He here discovers the cheats of Gameing, the Nature and quality of an Ordinary, relating what manner of Persons they are which frequent it, with many pleasant stories intermixt, with a dehortation from playing at Dice.

All the day long there is not much playing in an Ordinary, what there is, is amongst Gentlemen and the more civiliz’d sort of Persons, but towards Night these Houses are throng’d with People of all sorts and qualities and then when ravenous Beasts usually seek their prey, there comes in Shoals of Hectors, Trappanners, Guilts, Pads, Biters, Priggs, Divers, Lifters, Kidnappers, Vouchers, Mill-Kens, Decoys, Shop-lifters, Foilers, Bulkers, Droppers, Ramblers, Dounakers and Crosbyters, &c. All these may be ranked under the general appellation of Rooks, this is the Field where the seed of Hemp is sown, and grows till the Gallows groans for it, this is Tyburns Nursery, for yearly some or other of this cursed gang go thither.

The first day I entred this School of Vertue, I commenced Master of Arts, and would not easily be confuted with their Sophistry, but when young Gentlemen Prentices or Casheers come hither unskil’d in the quibbles and devices here practised they call him a Lamb, then straitways a Rook (or more properly a Wolf) follows him close, and engages him in advantagious betts, and at length worries him, that is he so fleeceth him as not to leave him a penny, and then the snearing dogs will laughingly say see the Lamb is bitten.

Some of these Rooks or Rogues if they perceive you to be full of Money, though they never saw you before, will impudently and importunately strive to borrow Money of you without the least intention of repaying, if you should be so facile as to do it, or to go with you when you are playing at Hazzard seven to twelve half a crown, which is more then ten to one if you deny them their unreasonable request, you shall find them sometimes very angry. Others will watch when you are serious at your Game whether your Sword hangs loose behind that they may lift that away, others will not scruple if they find an opportunity to pick your pocket directly, if these projects fail, then have at your Gold Buttons, if you have any on your Cloak, or steal the Cloak it self, if it either lye loose or careless. But above all they have a trick you cannot avoid, which is to throw at your Money with a dry Fist (as they term it) that is if they nick you (id est win) ’tis theirs, if they loose they owe you so much, if you demand your money they will peremptorily tell you anon will serve turn, and then it may be a Rascally Boxkeeper that usually snips with him, shall excuse him, saying he is a very honest Gentleman, Sir you need not mistrust him, whereas he knows no body will trust him with a Newgate groat, if you chance to nick them, its ten to one but they will wait your coming out at night and beat you soundly.

I saw a couple of blades (Gentilely garb’d) enter one evening the Ordinary; they were lookers on a while, at length there being a vacant Room, one of them pulls the chair and sits down, as the box came still round he passed it, doing it so often said one angerly, if you will not throw sir what sit you there for? hereupon he snatcht up the box, saying, set me what you will Sir I will throw at it, the other hearing him say so, did set him two Guinneys, which he nickt, the Gentleman being vext did set him four more, with a round parcel of Silver, which he won also. Now did the whole Table concern themselves buttering him, that is, doubling or trebbling what they did set before, yet could not turn his hand, which was so successful that he held in eleven mains together, and just as he had almost broke the Table he chanc’t to throw out, having got his hat full of Money he arose from the Table and went to the fire with his Comrade, who asked him how he durst be so impudently bold to adventure after that manner knowing he had not a Cross about him to bless himself with all; how is that said one of the loosers who overheard what was said, had you no Money when you went to play, it matters not replied the winner I have enough now, had I lost having not wherewithal to pay you, why then ye must have been content to kick me so long till ye should say yourselves ye were satisfied; besides Sir I am a Souldier, and have past through many a brunt, venturing my life hard for eight pence a day, and do you think now I would not hazard a kicking or a pumping for so many fair pounds, all that were there concerned smiled at his confidence, but he laught heartily at their folly and his own good fortune. Well may he laugh that wins.

Did you but see what passions and how divers effects do vary men into several postures, you would absolutely conclude the place to be Bedlam instead of an Ordinary; you may observe one loosing to gnaw the box in pieces, or take the sawcer of Dice and throw it over his head, whilst the winning caster smiles and is merry as a Bee, another you may see who hath lost all his Money, standing like Pontius Pilate in the old Primmer, or like some antick figure in a suit of hangings as motion less and almost as liveless.

