discharges. But when my Creditors a little while afterward, saw me walk the streets in so splendid a garb, some of them were ready to die with anguish: but that which troubled them most, was my supercilious looks when I met any of them, and my slighting salutations. What I did in this respect, was only to have the freedome of walking the streets, without the molestation of chargeable arrests. I kept such beboist company, that the remaining part of my money grew low, and in a very short time after, was all spent. All my drunken Companions failed me, and I having nothing left me but my cloaths, necessity made me to condescend to the enquiry after the kind-natured Gentlewoman my Wife: her nearest relations could not give me any account of her, giving her over for lost. I wandred up and down, imploying all the powers of my wit and invention, in the search of what might conduce to supply my present necessities. While I was thus hammering out some new design on the Anvil of experience, I bethought my self where probably I might find my Wife: First, I went to Ratcliff high-way, and made enquiry of Dammaris, &c. the Metropolitan Bawd of those parts, for a Gentlewoman of such a complexion, stature, and age, (’twas but a folly to mention her name, for those that follow that trade change their names as often as they do their places of abode) but that cart-load of flesh could give me no information, neither was it possible for me to have staid to hear it, she so stunk of Strong-waters, stronger then that Cask that never contained any thing else; I went down all along to the Cross, in my way I saw many Whores standing at their doors, giving me invitation; but being poor, they could not afford the charge of Fucus, so that their faces lookt much like a piece of rumbled Parchment, and by their continual traffick with Seamens Breeches, I could not come near them, they smelt so strongly of Tarpawlin and stinking Cod; yet still no tidings of her I sought for. From hence I went to Fleet-yard, but there they were so dawbed or plaistered with paint, & botcht with patches, that had I seen her there, it was impossible for me to have known her. Away I went to Luteners-lane, Sodom, and Dog and Bitch-yard; but the Pox, it seemed, had not yet fitted her for those places. From hence I went to Whetstons-Park, where I saw my Mad-dame standing at the door: her frequent trading, and those many shots she had received between wind and water in the service, had so altered her countenance, and disproportioned her body, that I knew not whether this Frigate was English or Flemish built: but at last, hailing whence she was, I boarded her, and made her lawful prize: mistake me not, I rummag’d not in her Hold, fearing she was a Fire-ship. The sight and knowledge of me, made her shed some Babylonish tears, which I took little notice of, knowing them to be either customary to that Sex, or the effects of a moist brain. In we went together, where we had, according to the custom of the house, Pint-black-pots of small Ale for two pence, and quarterns of Strong-water half fill’d for six pence, with Biskets; which as soon as brought, every one broken, though not a bit afterwards eaten. We must be smoaking too, though the Pipe must be thrown down carelesly, and often broken as soon as put to the lips: one of the Plyers being gone down to draw some more drink, she begged me to conceal my self for the present, and comply also with the cheating customs of the house, and she would willingly pay all. I had hardly smoakt two whiffs more, but that a fellow came where we were, swearing dam-me, why do you stay with this fellow, and leave me thus, you unconstant Quean? have I spent my estate on you, and must you now grow weary of me? and with that drew his knife, making a proffer to cut her nose off. I was so amazed at what I heard, and so irritated by passion, that I knew not which of them to be revenged on first. Sir, said I, I have been longer acquainted with her then you, and may justly claim a better title and more priviledge; but as you have affronted me, so I shall require satisfaction instantly, not referring our difference to be decided by the field, an Umpire that Cowards frequently make choice of: so drawing my knife also, and seizing on his nose, which I intended to have divorc’d from his face, I was prevented, for it dropt off into my hand. This accident so astonisht me, and withal being much affrighted at the sight of his Deaths-head, I durst not meddle with him any further, lest handling any Member, it would have dropt off in the same manner: he made a blow at me, but instead of striking me, I expected when his fist would have flown from his body into my face: he kickt at me, but that leg being up, the other was incapable of supporting his body, and so he fell down. The old Bawd hearing this disturbance, ran to us as fast as the vast bulk of her body would give her leave, whose pace was not much swifter then a snail in his full career, who having fasted too long, by the constant repercussion of the Sun-beams on him in a misling morning, forrageth a garden for pillage. From the place whence she started, to that where we scuffled, was about six yards distance; and from the time of her setting forward, to the time she came to us (not to belye the woman) was about half an hour, and then too, out of breath, for the haste she made. Sirrah, sirrah, said she, come you hither to breed quarrels, and abuse civil Gentlemen, and it may be build a sconce too? get you out of my house, you Rascal, or I’ll scald you out. By this time the Pimp came to their assistance, and so they all conjoyned to shove this poor fellow out of doors: and notwithstanding he had for two or three years frequented the house, yet they neither pittied nor relieved him as a maimed souldier, the marks whereof were a sufficient testimony, besides the loss of a Member or two. Having discharged my reckoning, my Wife appointed me a place where I should meet her. Having now conveniency and privacy of discourse, we