A Gentleman I took notice of one day, who loosing (what moneys he had about him) sate very pensively, in steps a young blade in this interval and briskly took up the box, but it came not to his hands above thrice, before he had lost all he had brought in with him, which so inraged the Noddy that he behaved himself like a meer frantick Fellow, swearing Damme was not I a villain in less than an hour to loose four pounds, this melancholly person hearing him swear and fret for a sum so inconsiderable to what he had lost, Damm you (said he) Damme that have lost fourscore pounds in half an hour, it seems the greater looser thought it a piece of injustice the lesser should be damn’d before him. Frequent are the quarrels in this place occasioned by the heat of Wine before they came in or by loss made chollerick afterwards; Swords commonly drawn, or boxes and Candlesticks thrown at one anothers heads; sometimes the Rooks will raise a seeming feud (especially when their stocks are low) when they see a Table covered with money, which may give them an occasion to scramble; such are the usual garboyls in this place that they form a perfect type of Hell.

I cannot forbear smiling when I think of a certain passage one time at an Ordinary. A GentlemanGentleman who was well stored with Gold played high, and in a little time had not one penny left he first splits the Box, & then Box the Box-keeper, having so done, takes off his own hat from his head which was black, dame, said he, who dares say this hat is not white, he is a son of a whor that will not say so, the standers by seeing his loss had made him mad, replyed not a word; he perceiving on the other side that none would quarrel with him, seats himself, and fell fast asleep; another Gentleman who had lost as much or more than the former came to him who slept, and awakeing him, what is that you said Sir, is your black hat white, it’s a damn’d lye, I say it’s blew, deny it if you dare. The Gentleman was well pleased to see one madder then himself, and therefore without passion desired him to go and sleep as he had done, and on his awaking they should not differ about the colour, into what frenzies do these damn’d Dice put men into?

When late at night and the Company grows thin and your eyes dim with watching, then is the time for false Dice to be put on the ignorant, then also is there a security in, Palming, Topping, Slurring, &c.

There are a certain sort of gentle and subtle Rooks whose outside speaks as much a Gentleman as most of the first magnitude. This Cunningham seldom plays in an Ordinary, yet will sit there a whole evening to the intent he may observe who winns, if considerable, and the winner seem Plyable, generous, and Bubbable, he will some way or other insinuate into his acquaintance by applauding his happy hand, congratulating his success &c. and then familiarly, yet civily prompt him to a glass of Wine that they may drink to the continuance of that good fortune.

Having gotten him to the Tavern he is sure to wheadle him into Play, and by hook or by crook (as we use to say) he is sure to winn some if not all his money; and that he may not be suspected for not playing squarely he will (if he be sure of his bubble) loose considerably sometimes, but in the long run he is sure to recover it again. I was several times so served but they could do no good upon me; yet notwithstanding that by my frequent practice I had gain’d a great deal of skill and crafty knowledge in the Dice, I lost, spent, and consumed all my moneys, and therefore I shall advise all to detest this abominable kind of life; if the most certain loss of your money will do it: I do undertake to demonstrate that any one with constant play upon the square shall be looser at the years end. I have heard it very confidently aver’d by an eye witness that three Gentlemen sate down at twelve penny Inn and Inn; each of them drew three pound a piece in two houres time, the box had four pounds of the money.

And that I may further perswade all men from gaming, consider how few there are if any who have gotten an Estate by play, but how many thousand antient and worthy families have been ruined and destroyed thereby. It is confest there is no constant gamester but at one time or other hath a considerable run of winning; but such is the infatuation of play, that I could never hear of any that could give over when they were well. I have known those have gotten many hundreds of pounds, and have rested a while with an intention never to play more; but by over perswasion, having broke bulk, as they term it, were in again for all and lost it.

Besides if a man hath a good parcel of money ’tis extreme folly to play whether himself or another shall be possessor thereof; if his stock be small it is downright madness to hazard that the loss whereof shall reduce a man to beggery. Moreover if you were but sensible of the anguish that is upon that mans spirit the next morning, having slept upon the loss of his money now irrecoverable, it would deter any one from ever medling with the cursed cause of so much vexation and trouble; what I now say is the product of wofull experience.

To conclude, having lost all my money, I began to grow miserably poor, to prevent the further increase of my wants I sought out my old Master whom I found upon the Royal Exchange, upon our going off for joy to see me, carryed me to a Tavern where I acquainted him with all my Land Travels since my leaving him, and assuring him I was weary of living longer ashore, he advised me to go with him, and he would make me his mate, I gladly contented and in that quality I sail’d with him for Guinney.