wav’d every thing that tended not to my present design, which was the contrivance of some way to live. At last we resolved to take an house and live together; I thought it was as good to be Pimp to my own Wife, by which means the major part of the gain would be mine, as Pimp to another for 12 pence a day and spunging. What we had determined, we soon put in execution: what money she had was laid out in utensils belonging to our Trade, as for bedding, linnen, chairs and stools, &c. The Tally-man or Broker, who sells his goods to be paid by 12 d. a pound per week: the truth of it is, we found of him, but more especially his servants, excellent customers; for they would for a private favour, cut off a score, sometimes two or three from the Tally. Our stock being but small, my Wife was forced to be both Bawd and Whore; but our trade increasing, she goes frequently to the Carriers, where at last she had pickt up a couple of very well-featured Country-girls, and brings them home, entertaining them as servants; but shewing as much kindness to them, as if they had been our nearest kindred, purposely to induce them to stay: The Whore, my Wife, intended to have sold their Maiden-heads at a dear rate; but in truth, I ever lov’d such things too well to put them to sale, having them in my possession. To be sure thereof, I gathered my Rose-buds the first night, lest the infectious and contagious breath of some one Suburbicarian should blast them: in four days time afterwards, I fitted them for their occupations, leaving the instructive part thereof to my Wife to season them withal. I never saw two young Jades understand their trade sooner in my life; for in a Months time they could Cant indifferently, Wheedle most cunningly, Lye confoundedly, Swear desperately, pick a Pocket dexterously, Dissemble undiscernably, drink and smoak everlastingly, Whore insatiately, and brazen out all their actions impudently. Now did I begin to renew my acquaintance with the Tribe of Rogues, with whom I grew so intimate, that I was seldom out of their company, either at home or abroad. To relate all the tricks & rogueries we committed in one half year, were an half years work: therefore to be short, we were grown so notorious, and so generally taken notice of, that at last my Wife, and her two Maids of dishonour, were apprehended by the Marshals men, and carried to Bridewel; I my self narrowly escaping by flight: The next day I boldly went to visit them; methought their beating of hemp became them excellent well; and in troth I’ll say this for them, there hath not been seen in that place a more serviceable strong-dockt Crew for many years. Looking very earnestly upon that Hemp my Wife was beating, a deep fit of Melancholy seized me, proceeding only from my imagination; for I fancied that very Hemp would make that very Rope which should put a period to my life. The time of my visiting them, fell out on the day of their correction; understanding so much, I resolved to stay and see them well lasht, I hop’d: My Wife being manacled, and the whip ready to encircle her Waste; Hold, said I, and then directing my self to the Masters of Bridewell; May it please your Worships, this woman now under correction, is the most impudent brazen-fac’d Whore in the whole Town; I have known her a long time, ever since, and some small time before she undid her Husband, a very honest man indeed, and had the good report of all his Neighbours; but this confident Slut could not then be content without her Stallion, whom she maintained by what she purloin’d from her Husband, and so utterly ruined him: since she hath been the destruction of several, some in their estates, others in their bodily health, and now so far from being penitent, that she glories in nothing more, then in the relation of how many she hath undone here and hereafter: wherefore I beseech your Worships, for my friend’s sake, that good honest man, and for the good of her own soul, add one half-dozen stripes to the number intended, and let them be laid home. I had no sooner ended my speech, but I vanisht immediately. Just as I was out of the gate, I met with two of my roguing friends, whom the Devil had sent, I think, to way-lay me: they were going, it seems, to see some of their Doxies, that had that day been committed. Being over-joy’d to meet me so accidentally, they would needs have me go to the Tavern with them: over a glass of wine we consulted about divers matters, no goodness to be sure; the result whereof was, that I should go to such an house, and try if by any means I could get into it unperceived, and abscond my self in order to my opening the door for them about twelve a clock. According to the time nominated I went, and with much facility conveyed my self into a lower room, wherein there was a bed, under which I crept, being confident I might lie there securely, till all the houshold were retired to take their rest. After I had lain about some two hours on the ground, there came into this room a servant; I peept out, and by the light of his candle, saw that which I thought would have distracted me with fear; it was the laying the cloth, by which I understood, the Master of the house intended to sup there: suddenly after, meat was brought in and served to the Table; then came five or six persons, who passing divers complements (all which needless ceremonies at that time, I wisht with their inventers were stark naked upon the top of the Snowy Alps) every one took seats. Had not there been at that time some small pratling children running up and down, and making a noise, the affright their appearance had put me in, would have betrayed me; for my knees knockt so hard one against the other, that they made a noise like a Mill-clack, or the striking of two marrow-bones together: for my life I could not prevent the Palsie from seizing every limb of me. My cruel fates had so ordered it, that there was a small Dog in the room, and a Cat, both dearly beloved by their Mistress; who would be continually flinging down