Our Captain had thus far proceeded in recounting the memorable passages of his life, as we were making ready to cast Anchor, we being at that time not above a league from Naples overjoy’d at the succesfulness of this our petty Voyage, we made ourselves all ready to go ashore; landing, our greatest care was to get convenient Lodgings, with some difficulty we obtain’d them, and having settled our selves in them, immediately got our Bills of Exchange accepted, till they came due we fitted our selves with all things both necessary and pleasurable, yet for some important Reasons for a while we laid an imbargo on our accustomed profest Extravagancies, keeping a strict rein on our head-strong wills and desires, but having received our Money we no longer dallied with our delights, but gave them leave to court us in what pleasant shapes they judged most convenient for our satisfaction.

Every day produced its new divertisement, every hour each of us studied how we might appear Rivals to the most Epicurean critical pallated Poleanate of the Universe, for since we were sailing in the Ocean of Senseless Security under a stiff gale of Plenty, we shaped our course for the Port of Sensuality. The time being expired we had our Money paid us to a Doit, with as much respect as if we had been the greatest Merchants in Europe, desiring our further acquaintance and correspondence, which we promised not so much to traffick with them as to play some tricks upon them.

As our Lodgings were large and sumptuous sparing no cost for their furniture, so were our habits very rich (modo Neapolitano) wearing about us as many precious stones dayly as would have been a good return for a young Merchant after a three years sweating expectation: the gloriousness of our outward appearances made us no less a wonder to the Neapolitan Inhabitants than we were to our selves, for we now began to admire one another having totally forgotten what once we were. Mr. Goose-quill the Scrivener strutted the Streets strangely whose garb and gait flourisht like the Capital T of This Indenture, the state of his present Condition made him receive many an Obligation, which he always generously cancel’d and continually obliged others on valuable considerations. The Drugster notwithstanding all his striving, to seem otherwise, yet still showed himself to be a Chip of the old Block, a rasp of Log-wood, and scented strongly of his old occupation. His habit prompted him to personate the Spaniard; which he did so scurvily that never did thing appear more prepostorous, had you seen him walk you would have sworn all his Members were in an uprore or about to revolt from their Principal; for his Whiskers tilted his eyes, and they again being inraged to be confined within such narrow limits by their staring seemed to strive to come out that they might check the insolency of that audacious beard; and as for his arms and legs there was not the least correspondency; for his hands were in a continual motion being every minute imploy’d in cocking his Beaver upon one side, but his legs moved so slowly and stately, that they seemed to be offended at their slavish Office, showing their loathness by their slowness to be Porters to a burden of so little worth. Doll as she had been conversant amongst the Gentry, so in her deportment she behaved her self as well as any of the best education; but for Jenny I could hardly forbear laughing, to see how the proud Minks would jut it as she went, her Milking-Pail, and dragled tail, were clean out of her remembrance, so was her being a Motly-Wast-coteer, there being not the least track of her former condition discoverable, she resolved to make others esteem of her by the value she did put on her self, not rating her condition as she was the quondam off-spring of Curds and Cream, but prizing it as one of Fortunes darlings, whom neither Cloaths nor Money could make more splendid, and as for an haughty spirit now unmatchable; I took upon me (as well I thought I might) to check her for giving six hundred Crowns for a Locket, she smartly took me up, what said she though I was born in the Ebb of Fortune, will you now intrench and wound the liberty my better stars have conferred upon me? To be plain I will not have my desires and pleasures circumscribed and taught me since I have enough and will enjoy it. Sir if you once begin to be narrow minded, you will be a Thief both to the esteem and enjoyment you may have in the world, I will not be limited to please your fancy as for my delights I will pursue them in what shapes I fancy both at home and abroad, I will spare no cost that may engage wide mouth’d report to proclaim the boundlessness of my pleasures and gallantry; all the Wits of the City I will ingage with Sack and Money to write Panegyricks on my Gaudy and Witty superfluities, not a Cavaleero in Naples, but shall vail his bonnet at my Balcony, and when I please the splendor of my habit shall fix my Gazers as Statues in the place they stand. I thought she was mad till she smilingly took me by the hand, saying you see Latroon I have a Soul as if Nobility had waited on my Cradle, however, my will shall alwayes be in subordination to yours.

As for the Captain he was a Man well read, and having seen the world, the novelty of a place never alter’d him, he had a good natural genius, and very facetious in discourse which appears sufficiently by the witty narrative of his Life, the relation whereof, did infinitely please us, but most especially my Jenny, who would often repeat to me some passages, but one day after dinner being altogether she took occasion to speak of the Captains gaming and other Extravagancies, and having drawn several good Observations from them, she desired the Company to give her audience, and she would give an account of a notable Extravagant, a young Man of her acquaintance, but as an introduction to her story, she begg’d leave to speak something of his Father first, and thus she began.