something or other, which they continually quarrelled about, as jealous and envious upon the distribution of their Mistress favours: at length she threw down a small bit; the Cat being somewhat a more nimble servitor, and diligent waiter than the Dog, took it, & ran with it underneath the Bed; the Dog ran after the Cat snarling, endeavouring to affright her, that she might forsake the purchase: The Dog approaching near, and too much intrenching upon her right, she puts him in mind of his duty, by one scratch with her Claw, and chastiseth him for his rashness with two or three more: this so angred him, that he made a furious assault upon Puss, who defended her self as well as she could; but at length they closed, and grappling each other, they made a most hideous noise. The spot in which they fought this combat, was underneath the bed upon my buttocks: The servant that attended being over-hasty to quell the noise, by parting the fray, snatched up the fire-shovel, and throws it underneath the bed; had it hit my nose with the edge, as it did my breech with the handle, I should have had it pared off even with my face. The Cat instantly provides for her safety by flight, but the Dog still remained behind grumbling, and now and then barking with such eagerness, that he became very offensive to the whole company. Wherefore the servant was commanded to drag him forth, which he did, beating him, and throwing him out of doors: in the mean time I was left in such a condition, as if I had been breathing my last. As soon as the door was open’d, the Dog came in underneath the bed with more fury than before: this second alarm did my business (or as they vulgarly say, made me do my business) for running fiercely on me, he had bit me by the nose, but that I snatcht away my head from him: but not observing the bed-post behind, I thought I had dashed my brains out against it; fear also having bereft me of my retentive faculty, I did let flie at one and the same time, which made so strange a noise together, that they all rose from the table to see what was the matter: their noses quickly informed them of some part, for the room was presently strongly scented; looking underneath the bed, they could see poor Jain Perus giving up the Ghost (as dying persons usually evacuate their ordure before their departure) they pulling me forth, and quickly revived me, they roughly handled me, and then beat me, till I was ene dead again. Being taken in the present offence, I could expect no other but to be subject to the rigour of their vengeance; I could make no plea sufficient to stay their fury, or satisfie their revenge; having fetcht a Constable, I was carried before a Justice of Peace, who with little examination caused my Mittimus to be drawn, and so I was sent to Newgate. I was no sooner within, and under lock and key, but fetters confined my legs from stragling, and bracelets were clapt upon my arms. The Rogues came all flocking about me for their Garnish, which I gave them: some of the gentiler sort added more to it, so that we had abundance of drink. But never did I hear so confused a din of Dam-me and Sink-me: others singing so loud (alias roaring) that I thought my self in Hell, and that these were damned souls that roared through extremity of torments. I thought none had been so wicked as my self, till I came among these Hell-hounds. Not a word come from any of their mouths, but what was seconded with an Oath, cursing their bad Stars, and Blaspheming. The Misery of this, or any other prison is sufficiently represented, if by nothing else than want of liberty, that rich inheritance of living souls: as it is the greatest of injoyments, next that imperial Gem of health, so the want thereof next to sickness must needs be of all other the most bitter. Since then to be confined to the confines of a Gaol, is to be in part unman’d, entomb’d alive, what and how great is that wretchedness that is occasioned not only by a want of liberty, but by a continual dread of shameful death! The terror of this place full of torture is so exasperated by the imagination of a noble mind, that Hell it self cannot contain more exquisite woes and pains, a continuance whereof were sufficient to punish all offences, if the Law dispenced with that debt due to Justice, the life of the offender. Your companions are none but licentious wretches, souls which daily surround you with their loathsome persons overspread with scabs and lice. Here sighing is our air, our comfort coldness, our food despair, our musick ratling of chains, our recreation the destruction of vermin; lastly, our expectation death and damnation. The keeper with the grim aspect of his stern countenance makes us tremble, with fear of a new martyrdom, whilst the insulting raskal on the tip-toes of his pride need not skrew his ill-favoured face to a frown, for he knows not how to look otherwise; which so dejects the spirits of we poor imprisoned slaves, that the contrition of our looks seems to implore his smiles, whose flinty heart having renounced remorse, casts a defiance in our sad and pitious faces. I might insist much further, but that I am hastning to get out of the miserable and soul-excruciating prison. One day after I had exonerated nature, I chanc’d to view the seat, and found that it was no difficult matter to go down the vault by the help of a Rope. A trusty friend coming to see me, I told him what I had observed, and what I wanted: some three days before the Sessions, he brought me Rope enough to have hanged us all. Having a respect unto two more, which I honoured for their admirable good parts, I informed them of what I intended; which presently we put in execution. First I went down, but I could have wished my self up again; for I was up to the neck, and knew not but I might be deeper, but to my great comfort I found to the contrary; the rest descended after me, with the like good success. Having gotten us to an house, in which we could put confidence, we quickly freed our selves from our Iron tackle.